Tag Archives: Decisions

Changing Channels

27 Jul

Studies of the brain show that it takes very little energy for us to change our minds.  In fact, it’s miniscule.  It takes virtually no physical effort to do it, but the emotional or mental effort is another story.  When we’re in a situation we don’t like, when we’re uncomfortable and want to change, it seems like a simple solution – just change it.  But when others are involved, and there are feelings to consider, the solution becomes complicated.  If we want to change a situation or a relationship we’ve had for a while, we want to do it well.  Often no matter how we try to make that happen someone gets hurt, and it doesn’t go as smoothly as we may have hoped.

We are in charge of our lives and we get to decide what we do and don’t do.  If we need or want a change, we are entitled to it.  But usually just waiting for the change to happen doesn’t work.  We have to initiate it.  We have to do whatever is needed to facilitate it, and make it happen.  If others are involved, that may mean a difficult conversation that we may dread.  But we deserve the life we want the most.  We deserve to be on the path that’s best for us, even if it means leaving others behind.  If we take some time to plan, we can do our best to make the change as easy as possible for all concerned.

Sometimes the changes we want to make don’t involve other people, but situations in our lives that aren’t working.  We may want to move to another location because we aren’t happy where we are.  Or change careers to something more fulfilling.  Or we may want to get more involved in some activity we’ve been putting off.  It doesn’t matter what change we are seeking, they all require action.  If we want to change our lives we can do it.  We can change anything we really want to.  We just have to decide when we’re ready, and move forward.  Once we’ve determined to go forward differently, once we’ve had the conversations and made the plans, we can start again.  We can create a new situation where we’re happier.  Change is rarely comfortable, and sometimes not as easy as we’d like, but we can manage it.  We deserve whatever we need to be happy.

Today if you’ve been struggling with wanting a change in your life, whatever it is, begin now to do what is needed to make it happen.  Be confident.  You are in charge of your life, and you can determine what makes you happiest.  Today take the first step to turn things around.  Your life is precious and you deserve to have it your way.  It’s exciting to change things up.  It’s all there for you.  Don’t wait another minute to get to it.

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Because I Can

10 Jul

We can do anything we want to in this life. We can make good decisions, and bad decisions. We can be wise, and we can be foolish. There is no limit to what we can do if we want to. Perhaps when someone has done something you didn’t understand you’ve asked them why, and their answer was, “Because I can.” Well, we ‘can’ do anything. But the big question really isn’t can we do it, but should we do it. Just because we can do something isn’t always enough reason to justify actually doing it.

Mistakes in judgment are part of the human experience. We all make them. Unfortunately we don’t have a personal manual to read every day to alert us when our judgment isn’t quite on target. We make decisions where we are, and we learn as we go. Even when we try to be wise, we may falter. But we will falter more often if we go plowing through things not thinking at all. If we just follow our noses around, and make decisions because we can, we may find ourselves in situations that aren’t exactly where we want to be.

Having the ability to do something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best choice for us. For instance, a Maserati is a very nice car, and we may find a dealer who will gladly sell us one even if we can’t afford it. We could buy it, and be the envy of our friends. But if we do, we may not have money for our essentials as we struggle to pay it off. But we could do it. However, if we can’t afford it, the purchase will likely bring us hardship. There are countless examples of things we could do just because we can. But that doesn’t guarantee the choice will bring us what we want.

It’s best to remember that even though we can do whatever we want, we need to take some time to evaluate the choices we are considering. There are two sides to every coin. It’s wise to look at them both before choosing the side we want. We need to ensure that our decisions are not just what we could do, but also what we should do so we can be successful going forward, and don’t create unnecessary stress.

Today before you jump on a decision just because you can, take a moment to reflect on whether or not it’s a move you should make going forward. You can do anything you want, but it’s wise to make sure your choices bring you happiness, and not hardship. Think about your decisions. Look at both sides of the coin, and then choose. You’ll be wiser if you do, and happier with the results. And happiness is the best thing you can give yourself today.

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The Illusion of Control

6 Jul

We have very little control in our lives. We can’t often control what happens to us, we can’t control what other people do, we can’t control what we get exposed to, and basically all we can really control is our behavior. That’s it. But sometimes we may get confused, and think we have more control than we actually have. We may think we can control situations, or other people. Many of us have had experiences with people who’ve tried to control us. Maybe we’ve been the one who’s tried to control other people, or outcomes. It rarely works, but it’s a pattern for some of us.

As we go through this life we gain experience. That experience teaches us, and often helps us understand things better. Because of our experience, we may think we really know what is best for someone else. We may think we have the answers to a problem they are experiencing. And maybe we do. But whether we have the answers or not, we cannot make anyone do anything. We may offer suggestions, but their decisions are theirs to make. If we start telling people what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, and we are not in authority over them, we fail. We are not in charge of the human race. The human race gets to do whatever it wants to. And even if that turns out to be something we would never do, even if it hurts others, even if it’s the dumbest thing we’ve ever seen – it’s not ours to control.

It’s hard to watch those around us make decisions that hurt them. It’s hard to see them confused, and lost, especially if we think we know how to make things better. What we can do is offer our support, and make suggestions if they are open to them, but then, we must let them make their own choices. We can’t make anyone do things our way, and if we offer advice and they don’t take it, that is their option. A lot of people think they can tell us how to live our lives, even people who don’t really know about our lives. But the control over our lives belongs to us alone. We get to make all the decisions. And the same is true for those around us. They get to make their own decisions. Let them. We can be there if they need us, but they are entitled to make their own choices.

Today if you’re struggling with control issues – either yours or someone in your life – remember that your life is the only one you get to control, but you get to control all of it. If someone is telling you how things should be, listen and take whatever advice from them that helps you, and let the rest go. If you feel the need to tell someone else what they should do, remember their life is theirs to manage. It doesn’t belong to you. Control is an illusion most of the time. Control yourself, your decisions, your behavior, and your attitude. Let the rest go. It’s a lot easier just to carry your own load. Carry that. Let everyone else carry theirs.

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Do it for me?

15 Jun

When our close friends or family ask us for a favor, most of us will likely try to help out. Sometimes they ask for advice, sometimes they need help with a task, and sometimes they may ask us to do something we aren’t comfortable with. We may even be asked to do something dishonest, or not in keeping with our values. Since they know us well, they already know this goes against what we feel is right, but they may ask us anyway. How can we handle that? We value the relationship, and don’t want to cause an issue, but how can we do what we’ve been asked to do if it goes against our personal beliefs?

It’s a difficult situation to be asked to compromise ourselves. We may feel angry that they would do this, and feel upset to be placed in this position. We may be concerned about saying no because we don’t want to negatively impact the relationship. At times like this, we need to stop and think about what is most important to us. Is our relationship more important than our personal beliefs? Is it worth breaking our values to protect it? What will happen if we agree this time? Will they feel comfortable compromising us again in the future? Will this set a precedent? How will we feel about ourselves if we agree to do this?

Relationships are important to us. They connect us to others, and those connections are valuable. But it’s also critical that we make decisions that are most important to us. We have to decide carefully in situations like this, because either way we choose, there will be consequences. If we choose to do as we’ve been asked, we may feel weak, and hypocritical. If we don’t do it, we may hurt the relationship. It can seem like a no win situation. But there are ways to handle it.

If we don’t want to comply with a request, we can explain our reasons carefully, and show that we value the relationship, but state that we want to hold firm to our beliefs and standards. We can express our understanding for the situation, and perhaps offer alternative methods for solving the issue. We can be kind and supportive, and still be firm in our decision to decline the request. If the requester cares for us, and they probably do, they will understand. And they will respect us for holding firm to what we believe in, even though we aren’t doing what they wanted.

Today if someone has asked you to do something that you don’t feel is appropriate for you, make the best decision for going forward. Be open, and honest when responding to them, and show you care but cannot do what they’ve asked. Be confident in your decision. Make the best choice possible so you will be happy with yourself going forward. You are the only one accountable for your choices. Choose wisely.

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Law of the Harvest

21 May

Every spring I pour over seed catalogs, and begin to plan my summer vegetable garden. I plant tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, zucchini, summer squash, watermelons, and the list goes on and on. I have a large garden plot, and find great pleasure in planning, planting, tending, and harvesting it. There is nothing quite like seeing seedlings first pop out of the soil, and watching them grow, knowing that soon all the wonderful things I’ve planted will be on my dinner plate.

When we plant our gardens we buy seeds for the fruits, and vegetables we want to harvest. If we’re planting a flower garden, we find seeds for the colors, and varieties of flowers we want to see growing there. The seed packets are always accurate – it they say the seeds are for summer squash, summer squash is what you’ll get. Never once have I purchased squash seeds and had daisies come up. What the package says, is what you’ll get.

Our lives are like gardens too. Every day we make choices that bring results. And those results are directly tied to the choices we make. For instance, if we are rude, and we sow seeds of disharmony, disharmony is what we’ll reap. If we are kind, and we sow seeds of caring, caring is what comes back. If we are mean, and we sow seeds of pain, in return pain is what we’ll find. The law of the harvest is immutable, and it is inescapable. We simply cannot sow seeds for carrots, and expect to harvest cucumbers. And so it is in our lives. If we want others to be kind to us, we must be kind to them. The harvest will return what we plant.

This principle applies to both our professional, and our personal lives. If we are contentious in our relationships, if we lie, or if we deceive, we will never be trusted, and our relationships will be turbulent. On the other hand, if we value our relationships, treat them with care and respect, they will be fulfilling and pleasurable. If we are lazy at work, if we spend our days wasting time instead of working diligently, we will not earn the respect of others, and we will never be successful. But if we work hard, honor our commitments, and keep our promises, we will be valued, and successful in return.

The law of the harvest applies to every facet of our lives. We understand it when we’re planting our gardens, and it’s important that we understand it in our lives. What we plant, we will surely reap. There is no escape. There is no cheating. There is no excuse. What we plant we will surely reap. Today as you go about your life, remember you are planting seeds. What you get in return depends on the seeds you choose. Be careful. In the end, nobody wants a garden full of weeds.

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