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Under the Influence

20 Aug

Every day as we go about our lives, we are exposed to other people. We may talk with them, spend time with them, and get to know them. As we share our lives, we learn things about each other, and we have the opportunity to exchange ideas. They will learn from us, and we will learn from them. What we learn depends on our relationship with them, their authority over us, our respect for them, and how they live their lives. If they are people we admire, we will appreciate their influence, and may try to emulate them. And the same is true for them. If they admire us, they will appreciate us, and may adopt some of our behaviors and actions.

We are responsible for everything we do, and we must answer for every action, both positive and negative. That responsibility includes how our behaviors affect others. If we are rude and mean, and negatively impact someone else, we will answer for that. Defending bad behavior, saying we learned it from our families, or we are just giving back what we’ve been given, will not excuse us from hurting others. There is no excuse that will take away hurt feelings. However, if we are kind and patient, and lift those around us, we will answer for those attributes as well. We rarely, if ever, receive any blessings in our lives when we are badly behaved. When we hurt others through commission or omission, it does not elevate us. If this is a pattern in our personalities, the chances for personal growth and development will be hindered. But if we are kind and gracious, if we are patient and helpful, rewarding blessings will return to us.

When we are considerate to those around us, they are often considerate to us in return. If those we interact with come to know us as patient and caring, and as someone they can trust, we are more likely to build strong relationships that are positive. Because everything we do affects those around us, it’s important to remember that although we have the right to live our lives any way we see fit, almost everything we do will impact someone near us. We can be the ones who set the standard for kindness, who wait a little longer and are a bit more patient, and who offer encouragement instead of criticism. If we do these things, those around us will find comfort in their relationships with us. There is already enough suffering in the world. We can do our part to ensure we don’t increase it by being kind, caring, patient, and loving, and making sure our influence is positive.

Today take care and pay attention to your behavior when you interact with others. Remember to be patient and show you care so that those around you will learn they can trust you, and be comfortable with you. Be kind, be caring, and be supportive. You will never regret the blessings you will gain. Share the good you have to offer. It will return to you tenfold.

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The Other Way

17 Aug

When those close to us have problems with others, they may decide to change the dynamic of their relationships. Of course, they may do whatever works for them, but sometimes they pull us into the situation. If they decide they no longer want to be friends with someone, they may tell us not to befriend them anymore as well. If they want to control the situation, they may tell us not to contact the other party. These requests may put us in an awkward situation, and we may feel unprepared to comply with them, or think it’s inappropriate for us. Some feel that because we’re close to them we need to follow their lead with changes they decide for others in the circle. But that’s not true. We need not do anything just because someone else is doing it. We can choose for ourselves.

Relationship dynamics can be complex. We can be friends with lots of different people and each relationship is different. We can choose who we want to spend time with, who we want to talk to, and who we want to get close to. The relationships we build are ours. If someone else doesn’t want to be involved with someone we share our lives with, they may make that choice. But if they ask us to sever our ties with them over an issue they’re having, it can be uncomfortable. Continuing a relationship after someone close to us has asked us to stop does not mean we don’t care about them. Going our own way doesn’t mean we aren’t loyal. It just means we are making our own choices.  And we are always entitled to make our own choices.

When we face situations like these, we may feel pressure to comply. It’s normal to want to do things for those we care about, but it doesn’t mean we have to follow them blindly. We don’t have to agree with every decision they make. Their decisions are theirs, and they own them. And we own our decisions. We are free to decide what we want to do even if it’s the complete opposite of what is being asked. We can choose how our relationships roll forward on our own. We don’t have to go along, we don’t have to agree, and we don’t have to do anything that doesn’t feel right. We can politely, and patiently decline. We can express our concern and care for the person involved, but calmly and quietly make our own choices.

Today if you’re being asked or pressured to end or change a relationship with someone in your circle because of a problem with others, you may choose what is best for you. You don’t have to go along with the request if it’s not the best decision for you. No matter how close you are to the person asking, you can make your own choice. Your relationships are yours to manage. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing, you can go forward your own way. Be strong. You know what’s best for you. Stick to that, and be true to yourself.

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Take It Back

15 Aug

There are times when we may find ourselves in relationships where we’ve lost control over our lives. We didn’t set out to find a relationship that would control us, but one thing leads to another, and suddenly we realize we’ve lost something. We’ve allowed a situation to build on itself to the point that someone else is determining our decisions, and how we live. Often these relationships are painful, and we are hurt. Sometimes because the changes have been subtle and insidious, we don’t realize how hurt we’ve been. But we know we aren’t happy, and something needs to change.

It’s good to believe in others, and put our trust in them unless they show us they are not worthy of that trust. When we are kind and trusting, we can sometimes bend too far and allow someone else to gain too much control. Sometimes it starts by just going along with something we don’t agree with because we love the other person and we want them to be happy. That may change into arguments as we try to be heard, and if the arguments continue over time, we may grow weary, and decide to give in to keep the peace. When that happens, we trade our control for calm. We hand it over to prevent disagreements.

Unhappiness can sneak up on us. If it’s been a gradual decline, and we’ve been unsettled for a while, we may not realize how far we’ve gone. Then something happens that wakes us up. Perhaps a trusted friend reminds us of how happy we used to be. Perhaps we decide enough is enough. Even if we truly value the relationship that’s hurting us, even if we still believe in the promise that things will improve, we will, eventually, have to make a choice. We deserve to be happy. When we are ready, and decide we want more, we will take our lives back. It probably won’t be easy. It may hurt to turn the ship, but we can do it. We are strong, and once we remember who we are, and how strong we are, we will succeed.

Today if you’ve decided to stop hurting, and you are ready to be happy, take your life back. Take it back. You have everything you need to succeed. Don’t listen if someone says you can’t do this. You can. You deserve to be happy. Today turn the ship. You are stronger than you realize. You are worth more than you can imagine. The best of everything is waiting for you.

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Inspire Me

8 Aug

One time I went to a job interview for a job I really thought I wanted. When I got there, the CEO of the company met with me and talked to me about his organization. When he finished, he looked me in the eye, and said, “Inspire me.” I was dumbfounded. Inspire him? I didn’t even know him. I had no idea what he was expecting so I began talking about what I thought I could bring to the company, and tried to be as confident as possible. When I was done, he smiled, and said, “Thank you for coming in,” and that was it. I left feeling completely confused and lost. I had not been prepared for the interview as it was, and knew I hadn’t gotten the job. And I was right.

Inspiration is an intangible, undefinable entity. It means different things to different people. What inspires me may leave you yawning and looking at the clock. What inspires you may confound me. It’s very personal and individual. There are all kinds of inspiration. Sometimes it comes to us as a prompting – an idea that rolls around in our heads suggesting something we should do. When we pay attention to it, it may lead us where we want to go. We may feel inspired to do small things, like call a friend, or look for something we’ve lost in a specific place. And sometimes when we listen and follow through we find that the friend we called needed someone to talk to just then, or the missing item was exactly where we were inspired to look. We’ve all experienced moments where inspiration has guided us. It’s a special feeling we get, perhaps a feeling of confident understanding when there is nothing to support it.

There may have been times in your life when, for no reason you can identify, you felt you had to do something. Upon doing the task, you discovered it gave you something you were seeking, or took you somewhere you needed to go. Personal inspiration comes from deep inside us. Some people think it comes from a higher power. Some people think it comes from repressed memory or thought. It doesn’t matter where it comes from. The important thing is to listen when we feel it. There is a reason the suggestion has come to us. If we listen to it, and act on it, there may be something positive waiting for us.

Today if you feel inspired to do something you hadn’t planned, do it. Take a chance. There’s a reason you’re feeling directed this way. Find out what the reason is. You are intelligent, and you may be wise. If you follow the quiet promptings you get, you may find satisfaction and surprise. This life is a wonderful experiment. Do everything you feel inspired to do. Live to the fullest. When you look back you won’t have any regrets.

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Leaving a Mark

2 Aug

No matter what we experience in this life, good or bad, it leaves a mark on us. We are the sum total of our experiences. Everything we see, everything we do, everything that happens to us, all leaves an impression on us. There is no delete button. It’s all there. Over time we may forget something, and then someone says a word or phrase, or we smell a specific scent, and the memories come rushing back. But even if we’ve forgotten something we’ve experienced, it’s still inside us like indelible ink. We can’t remove anything from our pasts. But we can learn to let our experiences teach us, and help us become the people we want to be.

When we have heartbreak, and disappointment, it’s hard to see anything positive from the experience. But in processing the sadness or anger, we can develop new coping skills which we can draw on later. When we have joyful times and everything is going well, we can draw on the contentment, and satisfaction we feel during more stressful times. Every experience teaches us something new, and if we pay attention we can make the most of the learning.

During difficult times, if we want to, we can be filled with resentment, be jealous when others are doing well, be angry because things haven’t gone as we’d hoped, and hold onto grudges. These decisions will not allow us to grow. Resenting hard times is a waste of energy. Hard times come to us all. If we get stuck in resentment and jealousy, focusing so hard on someone else’s life and decisions, we may forget that our lives are going by. And holding onto a grudge prevents us from moving forward. Instead, it’s best to learn everything we can from our experiences, good and bad. This life rushes by in a moment. If we want to learn all we can, we have to value each experience, and each mark it leaves on us.

Today if things are going well and you’re happy with your situation, rejoice and embrace it. Hold the happy feelings close and remember them. If things are difficult and you’re struggling to get through, learn all you can from the experience so when it’s over you’ll have something positive to draw from. Whatever you’re experiencing, make the mark positive. Grab all the good you can, and take it with you. Focus on what you’re learning, and move closer to the person you want to be.

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