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No End

23 Mar

There are times in all of our lives when something terrible happens and we don’t think we can survive it. It may be the sudden death of a loved one, a crushing professional disappointment, the betrayal of someone close, or other things that are extremely hard to face. Nobody has a blissful, perfect life all the time. Things go wrong and sometimes they go very wrong. When we’re in the throes of these experiences we may feel so overwhelmed we can’t see the end. We can’t imagine how to navigate the situation and we may feel sure it will overcome us. But then a day goes by and we are still here. And then another day goes by, and then another. And as time passes and we find our way through each moment, we get a little stronger, and a little braver. There isn’t anything we can’t face. Even if we are convinced we can’t face it, we can. We are far more resilient than we believe we are, and as strong as we need to be. We don’t have to see the end at the beginning. All we need to do is get through today. We might have to take it one breath at a time, but we will take it, and we will manage. Each moment that passes moves us along a little bit. And bit by bit we will overcome.

There may be times when our decisions bring the walls crashing down around us and if that’s the case, we can accept our role in the disaster. We can learn from it and take all the lessons forward with us. We learn by doing and sometimes that means making mistakes. Even if they hurt deeply, mistakes teach us important lessons. We know more after than we knew before. It’s impossible to go through life without doing some things wrong. This life is all about learning, and even when it hurts, it’s important. We don’t know everything and even if we try to do everything right we’re going to stumble from time to time. We can take ownership of our actions, look at the situation clearly, learn all we can, do what is needed to make things right, and forgive ourselves. The road is long and there is time to correct our course.

If we’ve suffered a terrible blow because of decisions made by others, we may be devastated. Serious hurt takes time to heal. We have to take it as it comes but eventually it will ease and we’ll move forward. We may carry a scar with us, but a scar is just a reminder of where we’ve been, and not an indicator of where we’re going. Day by day, step by step we’ll find happiness again. There are a lot of ups and downs in life. The hard times hurt but they give us a deeper appreciation for the times when things go well. Joy is the absence of sorrow, but to feel true joy, we have to feel true sorrow. Painful days hurt but they carry blessings with them. As we navigate them, those blessings will become part of who we are.  Each blessing takes us closer to the person we most want to be.

Today if you’re going through a difficult time and feel overwhelmed, hang on. You really do have everything you need to succeed. There is nothing too difficult for you. Take it one step at a time. You have so much going for you. You can manage anything. Happiness is just outside the door. Open it. It’s waiting for you.

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Being There

22 Mar

The world is a big place and there are billions of people inhabiting it. Whether we live in huge cities or small towns, in the country or suburbia, we are all here together. Everything we do, every decision we make affects our lives in some ways, and may also have an impact on others around us. We can try to isolate ourselves if we want to be alone, but it’s not always easy unless we lock ourselves up at home and don’t venture out. No matter what we do, we’re connected to those around us. We pass them, see them, engage with them, and make an impression about who we are. Although it’s good to be independent, we all need each other and depend on each other in countless ways. The level of that reliance depends on our relationship. Every relationship has an unspoken understanding that we’ll be available at some level. If we are strangers passing on the street that involvement will be minimal. If we are friends it increases. When we love each other that reliance will be great. We need to be available to those who love us – both emotionally and physically. We need to answer when they call, and respond when they need us. It’s an integral part of our relationship and if we neglect it, the trust we share will diminish and over time we may lose everything. It’s impossible to have a healthy relationship if one party isn’t available. If we want to be close to anyone, we have to be there for them.

We always do what we want to do most. That’s a truth we all share. We can say we couldn’t make a commitment because we got busy, or we didn’t make an appointment because our schedules got out of control, or we had a conflict, or anything else. While all our excuses may be true, the fact is we decide how we spend our time. The reasons we give for not showing or being available won’t always repair what has been lost. The simple truth is if something is really important to us, we’ll be there for it. If it’s not important, any excuse will do. When we have a relationship of any sort, if we want to keep it, we have to commit to it. And that means we have to be there and available.

When we make commitments and then don’t show, we are often valuing other things as more important. Sometimes we really do want to do something but our lives won’t allow it at this time. We all have real complications and sometimes things don’t work out. If that’s the case we need to re-evaluate the commitments we’re making. However, often when we don’t follow through it’s not because it’s impossible, but that we’ve chosen to do other things instead. We all get to choose how we spend our time. We are in control of our lives and can live them any way we like. We always do what we want to do most. Every person in our lives knows this and our actions clearly communicate it. If we really want successful relationships, they must be valued and protected. We can do that by being available and making them a priority.

Today if you haven’t been available to those who care about you or depend on you, remember your relationships are valuable and worth your time. It’s good to build strong bonds with those around you and you can do that by being there for them. You are very important, and so are they. Show them you care by showing up and being there. They will draw closer to you and your connection will deepen. We all need each other and we need you. Be there. The closeness you’ll develop will be well worth it.

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Back and Forth

21 Mar

When we’re trying to accomplish something in our lives, if we want to find success, we have to move forward. We need to look at the situation objectively, weigh our options, and determine the path that will take us where we want to go. But life is full of distractions. There is a lot going on all the time. Other people in our lives have their own goals and interests, and although they may want to support ours, their focus is getting their own accomplishments completed. We can be side tracked when they get involved with us in ways that take our eyes off the road we want to travel. It’s like leaning a ladder up against a building in order to get to the roof, but only stepping on and off the first rung. We go forth and take the first step up, but then something happens and we step back down again to take care of it. Maybe we want to help someone else get something done, or hear something we want to clarify, or remember something we forgot. Back and forth we go, all the while staying busy but going nowhere. We can convince ourselves that because we are moving we are going forward but that isn’t always true. As long we let other things keep us from our goal, we’ll never get past the first rung.

There are a lot of reasons we lose our focus. Sometimes it’s because we aren’t sure we can accomplish the goal we’ve set. We want to, but may feel timid or afraid it might be too hard. We might make plans to go forward and even begin, but because we aren’t really sure we will succeed, are easily distracted and pulled away. We are naturally drawn to situations that make us feel comfortable. If the goal we want is stretching our abilities and we aren’t sure we can move forward, the discomfort of the unknown may move us toward something else. But we can be confident in any decision we make. We are certainly capable of doing anything we really want to do. We can be convinced we will succeed, and when we are, we will move forward. We can take the first step, and then the next, and the next, until we reach our goal.

They say timing is everything, and in a lot of situations that’s true. Sometimes we get stuck going back and forth and not moving forward because our lives aren’t in a place where we’re able to make the changes necessary. If we’re trying to change too much and it’s causing turmoil we can re-think our plan. We can look at the situation again, and determine if we need to wait. If we do, we can decide when we’ll try again, and set the goal aside for now. It doesn’t mean we’re giving up. It means we’re re-tooling to begin again later. We don’t have to accomplish everything today. There is time to get there, and when we’re ready and can successfully move forward, we will. There is no goal beyond our reach. With the proper planning and determination, we can accomplish anything.

Today if you’re frustrated because you haven’t moved forward with a goal you’re trying to achieve, take a look at all the parameters. Is this the best time to move forward? If it is, focus your eyes on the destination and do what is needed to get there. If you need to wait, think about when you can re-visit your plans and start again. There isn’t anything you can’t do. You are more capable than you realize. You can conquer anything. Make a plan that will work and take a step forward. The goal is within your reach. You will achieve it.

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Finding Center

19 Mar

Most of us have busy lives and everyday have a lot to get done. Sometimes we rush around and the day flies by so fast that at the end, sometimes we aren’t really sure what we’ve accomplished. There are a lot of responsibilities to take care of, tasks that must get done, people we need to see, and dozens of other things we need to address. If we’re working a job, we have to fit all our personal errands and chores in before or after our time there, and it can be stressful. The most important thing we need to do every day is take care of ourselves. It seems like a simple idea, but when lots of people are pulling on us and there are things to get done, sometimes what we need falls to the bottom the stack. But we’re the most important people in our lives. If we don’t care for our own needs we won’t be able to care for anyone else’s. We can get our perspective more aligned if we take a moment to find our center. If we center ourselves before we start our day, take some time to focus on who we are and what we need, we’ll be better prepared to face whatever comes, and more effectively prioritize our time. We deserve every benefit. Taking time to identify what we need most will make us stronger, healthier, and happier.

It seems in this day and age we are expected to accomplish more in one day than ever before. The bar for achievement is set very high and we can get burned out constantly trying to reach it. We should strive to do our best, but our best must be determined by us. Nobody knows what we’re capable of or what we need better than we do. If we let others decide what defines our success we may feel defeated if we can’t reach it. But success can be determined by what we want to accomplish and not somebody else. We all get to choose how we’ll live our lives. We’ll never be happy constantly doing things the way somebody else would or achieving things we don’t really want just because someone else likes it. If we are honest and genuine with ourselves, we can set our own course and find success.

Finding our center requires us to think about our own needs and our own attributes. We all have gifts to offer that are unique to us. We know what we’re good at, we know what we need, and we know what makes us happy. Taking time to identify those things and then planning to incorporate them in our lives will bring great satisfaction. Each day is a blessing and once it’s gone we can never get it back. If we live our lives cherishing each moment, and doing what we need to be happy, remembering our center and who we are, every day can bring us joy. Life goes by in a flash. It’s ours to live and every choice we make counts. We can do anything we want. And if we do what we want most, nothing can stop us.

Today if you’ve been doing things the way someone else thinks you should, stop and re-evaluate your path. Turn your course to the things that matter most to you. Bring happiness into your life by making it uniquely yours. You are valuable and precious. There has never been anyone else like you, and there never will be again. Find your center and go forward your own way. You’re everything you need to be and the world is blessed because you’re here.

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Hand Off

18 Mar

We all do many things well and some things very well. We can learn new skills and become proficient at anything we like. But sometimes we might find ourselves in over our heads when we’re in a situation that is more difficult than we planned. Maybe we don’t have the experience to manage the issue or we can’t handle the demands it requires. We can’t be good at everything and it’s important to recognize there are times when we need to hand things off to someone else. Letting something go and giving it to someone who is better equipped to handle it doesn’t mean we’ve failed. The most successful people in the world are those who understand they don’t need to know everything, and if they don’t have the skills to manage a project, there is someone who does who can help. It’s wise and appropriate to hand off issues that are more than we’re prepared to take on. This is not the same as abandoning our everyday responsibilities when they get complicated. Those are ours, and we are must manage them. But when we get into situations we don’t have the tools to manage, the best we can do is let someone with the best skill set take over. That way the issue gets attention, we aren’t stressed out of our minds trying to do something we can’t, and we gain the best possible outcome.

Learning to delegate and let others do things instead of trying to manage everything ourselves can be difficult. If we have control issues we may believe we are the only one who can do the job right even when everything indicates that isn’t so. Control issues are a form of selfishness.  If we have to control everything we will inevitably fail at something.  It’s better to trust others more equipped to handle the issues we can’t.  Some people think if they delegate a difficult task to someone else, people will think they’re incompetent or they’ve failed. Opinions vary but we never fail when we recognize our limits and then do what is needed to move forward. We are capable of seeing the situation objectively and making any changes needed to ensure success. The successful resolution of the issue is the goal. If we keep that forefront in our minds it will be easier to delegate when we need to.

It’s foolish to believe we are good at everything. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Recognizing them both and accepting them helps us understand where we are and what we can do best. We can accept our limitations, and do what is needed to work around them. Working with others and combining forces and knowledge makes everything easier. When we do, we can draw on many different strengths instead of just our own. Allowing others to help will move us forward more efficiently. We don’t have to do everything ourselves. We don’t have to be the one and only. We can collaborate and in doing so, we will win.

Today if you’re drowning in a situation above your abilities, reach out and get help. There are a lot of people around you and they all have talents and gifts you don’t possess. Trust them and allow them into the circle. Hand off the issues that are beyond your reach.  You’ll feel better and success will come more easily. Reach out and let others reach back. Together you’ll overcome anything.

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