Tag Archives: Decisions

Chicken Little

15 May

I have a friend who is a teacher and loves her work. However, her school administration isn’t supportive, and that has hurt her. She had a student who was aggressive, and bullying not only the other students, but her as well. She tried to work with him but it was useless. Fearing for her safety she went to her Principal, and explained the situation. She asked to bring the parents in to discuss the matter, but the principal flatly refused, and told her to work it out herself. She was disappointed in his response, but she had seen this behavior before. Her Principal seemed to be afraid of the students’ parents. He never wanted to call them or address behavior problems with them. One day the boy in my friend’s class pushed her off a step, and she suffered a fractured skull. The school paid for her medical expenses, but even then, refused to contact the parents, and told her not to either. She was very hurt, both physically and emotionally. In time her physical injuries have healed, but she is still hurt by her boss’s behavior. She is also worried about what will happen next.

I work in a large organization that adopts basically the same model as my friend’s school. Fear of lawsuits, and recrimination have created an environment where bad employees are not disciplined, and instead, when they cause trouble are moved to other departments . Of course, moving a problem never solves it. The leadership is afraid of problems with the union, legal complaints, and the additional expense from those, and other complications. So, instead of addressing the problem, they move it. It’s a reflection of where we are as a society, and an overall lack of courage.

Sadly, these are not uncommon stories today. Many are reluctant to address bad behavior. They decide instead to say nothing, and deal with the issue as best they can. In our litigious society where people sue others for ridiculous reasons, trying to avoid the possibility of a lawsuit is understandable. But when situations require correction, despite the risk, it needs to happen. If it doesn’t, it may lead to greater problems.

Each of us, every day, has the opportunity to set an example for excellence. We can choose the better path, and light the way for those who have gotten lost. We may not be able to change a whole mindset, but if we bravely choose the right, if we face each problem and address it appropriately, if we solve issues instead of pushing them around, others will notice. We can choose to address the problems we encounter, and set the standard for solving them instead of looking away. If we can turn the tide in our small area of influence, others will see the change for good, and may choose to address their problems too. Like dominoes falling, if we are diligent, one after the other, those around us may choose the better path. Each of us has more power to influence others than we realize. People watch us. They pay attention more than we think they do. So today, choose to be the difference. Choose to set the standard. And watch what happens.

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The Only Policy

14 May

A man in Texas recently went to an estate sale, and bought an old chest of drawers for $100. As he was loading it onto his vehicle with the help of someone running the sale, they heard all kinds of metallic clanging coming from the bottom of the chest. It turned out there was a secret compartment in it. There was a hidden drawer filled with currency, jewelry, emeralds and diamonds, military dog tags, and Civil War memorabilia. It was an incredible stash of treasure hidden in an old piece of furniture.

Upon seeing all the valuable pieces, the buyer said he never imagined keeping them. He said they belonged to the original owner of the chest who had inherited it from his grandparents. Instead of greedily claiming the treasure for himself, he said, “This is fantastic. Let’s call the owner, and get the stuff back to them.” The owner was astounded when he was told of the find, and had no idea there was anything hidden in the chest.

I’ve been thinking about this, and the decision made by the man who bought the chest. Despite the obvious worth of the items hidden inside, he returned them to the original owner. It could be argued that he owned the items after having purchased the chest, and there is that old saying, “finders keepers.” But that saying has little worth. If it wasn’t ours when it was lost, it isn’t ours when we find it, unless there is no way to find the real owner. What would you have done? Would you have been tempted to keep the loot? Would you have mentioned it to anyone? You could have kept the pieces or sold them and made some fast cash. Would you have done that?

It is said that if you want to know what someone is really like, find out what they do when nobody is watching. I think that’s true. We might believe that if nobody knows what we’re doing when we’re doing something questionable, where’s the harm? Of course, the harm is that whether anyone else knows or not, we know what we’ve done. And we have to live with each decision we make. There is no way to hide from ourselves. What we do is always there. We have to face it every single day.

There is no such thing as being too honest. There is no sliding scale for honesty, despite what some may say. Being honest is like being pregnant, you either are, or you aren’t. Whatever we choose, determines who we are. Even if nobody else knows what we’re doing, we know, and it colors our behaviors from there forward. If we’re honest in all our dealings, we can face ourselves openly, and with confidence. If we’re shady, and deceptive, it may be harder to look in the mirror.

Today if you find yourself in a situation where you have to choose to be honest, and it’s a hard choice, choose it anyway. Take the high road. Be above reproach. You will never regret making an honest choice. They say that “honesty is the best policy.” Well, that’s partially true. Actually, if we want to be truly happy, honesty is the only policy worth living. Choose well.

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Rose Colored Glasses

8 May

I am an optimist by nature. I tend to look for the best in others, and generally give them the benefit of the doubt. I have always been this way, and when I was growing up my mother used to tell me that one day I would have to remove my “rose colored glasses,” and see the world as it really was. She felt that I gave people too much credit, and that the world didn’t work that way. Well, now that I am grown up, I understand that the world as it really is depends on my perception. Since I’m still the same girl I was years ago, and I’m still an optimist, I’m still wearing those glasses.

Some people see the world differently though. They focus on the negative, the problems, the complications, and the drama. There is certainly a lot of that, and if we want to we can focus on them. But there is also a lot of good in the world. There are people doing good things, there are happy families, there are noble organizations, there are people serving one another, and the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, most of the good news never makes it to the daily broadcasts, or the news feeds on-line because it isn’t sensational enough. But what could be more sensational than doing good in a world so focused on the bad?

They say life is what you make it. We can’t prevent all the trouble that comes into our lives, and we certainly will have our share of challenges. But we will also have our share of blessings. If we have enough to eat, clothes to wear, shelter to rest in, and enough money to survive we are living well. Some people are never happy no matter what gifts they possess, and what they have is never enough. We can look at our lives that way, and we can complain every second of every day if we like. We can find fault, we can pick on those that don’t do things the way we would do them, we can criticize, and belittle all we want to. But in the end, our lives are what we make of them. If we do that all the time, our lives will be filled with criticism, complaints, and discontent. Nobody really wants a life like that.

However, if we look for the good in every situation, we will surely find something there. Even in the most difficult times, even dealing with the most annoying people, we will find something that’s good. If we look for the good in our lives instead of the negative and disappointing, our lives will be filled with peaceful feelings, confidence in others, and a positive outlook for the future. It’s all in how we decide to see it. In the summer we could complain because it’s hot outside, or we could see the gorgeous flowers and trees thriving in the hot sun. In the winter we could complain because it’s snowing again, or we could see the beauty and peace in a winter’s landscape. It’s the same situation both times, but our response to it changes our perception.

Today when you face difficult situations, annoying people, or complex challenges, try to look for what is good about the situation. There will be something there. It’s always there if we look for it. It may be very small at times, but something will shine through. If we learn to do this in every situation we will become happier, and more content in our lives. We can wear rose colored glasses and still see the world as it is. There will always be problems, there will always be trouble, but there will always be joy as well. Look for it – it’s there.

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Do you dance?

28 Apr

Our lives are busy. We have families. We have jobs, and friends. We have hobbies we enjoy. You might have a dog, or a cat, or a pet turtle. We’re busy. People expect things from us, and we try to accommodate them. Sometimes though it seems like people expect a lot from us, and accommodating everyone can become a burden. So we learn to adapt. We learn to dance. We do a little bend here, a slide there, maybe a dip next, and the notorious two step when it’s needed. Dancing can be fun, and sometimes it can be tricky so we need to be careful. If we dance all the time, we can lose ourselves while we perform for others.

Maybe your boss expects you to portray a certain image. It’s a good image, maybe not who you really are, but you play along for the sake of getting along. Or your family wants you to do something that you really don’t enjoy, but everyone else wants to do it so you go along. You want everyone to be happy, and it’s not like you HATE the activity so you adjust. Maybe your companion wants to go somewhere that you don’t want to go. They are pressing you to agree, and you eventually say it’s fine, you’re happy to go. But that’s not exactly true – you aren’t really happy to go, but you’ll go because it’s easier than saying no. You take a little step to the left.

We learn to dance. We do what is expected, we turn where we’re directed, and we partner up when needed. There is a saying that we should “dance like nobody is watching.” If we were truly dancing like nobody was watching, we probably would be doing things a bit differently. We might throw our arms in the air, tap our toe, smile and say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” And then happily sashay away in a different direction. If we danced like nobody was watching, like nobody expected certain steps, we could move our own way all the time, and we might be happier.

Life isn’t really like that though. Sometimes we need to accommodate those we care about or need in our lives. But if we accommodate everyone else all the time, at the expense of our individual choices, eventually, the dance catches up to us, and we lose our footing. So, we need to find the balance. Sometimes we give a little, and sometimes we hold firm. Sometimes we agree, and sometimes we say no. It’s okay to turn down requests. It doesn’t mean we don’t care. It just means that this time, we’re dancing to our own music. We’re choosing our own steps. Maybe a tango isn’t right for us today. Maybe everyone else is doing the tango, but today we need to waltz. We’re still dancing, but today we will choose our own steps. You can always choose your own steps. Do you feel like waltzing today? It’s a perfect day for it!

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Shoulda Woulda Coulda

16 Apr

We all make dozens of decisions every day. Some are important, some are inconsequential, and some we make without even thinking about them. But what do we do if we find out a decision we have already made may have bad or even disastrous results? How can we process that? We may look back and think, “I can’t believe I did that! I can’t believe I fell for that. I can’t believe I was so stupid.” The problem with looking back is that we can’t project the person we are now back to the person we were when we made the decision. Even if we made the decision last week, we are different now than we were then. Second guessing decisions made in the past based on who we are now will never work. Life happens and things can change in an instant – we get information we didn’t have before, we see the problem differently, someone new enters the picture that changes the entire dynamic. Generally, I think we’ll all agree, people don’t intentionally make bad decisions that will hurt them. We try our best based on the information we have, and the situation we are in.

So how do we deal with the results of a bad decision? How do we go forward? How can we fix things and forgive ourselves for making the mistake? If the decision only hurt us, we can cope with that, learn from it, and move on. But if the decision hurt others, caused the end of a relationship or caused us to lose the trust of those around us, it will be more difficult. If we’ve hurt others we can try to make amends, and apologize.  If we’ve really broken a relationship, we may have to accept that it can’t be fixed, and let it go. That is difficult, especially if it was a relationship we valued, but we can’t go back in time. We can’t change the past. We are where we are. There are no “do overs.” All we can do is go forward from here. If we’ve lost the trust of others, we may be able to restore it if we explain why we chose what we chose, and if we include them going forward when decisions come that will affect them. Over time, if we’re careful, that trust may come back.

We are all only human. We are going to make mistakes. It happens. We don’t get a manual when we come here that warns us to “watch out for that decision you have to make in May…” We learn as we go. Sometimes we screw up. It’s just how it is. And when we screw up, we can learn from it, we can cope with the results of the decision, we can try to fix things again, and we will do better next time. If you’re struggling with a bad decision you’ve made in the past, and you are having trouble letting it go, try to remember why you chose what you chose. You were in a different place, you thought things would go differently, and you wouldn’t have made the decision you made had you known it would end badly. Forgive yourself. It’s not the end of times. It’s just a bump in the road. Next time you’ll get it right.

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