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Walking a Tightrope

24 Nov

Our lives can sometimes get quite complicated. Perhaps our personal relationships are strained and we are unsure of how to go forward. Maybe our jobs have changed and expectations are now higher than we’re comfortable. Or perhaps our financial situation has shifted and made planning more difficult. When we’re in situations that are stressful and precarious, and we’re trying to figure out how to navigate them, it can feel like we’re walking on a tightrope. One quick turn the wrong way and we could fall. It’s unsettling when things aren’t stable or are more difficult than we feel we can tolerate. But tolerate them we must until they change. The wire may wobble as we try to move forward. We may feel unsettled or nervous, but with patience and care we can keep our balance, even if the ground is far below us. Instead of looking down and imagining the fall, we can keep our eyes trained ahead and take a step forward.

When we’re struggling to find our footing, it’s helpful to take things more slowly. If we take a little more time with our decisions and think about them a bit longer, we may be more successful. Running full speed is great when we’re on firm soil, but when we’re suspended in doubt and uncertainty, it’s helpful to go a little slower. Unless we’re facing a deadline of some sort, we may take as much time as we need to figure things out. The important thing isn’t how fast we find the answers, but to reach the right ones so we can gain a firmer foundation. Before we take a step in any direction we need to be sure there is enough rope to hold us. If there is, we can move forward. If not, we need to ponder the situation a little longer and find the answer that works. We can make excellent decisions if we give ourselves the time and consideration we need.

In order to move ahead when we’re in precarious situations it’s important to focus on the end goal. We need to visualize where we want to go and see it clearly in front of us. It’s impossible to navigate difficult situations effectively if we have no idea where we want to end up. Once we have our direction, we can plan our steps going forward. We may stumble, the ground might shake, and the wire may twist a little, but if we focus we can regain our balance and begin again. Slowly moving forward we can hang on through the fog and find our way. There isn’t anything we can’t figure out. Step by step, watching carefully, we can navigate even the most difficult of challenges and succeed.

Today if you’re in a complicated situation and you feel unsure, take your time. Stop for a moment to regroup and see where you need to go. Let yourself have time to think and you’ll find your way. There isn’t anything you can’t conquer. There is nothing you can’t do. See the destination before you and begin going forward. You’ll reach it at the right time and everything will be strong again.

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Into the Wind

31 Jul

As we go through our lives, there will be times of difficulty and hardship. Times when we feel unsettled and unsure, and times when going forward is difficult. This may be a reflection of changes in our lives over which we have no control. Perhaps a loved one passes away, maybe a relationship has ended, or we’ve had to face a disaster of some sort. Sometimes they come because we’ve changed. The person we were has grown, and now the things we were so sure of aren’t as clear as before. Difficult times come to all of us, and when they do, they are hard to face. But they are also opportunities for growth.

When heavy winds are blowing on us, it’s tempting to turn around, and try to move forward against them with our backs turned.  It’s tempting to look away and try to distract ourselves from the onslaught.  But we can’t find our way walking backwards. We have to turn around, put our faces into the wind, and push forward despite the discomfort.   As we push ahead, we have to look inside ourselves to find the strength and direction we need. We can ask for advice from others, seek counseling if needed, and we can turn to a higher power for guidance. We can get all kinds of support, but in the end, the way forward is determined by us. We are the only ones who can navigate our trials, and the only ones who can decide which way forward is right for us.

When we’re facing difficulties, there is often confusion, and disharmony, but there is also the prospect of a new beginning. Beginnings can be scary when we aren’t sure where they’ll lead, but they can also be exciting. When we begin on a new road the scenery is foreign, the path is uncertain, and because we haven’t been there before, getting lost is a possibility. But if we keep our eyes focused ahead, take each turn as it comes, and look forward with confidence, we will find our way. It takes courage to move through difficult passages, but we have all the courage we need to get through them. We must believe in ourselves, and remember how strong we really are.

Today if you’re going through a difficult time, if there’s a lot to adjust to, and you aren’t sure which way is right, have faith. This is just a passage, and although it’s rocky now, it may lead to the best time of your life. Be courageous. You have all you need to weather the storm. You are strong, and you will find your way. Beginnings are the best time for change. Embrace that. There is a rainbow just behind the clouds.

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The Trust Conundrum

23 Jun

One of the most painful things we can experience is betrayal. A friend turns against us, a co-worker steals our idea, a lover cheats, a family member lies to us, and the list goes on. There are unlimited ways to be betrayed, and each one is extraordinarily painful. It knocks the wind out of us. Our first response is often disbelief. We can’t believe someone we trusted could do this to us. But we can’t control what others do, and sometimes because of their choices, we may face this very difficult experience. It’s horrible whenever it happens, and it certainly changes the dynamic of the relationship involved.

Being betrayed by someone we’ve trusted can feel devastating. We may second guess ourselves. We may ask, “How could we have trusted them?” or, “How did we not see this coming?” A thousand doubts may fill our minds. But we need to remember that betrayal belongs to those who betray – not to those who trust. It is noble to trust others. It builds relationships, and bridges to those around us when we allow ourselves to trust them. If that trust is broken, it will hurt us, but we are not wrong because we trusted them. The one who betrays us is wrong for breaking that trust.

When this happens to us, we may decide not to trust anybody. Nobody. We may decide not to believe what other people say, and not to rely on anyone. We may become suspicious of everyone, and everything. But trust is the basis for friendship, and every other relationship we have. It’s counter productive to decide to never trust others. If we want interpersonal relationships with anyone, we need to trust them. We need to believe them, and that means we have to be willing to take the risk that they will betray us. Without relationships we miss an important part of being human. So we need to trust, despite the possibility that we will be hurt. Not everyone will betray us, and it’s generally worth the risk. We need to be brave enough to do it.

Today if you feel betrayed by someone you’ve trusted, it will hurt, but try to remember that your trust did not cause this. Sometimes those we’ve entrusted make decisions that hurt us. It’s not a reflection on you. If you’re suffering through a betrayal, remember that. This won’t last forever. You were noble to trust them, and you will move forward. Keep your standards, and do your best. You know more about the person who hurt you now. You’ll be more careful with them going forward. Keep going forward. Walk right on through this. You’ll be wiser because of this, and wisdom is a wonderful attribute.

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What do you want?

3 Jun

When we are children, we do what our parents want us to do. They teach us, and guide us as best they can. When we’re older and we’re off to college or jobs, we do what our professors or bosses want us to do. We do our assignments to get the grades we want, or we follow the company rules so we can fit in and keep our jobs. We learn that in order to succeed we need to become compliant, and cooperative, and we do what we’re told. As we mature we begin to understand that although we comply to certain things, we are the ones who really control our lives. Our parents do their part, our professors and bosses do their parts, but in the end our decisions are ultimately ours to make.

There will always be people with opinions about how we should live our lives. They will often give us advice even if we don’t ask for it. And their opinions are important – to them. But they need not be the guiding force for us. We are the only ones actually living our lives, so it follows that we should be the only ones making decisions about them. Sure, we can ask for and take good advice when we want to. Sure we can listen when others tell us what they think. But in the end, we own the decisions we make. And the irony is, we own our decisions even if we don’t do what we want to, but choose to do what others tell us to do. It’s still on us.

It is neither appropriate nor truthful to tell someone they made us do something, unless of course, a gun was involved. Since that doesn’t usually happen, if we choose to do what someone else has decided for us, it’s our decision. If we choose not to do what they suggest, it’s our decision. And so, there is no way to excuse a bad decision by blaming others. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and sometimes we can make bad decisions because we weren’t given all the facts, or someone lied. But in most cases, when we make bad decisions, we have to own them. And the good news is when we make good decisions, we own them too.

If we choose what’s right for us, we will find happiness. If we choose what’s wrong for us, we may find despair. Either way, we get to pick. The most important thing when making a decision is to decide what we really want. What do we want to do? Not what do we think we should do, or what would be easiest to do, but what do we want to do? That sounds simple but it’s surprising how difficult it can be sometimes. If we want to make good decisions, we must determine what it is we want first.

Today if you’re struggling with a decision, first decide what you want most. What do you want from this decision? How do you want things to look on the other side? Once you determine that, it will be easier to understand. Keep it simple. Look at it objectively. Be bold. Make a decision and go forward. You probably already know what you want to do. Now go do it.

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Refining

19 May

Trouble. It comes to all of us. Just when things are sailing along, bang, a wrench in the plans. It’s often unexpected, usually annoying, and sometimes devastating. None of us wants to deal with trouble in our lives. Problems are something we’d rather never have, but this is life. This isn’t paradise. And so, we have problems. Things go wrong. People let us down. Situations change. Promises get broken.

It’s easy to feel frustrated when our plans have gone awry, and we can be angry when there are disappointing changes. We can have all the pity parties we want, but in the end we have to face the new circumstance, whatever that is. If we are hurt, we may spend time wondering why this happened. Why us? Why now? Those are good questions, but they don’t help us deal with where we are. We have to re-group, re-plan, recover, and go on.

When metal is being refined, it is placed in very hot ovens. The fire has to be hot enough to melt the metal, and separate all the impurities from it. As the impure contents pour off, what is left is the refined, pure ore. It takes time, and a lot of heat for this process to work. But if we want pure gold or silver, we have to burn off the other elements that are undesirable.

We are the same way. We are not perfect. We have things in our personalities that need to change. We have imperfections we need to eliminate. Problems and troubles challenge us. They give us an opportunity to experience the heat of discord, the fire of turbulence, and the clarifying process of coping. If we can think of our trials as opportunities to burn off the chaff, opportunities to refine ourselves, we will be able to handle them more easily.

Today, if things go wrong, a little or a lot, try to remember that whatever has happened can work in your favor. You can refine yourself by being put to the test. You can become purer by experiencing a little heat. Think about that before you fall into despair. This is your chance to become clearer, nobler, stronger and more courageous. Let the fire burn, let the problems come, let things get hot, and know that you can handle it. You have everything you need to handle it. You can take this. There is nothing you can’t manage. Remember that today. There is refinement in the fire.

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