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Last Minute

29 Aug

Sometimes when we need to do something we don’t want to, or have to make a decision that’s hard for us, we put it off. We might ignore it for as long as possible, get busy with other things, and pretend it doesn’t exist. But eventually we reach the time when we absolutely, positively have to do it. We’ve waited until the last minute either hoping we wouldn’t have to face it, or hoping somehow running out of time would help us get it done. Lots of us need the pressure of the last minute to make difficult decisions or move forward. When we put things off until we reach the moment when we have to do them even if we’re not ready, it has to happen. And then we face them.

Waiting until the last minute has its perks. We can forget about the situation for a while, we can live in a dream state pretending it doesn’t exist, and we can imagine we’re preparing so we can make the best decision when the time comes. If we’re in denial these seem like good options. But if we want to live in truth, this dodging really doesn’t help us. Waiting until we absolutely have to do something before we face it just makes the decision harder because we’re short on time, and it rushes us through the task that needs to be done, opening the door for problems.

If we want to do our best we need to be more proactive. Being proactive takes thought and planning. No matter what we have to face, it’s best to take the time we need to prepare for the decision or activity, plan for it to happen, and then confidently go forward. There isn’t anything we can’t face, but we’ll face everything more effectively if we look at it head on instead of ignoring it, and pretending it’s not there. If we courageously and carefully think about it, consider our options, and then plan for possible outcomes, we’ll be more successful in accomplishing what we need to. Waiting things out rarely works to our advantage and having an advantage can make all the difference.

Today if you’ve been putting something off that needs your attention, if you’ve been ignoring a decision or situation you need to address, change your focus. Open the door and look at things squarely, evaluate your feelings, and go forward with confidence. There is nothing you can’t do. There is nothing you can’t face. You are strong and capable of doing anything. Today move forward with confidence and get the advantage on your side. You can manage this. You’re just moving one more step closer to where you want to be.

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Sticks and Stones

27 Aug

Name calling is something most of us have done at one time or another. We get frustrated and angry, and before we know it an insulting and derogatory name or label directed at someone else flies out of our mouths. It often happens before we even think about it. We say it, we vent, and it’s over. Unfortunately, once it’s said it doesn’t go away, and it’s there forever. We can’t take it back. If we make a habit of calling people names, we may negatively impact our relationships. The old saying that “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” isn’t exactly true. Being called a name is hurtful. It stings and can cause a lot of damage, especially if the other person is someone close to us.

If someone calls us something uncomplimentary, we may throw the insult back at them by calling them a name in return. That’s fair right? They started it, and we’re going to end it. But that’s not the whole story. Our negative response, if it’s strong enough, may well end the conversation, but the damage may be long lasting. There is another way. If someone we’re interacting with gets angry and calls us something derogatory, we can choose to end the encounter. We don’t have to continue the conversation, and we can instead walk away and wait to talk with them until after things have calmed down. It takes self-control not to jump into the fray and exchange barb for barb, but we can do it. If we walk away and end the discussion before the situation becomes more intense, we have a better shot at preserving the relationship.

Sometimes we get angry and are so furious we are the ones to call someone else something awful. We may regret it the moment it passes our lips, or we may regret it later when we think things through. But what’s done is done, and there’s no changing it. If we pay attention we can recognize when we’re reaching a breaking point, and stop the discussion until everyone settles down. If we do, we may prevent situations we’ll regret. It’s always easier to protect a relationship before the damage is done than it is to patch things up after there’s been a destructive complication.

Today if you’ve been called a name by someone close to you, you may be hurt and think of leaving the relationship. Try to step back and give yourself time to think. When the dust has settled and you’re calm again, you’ll make the best decision going forward. If you’re the one who’s lost their temper and said things you regret, as soon as possible talk with the others involved and apologize for anything that was inappropriate. Our relationships are important. They take time to build. It can be hard to fix things when we’ve hurt them, but it’s harder to lose them altogether. Life is a two way street. When we get into the wrong lane, we need to adjust and correct our course. You can do that. Today, choose the high road. Be the one who makes the situation right, and brings things back to center.

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Returning Kindness

22 Aug

Recently while driving around completing some errands, I came upon a car stopped at a green light. I could see a white haired woman at the wheel, and I waited a moment before I tapped my horn to prompt her to drive forward. I was stunned when she looked at me in the rear view mirror and furiously lifted her middle finger at me flipping me off. It was so rude, and so unexpected. While she was still looking at me, I smiled and waved. She then hit the gas and took off. I’m pretty sure she was angry at me for blowing my horn – as evidenced by her indelicate response – but I have wondered how she felt after seeing me return her insult with a smile.

People do lots of things, and sometimes they don’t make the best choices. The woman in the car didn’t need to be rude to me for tapping my horn, but that was her choice. I could have returned an insult right back to her. I could have flipped her off, or just laid on my horn to annoy her. If I had done that, all I would have accomplished was to prove I could be as rude as she was. And I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to do something better, so I returned kindness for her behavior. I have wondered what she thought of that. Did she regret her actions after seeing my smile and wave, or did she just get more angry? I will never know. What I do know is that I chose what was best for me.

Choosing what is best isn’t always easy. It’s hard to be kind to someone who is being cruel. It’s hard to return consideration when someone is being mean, and it’s hard to be polite when someone is being rude. But we make our own choices, and determine our own paths. It’s easy to give back bad behavior when we get it. It doesn’t take much energy to send the negative and nasty right back over the net, but what does that bring us? If we want to be the best we can be, we need to set our sights higher. Anyone can be rude, hateful, and mean. That’s easy. Setting the goal to return kindness in the face of those things is hard, but it defines who we are. We set our own standards, and we can decide what we’ll do. If we set them according to what’s best for us instead of where someone else has put them, we can become the people we want to be. The choice is ours.

Today if someone is rude to you, if someone is mean to you, or if someone hurts you, before you respond think about choosing kindness. Return the behavior that most defines who you are. Reach higher, and choose what is best for you. You will never regret a good decision. Today, fill your day with them and you’ll be closer to the person you really want to be.

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What’s Right

21 Aug

There are all kinds of people in the world, and each one has their own opinion of what is right and what is wrong.  We all determine what is best for us as we move along, and sometimes that differs from what others think.  Right and wrong, and the interpretation therein, depend on where we are, who we are, and what our values are.  There are some things we can all agree on – it’s wrong to kill others, it’s wrong to steal, and it’s wrong to cheat – but there are a lot of situations where our opinions may differ.  Only we can decide what’s right for us.  We have the responsibility to determine where our boundaries lie, and what we are willing to do.  And it needs to be our decision alone.

Some people live their lives through a grey filter.  They prefer not to define situations in black or white terms, but to be more fluid and flexible.  Even if something seems to be wrong, they may adjust their thinking to make allowances for situations, or history, or a thousand other things.  They are comfortable in a more elastic, and flexible interpretation of things.  Others of us see the world more defined.  There is a definite line between black and white, and right and wrong, and there are no excuses.  Where each of us lies, depends on a lot of factors, and only we can determine how we’re comfortable interpreting situations and facts.

When we deal with others where interpretation comes into play, if we are defined in what we believe is right, and others are more flexible, there may be conflict.  Everyone believes their views are correct, and as such, there will be differences.  It isn’t always easy to accept someone else’s viewpoint if it’s diametrically opposed to ours.  We may not be able to understand it at all, but we can listen and be considerate, we can voice our opinion patiently and without ire, and we can accept that there is a difference that may not be resolved.  But we need not give up our position.  We may compromise if that’s workable but we should always do what we feel is right for us.  It’s not wrong to hold onto our opinion.  We are entitled to it, and it’s just as important as anyone else’s.

Today if you feel pressure to conform to an opinion or decision you do not agree with, be considerate and kind, and hold fast to what’s right for you.  You are entitled to live your life according to your own personal beliefs and viewpoints, and your opinion is important.  Be courageous in stating your case, be polite in listening to others, compromise if that’s possible, but hold firm to what’s important to you.  You are valuable just as you are, and your influence is valuable too.

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The Other Way

17 Aug

When those close to us have problems with others, they may decide to change the dynamic of their relationships. Of course, they may do whatever works for them, but sometimes they pull us into the situation. If they decide they no longer want to be friends with someone, they may tell us not to befriend them anymore as well. If they want to control the situation, they may tell us not to contact the other party. These requests may put us in an awkward situation, and we may feel unprepared to comply with them, or think it’s inappropriate for us. Some feel that because we’re close to them we need to follow their lead with changes they decide for others in the circle. But that’s not true. We need not do anything just because someone else is doing it. We can choose for ourselves.

Relationship dynamics can be complex. We can be friends with lots of different people and each relationship is different. We can choose who we want to spend time with, who we want to talk to, and who we want to get close to. The relationships we build are ours. If someone else doesn’t want to be involved with someone we share our lives with, they may make that choice. But if they ask us to sever our ties with them over an issue they’re having, it can be uncomfortable. Continuing a relationship after someone close to us has asked us to stop does not mean we don’t care about them. Going our own way doesn’t mean we aren’t loyal. It just means we are making our own choices.  And we are always entitled to make our own choices.

When we face situations like these, we may feel pressure to comply. It’s normal to want to do things for those we care about, but it doesn’t mean we have to follow them blindly. We don’t have to agree with every decision they make. Their decisions are theirs, and they own them. And we own our decisions. We are free to decide what we want to do even if it’s the complete opposite of what is being asked. We can choose how our relationships roll forward on our own. We don’t have to go along, we don’t have to agree, and we don’t have to do anything that doesn’t feel right. We can politely, and patiently decline. We can express our concern and care for the person involved, but calmly and quietly make our own choices.

Today if you’re being asked or pressured to end or change a relationship with someone in your circle because of a problem with others, you may choose what is best for you. You don’t have to go along with the request if it’s not the best decision for you. No matter how close you are to the person asking, you can make your own choice. Your relationships are yours to manage. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing, you can go forward your own way. Be strong. You know what’s best for you. Stick to that, and be true to yourself.

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