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Sunday Drive

18 Nov

We get a lot of advice from others around us. Family members may tell us what they think we should be doing, bosses may tell us how they want us to go forward, friends may tell us what we should change, and it seems everyone in our circle has an opinion about how we’re living our lives. There is nothing wrong with getting advice, but if we did what everyone else thought we should be doing, we might end up doing nothing we want to do. It’s easy to be swayed by someone close to us when they tell us what they think we need to hear. And sometimes we may even believe they know more about us than we do. But we are the experts on ourselves, and we know what we want and need better than anyone else. We can be confident in making our own choices and we can be independent of those around us. We love them, but we control our lives, and we can manage them our way.

Having confidence in the ability to manage our own lives comes easily for some, but is more difficult for others. If we’ve been held tightly and given a lot of supervision and direction, we may come to rely on that support. Over time if we continue to let others make our decisions, or heavily influence us, we might not realize what we really want. Going along is easy. We just do what we’re told and play the game. But the problem with going along is that we may get lost in doing what someone else has decided and over time may forget that we, too, have a voice.  And our voices are valuable. We are just as relevant and important as anyone else. If we continually sit in the back seat and just ride along with other people’s plans, we can’t drive our lives where we want to go.

Speaking up and saying what we want empowers us and gives us confidence. We don’t have to be forceful, or domineering, but we can state our preferences. If others disagree, we can accept that and still be confident in doing whatever is best for us. Our lives are unique, and we get to decide where they go, what we do, and how we’ll go forward. We can think about what we want, and then we can do what it takes to get it. There is nothing that will stop us if we want something badly enough. Other opinions may be valuable and we may listen to them, but when it comes to making the decision, we can determine which way to go. Nobody knows us better than we do. We know what we want, and we certainly have everything we need to achieve it.

Today if you’ve been going along and taking lots of advice, remember that you can choose your own course. You can decide what’s best for you. Your life is yours and you have everything you need to make the best decisions. Be confident. Whatever you choose to do will be right for you. Design your life exactly as you like, and it will be perfect.

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Out of Bounds

4 Nov

Sometimes in our relationships with others, we discuss or share things that are personal. We tell them very private thoughts about certain areas of our lives, or talk about our hopes and dreams with them. When we do, unless we say it’s okay to share our comments, we may expect them to keep them to themselves. But sometimes, those close to us tell others what we’ve said and it makes us uncomfortable. If it’s something very private, it may hurt us that they told someone else. If we share something confidential and ask that it not be repeated, and then discover others have been told, it’s a very personal betrayal. It can be embarrassing and painful to learn that our private thoughts have been tossed around. Those who betray our trust sometimes think telling others is okay, but if we’ve asked them to keep it private, their thoughts mean little.  It’s appropriate to trust a boundary with a friend. If that trust isn’t honored, it can be very hurtful.

There are some people who have no filters. They repeat everything they hear to everyone they know. They don’t believe there should be any walls around information, and they often don’t care what others think. They may give their word to protect what they’ve heard, but then are unable to keep it. When we have someone like that close to us, it can be devastating to discover our inner most thoughts and feelings have been broadcast. We can feel humiliated and exposed. Everyone has the right to make any decision they like, but if those decisions hurt us, we need to evaluate our relationship with them. If they can’t be trusted to keep our confidence, we must protect it.

Some people don’t believe it makes any difference if everyone knows our private thoughts, and if we cherish our privacy and hold it dear, we need to protect ourselves from sharing with them. If they are someone close to us, and we love them, that can be difficult. We may forget their inability to hold our comments to themselves and in times of distress, open up to them. Boundaries are important and we are the only ones who can protect our own. If we share and are betrayed, it hurts. We must define who can and who can’t be trusted with our private thoughts. Once we understand who they are, and accept that even those who love us may not be trustworthy with our boundaries, we can make wiser decisions. Protecting our privacy is our responsibility. We can define our boundaries any way we choose, and we can do whatever is needed to protect them.

Today if you’ve been exposed in ways that have hurt you, and if your boundaries have been betrayed, you can protect yourself going forward. You can have close relationships with others who don’t understand your boundaries and still ensure your privacy by guarding what you share. Understand the limits of the people close to you, and you will be comfortable going forward. Your boundaries are sacred and should be honored. You are entitled to them, and you may protect them.

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Magic Words

28 Oct

As times change, societies evolve in different ways and people change the way they receive information and react to others.  Throughout the course of history different accepted models for behavior have changed as well, and our ideas about manners and the rules of engagement have shifted along with them.  During the Victorian Era, the rules for behavior were very formal and the level of etiquette for everyone was quite high.  Our society has changed dramatically since those times, but manners are still important and there is nothing more impressive than appropriate, polite interaction.  Just remembering to say “thank you” when someone does something for us is a way to show our appreciation and acceptance.  But sometimes in the busy lives we lead, and all the distractions we face, we may neglect to speak up and instead just push forward.  There really is no substitute for showing our appreciation and taking time to be polite and considerate in our dealings.  It generally makes our interactions more positive and can smooth over any rough edges.

Many people don’t seem to value politeness in this day and age.  There is a great focus on getting things done, moving fast, and doing what is important to us.  Sadly, there is no shortage of selfishness or callousness.  But a competitive spirit and the desire to accomplish much should never keep us from being kind and considerate to those around us.  Just saying “thank you” when someone hands us something and “you’re welcome” when we are thanked goes a long way in showing people we care.  Caring for one another let’s others know we are aware of them.  If we extend ourselves just a little by being polite and sharing ourselves as we go through our days, we can be a positive influence, and the world always needs more of that.

If we choose to, we can get what we want, and do everything we need to without considering anyone else but ourselves.  We can make our plans alone, and keep our eyes down as we walk along.  We don’t have to engage others if we don’t want to, and may remain silent when someone opens a door for us, or look the other way when someone says hello. We can keep to ourselves and be as isolated as we like.  But that will never bring us the joy and growth that being open to those around us can bring.  If we take a moment to say “thank you” when someone does something small for us, it opens a door, and we’ll feel more connected and closer to them as we pass.  Being polite and gracious means being there, in the moment, and acknowledging others.  It’s said that “please” and “thank you” are magic words, and they are.  When we say them, they open doors every time.

Today if you’ve been keeping a low profile, preferring to remain silent and isolated, think about looking up and engaging those around you.  Say “please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome”.  You are a great influence and everyone wants to know you.  Be gracious, be polite, and let your actions welcome them in.

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Number One

24 Oct

We live in a world with billions of people and there are more and more of us each day. Unless we live somewhere in the wilderness or someplace so remote that we are the only one inhabiting it, we will see others around us all the time. They pass us on the street, in our cars, in the store, and everywhere we go. Having compassion for them, helping them, and acknowledging them makes the world a better place. But some of us have the idea that we need only look out for number one – ourselves. They make sure all their needs and wants are met before they are willing to extend themselves, and when they do, there must be something in it for them. There are benefits to looking out for number one, and we certainly are responsible for taking care of ourselves. However, if we become the primary focus in our lives all the time, and if we have to benefit every time we do something, we might forget how important our connections are to those around us.

Most of us have a lot to take care of each day. We have our personal needs, our jobs, our schools, our families, and a dozen other things that require our attention. If we wanted to we could make sure not to commit to anything unless there is some bonus for us. We could ignore the phone when it rings because we don’t want to be bothered, pretend not to hear when others call our name because we don’t want to interrupt what we’re doing, and just focus on ourselves. If we do this routinely, we will be effective in making our lives the most important part of our days, but we will probably alienate everyone else who is close to us. There is nothing wrong with doing things we enjoy or making our choices a priority, and we should do everything important to us. But there needs to be a balance. We can do those things and still extend ourselves to those around us, and participate in the group.

Belonging to a community, interacting with others, extending our hands in friendship, and helping out, bring us great satisfaction and contentment. We learn about others, we exchange new ideas with them, and our lives are enriched because of the experiences we share. If we isolate ourselves from them, determined to just look out for number one, and see only what’s important to us, we miss the valuable experience of connecting. Feeling connected is important. It gives us a sense of foundation, a base, and makes us feel stronger, and safer. When we take the time to share ourselves, we develop relationships that brings us happiness, and we build a network of people who care about us. Others we can depend on, people who will help us when we need it, and buoy us up when we feel down. It’s a wonderful blessing to have the care of others, and we get that care when we extend it ourselves. It’s true that no man is an island. We’re all in this together. Remembering that will help us stay connected and find our place.

Today if you’ve been focusing on yourself and getting what you want, don’t forget those around you. They need your influence and welcome your attention. Extend yourself to them, care for them, and let them care for you. You have a lot to share, and they want to share in return. Be connected and reach out. The rewards will be great, and you’ll be happier.

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Nonsense

19 Oct

Confusion is difficult to navigate. If we’re confused about a task we’re doing we could ask for help or look up information that will show us the way. If we’re confused about directions we can consult a map or use a navigation tool. But if we’re confused in a personal relationship, it can be hard to figure out what the problem is, and what to do. Most people are honest and forthright, and in relationships, most of us try to be upfront and not deceptive. But there are some people who have an agenda directed at their own desires, and will do whatever is needed to make it happen. Nobody really wants to be involved with people like that, either in a friendship or something closer.  But unfortunately in the beginning sometimes there is no way to know all the facts. Things may start out okay, and then we realize something is amiss.  Maybe what they say doesn’t match what they do, or they don’t follow through on their promises, and hurting us brings excuses but no changes. There’s a lot of nonsense – meaning it doesn’t make sense. When we get caught up in relationships with people like that it’s very confusing. And that confusion can be hard to untangle.

We often have inspiration, intuition, or a gut feeling when things aren’t quite right. It’s good to trust others. It’s good to believe what they tell us, and trust that they’ll follow through on their word. But if they don’t, and it happens repeatedly, it’s important for us to take a step back and look at the situation objectively. We need to look at the facts without reserve or filters. We need to set our feelings aside and look at what is really happening. If we pay attention to the reality of the situation, and let go of all the excuses and explanations, we can clear our minds and find truth. The truth is always available to us when we’re ready to see it. And the truth is what will bring us peace in the end.

When we get confused and things aren’t making sense, we can lose our footing, get tangled up, and keep going around in circles trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. If we keep hoping things will improve and they don’t, we may get deeply hurt. And if we let ourselves be hurt again and again, we may forget how valuable we are, and that we deserve every blessing. Every day is precious and spending it on a situation that hurts us isn’t in our best interest. We are valuable and should be treated with care. If we’re in a situation where that isn’t happening, we need to re-evaluate our decisions going forward.

Today if you’re confused over a situation in your life, step back and look at things objectively. Look at what’s happening as an outsider, and be open to seeing the whole picture. You’ll find the truth and then can decide how to go forward. You are a precious gift to the world. There is nobody else like you. You deserve to be treated well, and with care. Remember how important you are. And then make decisions going forward that will bring you happiness.

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