Archive | August, 2015

Giving the Benefit

16 Aug

We base our conclusions on many things. If we’re wise, we will be careful to base them on fact. Unfortunately, there are times when we make conclusions based on a situation, an impression, or hearsay. Sometimes those conclusions are right, but sometimes we’re way off the mark. When we interact with others it’s best to use facts when trying to understand what is happening. If we jump to a conclusion based on something we think we see, something we think happened, or something someone else said, we may be completely wrong. If we have doubts, we can give the benefit of the doubt before we decide to judge. If we do that, and things change we can adjust our perception. However, if we’ve already tried and convicted before the facts are known, it’s much harder to clean up the mess we’ve left in our wake.

Giving the benefit of the doubt means to withhold judgment on anything until all the facts are known. We wait before we assume anything, and allow ourselves to believe that the other party is innocent unless the facts show otherwise. If we wait until the entire story is revealed, sometimes we find that our first impressions were incorrect. Giving the benefit of the doubt increases harmony, and helps to build trust. If those around us know we won’t jump, and convict them before they’ve had a chance to explain, they’ll trust us to be there and listen.

We might be in a situation where we’ve been hurt because someone determined we had erred, or failed, or in some way done something wrong before we had a chance to defend our decisions. When that happens, we feel frustrated and unfairly persecuted. Everyone deserves to tell their story. If it’s assumed that we’ve chosen the wrong path before we can even explain, we may feel beset and hopeless. We might decide there is no point in even trying because decisions about us have already been made. But we have the right to speak up, and we can state our case clearly, and without reservation. Our story is ours to tell, and even if conclusions have already been made about us, we have the right to tell it. We can stand up for ourselves and be strong.

Today if something goes awry and you’re sure someone has done something wrong, wait and give them the benefit of the doubt. Don’t conclude anything until you get all the facts. If someone else has made an assumption about you that isn’t right, be courageous, and state your case clearly. We all deserve the benefit of the doubt. Today, give it, and make sure you get it. Listen and go forward with confidence. Be fair in all your dealings, and there is a better chance that others will be fair with you.

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Take It Back

15 Aug

There are times when we may find ourselves in relationships where we’ve lost control over our lives. We didn’t set out to find a relationship that would control us, but one thing leads to another, and suddenly we realize we’ve lost something. We’ve allowed a situation to build on itself to the point that someone else is determining our decisions, and how we live. Often these relationships are painful, and we are hurt. Sometimes because the changes have been subtle and insidious, we don’t realize how hurt we’ve been. But we know we aren’t happy, and something needs to change.

It’s good to believe in others, and put our trust in them unless they show us they are not worthy of that trust. When we are kind and trusting, we can sometimes bend too far and allow someone else to gain too much control. Sometimes it starts by just going along with something we don’t agree with because we love the other person and we want them to be happy. That may change into arguments as we try to be heard, and if the arguments continue over time, we may grow weary, and decide to give in to keep the peace. When that happens, we trade our control for calm. We hand it over to prevent disagreements.

Unhappiness can sneak up on us. If it’s been a gradual decline, and we’ve been unsettled for a while, we may not realize how far we’ve gone. Then something happens that wakes us up. Perhaps a trusted friend reminds us of how happy we used to be. Perhaps we decide enough is enough. Even if we truly value the relationship that’s hurting us, even if we still believe in the promise that things will improve, we will, eventually, have to make a choice. We deserve to be happy. When we are ready, and decide we want more, we will take our lives back. It probably won’t be easy. It may hurt to turn the ship, but we can do it. We are strong, and once we remember who we are, and how strong we are, we will succeed.

Today if you’ve decided to stop hurting, and you are ready to be happy, take your life back. Take it back. You have everything you need to succeed. Don’t listen if someone says you can’t do this. You can. You deserve to be happy. Today turn the ship. You are stronger than you realize. You are worth more than you can imagine. The best of everything is waiting for you.

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I Can’t Hear You

14 Aug

Have you ever known someone who constantly talks about how smart they are, but you’ve watched them make bad decisions over and over again?  Or someone who tells you how much they are going to do, but they don’t seem to accomplish anything? How about someone who talks about how kind and nice they are, but all you’ve seen is impatience and criticism from them? There is sometimes a disconnect between who we say we are, and what we do.  Sometimes they don’t match.  So which is it?  Are we the person we tell everyone we are, or are we the person whose life we’re actually leading? The truth is who we are isn’t what we say.  Who we are is what we do. We are living in the real world, and what we actually do tells the real story.

Sometimes people say they are one thing or another because it’s more flattering. Perhaps they want to be known as a generous person, so they tell people every time they do something that could be considered generous so they will be perceived as more giving than they really are. Perhaps they want to be considered patient and loving, so when others are listening, they adopt a patient and loving demeanor, even if it isn’t sincere. But people are smart. We’re very perceptive, and we can often spot a fake from twenty paces. The old saying that actions speak louder than words is true. It’s impossible to hear what someone is saying if their actions belie the claim.

When we first meet someone, we may be misled.  We hear what they tell us about themselves and at first, since we have no reason to doubt, we believe them. But sometimes as we get to know them, we realize they aren’t exactly the person they want us to think they are. If the disparity is egregious, we may determine they cannot be trusted. If it’s minor we may overlook it.  Either way, we need to pay attention. It’s important for us to know the truth about those around us so we know where we stand. It’s very painful to believe in someone, and then discover later that nothing we believed in was real. If we pay attention, we’ll figure out where the lines are, and what’s true. Gaining that knowledge will help us navigate the relationship more effectively as we move forward.

Today as you interact with those around you, pay attention. Listen to what is being said, and watch what is being done.  Learn about them, and understand who they really are. You’ll be more confident when you deal with them, and you’ll know how to handle your interactions with them more effectively.  Knowledge is power. Today, look around, pay attention, and gain the knowledge you need to go forward with confidence.

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Decision Time

13 Aug

Everybody has their own opinions about things. Sometimes we agree with them, and sometimes we don’t. When their opinions don’t involve us, we can disagree, and move on. But sometimes they are about us, and what we’re doing with our lives. Sometimes we get advice we haven’t asked for, and sometimes others frankly tell us what they think we should be doing. It can be uncomfortable when someone else makes a decision about our lives and strongly suggests we listen to it, especially if it’s someone we value and trust. But in the end, our lives belong to us, and the decisions about how we live them are ours to make.

Nobody knows the complete story of what we’re living but us. We have the insider’s view. No matter how close we are to others, it’s impossible for them to have our perspective. We are the ones living our lives, having our experiences, and being shaped by them. Sometimes those who care about us think they know what’s best for us. They may tell us to leave a personal relationship, or stay in it, quit our jobs or keep them, move or stay. There are all kinds of opinions out there and lots of people eager to share those opinions. If we are close to them, we may feel pressured to comply with their suggestions. We may find it difficult to say no, but saying no is our right. We have the starring roles in our lives, and only we know what we need to do.

When others project their opinions onto us and make the argument that their way is the right way, we can be polite and decline. We don’t have to give our reasons if we don’t want to, we don’t have to explain why we won’t take their advice, and we don’t have to justify our answers. We have the right and the responsibility of being in charge of our own lives. Even if everyone in our circle is screaming “Go left!” we can go right if that’s what we think is best. We have the power to control our lives. We can be loving, and thankful for suggestions, but in the end the choice is ours alone.

Today if you’re feeling pressured to make a decision you don’t think is right for you, you may decline. You can be confident in saying no. This is your life and you are the only one who knows the whole story. You can decide what’s best for you. You can live it your way. Today stand up for your decisions, and let those around you know that while you care for them, you will make your own choices. You’ll feel more empowered and you’ll be happier knowing you’re in control.

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Trade Off

12 Aug

Trading one thing for another is something we learn early in life.  Children often make trades at lunchtime, collector cards are traded to complete a set, toys are swapped, and even clothes are sometimes exchanged.  As we get older we realize that everything we do involves a trade of some sort.  We trade our time at work for money, we trade our money for things we purchase, and we trade our influence to get where we want to be.  Everything we do involves some sort of trade off.  They say there’s no such thing as a free lunch, and that’s true.  There is a price for everything, and we have to trade something to get it.  The trick is to be sure what we get when we make the trade is worth what we’re giving up.

Sometimes something we want has a price that’s too high for us.  If we want to study astronomy, we have to stay up all night to see the stars.  But if we’re early birds by nature, we may determine that’s too difficult for us.  Maybe we want to move up in our career but that would require moving away from our families, and we decide it’s not worth it.  Perhaps we dream of climbing Mount Everest but the physical demands are beyond what we can handle.  When we think of all the things we’d like to do, the cost of the trade off always come into play.  There will always be something we have to give up to achieve the goal, and only we can determine if the trade is manageable.

Some trades go well, and we are happy with the exchange.  When that happens we feel like we were treated fairly and made a good choice.  But sometimes, our trades go badly.  Maybe we purchase an expensive item that cannot be returned only to discover it wasn’t exactly what we thought it was.  Or we give up an evening to go out with friends, and upon arriving see that our contentious “ex” is there as well.  Because everything is a trade-off of some sort, the best we can do is to try to get as much information as possible before we make the exchange.  If we do that, we’re more likely to make trades we’re happy with.

Today if you’re planning to trade your time or energy for something you want, be sure the trade is in your best interest.  You are capable of seeing things clearly and making good decisions.  Ensure you are doing what you want most.  You’ll be giving something up for the goal you’re seeking.  Before you go forward, make sure the reward is worth the cost.

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