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How We Get There

12 Jul

As we go through our lives we make millions of decisions and choose which way we want to go. We have goals we want to achieve and destinations to find. There are countless ways to get anywhere we want to go and do the things we want to do. We can take a paved road that has been traveled many times, we can choose our own road, or we can create a combination of the two. We can be honest as we move along or we can choose to break every rule in order to get to the end. It’s all up to us. But the choices we make along the way matter. It matters how we get there. Every choice changes us in some way. If we continually choose with honesty and integrity, those attributes will be reflected in our personalities. Conversely, if we choose to storm through, with no thought to whom we hurt along the way and only see ourselves, that too will be reflected in who we are. Every step we take changes us in some way. It’s important to make sure the steps we choose reflect who we most want to be.

Sometimes if we want something very badly we might decide to compromise our values in order to move forward. We might cheat a little, or manipulate the situation by saying things that aren’t completely true, or we might cut a corner that leaves someone out. It’s possible those tactics may move us forward more quickly but the cost will be high. Cheating may bring us a desired result but it won’t be because we earned it. Dishonesty may help us skip a few steps but the lies will follow us for the rest of our lives. And sometimes the person we push out of the way in our effort to move forward may be the only one who can open the door when we arrive at the destination. Compromising our values to achieve any goal will hurt us in the end. We know what’s best for us and there is no goal or destination worth deserting who we are to get to it.

We can choose our own paths and don’t have to take roads that have been designed by others. We don’t have to follow the norm just because it’s the way things have been done. We can create a new road and go our own way. There may be some who will tell us it can’t be done, or others who protest because what we’re doing doesn’t match their paradigm for how things should work, but we can still do it our way. Nobody knows what works for us better than we do. We can find our own way, even in the dark if we have to. We can design a new road, and still get to the goal. If we want to follow the proven path we can. But we have everything we need to create a new road. We can succeed at anything we choose. We can find our way to any destination and we can do it honestly and with grace never forgetting who we are.

Today if you’ve been trying to get to a goal but the paved road isn’t working for you, start a new path. Be honest and clear in your dealings and make every turn authentically yours. You have everything you need to succeed. Choose a road that reflects who you are. Make the journey valiant. The goal is worth your best efforts. Give your very best and you’ll get to the end with honor.

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Not There

20 Jun

When we look at our lives and who we are it’s easy to compare ourselves against others and expectations we haven’t yet achieved.  We can believe we’re not smart enough, not rich enough, and not successful enough, not wise enough and a thousand other things.  Maybe our careers haven’t gone quite the way we thought they would or we haven’t moved as far down the road as we hoped.  Perhaps choices we made didn’t turn out exactly the way we planned or maybe we’ve gotten stuck.  If we focus on all the things we haven’t yet done and all the achievements we haven’t yet conquered we may lose sight of everything we’ve already accomplished.  No matter where we are right now we’re further down the road than we were before.  We’ve achieved a lot already and there is no end to the road.  It will always be a journey and we will always be pushing forward through it.  Success with one goal leads to setting the next one.  It’s important to honor what we’ve learned so far and celebrate our lives where we are right now.  Perhaps we aren’t quite there yet, where we want to be, but we’re on our way.
As we continue striving we can cherish the growth we’ve already achieved.

Comparing ourselves to others is a risky game.  There will always be those who have accomplished more than we have, who are more secure, thinner, wealthier, more successful and all the rest.  Their experiences are unique to them and there is no way to compare what we’re living to the choices and opportunities they have.  We have no idea what they’ve been through or how they got to where they are.  We only see what is on the outside and visible, and there is no way to gauge if their situation really is better than ours or not.  It may look better but looks are often deceiving.  It’s fine to admire what someone else has done, and if it’s something we want to do we can hope and work for the same thing.  But comparing ourselves and our achievements against theirs won’t help us get to where we want to be.

While we’re working on a goal and we’re focused on achieving it complications will probably arise and we may be daunted as we try to move forward.  When that happens, we may forget all the wonderful things we’ve already accomplished.  Although it’s good to push ourselves, we can acknowledge that we have done amazing things already.  We are already accomplished in so many ways.  As we push forward we can remember how much we’ve already achieved and how far we’ve already traveled.  We are worth so much just as we are.  We are a gift to the world and those around us.  As we strive to be more, do more, gain more, and find more, we can remember we already are more and find the confidence to continue forward.

Today if you feel you haven’t done enough and see all the things you aren’t that you want to be and haven’t yet achieved, remember all the things you’ve already accomplished.  You have come so far already.  You have so much to offer and your gift to the world is priceless.  Keep pushing forward but don’t forget how wonderful you are today.

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In Control

27 May

Personal independence varies from one individual to another.  Some people are comfortable doing everything on their own and don’t need or want help from anyone else.  Others are more comfortable doing things as a team and depend on any help and assistance they can get.  We all have our own comfort levels and no matter what other people are doing, we define those parameters for ourselves.  We all want to be in control of our lives but what that means differs from person to person.  However, there is a difference between being independent and being selfish.  When we’re selfish we think only of ourselves and our personal needs and wants, disregarding those around us.  Selfishness is rarely a positive trait and often leads to disharmony and conflict.  Where the lines are between being independent and being selfish depends on the influence our decisions have over others.  If we do something that negatively impacts those around us and we have no consideration or concern for them we are being selfish.  We can be independent all we want, but it’s important to remember how our decisions affect others.  If our choices create problems for those around us we may get returns we didn’t count on.

There are a lot of people in all of our lives and our relationships with them have a wide range of expression.  We may be close and share everything with them, or they may be passing acquaintances we rarely see.  Our relationships sometimes define how independent we are in our interactions with them.  If we have a situation where everything we do impacts someone else and our decisions will result in changes not only for us but also for them it’s important to consider the implications before the decisions are made.  Being independent doesn’t give us the right to make decisions that impact others just because we want to do something.

Selfishness is a difficult trait in any relationship.  By its definition it means to think only of oneself and not others.  It’s almost impossible to be selfish and kind at the same time.  Few people want to be around those who make decisions that impact them without caring.  We may get away with it for a while but in the end if we value ourselves over our relationships we may end up alone.  If we think only of our comfort, our choices, our plans, and our way of doing things, it will be impossible to build a healthy connection with anyone else.  Everyone’s views are important and we all have a lot to offer.  If we want to share our world with those around us, we must learn not only to take what we want, but to give something in return.

Today if you’ve made an independent decision that has negatively impacted someone else, revise your plans.  You can do anything you like but if you consider those around you, your life will be happier and things will go more easily.  You are strong and capable.  Everyone has a lot to offer and deserves to be considered.  Be as independent as you like but remember others as you go forward.  When you do you’ll build stronger relationships and connections that will embellish your life.

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What It’s Not

5 Apr

Change is an inevitable part of life.  Every day we face new things, learn new ways of managing them, and grow a little more.  We can learn by hearing about something but mostly we learn by doing.  If we don’t know how something is done and we have to figure it out, we can jump in and start.  But sometimes in the process we don’t figure things out by seeing what something is.  Sometimes it’s what it’s not that teaches us.  If our first impressions are incorrect we may not realize it until we’ve been in the situation for a while.  For example, we meet someone who is very brusque and seems to be wrapped up in their own world.  We might think they’re rude or arrogant, but then after interacting with them over time we discover they aren’t like that at all.  First impressions are important but they can be wrong.  It’s easy to believe we know the whole situation from the first moment, but that is rarely true.  We learn about things as we go, and sometimes what we thought was real wasn’t real at all.

We can only work with what we know at any given time.  Every day brings opportunities to learn and if we embrace them, we have a better shot of understanding how things really are.  There may be times when we want our world to look a certain way and don’t want to see the truth, and we look the other way.  We can pretend we are different than we really are, or that the situation isn’t the way it seems.  We can create our own little reality that has little truth in it.  If we do, we may be happy for the moment but true and lasting happiness will elude us.  Momentary bliss will never sustain us over time.  Truth has a way of surfacing and no matter how we try to hide from it, will find us in the end.  If we open our eyes and see things as they truly are we may be uncomfortable for a time but living truthfully is the only way to real and lasting happiness.

When we make judgments and later discover we were wrong we may feel disappointment or sorrow when we learn the truth.  If we were wrong about a personal relationship we care a lot about it may hurt deeply.  When people want something badly they sometimes pretend to be whatever it takes to get it.  If the other person was willing to do or say anything to bring us close, and we discover none of it was true it can be heartbreaking.  We could decide to ignore the truth and hope that in time our dreams will become real, but that may only postpone the inevitable.  It’s best to face the truth – whatever it is – as soon as we discover it.  Sometimes things aren’t what they seem.  Sometimes they are very different.  What they really are is what is real.  We can face whatever it is and we can still find happiness.  There isn’t a road too hard for us to travel.  We can face anything and we can find our way again.

Today if you see that things aren’t as you thought, you can turn your course.  The truth is there to show you the way.  There are endless roads in front of you, and you will choose the right one.  You know more now than you did before.  Use that going forward.  There isn’t anything you can’t do.  You have everything you need to be happy.

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Report Card

28 Mar

No matter where we live or who we are, there may be others around us who have ideas about how we should be living our lives. Maybe they think we should work in certain fields, or marry, or stay single, or live with the family, or a million other variations. There can be great pressure to conform if we are surrounded by others who have done things a certain way for a long time. Our lives belong to us, and we get to choose what we do. But the judgment of others may come into play. If we want to please those we love and they have strong ideas about our lives, we may go along.  And we can go along any time we choose to. But if we aren’t living genuinely and expressing who we are, we won’t find true happiness and satisfaction. The report card others have for us may be important to them, but it doesn’t mean it has to be important to us. We can set our own standards and make our own choices. It may not be easy to break a trend, but we are wise enough to know what we really want, and brave enough to get it. The only report card we need to be concerned with is the one we set for ourselves. It doesn’t matter if everyone around us wants to do things a certain way. If it doesn’t fit who we are, we may choose another road.

Some people don’t like it when others are different. They feel more comfortable when everybody looks the same, and does the same things. It may feel more secure knowing what each day will bring and how things are likely to go. In situations like that, if we try to do something different we may be judged or criticized in an effort to bring us in line with everyone else. It’s not comfortable to be judged by others, and if it’s strong enough we may try to conform. But conforming to get along will only work for a short time. Who we are will eventually need to come out or we’ll never be happy. We can do things our way, and express our differences in an appropriate manner that is respectful. We don’t have to conform. We can choose to be who we really are and if judgments come, we can navigate them.

There is no one right way to live a life. There is no perfect model, and there are countless ways to live well. There are some who believe their model is the only one that works or counts, but that’s never true. Every life that is lived genuinely and honestly is lived well. We can live in the country or the city, in a house or an apartment, with others or alone.  As long as it’s the life we choose, it’s right for us. And when we live the life that’s right for us we will find true happiness. This life is a gift. Every single day is precious and we deserve to be happy. If others want to grade us and judge us, and aren’t in agreement with our choices – it will be their burden to carry. We can be fine just being ourselves. We can set our own standards, and live according to our own dictates. We were created to be exactly who we are. When we embrace that, we will find true happiness.

Today if you feel like you’ve been trying to fit a mold that isn’t you, remember who you are is perfect. You are exactly the person you need to be. Show us your genuine and honest self. You have so much to offer. Share it with the world and we’ll love you just as you are.

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