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The Boomerang Effect

4 Jun

Isaac Newton’s third law of physics says that for every action, there is an equal or opposite reaction. Since we are part of the physical world, this applies to us. Whatever we send out, will return back an equal or opposite response. We act, and then others react in some way. Often people return back to us the same sort of behaviors we give to them. Sometimes we get an opposite return, but often our actions are mirrored in others’ responses to us. No matter which way it goes, we will get a reaction of some sort. The question is – will it be the reaction we were hoping for?

Not only do others react to what we do, but we react to our own actions as well. For instance, say we don’t sleep well and when it’s time to get up, we feel tired and cranky. We don’t put our best foot forward during the day because we feel off. We are short with those around us, and don’t go out of our way to be helpful. We keep to ourselves, and mope. At the end of the day will we feel happier or more out of sorts because of these choices? What reaction will we have to our own actions?

And the same is true in our relationships with others. If we treat them with care and concern, chances are the returning reactions will be positive. However, if we neglect them or abuse them, the response will probably be much different. If we are rude and mean to those we encounter, they may respond the same way back to us. But if we are polite and gracious, the very same people will often react more positively. Everything we do, everything we say, elicits a response. When those responses bounce back to us, how will they look? A lot depends on what we sent out to begin with.

Newton was clear – for every action there will be an equal or opposite reaction. Today if you’re not getting the reactions you want, before you start analyzing why people aren’t responding the way you had hoped, first look at your initial actions. Do you need to modify them to get the response you want in return? If you’re getting the opposite of what you want, it may be time to change what you’re sending out. It may be time to revise your behavior. Like in volleyball, before you send the ball over, you want to make sure your serve will get the best bounce back. Otherwise, you might get a spike you weren’t planning on. And nobody wants that.

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The Waiting Game

1 Jun

Have you ever had to wait for a long time for something to happen, for something to arrive, or for someone to change? Have you ever waited for a long, long time for something you’ve been hoping for? If you have, you know how hard it can be. It’s hard to be patient for a long time. It’s hard to believe for a long time. It’s hard to wait, and wait, hoping that things will work out, and what you want will come to you. And as you wait, there will be those around you who will offer you advice. Some will support you, and others will tell you to stop. It really doesn’t matter what anyone else says. You’re waiting because it’s important to you. So you continue.

We only have control over what we do. We can’t control what others do, we can’t control what comes to us, and we don’t have the power to change everything. We only have the power to change ourselves. When we are waiting for someone else to do something, or for a situation to change that involves others, it can be very hard.

Waiting is a difficult game. It requires patience, stamina, and faith. We have to believe that what we’re waiting for will actually come to us. Otherwise there is no way to hold on. But if we really believe the change will come, that it will resolve the way we hope it will, we can manage it. If we really believe what we’re waiting for is worth it, we can hold on. We can wait a little longer.

But if the wait is too long, we may lose faith. If there is no way for us to make things happen, to make things work out, and nothing changes, we may give up. We may decide it’s no longer worth the fight. It’s no longer worth the struggle. We may decide to let the dream go. It hurts to let go, but after a time, if we’re sure we’ve done everything we could, and still nothing has changed, it may be time to reconsider. It may be time to change course.

Today if you’ve been waiting for something for a long time, take a moment to think about what you want most. Do you want to continue to hold on? Do you still believe what you’re hoping for is worth the struggle? Or will today be the day you decide to change things? If you decide to continue to wait, be strong. You’ve come this far, and this is just one more day. But if today is the day you let it go, be brave. Take a deep breath, and make a new plan. Whatever you choose, if you believe in what you’re doing, you’ll handle whatever comes. So, in or out, the path is yours to choose. Choose the path you want most. You deserve to be happy. Choose the path that will make you happy.

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Law of the Harvest

21 May

Every spring I pour over seed catalogs, and begin to plan my summer vegetable garden. I plant tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, zucchini, summer squash, watermelons, and the list goes on and on. I have a large garden plot, and find great pleasure in planning, planting, tending, and harvesting it. There is nothing quite like seeing seedlings first pop out of the soil, and watching them grow, knowing that soon all the wonderful things I’ve planted will be on my dinner plate.

When we plant our gardens we buy seeds for the fruits, and vegetables we want to harvest. If we’re planting a flower garden, we find seeds for the colors, and varieties of flowers we want to see growing there. The seed packets are always accurate – it they say the seeds are for summer squash, summer squash is what you’ll get. Never once have I purchased squash seeds and had daisies come up. What the package says, is what you’ll get.

Our lives are like gardens too. Every day we make choices that bring results. And those results are directly tied to the choices we make. For instance, if we are rude, and we sow seeds of disharmony, disharmony is what we’ll reap. If we are kind, and we sow seeds of caring, caring is what comes back. If we are mean, and we sow seeds of pain, in return pain is what we’ll find. The law of the harvest is immutable, and it is inescapable. We simply cannot sow seeds for carrots, and expect to harvest cucumbers. And so it is in our lives. If we want others to be kind to us, we must be kind to them. The harvest will return what we plant.

This principle applies to both our professional, and our personal lives. If we are contentious in our relationships, if we lie, or if we deceive, we will never be trusted, and our relationships will be turbulent. On the other hand, if we value our relationships, treat them with care and respect, they will be fulfilling and pleasurable. If we are lazy at work, if we spend our days wasting time instead of working diligently, we will not earn the respect of others, and we will never be successful. But if we work hard, honor our commitments, and keep our promises, we will be valued, and successful in return.

The law of the harvest applies to every facet of our lives. We understand it when we’re planting our gardens, and it’s important that we understand it in our lives. What we plant, we will surely reap. There is no escape. There is no cheating. There is no excuse. What we plant we will surely reap. Today as you go about your life, remember you are planting seeds. What you get in return depends on the seeds you choose. Be careful. In the end, nobody wants a garden full of weeds.

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Tickling the Tiger

17 May

Right is right, and wrong is wrong. This is undeniable. In a lot of cases we all agree. For instance, murder is wrong, stealing is wrong, and cheating is wrong. But the trouble is, except for the extremes, what I think regarding right and wrong may not be what you think. I’m clear on my values, and you are clear on yours. Putting them together, they may not match, and there’s the rub. But we have to make our own decisions regarding right and wrong. We each have the privilege of choosing for ourselves. I may not agree with what you think is right, you may not agree with me. That’s the reality of living with others.

Whatever we deem to be right for us, deserves our respect. If it’s something we value, we need to honor it. Otherwise we can twist our lives up in ways that make it hard to discern not only right from wrong, but where we are, and where we’re going. Sometimes, we make decisions that skirt the line, and find ourselves in situations that threaten to compromise what we really want. For instance, if we are married, we may determine that extramarital affairs are wrong. We’re not going to do that. But then someone at the office that we’ve noticed several times, asks us to lunch. It’s not like it’s a date, it’s work. We don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, so we go, and have a great time. Then, because we had such a good time, they ask us again the next week, and we go again. Before long, we find ourselves lunching, and chatting with them on a regular basis. And then we feel it – that pull. The draw to get closer to them. And the thought of an extramarital affair creeps into our thoughts, and unless we’re very careful, we may begin to entertain it. We’ve gone all the way from believing that was wrong, to possibly now, considering it.

If we don’t draw a hard line between what we determine is right, and what is wrong, we may find ourselves in situations like this. We’re tickling the tiger, hoping it won’t bite. Getting close enough to the edge to feel the thrill, and sure we won’t step over the line. Of course, we all know how that goes. Once we’ve crept so close to the edge, it’s very easy to take the final step. We’ve all seen this, or even experienced it. After the situation has gone too far, people often say things like, “It just happened,” or “I couldn’t help it,” both of which are patently untrue. Nothing just happens in situations like this. We plan for them, step by step, inch by inch, and despite the danger we keep going forward.

Today if you feel your values being tested, if you think you might be stepping away from what you truly want for yourself, stop. Just stop, and think again. Don’t risk destroying the choices you’ve made, the person you want to be, or compromising your future. Make your decisions carefully. If you’re tickling the tiger already, thinking about doing something you know is wrong for you, stop now, and re-evaluate the long term ramifications. Nothing we do disappears the instant it’s done. All our decisions stay with us. Forever. Your choices are valuable, and critical. Make them well. You’ll be happier if you do. Tickling the tiger is only fun until it bites. Then the scar lasts forever, and you will never be the same again. Remember who you are. Choose carefully. Create the future you really want by choosing well today.

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Burning Bridges

16 May

Bridges are great when you need to cross over to get somewhere else. We can’t drive through the river, but we can drive across the bridge over the river to get to our destination. Our relationships with others are like bridges too. We need the people in our lives to make the connections that take us where we want to go, help us get to our goals, and bring us happiness. Sometimes those connections are personal, sometimes they are professional, and sometimes they are emotional. Without our personal bridges, we stand alone.

I had a friend several years ago who had a great job. He liked what he was doing but got involved in a romantic relationship with one of the founders of the company. Things didn’t work out, and their relationship ended badly. After that, he said nothing he did was ever good enough, and then one day during a big meeting, he lost his temper, said some horrible things to her and the others in the room, and walked out, never to return. Afterward he regretted what had happened, and I asked him if there was any way to repair the situation. He said, “Nope. I’ve burned that bridge.”

As we navigate our lives, there will surely be times when others will hurt us, and damage our relationships with them. They do things we can’t accept, or they say things we can’t forget. Sometimes we decide the damage is too great, and we decide to end all contact with them. We are too hurt to allow them to stay in our lives. So, we burn that bridge. We cast it up in flames, say goodbye, and decide we’ll never come back.

But life is funny. As we go forward, we may find ourselves looping back around to where we were despite our best efforts. Our jobs change, and suddenly that person you severed all ties with becomes your co-worker, or worse yet, your boss. Or you move to a new location, you start over, and then you see that person who hurt you so badly is your new neighbor. What will you do now?

Burning bridges is a dangerous game. We never know where our lives will take us. We cannot read the future. We don’t know what developments lay ahead. It’s possible that the bridge you’ve burned will return to your life in a way that you’ll need to re-establish the connection. And if you’ve really turned away, it may be hard to reconnect. People come and go out of our lives all the time. It seems wiser then, instead of burning a bridge, to simply take a step back away from it.

Today if you face a situation where someone has crossed a line you cannot tolerate, where someone has gone too far, and you feel like extricating them completely from your life from here forward, you may want to burn that bridge. You may want to tell them off, tell them you are done, and tell them never, ever, ever to come near you again. Before you do that though, take a moment and think carefully. Perhaps the better choice is just to keep your distance from them for a time. Just walk away for a while. You don’t want them in your life as they are now, and you need space from them. But don’t burn the bridge – they may change, your lives will certainly change, and you never know what the future will bring. Leave the door open a little for now. Then if they return back into your life, you can decide how far you will let them in. And the bridge to allow that will still be there. Burning bridges is a dangerous game. Be careful how you play it.

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