Tag Archives: Forgiveness

Reckoning

2 Jun

We make millions of decisions as we go through our lives. Everyone wants to be happy and nobody tries to make a bad choice on purpose that will increase their suffering. We try to make good decisions at every turn and most of the time we’re successful. But we may face a situation where what we’ve chosen blows up in our faces, and we crash and burn. Maybe we didn’t get all the facts beforehand, maybe we were in a rush or a thousand other factors came into play. If the choice is grievous, when it hits the fan, we may try to hide or pretend we don’t know anything about what’s happening. That might work for a time, but nothing can stay hidden forever, and eventually our part will be found out. We’re all accountable for everything we do – the good and the bad. When the reckoning comes, we may be sorely sad for the choice we made, and may suffer greatly due to ramifications of what’s occurred. If we generally manage our lives well and make sensible, balanced choices, and this is an unusual screwup, we’ll likely be able to recovery and restore what has been lost. However, if we’re continually irresponsible and repeat seriously bad judgement again an again, chances are we’ll lose the trust of those around us. It’s hard to rely on someone who constantly makes bad decisions that tangle up our lives. We’re all capable of choosing well, but good choices don’t just happen because we want them. We must actively do what is needed to get the facts and think about what we’re doing before we jump. By looking for the information we need and taking our time to review all the possible options, we have a better chance of choosing well. Our lives are a reflection of every choice we make, and each success is possible if we’re willing to do what is necessary to make it ours.

Some people believe it’s easier to ask for forgiveness after the fact than for permission before we act. Leaving others in the dark only to surprise them with some unexpected problem is a recipe for disaster. By including everyone involved before we choose, we can get their opinions and good advice to help ensure we’re headed in the right direction.

Nobody is perfect and it’s likely that we’ll all make a bad choice at some point. When the situation begins to deteriorate and we realize we’re headed for trouble, we can be honest about our part in what’s happened and begin the process of changing direction. If we need advice, we can ask for it. Every situation can be amended and with patience and persistence, we can correct our course, and move forward with renewed confidence.

Today if you’ve made a bad choice and created a problem that is complex and difficult, trust yourself. You are not defined by a mistake. Look at everything objectively and decide how you want to proceed. There is a solution to every problem, and you will find the answers you need. Be calm and confident. The road ahead is still there for you and you will reach success.

For Us

23 Aug

We interact with all kinds of people as we go through our lives and as we develop relationships we learn new things and understand more about who we are. Sometimes our friendships and close relationships bring us happiness, and sometimes we struggle with conflict. It’s inevitable that we’ll be hurt at some point. Someone will do or say something that is offensive and we feel the sting of pain. If the damage is great enough it may threaten the relationship or even sever our ties completely. When that happens we may carry the pain forward with us. How long we hold onto it depends on what we do. Sometimes we are able to let it go and move forward but sometimes it stays with us and we struggle trying to find our way. If a relationship has been severed, we may grieve for the loss. It can be hard to get over a deep disappointment or devastating personal injury. We may be angry at the person who hurt us and we may find it hard to forgive their actions. We may get stuck unable to move forward as we try to understand what’s happened and how to cope with the loss.

Forgiveness means to be able to stop blaming or be angry with someone else for something they’ve done. When we’re hurt and feeling bad our lives are impacted and we may be stalled as we try to navigate through. If we feel betrayed and sad it’s hard to find happiness. The disappointment may control our focus and we may get stuck trying to find our way. When we’re able to forgive we can begin to let go of the pain we’ve been carrying and move forward, and any guilt or sorrow may be assuaged. We all understand that forgiveness is a blessing for the person who commits an offense. But when we are able to forgive it changes the situation for us as well. Forgiveness brings relief from pain and anger. We can let go of the sorrow and start again. In the end, forgiveness is as much for us as for those who hurt us.

We deserve every happiness and success. Our lives belong to us and we can strive for all our dreams. But things will go wrong from time to time and we will be hurt. Getting derailed by pain and loss can hold us back and prevent us from moving forward. As long as we allow the pain to have control over us we will be stuck. When things go wrong, we can’t change what has happened but we can determine to do what is needed to release us from what is holding us back. Forgiveness is the key that will unlock the gate and let us move past. It’s a gift we give to ourselves to set us free. We can choose it and allow the pain to recede so we can walk past it and onto to our goals. We have everything we need to find happiness. We can do anything. Learning to forgive will help us accomplish everything.

Today if you’re hurt from something someone has done, and if you feel stuck and are suffering, you have the power to change it. Consider what has happened and learn what you can, and then forgive. Let it go and move into the light again. There are so many wonderful gifts waiting for you. Open the gate to forgiveness and walk toward them. You can do anything and you have all the power you need. Move forward. Happiness is there for you.

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

16 Apr

We all make dozens of decisions every day. Some are important, some are inconsequential, and some we make without even thinking about them. But what do we do if we find out a decision we have already made may have bad or even disastrous results? How can we process that? We may look back and think, “I can’t believe I did that! I can’t believe I fell for that. I can’t believe I was so stupid.” The problem with looking back is that we can’t project the person we are now back to the person we were when we made the decision. Even if we made the decision last week, we are different now than we were then. Second guessing decisions made in the past based on who we are now will never work. Life happens and things can change in an instant – we get information we didn’t have before, we see the problem differently, someone new enters the picture that changes the entire dynamic. Generally, I think we’ll all agree, people don’t intentionally make bad decisions that will hurt them. We try our best based on the information we have, and the situation we are in.

So how do we deal with the results of a bad decision? How do we go forward? How can we fix things and forgive ourselves for making the mistake? If the decision only hurt us, we can cope with that, learn from it, and move on. But if the decision hurt others, caused the end of a relationship or caused us to lose the trust of those around us, it will be more difficult. If we’ve hurt others we can try to make amends, and apologize.  If we’ve really broken a relationship, we may have to accept that it can’t be fixed, and let it go. That is difficult, especially if it was a relationship we valued, but we can’t go back in time. We can’t change the past. We are where we are. There are no “do overs.” All we can do is go forward from here. If we’ve lost the trust of others, we may be able to restore it if we explain why we chose what we chose, and if we include them going forward when decisions come that will affect them. Over time, if we’re careful, that trust may come back.

We are all only human. We are going to make mistakes. It happens. We don’t get a manual when we come here that warns us to “watch out for that decision you have to make in May…” We learn as we go. Sometimes we screw up. It’s just how it is. And when we screw up, we can learn from it, we can cope with the results of the decision, we can try to fix things again, and we will do better next time. If you’re struggling with a bad decision you’ve made in the past, and you are having trouble letting it go, try to remember why you chose what you chose. You were in a different place, you thought things would go differently, and you wouldn’t have made the decision you made had you known it would end badly. Forgive yourself. It’s not the end of times. It’s just a bump in the road. Next time you’ll get it right.