Power of Soft

17 Sep

When we have disagreements with others, we can choose to try and keep the conversation calm or we can escalate it. If we’re angry and feel we’re being attacked, we may decide we don’t care and jump in with both feet. It’s easy to react instead of respond calmly. If we’re being yelled at, and we yell back generally things will get worse. And when we’re angry sometimes we don’t care if things worsen. But if our relationship is important to us, we might consider going another way. If we do something to deescalate the issue, we have a better chance of reaching resolution without causing more problems. It is said that a soft voice turns away anger, and that’s often true. When people are angry and upset, they tend to raise their voices. If we return their loud statements with a soft response it changes the dynamic of the exchange. It will be unexpected, and often they will lower their voice as well. Even if they aren’t yelling but are saying unfavorable and contentious things, responding with a soft voice will often keep the situation from intensifying.

Some people are loud by nature. They say things with determination and conviction. They are neither demure nor reserved, and sometimes because of the volume of their voices we may misinterpret their interactions with us. A loud voice doesn’t always mean there is a problem. But if there is an issue, responding with a soft voice when talking to them will get their attention. And when we get their attention, we have the opportunity to resolve any issue more effectively. When we respond quietly in times of conflict, people lean in, and listen. It stops even the most determined and angry, and changes the tone of the interaction.

When we’re angry and upset, sometimes instead of being calm and taking time to think through the issue, we might lash out. We may blast the person we feel caused the problem and let them know, in no uncertain terms, how we feel. When we do that we might feel better, but it rarely helps to solve the problem. If we wait, and take just a moment to collect our thoughts and think about the whole situation before we talk to them, and then use a soft voice, we have a better chance of finding a resolution without making the problem worse. It takes self-control and patience to wait, but we are all capable of handling conflict better, and managing our anger more effectively. Think about using a soft voice when you confront someone you’re angry with. It will calm you down and instead of defending themselves after feeling attacked, they will be able to respond and explain things more clearly.

Today if you are angrily confronted by someone else, try to respond using a soft voice. Be calm and clear, and quietly answer their concerns. You will be in control of the situation and yourself, and you’ll feel more confident and strong. Listen to their complaints and quietly answer their questions. It will diminish the conflict, and help resolve the issue. You can handle any situation that comes up today with a soft voice and quiet demeanor. You will prevail by being in control, and your day will be better and easier because of it.

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Untethered

16 Sep

A balloon floating freely up in the sky, tossed by the breeze and rolling around as it flies has no attachment to anything secure. It is untethered, and completely disconnected from anything but itself. It has no control over its direction or destination. Although we aren’t balloons floating away, there are times when we may feel disconnected and lost. We might feel like we’re being tossed here and there, and have no control over what’s happening or where we’re going. It’s unsettling when we feel our lives are being carried away by the decisions of others or things happening around us. Perhaps a significant change we could not control has occurred that has affected us deeply. Maybe the company we work for closes up unexpectedly, or a relationship we value ends suddenly without warning, or our health takes an unexpected turn. Lots of things happen to us and when great changes come without warning they can knock the air out of us, and leave us feeling lost and unsure of how to proceed. We don’t know which way to turn, and we can feel that our foundation has slipped away.

Unexpected and difficult changes can be stunning and we may feel nearly paralyzed at first. The shock of the change may leave us disoriented. It takes a while to process events like these, and it takes time to adjust to the change and determine how to navigate through it. It helps if we can confide in someone we trust, and whose guidance we respect. If we can talk about the situation, we may begin to formulate an action plan to begin moving forward. If there isn’t anyone to talk to, it is sometimes helpful to write down the feelings we’re having. Just writing everything down, with no concern about someone else reading what we’ve written, can give us a great release and help us think more clearly.

Change is normal in this life. Big difficult changes that surprise us are not easy to get through, but if we take our time, and give ourselves a chance to process everything we will find our way. If we are hurt it may take longer, but no matter how long it takes, we have everything we need inside us to get through. Nobody wants to go through hard and difficult situations, but it is those situations that teach us the most. While we’re figuring out how to adjust and move through them, we refine our abilities to cope and learn. We become stronger as we figure out how to turn the situation around and more flexible as we accept the differences that have come upon us. And when we’re on the other side, having successfully survived another trial, we will be wiser, stronger, and more capable. We really want to be the best we can be. Going through the hard times will help us achieve that goal.

Today if you’ve had an experience that has left you feeling lost, if you’re drifting in uncertainty and unsure about how to go forward, give yourself time to think. This is just a passage and even though it’s difficult it will not last forever. You will find your way through. You’ve been through other trying challenges and conquered them.  After you’ve navigated this and you’re on the other side, you’ll be stronger and more confident. There isn’t anything you can’t do. You are invincible.

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Making It Happen

15 Sep

There are times in our lives when we really want something to happen. It consumes our thoughts, and we try our best to make things work so it’ll come to pass. Oftentimes the things we want to occur involve others. Sometimes they agree with our plans, but sometimes they don’t, and when they don’t we may try hard to convince them to change their minds. We might try pleading with them, cajoling them, and at our worst, even threatening them in an effort to sell our idea. When things work out the way we want them to, we feel satisfied. We’ve accomplished what we wanted most of all. But when they don’t, when whatever it is doesn’t happen, we may feel angry, defeated, and disappointed.

Everyone gets to make their own choices. We all understand that but when we want those choices to agree with ours and they don’t, accepting it is a little harder. Sometimes our choices are going to be different than what others want. It’s frustrating to be told “no” when we want something very much. It’s hard to accept that our dream isn’t going to happen, especially if it’s a good thing that would benefit others. But if we can’t bring others on board, even if it’s the best idea ever dreamed up, we either have to change it, or we have to let it go.

Sometimes when we fail to get the support we need, we can revise the plan in a way that will bring the results we’re seeking. Maybe we have to wait a little longer until things fall into place. Maybe we need to involve a different group of people, or change the plan to suit the needs of those we need support from. There are no guarantees in this life. We can only try to do our best, and sometimes our best can’t make it happen. Sometimes nothing we do can make it happen. When that occurs, we have to redirect our course. There is nothing wrong with changing our plans. It doesn’t mean we’ve failed. It means we are capable of understanding the situation, and modifying our direction. And those are two very commendable attributes.

Today if you’re up against a brick wall, if things just aren’t working out the way you want them to, or the way you think they should, it might be time to revise the plan. If there is nothing you can do to make things go your way, change lanes. Turn a little to the right or the left, and redirect your course. Modify your plans so you can succeed. Be flexible. Don’t let a setback hold you up. You know what you want, and you’re creative enough to figure this out.

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Where We Live

14 Sep

Everybody knows they should take care of themselves. We hear the good advice all the time– eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep – but sometimes it gets lost in the shuffle. We’re busy and finding time to take care of ourselves isn’t always a priority. We want to eat right but end up grabbing something on the go between appointments.  We know we should exercise but getting to the gym or even out for a walk sometimes doesn’t make it onto our day planner. And sleep happens when we finally get to bed – often too late. The important needs for good health are always there in the backs of our minds, but we’re focused on other things and those things take all our attention and energy. Time goes by and even if we’ve made the decision to do better, our best intentions can get lost.

Each day we’re alive is a blessing. We get to share who we are with the world and be a part of the human experience. We get to learn things, meet people, go places, and accomplish our goals. We take it for granted that tomorrow will come and we’ll be fine. But sometimes things go wrong, and we get sick. Or we have a frightening experience that shakes us out of our apathy regarding our physical forms. Maybe we have an unexpected health scare, or maybe we finally step on the scale and see a number we can’t believe, or maybe someone close to us dies suddenly. When these things happen, we tend to stop and take stock. If we realize we haven’t done our part to be strong, and if we’re wise, we’ll adjust our lives to make good health a priority.

We live in a resilient, but fragile human body. Since science hasn’t yet figured out how to transfer us into an artificial existence, if our bodies fail, we can’t leave them behind and enter another physical form. If they fail, we fail. We don’t have anywhere else to go. Given that reality, if we want to be here as long as we can, we need to take care of things. Nobody can take care of our physical health but us. Our doctors, our friends, and our families may lecture us about taking care of ourselves, but we are the only ones who can do it. When we decide we want to change and be more proactive, we need to make it important in our lives. It’s not a hard decision to make, but it requires diligence, and attention to hold onto. We’re all busy. We have a lot on our minds. We all have a lot to do, but if we don’t make ourselves a priority, none of it matters. Once our bodies die, all the tasks in our pending box will be inconsequential.

Today if you haven’t been paying attention to your physical needs, think about how you can begin to take better care to become your personal best. You don’t have to run a marathon, you don’t have to starve yourself, and you don’t have to go to bed with the children. But there are things you can do to improve your health and become stronger. You are a gift to the world. Your influence is important and needs to be here as long as possible.  Do everything you can to make that happen. You’ll feel better, you’ll be happier, and you’ll be glad you did.

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In the Mix

13 Sep

There are a lot of differences in the people of the world. They are different everywhere we go. In some places they look like us, in other places they don’t. Customs vary widely and what to us may seem strange may be commonplace for someone else. In our very mobile society, people continually move from place to place, from country to country, even continent to continent. This mobility has created a lot of diversity in many places, and although it’s fun to learn new things about new people, when we first meet, it can be hard to understand them. Some of us are afraid of the differences, and some of us are excited by them. Either way the differences exist, and it’s up to us to accept them.

If we come from a place that is somewhat isolated, and if we’ve lived there for a long time, it may be harder for us to understand those that are very different from us. We may be nervous about the disparity in customs, the challenge of language barriers, and our lack of knowledge of their beliefs. But if we take the chance to get to know them, we will find that most of us are basically the same despite all the differences. We all want to be happy, and safe, and we all want our beliefs to be respected. If we focus on the basic needs we all share, we can broach the differences, and make them a compliment to the relationship, and not a hindrance.

If we live in a big metropolitan area, where there are, and always have been, people from around the world, it may be second nature to accept differences. But even then, we may have to overcome perceptions and prejudices, ideas about certain groups, and uncertainty about how to communicate. But if we try to see each person as an individual, extend the hand of friendship and try to understand their perspective, we can make friends with everyone. Most of us want to be loved. We want others to like us and we want to get along peacefully. Of course there will always be some who prefer tension and trouble, but most of us want to be friends. Embrace that and trust in it. It takes all kinds of ingredients to make a delicious cookie. It’s not all flour or sugar, and we need all the ingredients to combine and cooperate to have success. It’s the same with people. When everyone is just like us, it may be comfortable. But it’s far more exciting to have others in the mix who bring the richness of difference, and the enhancement of diversity.

Today if you have the opportunity to meet and interact with someone who is very different from you, be open and welcoming. They are probably as nervous about the differences as you are. Extend your friendship and get to know them. You will find your life will be richer, and you’ll have a better understanding of the world. Life is all about difference, but we all share the important things. Make friends and learn something new. You’ll be wiser for the experience.

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