Tag Archives: Control

Fences

2 Sep

If we live purposefully and with determination, our lives can be a great adventure.  We can try anything we want and push our limits as far as we wish.  There is nothing we can’t do.  But although we can make all the personal decisions we want, we’ll sometimes run into fences that block our path.  We may be able to see over them or through them to the other side but they stand in our way and keep us from going forward.  If they are tall enough and strong enough they may be impenetrable.  There may be no way to get over them from where we are.  However, no fence goes on forever.  Every fence, no matter how long or high, has a place to cross and if we look for it we’ll find it.  But we have to want to get to the other side badly enough to search.  It might mean going out of our way or even backing up a bit to get there but if we look hard enough and persevere long enough there is no fence that will stop us.  We just have to decide we’re going to get to the other side no matter what.  We can do anything we want.  If we want to cross over any barrier, we will.

Few things in life go as planned.  There are always unforeseen events and complications and sometimes it can seem what we want to do is impossible.  But often whether something is within our reach or not depends on how much we want to achieve it.  If we try to do something we aren’t really convinced we want, the first obstacle may end our journey.  But if there is something very important to us, something we can’t imagine not getting to, even if serious complications arise we will find a way to navigate them.  It’s easy to say, “I couldn’t do it,” and sometimes that may be true.  But often what we really mean is it wasn’t worth what was required to accomplish the goal.  There are times when after we begin a journey we realize it’s far more difficult than we imagined and we may decide to let it go.  That doesn’t mean we couldn’t do it, but that we’ve chosen not to do it.  We can make any decisions we like and we can change our course any time we choose.  If something doesn’t work, if the fence is higher or longer than we want to navigate, we can change our minds and move onto another goal.  We can choose where we go at every turn.

If we decide to change our course, the decision is ours and ours alone.  We don’t have to justify it, we don’t need permission, and we don’t have to feel bad for deciding to go another way.  Others in our lives may have ideas about what we should and shouldn’t do but their opinions need not control our decisions.  We can live our lives our way.  If we want to change our minds, we can.  But if we determine to stay the course despite the fences and obstacles in our way, each day we continue forward will bring us closer to our goal.  We can take the time we need to succeed.  We can do it our own way.  Our lives belong to us.  We are perfectly capable of managing them and doing what is most important to us.

Today if you’re on a path and there’s a fence in your way but you want to stay the course, keep walking.  Walk beside it until you find the opening you need.  If you want to change course and do something else you can.  There isn’t anything you can’t do.  Whatever you decide is best for you is the right decision.  You have everything you need to succeed.

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Being There

22 Mar

The world is a big place and there are billions of people inhabiting it. Whether we live in huge cities or small towns, in the country or suburbia, we are all here together. Everything we do, every decision we make affects our lives in some ways, and may also have an impact on others around us. We can try to isolate ourselves if we want to be alone, but it’s not always easy unless we lock ourselves up at home and don’t venture out. No matter what we do, we’re connected to those around us. We pass them, see them, engage with them, and make an impression about who we are. Although it’s good to be independent, we all need each other and depend on each other in countless ways. The level of that reliance depends on our relationship. Every relationship has an unspoken understanding that we’ll be available at some level. If we are strangers passing on the street that involvement will be minimal. If we are friends it increases. When we love each other that reliance will be great. We need to be available to those who love us – both emotionally and physically. We need to answer when they call, and respond when they need us. It’s an integral part of our relationship and if we neglect it, the trust we share will diminish and over time we may lose everything. It’s impossible to have a healthy relationship if one party isn’t available. If we want to be close to anyone, we have to be there for them.

We always do what we want to do most. That’s a truth we all share. We can say we couldn’t make a commitment because we got busy, or we didn’t make an appointment because our schedules got out of control, or we had a conflict, or anything else. While all our excuses may be true, the fact is we decide how we spend our time. The reasons we give for not showing or being available won’t always repair what has been lost. The simple truth is if something is really important to us, we’ll be there for it. If it’s not important, any excuse will do. When we have a relationship of any sort, if we want to keep it, we have to commit to it. And that means we have to be there and available.

When we make commitments and then don’t show, we are often valuing other things as more important. Sometimes we really do want to do something but our lives won’t allow it at this time. We all have real complications and sometimes things don’t work out. If that’s the case we need to re-evaluate the commitments we’re making. However, often when we don’t follow through it’s not because it’s impossible, but that we’ve chosen to do other things instead. We all get to choose how we spend our time. We are in control of our lives and can live them any way we like. We always do what we want to do most. Every person in our lives knows this and our actions clearly communicate it. If we really want successful relationships, they must be valued and protected. We can do that by being available and making them a priority.

Today if you haven’t been available to those who care about you or depend on you, remember your relationships are valuable and worth your time. It’s good to build strong bonds with those around you and you can do that by being there for them. You are very important, and so are they. Show them you care by showing up and being there. They will draw closer to you and your connection will deepen. We all need each other and we need you. Be there. The closeness you’ll develop will be well worth it.

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Eating an Elephant

11 Feb

There are times in all of our lives when we have a lot to do, things are complicated, and we’re under stress. A hundred things could be happening, and we may find ourselves struggling to keep up and manage it all. It’s easy to get overwhelmed at times like these and we may think we can’t handle it. When there’s a lot going on and a lot expected of us, we can feel like we’re chasing a train. There is no way to catch it but it can seem we’re expected to anyway. It’s hard to navigate everything when there’s a lot happening, but we can manage it more effectively if we step back and take it one step at a time. If we do the first step, and then the next, one after the other we’ll manage everything and get to the finish line. We don’t have to look ahead and try to do all that must be done going forward. It’s enough to tackle what must be done today. We can keep the long range goal in our sites, but if we focus only on what we must accomplish today, we will more effectively move forward. Stress can make it hard to think and see things clearly. Taking one day at a time will help alleviate that. Perhaps you’ve heard the old question, “How do you eat an elephant?” We all know the answer – one bite at a time. The same is true when we have a lot weighing on us. We can accomplish it by taking it one bite at a time.

There are many facets to our lives and at times it seems every one of them is pressing for our attention. Perhaps our families have special needs, and our projects at work are intense, and the car needs servicing, and we have to get supplies for the neighborhood party, and we forgot we promised to help a friend with a repair, and a dozen other things. Each task is easy to complete on its own, but when they are all jumbled together we can feel buried alive with no air to breathe. But each task, no matter how pressing, can be managed. If we take a few moments and make a plan, and determine how much we can accomplish today and what we can postpone until tomorrow, we will succeed. We are perfectly capable of managing our lives, no matter how complicated they become. We have the key to un-complicate them. We just need to take care of today. Tomorrow we’ll do tomorrow. And the next day we’ll manage that day. If we take it one step at at time, we’ll succeed in getting everything completed.

In this day and age it seems there are more expectations on us than ever before. There is always something more others want from us. But we are in control of our lives and we can say no if we need to. We don’t have to do everything we’re asked to do. We know how much we have already, and if adding more to the “to do” list will break the bank, we can decline. Saying no is an appropriate and sensible choice when saying yes would overwhelm us. We may disappoint the person asking for our time, but agreeing to do something we don’t have time for will only set us up for failure. It’s better to wisely monitor our choices so we can accomplish the commitments we’ve made. We are in charge of our lives and our decisions. It’s fine to say no when we need to. Being proactive in our choices will help us feel more control and enable us to better manage our responsibilities. We all want to be helpful, but sometimes that means we need to take care of what we have already and decline the opportunity to do more.

Today if you’re feeling overwhelmed with all you have to do, stop for a moment and look at what you can reasonably accomplish today. Make a plan to complete those tasks and tomorrow begin again. You can do anything but you can’t do it all at once. Just take care of today. One step at a time is all you need to take. Keep moving forward and you’ll find all the success you’re seeking.

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Keeping Secrets

9 Feb

Sometimes there are things we don’t want everyone to know. They are personal and private, so we keep them to ourselves. Other times, we share those very personal things with those close to us and open up in order to gain a closer relationship. But there are times we keep secrets for different reasons. Maybe we don’t want others to know the truth of a situation because it will prevent us from getting what we want from them. Sometimes we don’t want them to know the whole story because it may change their opinion of us. Whatever our reasons, when we keep secrets they can become very powerful in our lives. They can prevent us from doing certain things, saying certain things, or acting on suggestions that would benefit us. We may think we’re just keeping a secret, but if the secret controls how we go forward, the truth is the secret is keeping us.

It’s important that we are free to make decisions any way we want to, and act on those decisions freely and openly. If our lives are filled with secrets about how we are or who we are, we cannot experience that freedom. If we want to keep the secret away from others, we have to modify our decisions to accommodate it. When we live openly and honestly, without reserve, we can build strong and effective relationships. If we’re hiding something, we may build relationships but they will never be as strong or effective as they could be. It’s like building a house on sand. The foundation may look strong, and we might even use very strong stone, but sands shift with wind and rain, and when they do, the foundation becomes unstable and eventually the house will fall. The same is true of our relationships. If they are built on a foundation of secrecy when the winds come and the rain falls, and when everything is exposed as it really is, the relationship may fail. It’s impossible to keep a secret forever. Truth always surfaces and eventually everything will be laid open. When that happens the lives we’ve built may tumble and we may lose everything we thought we had.

We don’t have to tell everyone everything about us. There are personal things we all want to keep to ourselves, and we’re entitled to do so. But if we have secrets that could affect our relationships, it’s far better to simply state them, and move forward. Those who care about us will understand our fears and concerns and will respect us for sharing. If we have a secret related to our past that we don’t want to share, and it comes up, we can say it’s a private matter we aren’t comfortable discussing. We don’t have to tell things we’re uncomfortable with, but being open about an experience – even if we don’t tell all the details – will enable others to trust us, and will help us build strong connections. We can be private, and still not be controlled by secrecy. We deserve to live our lives openly and without controls. We can do that more effectively without keeping secrets.

Today if you’ve been keeping a secret and find that it’s controlling you and your decisions, let it go. You can keep personal details to yourself, but choose to live openly and without reserve. Nobody’s life is perfect. You are lovable and wonderful just as you are. There is no need to hide anything. Be courageous. Everyone will love and respect you for your honesty and faith going forward.

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Small Moves

15 Oct

Change is rarely easy.  It’s always more comfortable to keep things as they are than it is to change them.  But change is constant and can’t be avoided.  Sometimes we need to make adjustments to facilitate new situations in our lives.  Maybe we are moving and must change our jobs, or our jobs are changing causing us to relocate.  Perhaps a family situation has developed and it’s impacting our lives and routine in ways that mean we have to adjust our patterns and how we do things.  When we have to make serious changes it can be hard to navigate at first.  We may try to keep doing things as always and hope it’ll work out.  If it doesn’t we’ll have to find a new way to go forward.  It’s important to realize that change doesn’t usually happen all at once.  We generally have to make small adjustments one at a time to figure out what works.  We turn a few degrees to the right or to the left, re-adjust and then, if necessary, turn again.  We continue to modify our path until things are working more effectively and we’ve completely implemented the change into our lives.

Sometimes it seems like life would be easier if everything stayed the same.  We’re familiar with this road, we’ve been on it for a while and don’t see any reason to go into uncharted territory.  But this life is consistently changing.  It’s really the only constant we can count on.  No matter how things are now, they won’t stay that way forever.  So learning to accommodate the inevitable change that’s coming is imperative.  We can’t see the future and we don’t know what lies ahead.  What we’re doing now is preparing us for the new experiences coming our way.  If we are confident and positive looking forward, we will be able to adjust to whatever comes.  There really isn’t anything we can’t face.  Even the most difficult developments are within our ability to understand and navigate.

Our responses to change often result in stress.  Whether the change is wonderful or disastrous doesn’t really matter.  The measure of the change often brings with it a comparable amount of stress as we try to adjust.  If the impact is great, it takes more time than if it’s small.  We may feel out of control, anxious, and uncomfortable as we navigate through the transition.  But if we take it one step at a time, we’ll find our footing again, and no matter what the change is, we’ll figure out how to process it into our lives.  We don’t need to be afraid, and we don’t need to worry.  There isn’t anything we can’t manage.  We can be calm and confident as we figure out what to do next.  In time we’ll get through and although our lives may be different, and we may be facing a new “normal,” we’ll be able to find happiness and peace again.

Today if you’re facing some new changes, if you’re unsure and feel stressed, give yourself time to adjust.  Take it one step at a time.  Change is a normal and expected part of life.  It’s a time to redirect, and redefine who we are and where we’re going.  Walk through the transition at your own pace.  Give yourself time to adjust, and before you know it you’ll be on the other side happy with where you are, and looking forward.

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