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Smoke and Mirrors

27 Jan

It would be wonderful if everyone was honest with us and told us the truth. But there are all kinds of people in the world and sometimes that doesn’t happen.  Most people are honest most of the time, and try to choose the best path going forward. But there are some who aren’t, who don’t see any reason not to lie, and will do whatever it takes to get what they want. We can try to avoid people like that and sometimes we can, but unfortunately they look just like everyone else and sometimes we get tangled up in them before we know what’s happened. Trusting others is a noble trait and until someone gives us a reason not to trust them, it’s good to give them the benefit of the doubt. The catch is when we trust them at the beginning, if they aren’t worthy of that trust, we don’t find out until the end. And then it’s too late and we’ve already been deceived.

It’s like a game of smoke and mirrors. In a very smoky place, it’s hard to see and discern details. We can make out large forms but have to be careful where we step because we can’t see what’s in front of us. Things may appear to be one thing but upon closer inspection are something entirely different.  And we all know how mirrors may distort our vision. The best magicians in the world use them in their most amazing tricks because of their ability to bend what we see and how we see it. People who lie are like that. Some can look us in the eye and tell us something completely untrue, insisting it’s fact. Or they may convincingly make promises they have no intention of fulfilling. If what we’re being told is something we really want, or the person telling us the story is someone we love, we may believe them. As time passes and the promises don’t become reality we may question them, and try to find the truth. But if they are intent on keeping the lie, they may talk in circles and spin stories that sound reasonable to keep us on the hook. It’s confusing trying to find our way between what we’re being told and what is really happening. No matter what we ask them, if they are determined to keep the lie going, they will find an answer to keep us locked in.

Human beings are very perceptive by nature. We can discern what is real and what is false. If we get emotionally caught up in a lie, it may take us a little time, but eventually we’ll figure it out. And when we do, we must determine how to go forward. If the liar is someone very close to us who we really want to trust, even though we’re sure they aren’t being truthful, we may stay in the game. Emotional attachments can be very strong and hold us even when we know we need to let go. But we are important and deserve to be treated with complete honesty. If we remember that, we will find the right way forward. Dishonesty never brings lasting happiness. It can never make us noble or honorable. We may find immediate gratification by lying, but it will always bring us sorrow in the end. If we want real, lasting happiness, we must choose the higher road and be truthful in all things.

Today if you’ve discovered you’ve been lied to, think about your way forward. If you are the one deceiving others to get something you want, stop. You may get to your goal, but in the end it will cost the trust and respect of those you care for. Honesty is a noble choice. Strive to be your very best today, and require honesty from those near you. You are worth more than you can imagine and you deserve complete honesty in everything. Strive for that and demand it in return.

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Setting the Standard

22 Jan

Opinions and interpretations are as unique as each of us. Nobody is completely like anyone else and that’s reflected in how we perceive things and make our personal judgments. We each determine what we want, how we want to be, and where our lives will go. And we decide what standards we’ll hold as we move along. What is acceptable to one person may be objectionable to another. What is immoral to one may be common place to another. There is a wide variety of impressions and interpretations. What we determine is right for our lives is what we may hold fast to. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing or what is common. If it doesn’t fit with what we want to embrace, we need not accept it. Sometimes this causes friction but if we’re open and honest in sharing who we are and what we want, others will respect us, even if they disagree.

Those close to us may try to convince us to do things their way. People are generally most comfortable being around others who are like them. When we differ or choose a different path, it may be difficult for others to understand our choices and accept them. Trying to convince us to be more like them sometimes seems to be a way to make things easier by eliminating the differences. But differences are important. We need to be who we genuinely are, and we are entitled to embrace that. We need not succumb to pressure and try to fit in. We may set our own standards and hold onto them. In time, those who care about us will understand how important our choices are to us, and will eventually accept us as we are. In the meantime, we can be polite and choose our own path.

Conformity is a vehicle that on the outside seems to bring peace. If everyone is reading from the same book and on the same page, we all know what to expect. But conformity comes with a price. If we conform to ideals and choices that aren’t what we really want, we lose part of our individuality and uniqueness. If we were all the same the world would be very predictable, maybe even peaceful, but quite boring. We need all the colors of the rainbow to make the painting complete. We need to hear all the voices, and be true to who we really are. We deserve to make our own choices and whatever we choose will be exactly right for us. Our lives are ours to live as we see fit. We can make any choices we want and we can design them exactly the way we want them. If they don’t fit the norm, we will be the spice that brings the flavor. If we don’t look like everyone else, we’ll be the accent that brings the pop of color. We know what we want, and we can be anything we want to be. We don’t have to bow to convention, we don’t have to follow along, and we don’t have to stay in line. We can bring our own influence and embellish life by being exactly who we are.

Today if you’re feeling pressure to conform, if you feel like the odd duck because you don’t look like or act like those around you, embrace your uniqueness. You get to set your own standards for your life and you will do it perfectly. You are a great blessing to the world. Be yourself.  Show us all how wonderful you really are.

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Seeking Greatness

29 Dec

We can be any kind of people we choose to be. It doesn’t matter what circumstance we are born into, whether wealthy or poor, we can decide what kind of person we want to be. We can be lazy and do the least amount necessary to get through our days, we can be industrious and try hard to excel, or we may land somewhere in the middle. When it comes to our personal choices we are in charge. In most situations, the old adage that someone else made us do something isn’t real. Influences are all around us and if we choose to fall prey to them instead of choosing what we know is best for us, we are responsible for that decision. If we want to be great, noble people, we can be. We can change lives by setting a good example, and we can change our world by choosing what is right.

The question of right or wrong always comes into play when we think about our choices. How we define those two parameters will determine how we go forward. For some of us, lying and cheating are an acceptable means to an end. But if we want to be great, honesty must be adhered to no matter what. There is no such thing as being too honest. Honesty is an all or nothing deal. We either are or we aren’t honest. If we think it’s a part-time situation, and we are only honest when it benefits us, we are actually dishonest in every way. The values we determine to live by and the standards we set for our lives determine the type of people we become. And who we are is reflected in what we do. It doesn’t matter what we say we’ll do or who we say we are. The truth is who we are is what we actually do. Living our lives means just that – living them. How we choose to do that determines what kind of character we become.

It’s never too late to change our course if we feel we’re on the wrong road, or headed down a path that will not take us where we most want to go. We can stop at any time and reset our direction. If we’ve become affiliated with others who are making choices we don’t want to make, we can distance ourselves from them. If we’ve done things we now regret, we can begin to do what is needed to repair the situation. There is nothing permanent in this life. Everything is fluid and ever changing. We will rarely be in a situation that is cast in stone and unchangeable. But changing it requires that we change first. If we take a good look at our lives and our decisions, we can decide how to go forward. Sometimes we need only make small adjustments, and sometimes we have to change many things, but we are capable of doing whatever is needed. We can be more than just good people. We can be great people by making strong, noble decisions and choosing the right in every instance every day. It takes practice but if we are diligent, we can become the very best versions of ourselves as possible. And that is what will change the world for the better. We have a lot of power to lead the way, and we can share it with those around us.

Today if you don’t feel you’ve been doing your best and you want to be great, start by making better decisions. Think clearly about where you want to be and then choose the paths that will take you there. There is greatness in you. Re-chart your course and show everyone the very best you have. You have the power to be an amazing influence for good. Use that power today and change the world for the better.

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Lies, Lies, and More Lies

19 Nov

We can say anything we want about anyone or any situation. We can make up stories about our lives, our successes, our families, our history, or anything else we want to. We can tell people we care about them when we don’t, tell others we’ll call them when we have no intention of doing so, or anything else that pops into mind. There is no truth police except our own conscience and if we ignore that and don’t care about ethics or morality, we can create any sort of life we want to by lying. Some people think there are degrees of lying and it’s okay to tell them if they don’t mean much or don’t hurt others. For instance, if we get invited to a party and don’t want to attend, we could say we have another commitment, even if we don’t. Then we don’t have to go to the party, and the host isn’t hurt because we made up a plausible excuse. Some call those “white lies.” But whatever color we call it, it’s still a lie. And once we’re caught in one, which will inevitably happen, we lose the trust of those around us. Nobody can believe a liar. Nobody will even try.

Instead of telling lies outright, we can do it in obscure and ambiguous ways. We could create confusion and misdirection to mask what is really going on. Although we aren’t outright lying to the other party, we are doing things to keep the truth from them. What about when we tell lies to protect others? If we care about someone but know we can’t commit to the serious relationship they want, we could lead them on and hope that eventually they’ll figure things out on their own. That way we don’t have to tell the painful truth, and they’ll be happy at least for a while. We aren’t really lying with words, but we’re deceiving them just the same. Whether we speak them or live them, lies damage our credibility and our self respect. And will eventually damage our relationships with others.

Is it imperative to be honest in all things? Are there exceptions to the rule? We all have to make personal judgment calls in every decision. But telling lies and living dishonestly complicates our lives. We must remember exactly what we’ve said, who we’ve told, and what we’ve done. Since it’s all fiction, we have to keep our stories straight, which can take a lot of energy and planning if we’ve been lying for a while. It’s far easier and simpler in the long run to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Even if we’ve done something embarrassing or hurtful, it’s best to own up to it and face the music. No dance lasts forever, and no matter what we’ve done we will move through it. Determining to be honest in every interaction will free us from guilt and shame, and the difficulty of untangling lies. People will respect our honesty, honor our integrity, and trust us implicitly. And having the trust of others is a great blessing.

Today if you’ve gotten tangled up in a dishonest situation, you can straighten things out by telling the truth. No matter what has happened already, clear the way by being completely honest going forward. Those around you will learn they can trust you and be glad to interact with you. You are worth more than you can imagine. Honor your value by being as honest as possible. Let others believe you, and depend on you, and be the gift you were designed to be.

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Unbelievable

26 Oct

When we make plans with others and decide to meet somewhere, we expect them to show up.  When we work on a project and someone commits to doing something, we expect them to follow through.  We plan our lives around our commitments and the promises of others.  But sometimes things don’t go the way we plan.  Unfortunately, sometimes people don’t keep their word, their promise, or their commitment to do something or be somewhere.  If it’s inconsequential and doesn’t impact our lives very much, we may overlook it.  But if they continually fail to follow through, we learn we can’t believe them.  If we can’t trust them to keep their word we may decide not to be in a position where we have to rely on them.  Being unbelievable is detrimental to our progress.  If we let that happen, we’ll lose the trust of those around us, and trust once lost, is difficult to rebuild.

We always have the option of saying no when we’re asked to do something.  If we don’t think we can follow through, instead of saying we will, we should decline.  Even if the other person is insistent, if we aren’t sure we can do it, we should not commit.  It’s far better to be truthful about our circumstances than to agree to something we’re doubtful we can fulfill.  If we say we’ll do something, it needs to happen.  If we say we’ll be somewhere, we need to show.  Of course, sometimes complications arise and we aren’t able to follow through, but that shouldn’t happen continually.  If we drop the ball again and again, and fail to keep our word, and are not believable, people will learn not to ask us to join in.  In the long run we may lose valuable opportunities.

People can change and we can restore our credibility if we’ve lost it, but it will take time and unrelenting diligence.  We must commit to following through on our word no matter what.  We have to show up without exception, always do what we said we would, and never break our word going forward.  When we first decide to change our course and become reliable, those who’ve dealt with us in the past may not believe us.  It takes time to restore trust that’s been broken and it takes time to change our image.  But if it’s important to us, if we want to be trustworthy and believable, we can do it.  Each time we keep our word we’ll get closer to where we want to be.  If we are careful and follow through every time, eventually we’ll restore our image, and people will believe we are trustworthy.  We will become believable and reliable.

Today if you realize you’ve broken promises and neglected to follow through on your word in the past, but now want to change your behavior, commit to doing whatever it takes to correct your course.  Do everything needed to keep your promises, and be where you agreed to be or do what you said you’d do.  Make sure you don’t commit to anything you aren’t sure you can accomplish, and then keep every commitment.  You know what needs to be done.  Turn the tide in your favor today and keep it flowing your way.  Others want to trust you.  Give them a good reason to do it.

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