Archive | March, 2016

Finding Center

19 Mar

Most of us have busy lives and everyday have a lot to get done. Sometimes we rush around and the day flies by so fast that at the end, sometimes we aren’t really sure what we’ve accomplished. There are a lot of responsibilities to take care of, tasks that must get done, people we need to see, and dozens of other things we need to address. If we’re working a job, we have to fit all our personal errands and chores in before or after our time there, and it can be stressful. The most important thing we need to do every day is take care of ourselves. It seems like a simple idea, but when lots of people are pulling on us and there are things to get done, sometimes what we need falls to the bottom the stack. But we’re the most important people in our lives. If we don’t care for our own needs we won’t be able to care for anyone else’s. We can get our perspective more aligned if we take a moment to find our center. If we center ourselves before we start our day, take some time to focus on who we are and what we need, we’ll be better prepared to face whatever comes, and more effectively prioritize our time. We deserve every benefit. Taking time to identify what we need most will make us stronger, healthier, and happier.

It seems in this day and age we are expected to accomplish more in one day than ever before. The bar for achievement is set very high and we can get burned out constantly trying to reach it. We should strive to do our best, but our best must be determined by us. Nobody knows what we’re capable of or what we need better than we do. If we let others decide what defines our success we may feel defeated if we can’t reach it. But success can be determined by what we want to accomplish and not somebody else. We all get to choose how we’ll live our lives. We’ll never be happy constantly doing things the way somebody else would or achieving things we don’t really want just because someone else likes it. If we are honest and genuine with ourselves, we can set our own course and find success.

Finding our center requires us to think about our own needs and our own attributes. We all have gifts to offer that are unique to us. We know what we’re good at, we know what we need, and we know what makes us happy. Taking time to identify those things and then planning to incorporate them in our lives will bring great satisfaction. Each day is a blessing and once it’s gone we can never get it back. If we live our lives cherishing each moment, and doing what we need to be happy, remembering our center and who we are, every day can bring us joy. Life goes by in a flash. It’s ours to live and every choice we make counts. We can do anything we want. And if we do what we want most, nothing can stop us.

Today if you’ve been doing things the way someone else thinks you should, stop and re-evaluate your path. Turn your course to the things that matter most to you. Bring happiness into your life by making it uniquely yours. You are valuable and precious. There has never been anyone else like you, and there never will be again. Find your center and go forward your own way. You’re everything you need to be and the world is blessed because you’re here.

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Hand Off

18 Mar

We all do many things well and some things very well. We can learn new skills and become proficient at anything we like. But sometimes we might find ourselves in over our heads when we’re in a situation that is more difficult than we planned. Maybe we don’t have the experience to manage the issue or we can’t handle the demands it requires. We can’t be good at everything and it’s important to recognize there are times when we need to hand things off to someone else. Letting something go and giving it to someone who is better equipped to handle it doesn’t mean we’ve failed. The most successful people in the world are those who understand they don’t need to know everything, and if they don’t have the skills to manage a project, there is someone who does who can help. It’s wise and appropriate to hand off issues that are more than we’re prepared to take on. This is not the same as abandoning our everyday responsibilities when they get complicated. Those are ours, and we are must manage them. But when we get into situations we don’t have the tools to manage, the best we can do is let someone with the best skill set take over. That way the issue gets attention, we aren’t stressed out of our minds trying to do something we can’t, and we gain the best possible outcome.

Learning to delegate and let others do things instead of trying to manage everything ourselves can be difficult. If we have control issues we may believe we are the only one who can do the job right even when everything indicates that isn’t so. Control issues are a form of selfishness.  If we have to control everything we will inevitably fail at something.  It’s better to trust others more equipped to handle the issues we can’t.  Some people think if they delegate a difficult task to someone else, people will think they’re incompetent or they’ve failed. Opinions vary but we never fail when we recognize our limits and then do what is needed to move forward. We are capable of seeing the situation objectively and making any changes needed to ensure success. The successful resolution of the issue is the goal. If we keep that forefront in our minds it will be easier to delegate when we need to.

It’s foolish to believe we are good at everything. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Recognizing them both and accepting them helps us understand where we are and what we can do best. We can accept our limitations, and do what is needed to work around them. Working with others and combining forces and knowledge makes everything easier. When we do, we can draw on many different strengths instead of just our own. Allowing others to help will move us forward more efficiently. We don’t have to do everything ourselves. We don’t have to be the one and only. We can collaborate and in doing so, we will win.

Today if you’re drowning in a situation above your abilities, reach out and get help. There are a lot of people around you and they all have talents and gifts you don’t possess. Trust them and allow them into the circle. Hand off the issues that are beyond your reach.  You’ll feel better and success will come more easily. Reach out and let others reach back. Together you’ll overcome anything.

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Dropped the Ball

17 Mar

We all generally try to do our best every day. We try to make good decisions, try to be nice to those around us, and basically strive to be good people. But sometimes things get away from us and we fumble the ball. Maybe we get carried away in conversation and forget a commitment, say something we don’t really mean, or take revenge on someone we feel has hurt us in some way. When we act in ways that are beneath what we really want for ourselves we may feel really bad later, and if we let those we care about down, the disappointment in their eyes can be crushing. But we’re only human and we’re going to falter from time to time. Perfection is after all the goal and not the achievement. And so when we stumble and do the wrong thing, we have to find a way to make things right again. We have to listen when those we’ve negatively impacted tell us how they feel, and we have to take our lumps because we’ve earned them. It’s normal to make mistakes from time to time. It doesn’t mean we’re bad people, it doesn’t mean we don’t care, and it doesn’t mean we aren’t worthwhile. It just means we dropped the ball. And if we did, we can pick it right back up again.

Personal shame is a horrible feeling. Shame may be one of the most destructive emotions we can feel. It can not only make us feel bad about something we’ve done, if we aren’t careful, it can make us feel bad about who we are. If we feel great shame, depression may soon follow. We may believe that we’ll never get things right, that we’ll always screw up, and that we aren’t worth anything to anyone. But none of that is true. Just because we make a mistake doesn’t mean we never do things right. We often get it right and we are worth more than we can even imagine, even when we falter. If we play a game and drop the ball we may get a penalty, but we aren’t banned from the game forever more. It’s the same in life. If we go the wrong way, we aren’t finished. We just need to turn around and correct our course.

The penalties we face when we make mistakes should be commensurate with the negative impact they cause. Just like in law, the penalty should fit the crime. The same is true with our personal lives. If we forget to bake a promised batch of cookies, it shouldn’t destroy a relationship. But if we lie, cheat, and manipulate others, that might be the cost. It’s like a pendulum – it should swing equally in both directions. That’s important to remember when someone we care about lets us down. If we can keep our perspective when we tell them how we feel and don’t return more chastening than is needed, we have a better chance of preserving our relationships. We all make mistakes and sometimes we hurt others because of them. But nobody really wants to do things wrong and when we do, we deserve the opportunity to make things right again. Our relationships are important. Truly valuing them will help us heal and forgive as we move along.

Today if you’ve dropped the ball and someone has been hurt, you can pick it back up again. Offer to make things right and do everything you can to correct your course. If someone has made a mistake that has hurt you, remember when you’ve faltered and offer the chance for them to fix things. You can be kind and understanding. Extend your hand to turn things around and forgive. You’ll be able to make things better and you’ll be happier because of it.

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Consequences

16 Mar

Everything we do in our lives affects us in some way. If we make a small decision, the impact of that choice is usually small as well. For instance, if we choose French fries over onion rings neither choice will greatly impact our lives, and our decision is inconsequential. But when we’re making big decisions the consequences can be far reaching. If we are deciding which car to buy, which job to take, whom to date, or whether to move or not, the ramifications of our decision can have long lasting effects on our lives. Big decisions take thought and time to evaluate. We always want to make the choices we’ll be happy with that bring us the desired results. But sometimes, we don’t know how far reaching a decision will become until after we’ve made it. There are times when we decide something quickly because it doesn’t seem that important and then it impacts us in ways we couldn’t possibly have foreseen. We may shake our heads and wring our hands, and wish we could go back knowing what we know now. But the only thing we can do is press forward and resolve whatever has been impacted by the choice we made.

We make decisions based on the information we have at the time.  Sometimes we have all the facts, and sometimes there is no way to know everything.  If we’re trying to decide whether to take a new job or not, we may research the company, and talk to employees who work there.  We may evaluate the position and then if everything looks good, accept the job.  But we may discover despite all our research once we’re in the job it’s far too stressful and a terrible fit for us.  We did our homework but all the facts weren’t clearly available.  Even if we do everything we can, and pay attention, there are times when it’s impossible to know every result before we decide.  If it doesn’t turn out the way we hoped and the consequences are beyond what we want to manage, we will have to make another decision to move forward.  The best we can do is choose wisely from where we are.

If we do all we can to make a good decision and it doesn’t work out we are not at fault.  We can only see what we can see.  Sometimes things go awry and the best we can do if that happens is consider all our options going forward, and choose as wisely as possible.  It’s impossible to know everything, we can’t read the future, and there will always be unknown factors.  But if we take our time and consider everything possible before we choose, we’ll have the best chance of getting to the destination we’re seeking.  We are completely capable of making good choices that will take us where we want to go.  Nothing in this life is permanent and we can change any situation we’re in.  If the consequences of our decision are not what we hoped for, we can correct our course going forward.

Today if you’ve made a decision that didn’t work out and you’re in an uncomfortable situation because of it, you can change things.  You are capable of making excellent decisions and you will find your way through.  You are intelligent and wise.  Turn your course to reflect that.

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Strong as Steel

15 Mar

When things are going well and we feel confident, life seems easy and we can face whatever comes. We feel strong and capable, and aware of our many abilities. People seem friendlier and our lives are comfortable and easy. Unfortunately, those times don’t last forever and eventually something goes wrong. If something goes very wrong and we are knocked down, in our sudden despair we may think we can’t manage things. We may forget how capable we are. When we think of steel we think of how hard and strong it is. But it doesn’t start out that way. It starts with rock that is ground and crushed, and then it’s heated to temperatures near 3000 degrees. There are several steps before the raw ore becomes the finished metal we’re familiar with, and each step is crucial. At the end, because of all the grinding and heating and tempering, we end up with something that is very strong and very hard. In our lives we will face challenges and trials, and as we navigate them, we go through a refining process as well. Each challenge we overcome makes us stronger and more resilient. Nobody wants to go through hard times, but just like making steel, the crushing disappointments, and heat of distress make us strong. With each trial, we burn off more behaviors that hold us back and we get closer to where we want to be. It isn’t comfortable to struggle but as we become stronger the trials become easier. We can be as strong as steel but we have to go through the fire to get there.

When things go wrong we have choices to make. Some people refuse to see problems in their lives. They ignore them, look the other way, talk around them, and don’t acknowledge them. They may hope the problem will work itself out, and some problems actually do. But generally when something needs to be addressed and we ignore it, it simply lies dormant waiting for us. Most problems don’t just go away on their own. If we don’t have the courage to face them when they appear, they will wait until we do. They will cling to us and hold us back from moving forward. Pretending they don’t exist doesn’t help. It’s like pretending the sun isn’t in the sky when it’s shining down on us.

It’s best to face our trials when they arrive, look at them, figure out what to do, and solve them. If they are complex and we can’t solve them today, we can take the first step in resolving them. There isn’t anything we can’t figure out and if we need to we can take the issue apart a little at a time until we’ve found all the answers. If we don’t hide from it, if we look at everything objectively, and we start moving forward through the problem we will solve it. And then we can shake it off and continue on. When we solve our problems we leave them behind. We don’t have to carry them or waste precious energy ignoring them. We can be strong as steel in our lives if we face things head on and endure whatever discomfort we must to get through. We can do anything. We aren’t going to face anything that is too difficult or too hard for us to overcome. We have everything we need right now to face whatever comes.

Today if you feel overwhelmed by an issue pressing on you, and you don’t want to face it, look at it completely. You are intelligent and capable and no matter what the problem is, you will solve it. You have everything you need to find the answers and move forward. You are strong and capable. There isn’t anything that will overcome you. You’re like steel and nothing will break you. You have everything you need. Go forward. The answers are there.

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