Archive | June, 2015

Turning It Around

5 Jun

Sometimes we have bad days. They just happen. We’ve all experienced them, and when they come around it’s a pain to navigate them. There are days when it seems that from the moment we get out of bed in the morning, everything goes wrong. We trip over something trying to get dressed, we spill something on our clothes before we leave home, we can’t find the car keys, the car won’t start, there’s a school bus in front of us taking FOREVER and we’re running late – you get the picture. We’ve all had days like this. When they come we may want to just forget it, go back home, and get back into bed. Nothing is going right so what’s the point of going forward?

Even on awkward, difficult days like these, there are things that go right. They can be hard to see amid what’s going wrong, but there are some good things happening. Let’s start with the basics – we’re still breathing, and that’s good. We still probably have some friends, and that’s good. There is probably food when we’re hungry – always a good thing. And despite how it feels, we probably will survive the day. The chances of two really bad days in a row are slim. Tomorrow will come, and this day will be just a memory. We just have to get through this one.

When things go awry, especially if we have the added stress of commitments we must make, time schedules we must keep, and appointments we can’t miss, we may feel beset, overwhelmed, and frustrated. All of those emotions may show in our behavior, and be visible on our faces. We may become impatient, irritated and short with others. We may gripe, and complain. But we can turn things around. If we want to, we can change our attitudes, and despite all the annoyances, we can still be positive.

The fastest way to fix a negative feeling is to smile. Just smile. Sounds strange, but the act of smiling will lift our spirits. Even if we don’t feel like smiling, just doing it will make us feel better. Not a fake smile, but a real dazzler. We can think of something we love, and just let it bring joy to our faces. And if we smile at someone else, and they return one back to us, we’ll feel even better. If we keep that going, pretty soon, despite the things that are confounding us, our attitudes will improve, and we will turn that bad day around. Things may falter and continue to annoy, but we’ll take them as they come, and we’ll be fine.

Today if things are going wrong, if you’re sure the universe has turned against you, if it seems that nothing is working, take a breath and smile. Just smile. Smile at yourself in a mirror. Smile at those around you. You don’t have to say anything – just make your face happy. You’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel, and when we feel better, everything changes. You have so much to offer. Don’t let the small calamities lock you down. Look up. Be happy. It’s just a day, and no matter what comes, you can make it great.

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The Boomerang Effect

4 Jun

Isaac Newton’s third law of physics says that for every action, there is an equal or opposite reaction. Since we are part of the physical world, this applies to us. Whatever we send out, will return back an equal or opposite response. We act, and then others react in some way. Often people return back to us the same sort of behaviors we give to them. Sometimes we get an opposite return, but often our actions are mirrored in others’ responses to us. No matter which way it goes, we will get a reaction of some sort. The question is – will it be the reaction we were hoping for?

Not only do others react to what we do, but we react to our own actions as well. For instance, say we don’t sleep well and when it’s time to get up, we feel tired and cranky. We don’t put our best foot forward during the day because we feel off. We are short with those around us, and don’t go out of our way to be helpful. We keep to ourselves, and mope. At the end of the day will we feel happier or more out of sorts because of these choices? What reaction will we have to our own actions?

And the same is true in our relationships with others. If we treat them with care and concern, chances are the returning reactions will be positive. However, if we neglect them or abuse them, the response will probably be much different. If we are rude and mean to those we encounter, they may respond the same way back to us. But if we are polite and gracious, the very same people will often react more positively. Everything we do, everything we say, elicits a response. When those responses bounce back to us, how will they look? A lot depends on what we sent out to begin with.

Newton was clear – for every action there will be an equal or opposite reaction. Today if you’re not getting the reactions you want, before you start analyzing why people aren’t responding the way you had hoped, first look at your initial actions. Do you need to modify them to get the response you want in return? If you’re getting the opposite of what you want, it may be time to change what you’re sending out. It may be time to revise your behavior. Like in volleyball, before you send the ball over, you want to make sure your serve will get the best bounce back. Otherwise, you might get a spike you weren’t planning on. And nobody wants that.

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What do you want?

3 Jun

When we are children, we do what our parents want us to do. They teach us, and guide us as best they can. When we’re older and we’re off to college or jobs, we do what our professors or bosses want us to do. We do our assignments to get the grades we want, or we follow the company rules so we can fit in and keep our jobs. We learn that in order to succeed we need to become compliant, and cooperative, and we do what we’re told. As we mature we begin to understand that although we comply to certain things, we are the ones who really control our lives. Our parents do their part, our professors and bosses do their parts, but in the end our decisions are ultimately ours to make.

There will always be people with opinions about how we should live our lives. They will often give us advice even if we don’t ask for it. And their opinions are important – to them. But they need not be the guiding force for us. We are the only ones actually living our lives, so it follows that we should be the only ones making decisions about them. Sure, we can ask for and take good advice when we want to. Sure we can listen when others tell us what they think. But in the end, we own the decisions we make. And the irony is, we own our decisions even if we don’t do what we want to, but choose to do what others tell us to do. It’s still on us.

It is neither appropriate nor truthful to tell someone they made us do something, unless of course, a gun was involved. Since that doesn’t usually happen, if we choose to do what someone else has decided for us, it’s our decision. If we choose not to do what they suggest, it’s our decision. And so, there is no way to excuse a bad decision by blaming others. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and sometimes we can make bad decisions because we weren’t given all the facts, or someone lied. But in most cases, when we make bad decisions, we have to own them. And the good news is when we make good decisions, we own them too.

If we choose what’s right for us, we will find happiness. If we choose what’s wrong for us, we may find despair. Either way, we get to pick. The most important thing when making a decision is to decide what we really want. What do we want to do? Not what do we think we should do, or what would be easiest to do, but what do we want to do? That sounds simple but it’s surprising how difficult it can be sometimes. If we want to make good decisions, we must determine what it is we want first.

Today if you’re struggling with a decision, first decide what you want most. What do you want from this decision? How do you want things to look on the other side? Once you determine that, it will be easier to understand. Keep it simple. Look at it objectively. Be bold. Make a decision and go forward. You probably already know what you want to do. Now go do it.

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Do you feel the pinch?

2 Jun

Have you ever worn shoes that were just a little too small? Maybe they felt okay at first but as you walked in them they began to pinch? Sometimes we can feel that sort of discomfort in our lives. It’s nothing serious, just a little pinch that something isn’t right. Like a blip on the radar that we can’t identify. We don’t feel exactly settled. Maybe we aren’t sleeping well, and we feel edgy. Something is off. Something is bugging us.

When this happens, it’s a good idea to give it some attention. Think about what we’re feeling. What is going on in our lives? Generally when we feel that little annoyance, there is something just under the surface that we’ve been ignoring. Perhaps it’s something someone said or did we blew off at the time, but has been bothering us ever since. Perhaps it’s a situation we’re involved in that for some reason just doesn’t fit. Perhaps it’s something we need to do that we keep putting off. Or maybe it’s something we did in the past that we need to revisit. Whatever it is, it helps to address it, so we can let it go.

Each day a lot of things happen to us. Sometimes we’re caught off guard by something, and even though we feel like we’ve moved on, sometimes it lingers. It’s there in the back of our minds niggling at us. Poking us to pay attention, making us feel unsettled. If it’s unpleasant, we may try to ignore it. But it remains, reminding us that it’s there. If we want to shake it off, first we have to fix it.

We deserve to get the most out of each day. We deserve to feel confident and settled. If there are things that take that from us, it’s best to change them. Once we determine what’s bothering us, and then do what it takes to let it go, our peace will return. It might be an easy fix, or it might be something that is more complicated. Once we’ve addressed the issue, done what we need to in order to let it go, we will be happier and feel like ourselves once more. We’ll feel relaxed again, and all those rough edges will smooth out.

Today if you’re feeling out of sorts, if you feel an annoying reminder of something that’s bothering you, address it. If it involves someone else, talk to them. If it involves a decision you need to make, decide. Whatever it is, fix it now, and find your center again. Small irritants can become bigger problems if we let them fester. Fix them while they’re small. Today is a great day to clean the closets. Once everything has been tidied up you can shut the door, and move on. Nothing will hold you back.

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The Waiting Game

1 Jun

Have you ever had to wait for a long time for something to happen, for something to arrive, or for someone to change? Have you ever waited for a long, long time for something you’ve been hoping for? If you have, you know how hard it can be. It’s hard to be patient for a long time. It’s hard to believe for a long time. It’s hard to wait, and wait, hoping that things will work out, and what you want will come to you. And as you wait, there will be those around you who will offer you advice. Some will support you, and others will tell you to stop. It really doesn’t matter what anyone else says. You’re waiting because it’s important to you. So you continue.

We only have control over what we do. We can’t control what others do, we can’t control what comes to us, and we don’t have the power to change everything. We only have the power to change ourselves. When we are waiting for someone else to do something, or for a situation to change that involves others, it can be very hard.

Waiting is a difficult game. It requires patience, stamina, and faith. We have to believe that what we’re waiting for will actually come to us. Otherwise there is no way to hold on. But if we really believe the change will come, that it will resolve the way we hope it will, we can manage it. If we really believe what we’re waiting for is worth it, we can hold on. We can wait a little longer.

But if the wait is too long, we may lose faith. If there is no way for us to make things happen, to make things work out, and nothing changes, we may give up. We may decide it’s no longer worth the fight. It’s no longer worth the struggle. We may decide to let the dream go. It hurts to let go, but after a time, if we’re sure we’ve done everything we could, and still nothing has changed, it may be time to reconsider. It may be time to change course.

Today if you’ve been waiting for something for a long time, take a moment to think about what you want most. Do you want to continue to hold on? Do you still believe what you’re hoping for is worth the struggle? Or will today be the day you decide to change things? If you decide to continue to wait, be strong. You’ve come this far, and this is just one more day. But if today is the day you let it go, be brave. Take a deep breath, and make a new plan. Whatever you choose, if you believe in what you’re doing, you’ll handle whatever comes. So, in or out, the path is yours to choose. Choose the path you want most. You deserve to be happy. Choose the path that will make you happy.

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