Archive | July, 2015

My Hero

4 Jul

When we’re young, we are often fascinated by comic book heroes. They have magical, impressive powers, and we love the way they always save the day. There is no end to their bravery, and they always, always do the right thing. As we get older, we may lose our fascination with the comic book hero, but we still want heroes in our lives. We admire people who are brave, who stand up for what’s right in the face of danger, and who risk themselves to protect others. Those qualities are so impressive, and when we see them, it reminds us that we can be heroes even if we aren’t Superman, or Spiderman, or any of the others we used to read about.

We can all be heroes in our lives. We can make choices every day to stand up for what we believe is right. We don’t have to leap tall buildings, or be faster than a speeding bullet. Sometimes all we have to do is speak up when someone is being hurt. Sometimes all we have to do is say no when we’re asked to do something we feel is wrong. And sometimes, we may get the opportunity to do something really impressive – save a life, stop an injustice, or protect someone we love. But those extreme opportunities don’t come along often, so the small decisions we make every day prove who we are.

There have been people in all of our lives who have impressed us. They’ve done things that were noble and inspired, and things that were heroic. I have a friend who works a full time job but finds time every week to volunteer to help the poor and needy. He gives his time at the local food bank, and he and his family regularly help out at the local shelters. No matter how busy he is, he makes the time to help others. He’s a hero to those he helps, and an inspiration to everyone. I have another friend who struggles with a learning problem. It’s hard for her to communicate, it’s hard for her to read, and it’s hard for her to understand complex ideas. But she is always cheerful, always helpful, and always sets an amazing example. She’s loved by everyone who knows her.

In this day and age, where everything is blown out of proportion, where we’re often expected to be perfect, we can feel like our lives are small, and don’t really count. But when we stand up for what’s right, we are noble. When we defend the downtrodden, we are courageous. When we push forward, despite heavy obstacles, we are brave. All of these characteristics make us heroes. We are heroic because we choose what’s best.

Today if you think your life is small, if you think your contributions are minimal, stop, and think again. Think about the times you’ve spoken out for what was right, and helped those around you. You are more courageous than you think you are. You have goodness in you, and when you choose to show it to others, you are a hero. Be the very best you can be. Be an example for the world. You have that in you. Let it shine.

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That’s Mine

3 Jul

Sometimes because of something we care deeply about, we may state our case in forceful ways. We want to make a point, and we want to be clear. It’s good to clarify where we stand, but sometimes we may go too far. We become too strong in our statements, and instead of helping others understand our position, we tell them how it is. And when that happens, we sometimes offend them. Even if offense was never in our plan, it can happen. People are complicated, and everyone has a different level of tolerance for intensity. Some people translate it into conflict. Some people can manage a lot of heated discussion, and others shrink from it. Nobody is exactly like us, and we must remember that. What may seem fine to us, may be offensive to someone else. We can say that’s their issue, and it is. But if it alienates them from us, it’s also our issue.

There is a lot going on in our lives all the time. We are busy, we are often stressed, we are in a hurry, and sometimes we forget to be considerate, and careful with the feelings of others. We run over them with our ideas and decisions, and we don’t wait for their response. We get in, get it done, and get out. When we do that, things will get done, but we may also damage the relationships we need to go forward. It’s better to be the one that includes other ideas, and brings others into the discussion. It’s more effective to ask for input, as well as give our suggestions. Life is all about give AND take. If we’re so sure we’re right, so sure we have it figured out, so sure of ourselves, our attitude may restrict others from joining us. And it can cause problems. It’s better to express ourselves in ways where others feel welcome, and valued.

If we do something that hurts someone else, it belongs to us. If we feel passionately about something but express that passion in ways that offends others, it belongs to us. If we inadvertently hurt someone by something we’ve said or done, it belongs to us. There is no way to push the ownership of anything onto someone else if we’ve done it. We own it. It’s ours, and because it’s ours, we’re the only ones who can make it right. We’re the only ones who can correct the slight. We will answer for everything we do, so if we’ve hurt someone, we need to take the next step, and try to repair the damage.

Today if you have something important that you need to discuss, something you feel strongly about, remember the feelings of those you address. They may process things differently. They may need a little time. They may have suggestions for you. Everything you want to accomplish will be easier with others on your side. Let them in. Tell them how you feel, and let them join you. Be clear, and be strong, but also be open, patient, and welcoming. An army of one can only do the work of one. But an army of friends, can conquer anything.

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Eenie Meenie

2 Jul

We make dozens of choices every day. Some are inconsequential – what we’ll have for breakfast, what color shirt we’ll wear, or when we’ll go to the gym. Other decisions have more weight, and those take a little more thought. Generally, whatever decisions we have to make, there will be options. Sometimes there will be a lot of options, which seems like it would make the decision easier, but can actually make it harder to choose. Before we start to decide anything we first have to determine where we want things to be end at the end of the decision, and how we want things to look after we’ve decided. If we take the time to think about those things before choosing, we’ll make our decisions more confidently, and be happier with the result.

When we have heavy, difficult decisions to make, the process is usually complicated. Say you’ve been offered a great new job, and you’re excited about it, but the new position requires you to move to another state. Your friends, and family are located where you are now. The new job would be a great change for you, and even though everyone says they would support your move, you aren’t sure. Or perhaps you’re in a relationship that is fine, but not going anywhere. You feel like it’s time to move on but you know if you do that, the other person is going to be hurt. You don’t want to hurt anyone, but you really feel like it’s time for a change. What will you do? These are tough decisions to make. You have to weigh a lot. You have to consider a lot. It will take time to process all the parameters. When we are making hard decisions, it’s important that we give ourselves the time we need to evaluate everything, and then feel confident that we’ve chosen the best road forward. Jumping to answers quickly rarely works, and can cause greater complications in the end. If we take the time we need, and make our decisions after careful thought, we’ll make them more confidently.

There are times in our lives when it doesn’t matter which way we choose. Sometimes whatever we decide will be fine, and sometimes that doesn’t help. If it doesn’t matter which way we go, the decision can actually be harder to make. It seems like it would be easier, but when all the choices are good, it can be hard to choose. But if we take some time to decide what we really want, we will choose well. Making decisions is a part of our lives every day. They take practice, but often before we decide, we already know what we want to do. We already know which way we really want to go. But sometimes even knowing, we still need to take some time so we are comfortable, and then we just need the courage to choose it, and go forward.

Today if you have a decision looming that you haven’t quite determined how you’ll navigate, take some time to weigh all the options. How will your decision make you feel? How will you go forward from there? How will it affect your life? Will it take you closer to where you want to be? Take your time. Whatever you do, if you choose the path you want the most, you will be happy. You are in control of every choice you make. You have everything you need to make the best choice possible, and you will. You know what’s best for you. Choose that.

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Who’s your friend?

1 Jul

We meet a lot of people in our lives, we make friends, we have acquaintances, and we build relationships. It’s important to share our lives with those around us, and we enjoy the camaraderie that comes from sharing time with our companions. It’s great to have friends. But sometimes we think we have a friend in someone, and then something happens, and we realize the relationship is different than we thought. Sometimes we think we are building a friendship with someone we believe we can trust, and then sadly discover they were only interacting with us for another reason. Perhaps because we were able to introduce them to others who will move them ahead at work. Or maybe they only needed to interact with us to gain some information they were seeking. These things happen, and when they happen to us, we can feel hurt, and used. It’s never appropriate to use others for personal gain, and it’s especially hurtful when it’s done pretending to be our friends, but it does happen, and it’s very disappointing. It’s important to try to figure who our friends really are so we know where we stand.

We want to feel sure about our relationships. Who are the people who spend time with us just because they care about us? Who can we can count on if we need help? Who will care if we are hurt? I had a friend once who told me he was traveling across country one time when his car broke down. He had it towed to the nearest town but couldn’t afford the repairs, and was stranded. Desperate, he called his best friend back home, and told him the story. Without a moment’s hesitation, his friend told him, “Stay right there. I’m on my way.” And with that he jumped in his car, and drove hours to help him. I knew a woman once who was housesitting for a friend when she had a grease fire in her kitchen. The cabinets above the stove were destroyed from smoke damage. She loved her friend and didn’t want her coming home to the mess, or having to make a claim on her homeowner’s insurance. So she spent the next several days refinishing the cabinets herself, and restoring them. Someone else I know sat with her best friend through cancer treatments that went on for months, and then spent every evening with her, sitting by her bed until she recovered, just offering her time and support. We’ve all had people like this in our lives, and they have been very valuable to us. We’ve also had people in our lives who pretend to be our friends, but really don’t care. It doesn’t take long to figure out who our friends are when things go wrong, and it’s important to know. It’s also important that we are true friends to those we care about. Everyone needs people they can count on. Someone who has our back, someone who supports us no matter what, and someone who loves us, warts and all. That kind of loyalty is a priceless gift. We should cherish it, and we should return it whenever possible.

Today there will be all kinds of people around you. Think about them. Who are your real friends? Once you determine who they are, cherish them, help them, and show them you care. They will return the same back to you, and your life will be so much better for it. We’re all in this together. Don’t forget that. We need each other. Being a true friend is the very best we can offer. Extend your hand, be the best friend you can be. There is nothing more valuable.

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