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Your Favorite

6 Sep

Recently I was talking to a friend whom I really admire. She said she had been discussing what her favorite bad feeling was with an associate. She explained that our favorite bad feeling is what we most often turn to when we’re feeling low. For her it was discouragement. She told me that when things go wrong, she always feels discouraged. It’s like a reflex for her, and now that she’s defined it, she’s working on changing it. She asked me what my favorite bad feeling was and I wasn’t sure how to answer. After thinking about it, I realized that I also go to one specific feeling when things go wrong. It was interesting to think about and now that I understand it, I’m working on making it a more positive reflex.

Determining what our favorite bad feeling is will help us discover more about ourselves. If we can identify where we go when we feel bad, if it’s negative we may change how we process disappointment, and turn to something more positive. For instance, if, like my friend, we automatically go to discouragement we can try to recognize when that’s happening, and think about something different. Maybe instead we could think about what we’re learning, or about what the next step to move forward would be. Or if we turn to fear when things go wrong, perhaps we could instead recognize that we are strong enough to face the disappointment, and brave enough to go through it. Understanding what we’re doing that’s sabotaging us is the first step.

Our personal patterns are changeable. None of us is made of stone. We are flexible and able to learn. But our personal patterns are strong, so it takes time and effort if we really want to change them. If we find we’re doing things that hold us back, that hurt us, or that make us feel inadequate, we can change them. But first we have to identify them. If we take the time, and pay attention, we can accomplish it. And then we can begin the journey to let go of what we don’t want, and replace it with something that makes us feel strong and capable.

Today if things aren’t going well, and you’re disappointed, pay attention to how you feel. Think about when you’ve faced difficult times in your life and see if you can identify where your feelings generally go. If it’s a negative reaction, think about how you could change it. You are perfectly capable of changing anything you like. You are both strong and flexible. Determine what’s best for you and do what you need to make sure you get it. Nobody deserves the very best more than you. You’re worth it all.

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Worth It

30 Aug

When we’re making decisions about what we want to do, it’s important to remember that everything we do creates a reaction of some sort. There is no free space for decisions. They always affect something – our lives, other people’s lives, our freedom, our finances, and a dozen other possibilities. Some decisions are trivial, like what we’ll have for lunch today, but even that will have a result. If it’s a good lunch for us, we may feel satisfied and happy afterward. If not, we may have another response. For the important decisions, for the heavy matters that weigh on us, it’s very important to consider not just which way to go, but what the ramifications of those decisions may be. Some responses may be predictable, and some may be surprises that come unexpectedly.

We make so many decisions in our lives that we take the process for granted. We look at a situation and pick the answer that looks best, or easiest, or quickest. Sometimes it’s a good decision and things go well, but sometimes there are complications we may not have considered. We can’t know the future so taking a moment to ponder where our decisions might take us is helpful. Our perspective is ours alone and nobody will share it completely. Nobody knows what we need better than we do, but even then we sometimes make mistakes. So, it’s important to think about our decisions before we make them – even the small ones.

If we’re in a relationship with someone and decide things have gotten too intense, we may decide to back up for a time. We don’t want to end the relationship but we want a little space. Explaining that to the other party may be difficult but if we need the time, it should be addressed. The question is, what will be the cost of stepping back? If we are dating the other person and we take some time away, they may find someone else to spend their time with. Are we willing to accept that? If we are in a friendship that has gotten too intense and we want to take a break, if the other person is offended by the request we may not be able to re-establish things afterward. Can we live with that? Everything we do will bring some sort of reaction. It’s important to think about what that may be before we go storming forward.

Today as you make your decisions, take a moment before you decide and think about what the results may be. Let your mind go wide and consider all the possibilities. Nobody can read the future and it’s wise to ponder what could happen before we choose. If the decision is worth whatever may come, go forward. You are capable of making good, wise choices, and only you can determine what’s best for you.

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Inspire Me

8 Aug

One time I went to a job interview for a job I really thought I wanted. When I got there, the CEO of the company met with me and talked to me about his organization. When he finished, he looked me in the eye, and said, “Inspire me.” I was dumbfounded. Inspire him? I didn’t even know him. I had no idea what he was expecting so I began talking about what I thought I could bring to the company, and tried to be as confident as possible. When I was done, he smiled, and said, “Thank you for coming in,” and that was it. I left feeling completely confused and lost. I had not been prepared for the interview as it was, and knew I hadn’t gotten the job. And I was right.

Inspiration is an intangible, undefinable entity. It means different things to different people. What inspires me may leave you yawning and looking at the clock. What inspires you may confound me. It’s very personal and individual. There are all kinds of inspiration. Sometimes it comes to us as a prompting – an idea that rolls around in our heads suggesting something we should do. When we pay attention to it, it may lead us where we want to go. We may feel inspired to do small things, like call a friend, or look for something we’ve lost in a specific place. And sometimes when we listen and follow through we find that the friend we called needed someone to talk to just then, or the missing item was exactly where we were inspired to look. We’ve all experienced moments where inspiration has guided us. It’s a special feeling we get, perhaps a feeling of confident understanding when there is nothing to support it.

There may have been times in your life when, for no reason you can identify, you felt you had to do something. Upon doing the task, you discovered it gave you something you were seeking, or took you somewhere you needed to go. Personal inspiration comes from deep inside us. Some people think it comes from a higher power. Some people think it comes from repressed memory or thought. It doesn’t matter where it comes from. The important thing is to listen when we feel it. There is a reason the suggestion has come to us. If we listen to it, and act on it, there may be something positive waiting for us.

Today if you feel inspired to do something you hadn’t planned, do it. Take a chance. There’s a reason you’re feeling directed this way. Find out what the reason is. You are intelligent, and you may be wise. If you follow the quiet promptings you get, you may find satisfaction and surprise. This life is a wonderful experiment. Do everything you feel inspired to do. Live to the fullest. When you look back you won’t have any regrets.

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My Hero

4 Jul

When we’re young, we are often fascinated by comic book heroes. They have magical, impressive powers, and we love the way they always save the day. There is no end to their bravery, and they always, always do the right thing. As we get older, we may lose our fascination with the comic book hero, but we still want heroes in our lives. We admire people who are brave, who stand up for what’s right in the face of danger, and who risk themselves to protect others. Those qualities are so impressive, and when we see them, it reminds us that we can be heroes even if we aren’t Superman, or Spiderman, or any of the others we used to read about.

We can all be heroes in our lives. We can make choices every day to stand up for what we believe is right. We don’t have to leap tall buildings, or be faster than a speeding bullet. Sometimes all we have to do is speak up when someone is being hurt. Sometimes all we have to do is say no when we’re asked to do something we feel is wrong. And sometimes, we may get the opportunity to do something really impressive – save a life, stop an injustice, or protect someone we love. But those extreme opportunities don’t come along often, so the small decisions we make every day prove who we are.

There have been people in all of our lives who have impressed us. They’ve done things that were noble and inspired, and things that were heroic. I have a friend who works a full time job but finds time every week to volunteer to help the poor and needy. He gives his time at the local food bank, and he and his family regularly help out at the local shelters. No matter how busy he is, he makes the time to help others. He’s a hero to those he helps, and an inspiration to everyone. I have another friend who struggles with a learning problem. It’s hard for her to communicate, it’s hard for her to read, and it’s hard for her to understand complex ideas. But she is always cheerful, always helpful, and always sets an amazing example. She’s loved by everyone who knows her.

In this day and age, where everything is blown out of proportion, where we’re often expected to be perfect, we can feel like our lives are small, and don’t really count. But when we stand up for what’s right, we are noble. When we defend the downtrodden, we are courageous. When we push forward, despite heavy obstacles, we are brave. All of these characteristics make us heroes. We are heroic because we choose what’s best.

Today if you think your life is small, if you think your contributions are minimal, stop, and think again. Think about the times you’ve spoken out for what was right, and helped those around you. You are more courageous than you think you are. You have goodness in you, and when you choose to show it to others, you are a hero. Be the very best you can be. Be an example for the world. You have that in you. Let it shine.

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Refining

19 May

Trouble. It comes to all of us. Just when things are sailing along, bang, a wrench in the plans. It’s often unexpected, usually annoying, and sometimes devastating. None of us wants to deal with trouble in our lives. Problems are something we’d rather never have, but this is life. This isn’t paradise. And so, we have problems. Things go wrong. People let us down. Situations change. Promises get broken.

It’s easy to feel frustrated when our plans have gone awry, and we can be angry when there are disappointing changes. We can have all the pity parties we want, but in the end we have to face the new circumstance, whatever that is. If we are hurt, we may spend time wondering why this happened. Why us? Why now? Those are good questions, but they don’t help us deal with where we are. We have to re-group, re-plan, recover, and go on.

When metal is being refined, it is placed in very hot ovens. The fire has to be hot enough to melt the metal, and separate all the impurities from it. As the impure contents pour off, what is left is the refined, pure ore. It takes time, and a lot of heat for this process to work. But if we want pure gold or silver, we have to burn off the other elements that are undesirable.

We are the same way. We are not perfect. We have things in our personalities that need to change. We have imperfections we need to eliminate. Problems and troubles challenge us. They give us an opportunity to experience the heat of discord, the fire of turbulence, and the clarifying process of coping. If we can think of our trials as opportunities to burn off the chaff, opportunities to refine ourselves, we will be able to handle them more easily.

Today, if things go wrong, a little or a lot, try to remember that whatever has happened can work in your favor. You can refine yourself by being put to the test. You can become purer by experiencing a little heat. Think about that before you fall into despair. This is your chance to become clearer, nobler, stronger and more courageous. Let the fire burn, let the problems come, let things get hot, and know that you can handle it. You have everything you need to handle it. You can take this. There is nothing you can’t manage. Remember that today. There is refinement in the fire.

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