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Helping Out

15 Nov

Sometimes those near us, those we care about or love, or friends in our circle ask for our help. Most of us want to be helpful and do what we can when asked. If we consistently offer our help we can learn a lot and build our relationships. But sometimes our helpful nature can backfire when someone abuses our kindness. If someone we know makes a habit of asking for our assistance, not only in areas where real help is needed, but when they want us to cover their personal responsibilities, it can become difficult. We may find ourselves in a situation where instead of helping them we end up enabling them to sidestep their responsibilities and push them off on us. When that happens, we may be helping now but in the end if we do things they need to do for themselves, they lose the opportunity to grow and may become dependent on us. If we let others do our work for us, even when we’re capable of doing it ourselves, we miss out on the chance to grow and learn.

Habits are funny things. They form sometimes without us being aware. We do something once, then we do it again, and again, and before we realize it we may do it on a regular basis without noticing. For instance, if we have a neighbor close by and we stop to chat, we may offer to help with a project they are working on. Another day if we see them we may offer to help again. Soon every time we talk to them they may have tasks prepared for us ready to hand off. And if that continues, our helpful nature may become a burden for us and a crutch for them. It’s good to help others but when our help turns into expectation we may feel encumbered and obligated to do more than we should. We can recognize when our offer to help becomes a hindrance and we can change things so we aren’t just doing tasks but instead helping others figure out what they can do themselves. We can politely offer to help them accomplish any task they want to assign to us. We can do it together and enable them to be confident enough to accomplish it.

There is an old saying that many hands make light work. If we all work together whatever we are trying to accomplish generally goes more easily. It’s easier to lift something heavy as a group than it is alone. Helping one another allows us to serve and learn how to give. It’s noble to offer our assistance and we gain as much in the process as those we’re aiding. We can help in ways that allow everyone to learn and don’t undermine personal growth. We can find the limits between truly helping and enabling. The world needs those willing to serve and serve well. We have so much to give and with careful consideration can make sure out gift of service does as much good as possible.

Today if you’ve been helping someone and see that things have changed and you are doing too much, take a step back. Continue to offer your assistance but allow them to work alongside you and support them as they find their confidence. Show the way to success and let them take the lead. Help them find the road on their own. You are noble and kind to help and others will learn so much from your guidance.

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Somewhere Else

4 Nov

This life is a fluid experience. Everything is always changing and the only thing we can count on is that what we’re experiencing today will be different tomorrow. We are in a constant state of flux and no matter where we are now, we’re on our way to somewhere else. We are always learning and growing, and even if we don’t want to, we’re changing. It’s the nature of life. Time continues on and we move forward. Nothing can stop our continual movement until we reach the end of our days. Whether we’re headed where we want to go, learning what we need to learn, or in command of our direction is often up to us. We are in control of our lives and can direct them any way we like. There will always be complications, others may enter and confound our plans, and unexpected developments may derail us for a time. But if we are determined and focused we can get back to the road we want to travel and continue on. There isn’t anywhere we can’t go and nothing we can’t do.

Some people like everything to stay the same. They want their routines to be solid, their lives to be predictable and prefer not to change anything. They want to wear the same type of clothing, eat the same kinds of foods, visit the places they know, and limit their contact to people in their personal circle. While we may opt for a small life, limited in scope and opportunity, we can’t prevent change. Even if we’re determined to stay exactly where we are, the forces of life are moving us somewhere else. There is no way to freeze time. Each moment brings something new into our lives. Everything is fluid and every moment we’re moving forward. Where we’re headed depends on the choices we make.

We have many kinds of experiences every day. Some are good, some are even wonderful, some are common and predictable, and sometimes our lives may take a terrifying turn. We have no control over what comes to us and as each day unfolds we must find a way to cope and adjust to whatever changes it brings. Every development brings with it the opportunity for growth and learning. There is something to be gained from every experience. If we ignore the chance to learn we lose the opportunity to increase our understanding of life and deepen our awareness of where we are. We will change every single day in some way. How we process those changes is often up to us. We may get closer to the person we want to be or we may step a little further away from our goals. No matter what we choose, we are on our way to somewhere else. We can choose to direct our path to the destination we most want to reach. We can learn and grow as each day passes, and continue on the road we most want to travel. This life is a wonderful gift. The opportunity to choose and learn and grow are the greatest blessings of all.

Today if you feel you’re going in a direction that is taking you away from the where you want to be, turn your course. You know where you want to go and you know how to get there. You are in charge of your direction. Nothing will stop you from succeeding.

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Giving In

27 Oct

Most of us like to be helpful. We try to be available when others need us or we offer assistance when we see someone struggling. We want to be there for our friends and family and be supportive. But there may be some who take advantage of us and create situations where we feel uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s because they lack personal boundaries and there are no limits to what they will ask. If they lie to us to get to their objective, we may get tangled up in situations that are difficult and confusing. If they are close friends, family, or loved ones, and this becomes a pattern we may get hurt. If we believe in promises that never become reality and continue to trust them to follow through despite what we’ve experienced, we may find ourselves unsettled and miserable when we deal with them. It can be hard to say no to someone close to us even if we know we may get hurt. There is an old saying that “Hope springs eternal,” and in our personal relationships that is often true. Even if someone has disappointed us many times we may hope the next time will be different. We may trust them to change even if there is no evidence a change is coming.

We are entitled to be happy. We deserve the best life we can create for ourselves. We can understand and clearly define our personal boundaries and when someone steps over them, we can back up. Being in control of our lives and decisions is our responsibility. If someone close to us continually abuses our trust, manipulates us to get what they want, or doesn’t follow through on their promises, we may step back and disengage from them. We don’t have to end our relationship but we can define what we will not do and hold fast to our decision. It’s impossible to change anyone but ourselves. We can’t make others follow through, and we can’t make them honest. But we can control what we do at every turn. If we are asked to do something that makes us uncomfortable we can say no.  If we are promised something we are sure will not happen, we can refuse to believe it. We can stay in our relationships and still honor our boundaries so we are happy.

Some people define love as doing everything others want. They try to make everyone happy and are uncomfortable expressing anything different from those around them. But we are all unique and it’s impossible to make everyone else happy. The world is a big place and there isn’t anyone else exactly like us. We don’t always have to agree or act a certain way to be loved. We deserve love just because we’re here. We can define what works for us and we can say no when we need to. If we are clear about our decisions those around us will know our true selves and respect us for our honesty. We never have to go along or give in if we don’t want to. We can be kind and patient, loving and supportive, and still say no.

Today if you’ve been going along in a situation that is making you uncomfortable, you may say no. You offer so much to the world and we are all blessed because you’re here. You can do what is best for you. You’re in control of your life and you can choose how you live it. Make your best decisions today and happiness will follow.

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The Choice is Yours

24 Oct

We all have the ability to make whatever decisions we choose.  We can direct our lives and decide which roads we want to take.  But sometimes those close to us or those with authority over us have different ideas about what we should do.  They may voice their opinions and hope we’ll change our minds, and if we don’t may bring pressure to bear until we give in.  We may ultimately choose a path we don’t want because it’s important to someone we care about, or we are forced because of circumstance, or we are tired of the disagreement and just want to move forward even if it’s in a direction we haven’t chosen.  We may give up trying to explain our point of view and simply take the path we’re pressured to take.  Sometimes those choices will work out and sometimes we’ll end up somewhere we don’t want to be and will have to backtrack and find our way again.  We all have personal inspiration about our lives and we know what’s best for us.  Even if everyone else thinks we should go one way, we can still choose the path we determine we need to take.  It isn’t comfortable to be in conflict with those around us but if we are steadfast and respectful of our differences we may proceed with confidence and in time the conflict will resolve.

When we follow along with decisions we haven’t chosen and things go well we may feel great relief and learn new things that help us going forward.  There are limitless paths we can travel and if we end up on foreign territory we may feel unsettled and unsure.  But each step we take moves us forward and if we are headed to the goal we’re seeking, even if it’s in a different direction than we would have chosen, we will find success.  We never know what we don’t know and sometimes those around us have more information and can see more clearly going forward.  If we are following along we will find new experiences as we go and once the goal is reached our understanding of the situation will be enriched.  Sometimes it doesn’t matter which way we travel as long as we reach the right destination.

However, sometimes after agreeing to take a path we didn’t choose things go wrong.  There may be difficult complications we may have avoided or roadblocks that require us to start again and again.  It’s easy at times like that to imagine our choice would have been better but the fact is, we are living our choice.  If we decide to go along with someone else’s ideas instead of our own, we choose to take what comes.  We have all the power we need to direct our lives and we own every decision we make.  If we go along with others and things go badly we own the road just as much as those who pressured us into taking it.  We can be honest about our part in the decision no matter what happens.  If things go wrong we can work to find the right direction and correct our course.

Today if you’re being pressured to go one way and you want to go another you may make the decision that is best for you.  You may choose your own path or go along with something else.  But remember the decision is yours.  Use your best judgment and choose the path that’s best for you.  You have everything you need to find success.

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Wait For It

14 Oct

There are times in our lives when we have big decisions to make.  When we know we must decide on something very important we may hesitate until we feel comfortable.  Although we are capable of looking at all the options before us and determining exactly where we want to go, sometimes we wait before making the decision to proceed. We can’t tell the future and even if we’re sure we know which way to turn, things could go wrong.  There may be more information available to us if we wait.  We might see things differently later or maybe others will get involved.  There is no way to know exactly where any decision will take us and if we aren’t confident we may be hesitant.  Waiting might help us feel better in the short run, but really all it does is put off the inevitable.  We are going to have to choose.  If we have done everything we can to make the best choice we can go ahead and take the leap.  We are capable of making good decisions and we can be strong and determined when we make them.  What comes will come and whatever happens we will manage it.  If it doesn’t turn out the way we thought it would, we can modify and still go forward.

There is an old saying that “He who hesitates is lost.”  There may be times when we wait to decide something and end up losing an opportunity.  Or other times when we hesitate and the situation changes excluding us from the chance to be involved.  It’s disheartening to discover we missed out on something important because we failed to be involved when the decision was needed.  We all want to get good results from our choices but we won’t get anywhere unless we move forward.  We will never have all the facts or know all the possible outcomes.  We can look at things objectively and carefully, and then weighing everything equally choose the best path forward.  We can be confident that no matter what road we choose we will get to the goal.

Every decision we make carries some risk.  Some people manage risk better than others.  Those who do are more easily able to quickly make decisions based on the options before them.  Others prefer time to think and ponder the possible outcomes before choosing.  Both methods have benefits and drawbacks.  If we’re quick on the draw we may get to the destination quickly but miss a detail that affects the outcome.  If we take too long to think about our choice we may see things more clearly but miss our chance to participate.  We can find a compromise between the two, neither going too fast nor too slow, and come to excellent conclusions.  Big decisions tend to be important in our lives.  We are capable of finding the best answers to them and we are courageous enough to decide the way forward.  We have everything we need to choose well and find success.

Today if you’re facing a big decision and are hesitant to move forward, look at all your options carefully and decide what you want the most.  You know how to choose well and you will make the right decision.  You have everything you need to succeed.  Be brave and choose with confidence.

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