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In Control

27 May

Personal independence varies from one individual to another.  Some people are comfortable doing everything on their own and don’t need or want help from anyone else.  Others are more comfortable doing things as a team and depend on any help and assistance they can get.  We all have our own comfort levels and no matter what other people are doing, we define those parameters for ourselves.  We all want to be in control of our lives but what that means differs from person to person.  However, there is a difference between being independent and being selfish.  When we’re selfish we think only of ourselves and our personal needs and wants, disregarding those around us.  Selfishness is rarely a positive trait and often leads to disharmony and conflict.  Where the lines are between being independent and being selfish depends on the influence our decisions have over others.  If we do something that negatively impacts those around us and we have no consideration or concern for them we are being selfish.  We can be independent all we want, but it’s important to remember how our decisions affect others.  If our choices create problems for those around us we may get returns we didn’t count on.

There are a lot of people in all of our lives and our relationships with them have a wide range of expression.  We may be close and share everything with them, or they may be passing acquaintances we rarely see.  Our relationships sometimes define how independent we are in our interactions with them.  If we have a situation where everything we do impacts someone else and our decisions will result in changes not only for us but also for them it’s important to consider the implications before the decisions are made.  Being independent doesn’t give us the right to make decisions that impact others just because we want to do something.

Selfishness is a difficult trait in any relationship.  By its definition it means to think only of oneself and not others.  It’s almost impossible to be selfish and kind at the same time.  Few people want to be around those who make decisions that impact them without caring.  We may get away with it for a while but in the end if we value ourselves over our relationships we may end up alone.  If we think only of our comfort, our choices, our plans, and our way of doing things, it will be impossible to build a healthy connection with anyone else.  Everyone’s views are important and we all have a lot to offer.  If we want to share our world with those around us, we must learn not only to take what we want, but to give something in return.

Today if you’ve made an independent decision that has negatively impacted someone else, revise your plans.  You can do anything you like but if you consider those around you, your life will be happier and things will go more easily.  You are strong and capable.  Everyone has a lot to offer and deserves to be considered.  Be as independent as you like but remember others as you go forward.  When you do you’ll build stronger relationships and connections that will embellish your life.

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