In the Moment

13 Apr

I know a man that has been a distant friend for many years. I know his family and hear from him from time to time. He’s well educated and capable of doing many things, but he has one problem that has kept him from achieving much in his life, either personally or professionally. He can’t seem to live in the present. He constantly says things like, “After this happens, I’ll do that. After I get done with this, then I’ll look at that. Pretty soon the time will be right, but just not now.” He’s been talking about the same goals he wants to achieve for decades but hasn’t moved any closer to them in all that time. He keeps waiting for the perfect time, which never arrives.

He talks about the past a lot, what he did as a kid, what he did in high school and college. He has a vast photo collection encompassing years of his life, and his favorite past time is to pull them out and nostalgically talk about the good old days. His entire adult life has been one of reflecting on where he’s been, and waiting for things to start. He’s either living in the past or waiting for the future. He just can’t seem to move forward. He can’t get out of the gate.

There is nothing wrong with remembering times from our pasts. There is nothing wrong with waiting until the right time to begin doing the things we want to do. But if we get hung up on waiting for the PERFECT time to come along, we may find ourselves in this same situation. There are few times in our lives when everything comes together perfectly. They just don’t happen that often. If we wait for that to happen before we actually begin to live our lives, we may find that our lives have gone by, and we have done nothing. And that would be terrible. There is an old saying that when we’re dying we won’t regret what we’ve done, we’ll regret what we haven’t done. I believe there’s truth in that.

The best time to do what we want to do is now. The best time to start achieving our goals is now. There will never be a better time to begin to plan. Maybe circumstances aren’t ideal, and you’ll have a delay, but if we don’t make a plan to resume going forward we could get stuck. We are the only ones in control of our lives but we actually have to decide to take that control and use it. Lots of things will pull on us – our families, our responsibilities, our jobs, our commitments. But if we want to own our lives, we must find a way to manage those things and not allow them to manage us.

It’s a new day every day. If we take some time – today – to begin to plan what we’ve put off, it will be the first step. And every journey begins with the first step. If you’ve been waiting, postponing, or procrastinating, now is the time to stop. Start moving. Do one thing to end the inertia. And then tomorrow, do the next thing. One thing will lead to another, and soon the goal will be in sight. Start today. The future is there waiting for you

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Setting the Bar

12 Apr

Lauren Hill died two days ago. If you haven’t heard of her, there has been a lot written about her and you can surely find several articles regarding her amazing life. Lauren was only 19 years old when she died. A college freshman basketball player excited about her prospects for the future. And then she was diagnosed with an inoperable, untreatable, fatal brain tumor. Instead of becoming morose and depressed, instead of giving up, she persevered and became an example to everyone. She said, “I don’t want people to say I lost, or I gave up,” and she didn’t. She was always cheerful, always smiling, always positive. And she thought of others. She raised over 1.5 million dollars for cancer research while suffering with the disease herself. Because she was becoming weaker every day, her college coach moved up their first game so that she could realize her dream of playing for them. She played well to a sold out crowd.

I have been following Lauren for some time. I have been amazed at her strength and courage in the face of sure defeat. I have been inspired, and impressed. She was always so happy even when it must have been hard to even face the day. I reflected on my life and my choices. Here was this young woman smiling with brain cancer, and I’m not that cheerful when I have a mere headache! And I thought of the example she was for us all.

Nobody knows what life will bring them. Along the way we will make millions of decisions. Will they be good or bad? Will they affect others in a positive way, or will we be the one that destroys someone else? Will they have far reaching implications or will they just touch our moment? Will we be able to fix things when we falter? Will we be an example for good? Every decision will have some impact – good or bad, large or small, temporary or permanent – we have to wait and see. We surely will all die at some point. The mark we leave after we’re gone depends on what we do today.

Lauren Hill set the bar high. She never waivered. She never quit. She never gave up. Instead, she gave back every day. She looked outside herself and touched others. She set the bar high. She set it for all of us. Today, remember that kind of courage. Remember that it’s possible, even when we feel bad, to be the example. Remember that we, too, can set the bar high and be noble. We are here for a purpose. Today, recognize that and be the best you can be.

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One Red Tulip

10 Apr

I was attending a conference in a big city one spring, and it was such an amazingly beautiful day, I decided to take a walk during the lunch break. There were lots of people out walking, talking on their cell phones, sitting on steps enjoying their lunches, and it was a nice break. I turned a corner and there was the most amazing garden of tulips outside a large, glass building. There were hundreds of them all in bloom, bowing their lovely heads in the breeze and making the scene extraordinarily lovely. I noticed right away to my delight that all of the tulips were yellow – except one. Right smack in the middle of that sea of gorgeous yellow tulips was one red bloom. It was bright, and gorgeous and there was no way to miss it. I stood there laughing – what a delightful surprise! I wondered if the gardener had planted it there on purpose to bring some whimsy to the sight, or if the red bulb had someone gotten mixed into the bag by mistake. Whatever the case, it was wonderful to see it there. All those incredible, big, beautiful yellow blooms and one, “Yes I’m here! Look at me!” red one! I loved it.

I imagine other people loved the scene as much as I did – the surprise of the red, the unexpected burst of difference in a sea of sameness. And I also imagine there were some who walked by and thought it was such a shame that one red tulip had ruined the harmony of the garden. It just depends on your perspective. I tend to find joy in unexpected surprises like this, but I understand that not everyone sees things this way. For some, the garden would have been perfect if all the blooms had been the same color. There would have been harmony, continuity, and comfort in everything being alike. But for me, the surprise of something new in the sea of conformity was delightful.

We are all different and unique. But we have to assimilate to some degree to find success. If we have jobs, we have to show up when we’re expected, there is a norm for behavior we need to follow, the way we say things, the way we dress, the way we react, all these things may be ordered in some ways so we can fit into the model set forth. If we belong to personal organizations, those same rules may apply. Even in our families, there are certain things that are expected that we may not necessarily like doing. Despite our ability or desire to conform to those ideas, inside we are still unique – the only one on earth like us. We each broke our own molds. Nobody else was made exactly the same. Even identical twins have personality traits that differ. We are, in essence, the red tulip. Even in a sea of yellow tulips, we can shine. We can still be “tulips”, and fit the model in that way, but we can display our uniqueness to those around us in positive, and beneficial ways.

It’s important to remember who we are and that our surprising, beautiful, positive, and amazing uniqueness is what brings depth and richness to the world. We were created this way for a reason. If we were all the same the world may as well be flat. There would be no excitement, no treasure, no wonder. If everything was the same each day would be predictable. Nobody wants to live the same day over and over, and we shouldn’t want to be the same as anyone else. We need to be who we are. The differences we all carry are what enhance our experiences here, and make us tolerant, patient, and understanding. The differences are what bring delight – and yes sometimes disharmony – but sameness can only bring boredom. Embrace your unique color. Embrace who you really are. Be red. It’s good to be red. It’s good to be unique. It’s good to be us. We can bring our own colors to the party. Celebrate that!

Oh please, allow me.

9 Apr

One day while in the parking lot of my local grocery store, I saw a woman in a wheelchair trying to reach the open top window door of her van to close it. She stretched and stretched and could not get it. I went right over and said, “Oh please, allow me,” reached up and closed it for her. She was so appreciative, and thankful, and said I was an angel to help her out. An angel? All I did was close a door. But from her perspective, she was facing something she needed to do, and wasn’t able to accomplish it. Just helping her get it done meant a lot to her. There were several other people in the parking lot that walked right by her, and I wondered why nobody thought to help her. But you know how it is, it’s easy to zone out and get stuck in our own worlds. It’s easy to walk by, and fail to notice someone in need.

I thought about that and determined that I would try to be more observant and see where I could help more often. The next day I made a point everywhere I went to look around and see what I could do to be a positive influence to others in some small way. I helped a lady get one of those annoying plastic bags off the roll at the store, I talked to the cashier before I left and asked how he was doing, I ran ahead and held a door for an elderly lady, and I made a crying child in a shopping cart laugh. These are very insignificant acts of kindness for sure, but each time I got an appreciative smile or thank you, and it was great. I had an amazing day just trying to be helpful. It was amazing. It felt so good!

Did I make a big impact on anyone’s life – no, but it made a huge impact on me. Since that time, I have sincerely tried to pay more attention to those around me and have found that every single day, there are countless opportunities to help out in some small way. Just smiling and saying hello when you pass someone on the street can be a boost for them. Striking up a conversation with a sales clerk who looks stressed can lift their spirits. Being the one to say, “excuse me” when someone bumps into you instead of waiting for them to say so can bring a smile. Waving someone into the parking space you were waiting for, letting someone go in front of you in line because they have less than you, asking a co-worker if they would like a soda when you’re going to get one for yourself, picking up the pen someone dropped before they stoop, sharing your bag of chips, offering to carry something for someone – all small, seemingly insignificant acts of kindness. But it’s amazing what happens when you do them. The people you help out appreciate it, and your heart will be lighter, your spirits will be higher, and you’ll be happier. It doesn’t seem like such a small change could impact us so much, but it does.

Today, try this for yourself. Look around. Be aware. Pay attention. See what you can do. Offer your hand, help out, smile, be gracious when you don’t have to be, and do just a little more. See what happens. In this day and age, we’re all so busy and consumed with what needs to be done next. It’s easy to keep our eyes down, look away, concentrate on our cell phones, and continue on. But look up – look around. Do something to show you care. The investment from you will be small but the returns are large. “Oh please, allow me.” It’s a great attitude.

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Looking for the light.

8 Apr

So many times when heavy decisions are looming, we find ourselves searching, trying to find answers, trying to find direction. We are looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, the right way to go, the directions to get to the happy ending. It can be very difficult when others are involved, especially if the decision we make will affect them. We try to figure it out on our own, sometimes we ask others, we weigh the options and the consequences, we calculate the loss or gain, we stumble around, and eventually, for better or worse, we make a decision. Sometimes we actually get it right. Sometimes not. It isn’t easy. After all, there are a lot of things to consider. There are a lot of paths from which to choose. We can’t read the future so we do the best we can.

Maybe you’re struggling with a big decision. Maybe you’ve been struggling with it for some time, for months, maybe even years. Do you go this way or that way? What if you did this? What would happen? What if you did that? What would happen? Which way is right? It can be hard to figure out, and you may be frustrated that you haven’t found the answer. In some instances, either way you go, someone will get hurt, and that just makes the decision harder. The indecision hurts, and you want to let it go. You want to move forward and put this behind you but you feel stuck.

Take some time to stop weighing everything and worrying about outcomes, and just sit for a moment and let your mind rest. Let yourself take a break from the analysis, take some time away to just feel and not think. Pay attention to what you’re feeling. Are you unhappy, are you frustrated, are you unsettled, are you confused, what are you really feeling? Take a little while to just let it go, stop intellectualizing, and just breathe. Just stop for a while. If you give yourself a space, a time when you don’t really have to think about it, you may find the answers will begin to come. You may begin to see some light. You may find the direction you’ve been seeking, and start to see what you need to do.

Looking for the light when we’re struggling in the dark can be daunting. Sometimes we see glimmers that look like the answer, but then they fade. Sometimes we feel sure we’re on the right track, and then it turns and doesn’t fit. Sometimes we just need to stop and let the light find us. Life isn’t easy. It isn’t always a picnic. It’s complicated. But if we take a moment and just rest, just stop, the answers may come. Look up. Keep looking up. Take a moment. Rest. Be still. The answer is just ahead.

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