Archive | Achievement RSS feed for this section

Forest and the Trees

5 Jul

When we are working on complex issues, and there are a lot of details, it’s easy to get caught up in them. We try to figure out some tiny aspect that’s eluding us, and if we focus so hard on it we can lose sight of the big picture. When that happens all we can see is a small part of what we’re trying to solve. In some situations we have to take the problem apart, piece by piece, but other times it’s important to see the whole picture to get to the solution. There is a saying, “We can’t see the forest for the trees.” There can be literally thousands of trees in a forest, but if we are focused only on the bark of one tree, only see the patterns in that small section of bark and don’t look up, we can forget where we are. We can lose sight of the entire forest.

Complicated issues, by their very nature, tend to have a lot of moving parts, and a lot of things to consider. There are the other people involved, the timing, the costs if they must be considered, the method for solving the issue, and perhaps a dozen other factors to think about. If we get too tied up in one segment, if we expend all our energies in figuring out that small piece, we may never figure out how to put all the pieces together. We need to step back, and see the entire picture. What does everything need to look like when it’s done? Where do we need to be? How can everything work together?

Stepping back when we have a lot at stake takes practice. If the issue is intense, and we are emotionally invested, it’s even harder. But if we can stop analyzing for a moment, step back two paces, and look at the entire situation, the answers are likely to come. If we want to put together a jigsaw puzzle, we can’t just look at the corner pieces, and try to figure out what it will look like completed. We have to dump all the pieces out, and then look at the whole picture on the box to get an idea of where things will go. Without that, we would be lost, and the puzzle would never be done.

Today if you’re stumped working on a complicated situation, stop and step back. Look at the whole problem again, and remember where you’re trying to go. Imagine it completed, imagine it solved, and think about what it would look like. See the entire thing. Your focus will broaden, and those answers you are looking for will rise. They say the devil is in the details, and if we get caught up in the details, that can certainly be true. You will complete this project, you will solve this problem, and you will figure out all the pieces. You can see it all when you step back. So step back, and then go forward. You’ll get there. You’re closer now than you’ve ever been.

Tags: , ,

Getting the last word.

1 Apr

There are some people in this world who, for reasons that escape me, absolutely HAVE to have the last word. They need to have the final say, the last comment, the end remark to close the issue or conversation. Most often this is during a disagreement or negotiation situation of some sort, but not always. This seems like a control issue. They can’t let it go, whatever “it” is, until they are the ones to end it.

Everyone has dealt with people like this and it is nearly impossible for them to let it go. If we say another word after they are supposedly done, they will speak up and end it again. This will go on and on until they finally get the last word. If the situation is intense and we feel strongly about something, we may be tempted to send one more salvo after they’ve ended their part, but that never works. If we say anything after they are done, they will revise and make another comment. The conversation will not end until they end it. Nothing will end until they say it’s over.

So how can we navigate this and still feel like we have some control ourselves? The most effective way to deal with someone who has to have the last word is to LET THEM HAVE IT. We can state our positions, we can be calm and effective, we can be clear and concise, and we can be in control of our emotions. After we have said everything we feel is important to establish our point of view, we can stop talking. The other person can then respond to everything if they like, say what they want to, and end the conversation by having the last word. Giving them the last word does not weaken our positions or us. It does not change our message or make it less important. In fact, by standing by our previous statements and allowing the other party to have the last word, we are in fact the ones in control of the conversation. We own it because we consciously decide when it will end.

People who need the last word can make our interactions difficult – if we let them. They can make the conversation go on and on way past the point of resolution – if we let them. They can frankly make us miserable and even lose focus of the original point – if we let them. But we don’t have to let them. We can be in control of the conversation, we can be in control of how things go and when they will end. If your counterpart needs the last word to finish the issue – let them have it. And be content knowing you set your own boundaries and stayed in control of your actions. That’s the most effective way to navigate the situation. And when we’re effective, most often we’re successful in achieving our goals. And achieving our goals, not getting the last word, is the prize after all.

Tags: , ,

Yes, you can.

25 Mar

There are limitless possibilities in every life.  Millions of paths you could choose, innumerable choices you can make about how you will live your life and what you will do.  The sky’s the limit.  We believe these things when we are young and think about becoming astronauts, ballerinas, famous musicians, Nobel prize winning scientists, and anything else we dream up.  We are sure when we are young that all of these things are certainly possible.  But as we get older and begin to more closely define our lives and what is important to us, we are also impacted by the opinions and advice of others.  It’s wonderful to be a dreamer and imagine everything that can be – dreamers are the people that give the whole world color and interest.  As we age, sometimes we temper our dreams because somebody said they would be not only difficult, but frankly impossible for us to achieve what we’ve been dreaming about.  And maybe somebody else said the idea was ridiculous.  And maybe somebody else said we should be sensible and plan for something that is easier to attain, where we can succeed.  It seems there is no limit to the number of people who will discourage our dreams.  Perhaps it’s because they are cautious.  Perhaps it’s because they are jealous.  Perhaps it’s because they are afraid.  Or maybe it’s because they didn’t go after their own dreams and so they really don’t want us to go after ours and maybe succeed where they failed.   There are countless reasons why people discourage us, and every time they do they chip away a tiny piece of our resolve, a tiny piece of our confidence – that is if we listen to them.

Our lives belong to us.  And they go by fast.  It seems that in a blink five years have passed.  It is important, no it is imperative that we understand that we control our lives.  We can do anything we want.  It doesn’t matter if everyone tells us it won’t work, we can still do it.  The greatest minds in history did things nobody thought could be done.  It is said that Edison designed 1,000 light bulbs that failed before he finally designed one that worked.  Somebody asked him how he could keep going when he had failed already 1,000 times.  His response?  “I haven’t failed 1,000 times.  I have found 1,000 ways that it won’t work.”  And that’s the attitude of success.

I went on a cruise with some friends and there was an excursion, “Adventure in the Trees” or something like that.  It involved completing an obstacle course twenty feet up in an orchard of trees on ropes, including zip lines and all sorts of tricky maneuvers.  We decided it looked like fun and figured it should be safe because the cruise line was sponsoring it.  When we got to the course and climbed up to the ropes we were told that nobody was going to assist us because the tour group had found that when their team helped the participants then tended to rely on them, and would get hurt more often than if they were left to themselves.  I took one look at the situation and thought “THERE IS NO WAY I CAN DO THIS!!”  We had to climb around large tree trunks with nothing to stand on, step on floating planks to get through, and hang from ropes at certain times.  My friend behind me was screaming, “Whose idea was this?  This is insane!”  I called back, “Just keep going,” and I proceeded with my heart in my throat.  The course was not easy and took about two and a half hours to complete.  But by the end of it we were laughing and having a blast.  We had tested ourselves, and once we got over our fears, found that it was really fun to push ourselves and figure it all out.  At the end of the course we decided it had been the BEST DAY EVER!  That was a great example to me that even when I’m afraid and think I can’t do something, I should go out there and do it anyway.

Is there something you really want to do and haven’t tried because you were told it wouldn’t work, it wouldn’t be worth your time or money, it was a dumb idea, or any other discouraging advice?  Is there something you really want to do that you haven’t tried because you’ve been afraid it would fail?  What’s the worst thing that could happen if you actually tried to do the one thing you really want to do?  What’s the worst thing that could happen?  If you want to start performing music, someone could say “You suck.”  Can you handle that?  If you design a new piece of equipment and it fails, you’re out the time you spent and whatever funds you invested.  Can you handle that?  If you want to write a book and you finish it, and nobody publishes it, can you handle that?  Take some time and think about what it is you really want to do.  Make a plan to begin the process to get it started.  When the hurdles come, jump over them.  You can do anything you want to do.  Anything.  Sure some things will fail, sure it might not go the way you think it will, sure it might be difficult, but you can still do it.  And whatever comes, you’ll be happy that you tried.   They say that when we are dying it’s not the things we did that we regret – it’s the things we didn’t do.  So be brave.  Be convinced.  Get out there.  Do what you are dreaming of.  Take control.  Live YOUR life.  Have a blast!

Tags: ,

Do you validate?

22 Mar

I have been watching a TV show where chefs compete to see who can make dishes out of unusual ingredients.  There is a stopwatch involved and it seems very stressful.  Every time I watch this show, when asked why they want to win, one of the chefs will say “It will validate what I’m doing,” or “It will validate that I am where I should be,” or something along this line.  This has been perplexing for me.  I wonder why they need to be validated?  By their own admission, they are doing something they love to do.  They are good at their jobs or certainly would never have been invited to compete in the show.  So, why the need for outside validation?

This has made me wonder about us as people.  If we are happy doing things we love, is it necessary that others validate that we are doing things right?  Is it necessary that we get acceptance and approval? Nobody likes criticism, of course, but do we need everyone to be happy about our decisions?  I don’t think we do.  If we are living our lives the way we want to, and we aren’t hurting anyone else, I don’t think we have to have the approval of anyone else.  We are living OUR lives, not their lives, and making OUR decisions, not theirs.

So I was thinking about my life.  Are there times when I need to be validated in a decision I’ve made?  Do I feel like I have to have approval to continue doing the things I want to do?  I am very independent and for me the approval of others isn’t very important.  I’m not hurting anyone, I’m just making decisions about my own life.  That’s enough for me.  I know friends who go to functions they don’t want to attend because someone said they should, who wear clothes they don’t like because someone didn’t like the way they were dressing, and who changed different aspects of their lifestyle because it didn’t agree with someone else’s idea of how their lives should look.  I don’t want that.  None of us should want that.

Our lives are gifts to US.  Nobody else.  We should be brave and courageous enough to live them the way we want to.  We should dress the way we want to, eat the way we want to, go to the places we like, and stand up for ourselves.  After all, the opinion of others is just that – opinion.   And opinion is just someone else’s idea of something.  Our ideas are just as important as theirs.  So be strong.  Get out there and live your life your way.  You’ll be happier.  This life goes by so fast.  Let’s be as happy as we can!

Tags: ,

Newer Entries →