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Who’s your friend?

1 Jul

We meet a lot of people in our lives, we make friends, we have acquaintances, and we build relationships. It’s important to share our lives with those around us, and we enjoy the camaraderie that comes from sharing time with our companions. It’s great to have friends. But sometimes we think we have a friend in someone, and then something happens, and we realize the relationship is different than we thought. Sometimes we think we are building a friendship with someone we believe we can trust, and then sadly discover they were only interacting with us for another reason. Perhaps because we were able to introduce them to others who will move them ahead at work. Or maybe they only needed to interact with us to gain some information they were seeking. These things happen, and when they happen to us, we can feel hurt, and used. It’s never appropriate to use others for personal gain, and it’s especially hurtful when it’s done pretending to be our friends, but it does happen, and it’s very disappointing. It’s important to try to figure who our friends really are so we know where we stand.

We want to feel sure about our relationships. Who are the people who spend time with us just because they care about us? Who can we can count on if we need help? Who will care if we are hurt? I had a friend once who told me he was traveling across country one time when his car broke down. He had it towed to the nearest town but couldn’t afford the repairs, and was stranded. Desperate, he called his best friend back home, and told him the story. Without a moment’s hesitation, his friend told him, “Stay right there. I’m on my way.” And with that he jumped in his car, and drove hours to help him. I knew a woman once who was housesitting for a friend when she had a grease fire in her kitchen. The cabinets above the stove were destroyed from smoke damage. She loved her friend and didn’t want her coming home to the mess, or having to make a claim on her homeowner’s insurance. So she spent the next several days refinishing the cabinets herself, and restoring them. Someone else I know sat with her best friend through cancer treatments that went on for months, and then spent every evening with her, sitting by her bed until she recovered, just offering her time and support. We’ve all had people like this in our lives, and they have been very valuable to us. We’ve also had people in our lives who pretend to be our friends, but really don’t care. It doesn’t take long to figure out who our friends are when things go wrong, and it’s important to know. It’s also important that we are true friends to those we care about. Everyone needs people they can count on. Someone who has our back, someone who supports us no matter what, and someone who loves us, warts and all. That kind of loyalty is a priceless gift. We should cherish it, and we should return it whenever possible.

Today there will be all kinds of people around you. Think about them. Who are your real friends? Once you determine who they are, cherish them, help them, and show them you care. They will return the same back to you, and your life will be so much better for it. We’re all in this together. Don’t forget that. We need each other. Being a true friend is the very best we can offer. Extend your hand, be the best friend you can be. There is nothing more valuable.

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One of a Kind

10 Jun

There are about 10,000 species of birds on our planet, and over 2500 different types of butterflies. There are millions of different animals, and countless varieties of insects, and bugs. The variety in the wildlife kingdom is astounding. It’s amazing to think of the vast array of living things that inhabit our planet. Even the ordinary dog encompasses hundreds of different breeds. And they are all unique – every one of them.

This earth is an amazing place. If we traveled to every location on the planet we would see unique, and interesting animals at each stop. They come in every color imaginable, in every shape, and in every design we could possibly dream up. There are so many different kinds of creatures, there are limitless designs, and each one is unique unto itself. It’s amazing really. But that’s not the most impressive thing about living here on earth. The most impressive part is that there are over seven BILLION people here with us. They come is all colors as well, each fascinating in his or her own way, each perfectly unique, and one of a kind. Billions of us. And, just like the other creatures inhabiting our planet, there is nothing common or ordinary about us. Not one single person is exactly like the other. No matter where we go, we will never find anyone else exactly like us.

All of these differences are a great blessing to us. Imagine what it would be like if all the animals were the same. Only one kind of mammal, one kind of bird, one kind of butterfly, and so on. And then imagine we were all the same. We all looked exactly alike, our personalities were the same, and everything about us mirrored the person beside us. It would be so boring! I’ve heard people say, “If everyone would just do things my way, it would be so much easier.” And it might be. Although our differences can sometimes bring us disagreement, and conflict, those differences are sacred. They make us who we are. They give life depth, and meaning. There are so many varieties of people, how we look, how we speak, how we dress, and how we act. And all those varieties make all the difference.

Today, no matter where you live, as you walk or ride from place to place, look around. Look at whatever animals are around, and notice their uniqueness. Then look around at all the people, and see how amazingly different they are. Feel the pleasure that comes as you notice their individuality. And remember that you are amazing, and unique to others. You are perfectly filling the space you were created for. You are special. The world is different because you are here. There is nobody else like you. You’re exactly as you should be. You are one of a kind. And that’s a perfect design.

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Three Seconds

7 Jun

Think about the immense nature of time. When we think of how long the universe has been in existence, how long the earth has been here, and we ponder eternity, it’s hard to grasp. Eternity – a concept where time always was, and always will be. Forever both ways is difficult to understand. We have finite minds, and things with beginnings and endings make sense to us. Thinking about things that continue forever is almost impossible to comprehend. And if we ponder time overall, we understand how enormous it is. When we compare that to our lives, we realize that the period of time we spend on earth is really but a moment. Even if our lives are long, they are but a snapshot when compared to the everlasting nature of time itself.

Think of our time here as three seconds. We have three seconds to live this life, make all our decisions, and try to learn as much as we can. Three seconds. It goes by fast. It goes by faster when we’re busy, and we’re all busy. But even as it races by, we have the chance to make an impact. We can change the world in small ways. But we can only do that if we pay attention, and don’t put things off.

Small choices every day have the potential to create big changes. If we want to create those changes, we must be aware of who we are, and learn to share what we can with those around us. If we take the time to notice others, and do our part to impact their lives for good, we can initiate great change. We can move mountains. We are all connected in more ways than we realize. We are all here together.

One way to effect change is to be kind. Kindness has incredible power to make the world better. Lives can be changed through small acts of kindness. Extending the hand of friendship to someone who is lonely, listening to someone who is suffering, helping someone who is lost find their way – all can change the world for good. Just saying hello to someone as you pass them has the ability to lift spirits. We don’t have to win a Nobel prize, we don’t have to climb Mt. Everest, and we don’t have to invent something that revolutionizes the world. If we’re just kind every day to those around us, we can have an enormous impact for good. Others will notice, and some will follow our example. Then, some of those they touch will do the same, and the impact of one small act of kindness will create an expansive ripple effect for good.

We don’t all have big lives. We aren’t all rulers, kings, and leaders. But we all have the ability to change the world. We have three seconds. Use them to be kind. Use them to be caring. Today, use them for good. Make an impact. You have the power to change the world. Use that power today.

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Ducks

31 May

There is a popular saying that has several versions. Perhaps you’ve heard it, and maybe used it from time to time. “If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, it’s a duck.” It’s an effective axiom that applies to many situations. When in doubt and unsure about something, we can apply this saying, and come up with a seemingly logical answer. It works sometimes. But what if it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, but somehow actually isn’t a duck? Then we’ve missed the mark. So how can we really know?

People can appear to be standoffish and aloof when they don’t mean to. Perhaps they seem to be rude because they look away when we say hello, and won’t initiate conversation when others are around. Or they may seem to be arrogant because they tend to keep themselves apart from the group. Sometimes all of these things are true – sometimes they are standoffish, aloof, and arrogant. They are ducks. But what if someone acts this way because they are just very shy? What if it’s hard for them to interact with others? They tend to hide and don’t initiate contact because it’s not something they are comfortable with. It takes some time and understanding to figure out what is really going on with those around us. Before we start labeling them, we should probably get all the facts.

People are complex and generally don’t tell everyone everything that is going on in their lives. They keep things to themselves because they are personal, and may be difficult to talk about. They may seem to be secretive. Others may be intimidated by large group activities. There is too much going on, and it makes them uncomfortable. They may seem anti-social, when actually they just don’t like big events. And there are those who are always the first to leave the party, and don’t ever stay long. Some may think they are unfriendly because they don’t hang around to socialize. But there may be a reason they need to get home that they haven’t shared.

It’s important that we take a wide view when interpreting personal expression. Today if you find yourself making judgment calls based on what you’re seeing at a superficial level, stop for a moment and think again. Things may be far different than they seem. Give the benefit of the doubt. There is always more to the story than we know. Be the one who extends friendship and acceptance when others are labeling ducks. “If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, it’s a duck.” Well, it is – sometimes. But be careful. Sometimes it’s not a duck at all.
 

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Burning Bridges

16 May

Bridges are great when you need to cross over to get somewhere else. We can’t drive through the river, but we can drive across the bridge over the river to get to our destination. Our relationships with others are like bridges too. We need the people in our lives to make the connections that take us where we want to go, help us get to our goals, and bring us happiness. Sometimes those connections are personal, sometimes they are professional, and sometimes they are emotional. Without our personal bridges, we stand alone.

I had a friend several years ago who had a great job. He liked what he was doing but got involved in a romantic relationship with one of the founders of the company. Things didn’t work out, and their relationship ended badly. After that, he said nothing he did was ever good enough, and then one day during a big meeting, he lost his temper, said some horrible things to her and the others in the room, and walked out, never to return. Afterward he regretted what had happened, and I asked him if there was any way to repair the situation. He said, “Nope. I’ve burned that bridge.”

As we navigate our lives, there will surely be times when others will hurt us, and damage our relationships with them. They do things we can’t accept, or they say things we can’t forget. Sometimes we decide the damage is too great, and we decide to end all contact with them. We are too hurt to allow them to stay in our lives. So, we burn that bridge. We cast it up in flames, say goodbye, and decide we’ll never come back.

But life is funny. As we go forward, we may find ourselves looping back around to where we were despite our best efforts. Our jobs change, and suddenly that person you severed all ties with becomes your co-worker, or worse yet, your boss. Or you move to a new location, you start over, and then you see that person who hurt you so badly is your new neighbor. What will you do now?

Burning bridges is a dangerous game. We never know where our lives will take us. We cannot read the future. We don’t know what developments lay ahead. It’s possible that the bridge you’ve burned will return to your life in a way that you’ll need to re-establish the connection. And if you’ve really turned away, it may be hard to reconnect. People come and go out of our lives all the time. It seems wiser then, instead of burning a bridge, to simply take a step back away from it.

Today if you face a situation where someone has crossed a line you cannot tolerate, where someone has gone too far, and you feel like extricating them completely from your life from here forward, you may want to burn that bridge. You may want to tell them off, tell them you are done, and tell them never, ever, ever to come near you again. Before you do that though, take a moment and think carefully. Perhaps the better choice is just to keep your distance from them for a time. Just walk away for a while. You don’t want them in your life as they are now, and you need space from them. But don’t burn the bridge – they may change, your lives will certainly change, and you never know what the future will bring. Leave the door open a little for now. Then if they return back into your life, you can decide how far you will let them in. And the bridge to allow that will still be there. Burning bridges is a dangerous game. Be careful how you play it.

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