Archive | November, 2015

After You

6 Nov

We all want to do things well and shine in our accomplishments. We may want to impress others with our talents and abilities and in order to do that we have to get their attention. Getting attention is generally easy, and if we’re focusing exclusively on ourselves trying to get noticed, we may not even see others around us. We’re honed in on the task at hand and can only see our particular way forward. But others are around us, and sometimes they are working hard to be noticed as well. It’s great to be first, but it’s also good to let others go ahead from time to time. If we take a step out of the limelight once in a while and let someone else step up, we can learn a lot about them, and about ourselves. If we’re used to steaming ahead to the front of the line it may take some thought to step back, but when we do, there is a lot to be gained.

When we’re rushing around from place to place and task to task we keep our eyes trained on the way ahead. As we grab the door and rush into where we want to be we might not see someone standing right next to us. Slowing down just a little and allowing them to pass teaches us patience and helps us remember we aren’t the only person in the world. We can learn to say, “After you,” open the door for someone else, and let them go first. We all have a lot to offer, and if we pay attention we can learn from those around us. If we are so focused on our personal goals and what’s happening in our lives, it will be difficult, if not impossible, to learn anything from anyone else. But we can step back, we can slow down a little, and we can take notice. We can let someone else lead.  Letting them go first doesn’t diminish our accomplishments, and will give us a broader view of who we are.

It’s easy to be selfish and concentrate only on what we want to do. It doesn’t take much thought and we can ignore everyone else if we want to. But extending ourselves a little and allowing those near us to share our lives is important. We can give a little space, offer a little time, and let someone else go ahead of us once in a while. We don’t always have to be first. We can share the light and we can expand our focus. When we do, we build relationships and make connections that will bring us contentment in the long run. Our lives are enhanced when we share them with others, and learning to say, “After you,” is one way to start.

Today if you’ve been pushing ahead, and rushing to get to the front of the line, look around and notice who’s next to you. You are great and have a lot to offer. You don’t have to prove how terrific you are by being first all the time. Everyone will notice you even when you let others go first. Share the road as you go forward, and build relationships. It’s far better to be with friends than strangers, and taking a moment to share with those near you is the first step.

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Chopsticks

5 Nov

Every day we live is a chance to experience joy and do something to move us closer to where we want to be. We are in control of our days and the choices we make. When we choose well, we are content, but sometimes things don’t go exactly the way we want them to. Imagine you are holding one chopstick that represents your day today. As long as you hold onto it you’re in control and you can do anything you want. But if you give it away to someone else, they will be in charge for the day. We all want to be in control of our days, so it seems foolish to hand them over to anyone else. But if we let the hurt or pain caused by someone else control us, that is exactly what we do. We give our day away. While it’s true that some wounds don’t heal right away, each day we let the disappointment, pain, fear, or anger control our lives, we give that day to the person or situation that caused it. And the irony is that those who have hurt us usually have no idea they have control.

Pain is a part of life. We can’t prevent it, we can’t escape it, we can only process it and move through it. If we lived alone on an isolated, deserted island, everything would be in our control. But we live with others, and their decisions, for better or worse, affect our lives. We bump into each other, we annoy each other, and we sometimes hurt each other. Of course, we also love each other, we share joy, and we embellish each others’ lives. It’s a mixed bag. When we get hurt, and don’t heal right away, we grieve until we’re able to move on. That’s normal. But if we let the hurt define our lives, if we let it keep us from moving forward, and are unable to let it go, we give our lives away to it. Our lives are important. They count. We have a lot to offer. Losing even one day is a great loss.

Getting over serious pain or disappointment isn’t easy. It takes work, and it takes time. How much time it takes depends on a lot of factors. Only we can decide when to let it go and begin to move forward. We can hold onto it for as long as we like but each day we do, we have to symbolically give up our chopstick, and the control over our lives. In some situations it takes considerable time to process everything, and not having control isn’t an issue. But in time, if we want to be happy again, if we want to move forward, we will have to heal and take control again. Life can be complicated. It can extremely joyful, or desperately sad. Nobody knows what each day will bring, but we can face whatever comes. We can overcome any disappointment, any disaster, and any loss. And when we’re ready, we can recover and guide our lives to where we most want to be.

Today if you’ve been struggling with something that has been so difficult you’ve been stopped in your tracks, think about the way forward. You have so much to offer. Take the first step in regaining your control. Own your day today. Hang on tight. Lift your head and look forward. There is a road waiting for you. You have everything you need to get to it, and by taking the very first step you’ll find your way back to happiness again.

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Out of Bounds

4 Nov

Sometimes in our relationships with others, we discuss or share things that are personal. We tell them very private thoughts about certain areas of our lives, or talk about our hopes and dreams with them. When we do, unless we say it’s okay to share our comments, we may expect them to keep them to themselves. But sometimes, those close to us tell others what we’ve said and it makes us uncomfortable. If it’s something very private, it may hurt us that they told someone else. If we share something confidential and ask that it not be repeated, and then discover others have been told, it’s a very personal betrayal. It can be embarrassing and painful to learn that our private thoughts have been tossed around. Those who betray our trust sometimes think telling others is okay, but if we’ve asked them to keep it private, their thoughts mean little.  It’s appropriate to trust a boundary with a friend. If that trust isn’t honored, it can be very hurtful.

There are some people who have no filters. They repeat everything they hear to everyone they know. They don’t believe there should be any walls around information, and they often don’t care what others think. They may give their word to protect what they’ve heard, but then are unable to keep it. When we have someone like that close to us, it can be devastating to discover our inner most thoughts and feelings have been broadcast. We can feel humiliated and exposed. Everyone has the right to make any decision they like, but if those decisions hurt us, we need to evaluate our relationship with them. If they can’t be trusted to keep our confidence, we must protect it.

Some people don’t believe it makes any difference if everyone knows our private thoughts, and if we cherish our privacy and hold it dear, we need to protect ourselves from sharing with them. If they are someone close to us, and we love them, that can be difficult. We may forget their inability to hold our comments to themselves and in times of distress, open up to them. Boundaries are important and we are the only ones who can protect our own. If we share and are betrayed, it hurts. We must define who can and who can’t be trusted with our private thoughts. Once we understand who they are, and accept that even those who love us may not be trustworthy with our boundaries, we can make wiser decisions. Protecting our privacy is our responsibility. We can define our boundaries any way we choose, and we can do whatever is needed to protect them.

Today if you’ve been exposed in ways that have hurt you, and if your boundaries have been betrayed, you can protect yourself going forward. You can have close relationships with others who don’t understand your boundaries and still ensure your privacy by guarding what you share. Understand the limits of the people close to you, and you will be comfortable going forward. Your boundaries are sacred and should be honored. You are entitled to them, and you may protect them.

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Story Time

3 Nov

As we go through life and experience different things, we make lots of decisions. Sometimes when we’re in a situation that isn’t ideal it may be hard to face it as it really is. When that happens we may decide instead to spin the reality just a little so it’s easier to accept. The truth of our situation doesn’t change even if we try to make it more palatable, but sometimes we aren’t quite ready to face things as they are. We pad the way a little to make things seem better. For example, if someone is being mean to us, instead of standing up for ourselves, we may determine they are having a hard time, and let it go. If someone lies to us, we might tell ourselves we misunderstood them, and look the other way. Or if someone lets us down again and again, we may allow it because they are unsure. While we make these excuses, nothing really changes the reality of what is happening, and when we make up stories, we end up hurting ourselves. Truth has a way of always surfacing no matter how long we look the other way. It doesn’t go away because truth is what’s real. And we live in the real world.

It can be hard to face facts sometimes. If we really care for someone, and they continually hurt us, we can find limitless excuses for their behavior. We can let them keep hurting us for as long as we decide to. But looking the other way, and pretending the situation is better than it really is, will only prolong our discomfort. We don’t have to confront them, and it isn’t our responsibility to try to make them change. But we can decide to open our eyes and see things as they are. We can accept that everyone has the opportunity to make their own choices, and sometimes those choices won’t be the best they can do. And then we can plan our path going forward – clearly, openly, and understanding the situation as it really is.

Facing truth seems like a simple thing. We should all be truthful in everything we do, including what is going on around us. But when we care for someone and they do things we don’t understand, or things that hurt us, we may choose to ignore the truth and make up a story instead. It’s hard to believe that those we love would hurt us on purpose, so we convince ourselves it can’t be true, and we look the other way. If we want to be happy, truly and honestly happy, we need to face things as they are, even when they aren’t what we want. Only when we see things truthfully and allow ourselves to face the situation as it really is can we move forward with confidence. Truth always brings confidence. When we understand the truth, we have all the control we need to make the best decisions. Our best decisions take us where we most want to be. It takes courage to face truth, but we have all the courage we need to make that happen.

Today if you’ve been making up stories to cover what is really happening, allow yourself to accept things as they are. You already know the truth and there is no need to look the other way. You are strong enough to face everything as it is. You have everything you need to go forward with confidence. Clear your head, refine your focus, and do what is best and right for you. You are worth more than you can imagine, and you deserve the very best of everything.

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Armored Car

2 Nov

Everyone gets hurt from time to time.  People let us down, break their promises, forget commitments, and things go wrong.  We depend on others as we go through our days, and sometimes they drop the ball.  When we get hurt badly it can be hard to regain our footing.  We may determine to no longer trust anyone, but that will never work in our favor.  Still, if we’ve been hurt deeply we may put walls up around us thinking they will protect us.  Like an armored car, we bury ourselves under layers of protection in order to prevent anyone from getting in, and hurting us again.  While those layers may protect us in some ways, they also work against us.  If we don’t let people get close to us we might not get hurt, but we may also lose our ability to feel a real connection.  Superficial relationships will never allow us to feel deep affection for anyone.  Strong feelings of attachment and love are beneficial, and are among the most valuable experiences we can have.  Without those connections, we lose a big part of our human experience.

Nobody gets through life without getting hurt.  We may be wounded in one way or another simply because of our interactions and trust for others.  In every exchange, and in every relationship, there is an element of risk.  Allowing others to get close to us makes us vulnerable and when we’re vulnerable there is always the possibility of getting hurt.  We can decide the risk isn’t worth whatever we might gain and keep everyone in our lives at a distance.  If we do that we may never have the extreme pleasure and reward of sharing ourselves with someone else on an intimate level.  We may never experience true feelings of love.

If we develop strong feelings for someone and entrust them with our hearts, and they are not valiant or don’t cherish us in return, their choices and actions may hurt us.  They say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but when we’re devastated it’s hard to believe that.  We have a lot to offer and we deserve the very best relationships possible.  If that doesn’t happen and we let someone else’s bad choices change how we live our lives, we may end up losing even more.  Sometimes those that hurt us don’t even care what we’re going through or what they’ve done that has devastated us.  Sometimes all they see is themselves.  Allowing their decisions and bad behavior to define our path going forward gives away our power.  We need to have power over our lives to live successfully.  If we determine that even though we’ve been hurt to live our lives openly and well, that we won’t let a bad experience change our course, we will keep our power.  And we will find happiness again.

Today if you’ve been badly hurt by someone close to you, don’t forget your real focus.  Keep your control.  You know what’s best for you, and you know how to go forward.  You will find your way back to happiness and you’ll be wiser from the experience.  Don’t let someone else’s bad decisions determine your future.  You deserve only the best.  Keep your eyes on the goal and you’ll find it.

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