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Tiny Pebbles

28 May

Sometimes when we we’re walking along we may get a small stone in our shoe. We feel it under our foot and it’s aggravating as we walk. While not cripplingly painful, it’s an annoyance that’s uncomfortable. We can stop and remove our shoe and shake it out. After we remove it we can continue on without discomfort. Because the stone is so small if we had to walk with it in our shoe we probably could continue but we would always be aware of its presence. Stopping and removing it is the only way to find relief. Our lives can be like that at times. There may be something bothering us on the periphery that isn’t crippling but is annoying and constant. Perhaps it’s a discussion we need to have with someone else that we’ve put off. Or maybe someone did something that hurt us and we haven’t been able to let it go. There are a million things that could be drifting around in the background that don’t stop us from moving forward, but are bothersome and keep our attention. The only way to remove them is the same as removing the annoying pebble in our shoe. We must stop, address the issue, do what it takes to resolve it, and then move on.

We all have boundaries in our lives and when we clearly define them and understand them we can work around them. But if we let others broach those boundaries in ways that make us uncomfortable and don’t tell them where our lines are, we may be hurt as they stomp all over them. Nobody knows us like we know ourselves. If we don’t communicate what doesn’t work for us, others may make choices that are difficult for us to manage. When that happens if we speak up we have the chance to remove the pebble and move forward. If we are silent, things will remain the same. We are responsible for our own lives. If we don’t like what’s happening, we can speak up.

There may be times when those close to us do things that make us uncomfortable. We can talk to them, explain our discomfort, and ask them to change. But we can only control ourselves and the decisions made by others belong to them. Sometimes even after explaining our feelings people will continue on the same way despite our discomfort. If they are important to us we might just accept that and find a way around the situation because we care about them. Relationships are complicated and sometimes we may choose to go along even when we aren’t happy about the direction. The annoyance will still be there but if we’ve explained our position and asked for what we need, even if things don’t change, we can feel confident that we did all we could. We are responsible for our own happiness and asking for what we want is the best we can do. We won’t always get it but speaking up empowers us to move forward.

Today if you have a situation that’s been bothering you that you haven’t addressed, do what is needed to resolve it. You have all the courage necessary to take care of it. Face whatever is keeping you from being happy and move forward. You deserve to be completely happy. Remove whatever pebble is in your shoe and you’ll find comfort.

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In Control

27 May

Personal independence varies from one individual to another.  Some people are comfortable doing everything on their own and don’t need or want help from anyone else.  Others are more comfortable doing things as a team and depend on any help and assistance they can get.  We all have our own comfort levels and no matter what other people are doing, we define those parameters for ourselves.  We all want to be in control of our lives but what that means differs from person to person.  However, there is a difference between being independent and being selfish.  When we’re selfish we think only of ourselves and our personal needs and wants, disregarding those around us.  Selfishness is rarely a positive trait and often leads to disharmony and conflict.  Where the lines are between being independent and being selfish depends on the influence our decisions have over others.  If we do something that negatively impacts those around us and we have no consideration or concern for them we are being selfish.  We can be independent all we want, but it’s important to remember how our decisions affect others.  If our choices create problems for those around us we may get returns we didn’t count on.

There are a lot of people in all of our lives and our relationships with them have a wide range of expression.  We may be close and share everything with them, or they may be passing acquaintances we rarely see.  Our relationships sometimes define how independent we are in our interactions with them.  If we have a situation where everything we do impacts someone else and our decisions will result in changes not only for us but also for them it’s important to consider the implications before the decisions are made.  Being independent doesn’t give us the right to make decisions that impact others just because we want to do something.

Selfishness is a difficult trait in any relationship.  By its definition it means to think only of oneself and not others.  It’s almost impossible to be selfish and kind at the same time.  Few people want to be around those who make decisions that impact them without caring.  We may get away with it for a while but in the end if we value ourselves over our relationships we may end up alone.  If we think only of our comfort, our choices, our plans, and our way of doing things, it will be impossible to build a healthy connection with anyone else.  Everyone’s views are important and we all have a lot to offer.  If we want to share our world with those around us, we must learn not only to take what we want, but to give something in return.

Today if you’ve made an independent decision that has negatively impacted someone else, revise your plans.  You can do anything you like but if you consider those around you, your life will be happier and things will go more easily.  You are strong and capable.  Everyone has a lot to offer and deserves to be considered.  Be as independent as you like but remember others as you go forward.  When you do you’ll build stronger relationships and connections that will embellish your life.

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Not Possible

26 May

When we want to do something new, especially something that hasn’t been done before, we may hear others tell us it can’t be done. If nobody has yet accomplished what we’ve set our sights on, some may say it isn’t possible. But that isn’t always true. Every day someone does something nobody has ever achieved in the past and although we know that, if we’re trying to do something new, the opinions of those around us may influence us. It would be wonderful if we could get unlimited support for all our ideas, but that doesn’t often happen. There will be some who will agree with our plans and even try to help with them, and others who will tell us we’ll never succeed. Perhaps there is fear for our safety, or fear of the changes the accomplishment could bring. Sometimes people aren’t supportive because they lack the courage to try new things and don’t want others to succeed. But if we want to do something, no matter what that something is, we are certainly capable of doing it. Even if all the winds blow against us, if we are determined to succeed, we can move forward. There really isn’t anything we can’t do if we want to badly enough. It doesn’t matter if it’s never been done before, it doesn’t matter if nobody thinks we can succeed, and it doesn’t matter if we’re the only ones who want to do it. We can do anything we like. We have enough initiative and courage to accomplish anything. All we need is to believe in ourselves.

Sometimes we start something new and unforeseen complications arise that make it hard to move forward. We don’t always know all the details at the beginning and when they appear they can stop us for a time. We may begin to doubt our ability to move forward. We might start to listen when we hear others say it can’t be done, and we might begin to believe it was a bad idea. But we can remember why we wanted to do this, and why it was important to us. If it’s still something we want, we can manage whatever complications arise. It might take longer than we thought it would to get to the goal, and it might be harder than we knew when we started. None of that matters if we really want to succeed. If it takes longer, we can stay on course. If it’s harder, we can get help. There is nothing that can stop us if we want the goal badly enough.

As we push forward, eventually the end will be in sight. Sometimes when we get close to success we feel trepidation. When the goal is near, we may feel unsure we can manage the changes that are coming. After all, we’ve spent all our time pressing forward and really have no idea what things will look like when we get to the end. We may hesitate to take the last few steps. If that happens we can remember why we set the goal to begin with and what we want to gain. We can be confident in our decision to seek it and bravely move forward to success. Change always takes some adjustment, even when the change is positive. We are perfectly capable of managing success and adjusting to whatever changes it brings. We know what we want and we are courageous enough to get it.

Today if there is something you really want to do but others are saying it can’t be done, or that it isn’t possible, trust yourself. You know what you want and you know how to succeed. Set your course and move forward. You are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to. You deserve all the success you are seeking. Keep your eyes focused forward and you’ll get there.

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Burnout

25 May

When we’re committed to a task or something we want to accomplish, we give all we can to the project.  We find time for it and make it a priority.  It becomes important to us and we’re determined to succeed.  But our lives are complex and we always have more than one thing going on.  We can make something a priority but to assume we will give it our complete focus 24 hours a day is unrealistic.  If we attempt to give the goal more energy than is workable we may burnout before we finish.  There are many facets of our lives in play all the time.  Nothing can take 100% of our attention 100% of the time.  It’s just not possible.  To expect that from ourselves or others is not reasonable.  Being committed is important when we want to accomplish something but being realistic in our expectations is important as well.

Burnout is a real possibility when we’re working hard on something.  We can narrow our focus so tightly we forget to do other things that are important.  We may skip meals to save time, forget appointments we need to attend, neglect sleep, and lose track of hours as we push through.  There is nothing wrong with being committed to a project or idea and making it a priority, but determining what is reasonable as we work through it will help us get to the goal more efficiently.  The human mind is a wonderful thing and we are capable of doing almost anything we set our minds to.  However, we must see the entire picture if we want to succeed.  Pushing ourselves beyond our limits generally will not help us achieve the goal faster.  Recognizing what is possible and doing what we can to achieve it is the best we can do.  It’s impossible to give more than we have and we must define where our boundaries lie before we begin.

The expectations of others can bring pressure to perform beyond what is reasonable.  Some will ask for more than is possible perhaps thinking that setting a lofty goal will push us to greater achievement.  When that happens, we may be encouraged to meet timelines that are impossible, or complete tasks that are beyond what can be done.  We may try our best to comply but if the expectation truly can’t be met nothing we do will make it happen.  It can be overwhelming as we try to meet impossible goals.  Despite the demands of others it’s important to understand what is realistic.  If we do our best and the goal is not achieved, we can be confident knowing we did everything possible.  We only fail if we don’t try and we succeed if we do our best, even if the objective isn’t realized.  There is a saying, “Anything is possible,” but that isn’t always true.  Recognizing what is real, what the limitations are, and what is truly possible makes us successful.  And when we do our best we succeed no matter the outcome.

Today if you’ve been trying to do too much and are starting to feel the burn, step back and look at the entire picture.  Determine what can be done and do your best to achieve it.  You can push your limits and still set your goals realistically.  You are capable of accomplishing great things.  Make a workable plan, implement it, and you’ll find success.

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Filters

24 May

Life brings us a lot of different experiences. Some are happy, some sad, things go well and then not so well, disappointments and victories come, and with each experience we learn something more about ourselves, our lives, and those around us. As we change we carry information forward from what we’ve learned. Those lessons help us understand more about who we are and what we want, but they may also color the way we perceive things. For instance, if we have a very bad experience with a dog, we may fear or hate all dogs going forward. Or if something painful happens to us in a specific situation, we may avoid all similar situations in the future. It’s good to learn from our experiences but if they create filters that restrict our lives we may miss out on opportunities available to us. If we learn as we go without fear or avoidance, we will be more successful in living fully and embracing our lives completely. We can’t predict the future but the odds of repeating an exact experience going forward is unlikely. Allowing one bad or uncomfortable situation to color our lives indefinitely may keep us locked down and unable to see everything available to us. We can navigate difficult experiences, learn from them, and then move on. This life is all about change. We don’t have to hold onto anything that holds us back.

Sometimes we have pre-conceived ideas about things based on what we’ve seen in the past or what we’ve been taught. The problem with assuming is that we’re often wrong in the assumption. If we decide something is round because it was round before, and we’ve heard it’s round but never seen it, we may proceed accepting that as truth even if what we’re looking at is a square. Our minds can play tricks on us if we let them and we can be convinced of something that isn’t real because of where we’ve been or what we’ve seen in the past. If we can set our personal experiences aside and look at our situations objectively and openly, we may find that things are completely different than what we first imagined they would be. Learning to see things as they really are will open our lives up to new possibilities for growth and understanding, but we must be willing to see clearly and accept what is real.

It’s wise to protect ourselves from situations we believe will hurt us or make our lives difficult. And there is nothing wrong with pro-actively trying to be in the best place we can. But if we lock the doors around us because we are afraid from a previous experience, or we aren’t sure we can manage whatever is locked behind them, we may be protected from possible pain but we may also prevent possible happiness. If we filter our possibilities because we are unsure or afraid, we also filter any benefits that may come to us. It takes courage to step out of our comfort zones and take a chance, but we have sufficient courage to do anything we want. We are able to make excellent decisions and brave enough to move forward. Life teaches us a lot and we can do everything we need to be successful and happy. There isn’t anything we can’t manage and we can open all the doors in front of us.

Today if you’ve been holding back because of experiences in the past and you aren’t sure about going forward, remember you can do anything. Open all the doors. There is nothing you can’t handle. Be confident. You have everything you need to be successful and happy.

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