The Rest of the Story

3 Aug

Sometimes our interpretations of situations are skewed because we don’t have the whole story.  We may hear one side of things, or we may be basing ideas on what we think we’ve seen.  There is an old saying, “Believe half of what you see, and none of what you hear.”  It’s wise advice, but sometimes because the source telling us a story is someone we trust, we may believe them.  And if they have only half the information, we may be way off the mark.  And seeing isn’t always believing.  What we see may be a small part of a bigger picture.

People are complicated, and sometimes situations are complicated too.  What at first may seem to be obvious can turn out to be something completely different.  If we make decisions based on what we think is happening, without first getting all the facts, we may make mistakes that hurt us, or others.  Everyone knows the rumor mill cannot be trusted.  Some of us love intrigue and suspense, and sometimes when people repeat a story, they embellish it.  Before we know it, the entire scenario barely resembles the truth.  It’s like the telephone game we played as children.  Nothing is ever the same after it’s been filtered through several people.

It’s best then to try to get the facts from the real source instead of those reporting on it.  That’s not always possible, and if it isn’t, we should let it go.  Many people have been hurt by rumors that started out with a segment of truth, only to be blown way out of proportion to the point that they no longer resemble what happened at all.  Getting the rest of the story before we believe or repeat anything is imperative.  This is true in our interpersonal relationships, and in every other facet of our lives.  We need to get the truth before we go forward.  If that isn’t possible, we need to let the story go.

Today if you’ve gotten involved in a rumor or story that’s floating around, stop until you can verify all the facts.  Don’t take a chance on hurting someone by repeating something you’ve heard, or interpreting something you think you’ve seen.  We are all connected to one another, and we have a responsibility to ensure we don’t injure each other needlessly.  Be wise, and be careful with what you repeat, and what you interpret.  Those around you are important and they will value you, and trust you when you care for them.  Caring isn’t always sharing.  Sometimes caring is keeping it to yourself.

 

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Leaving a Mark

2 Aug

No matter what we experience in this life, good or bad, it leaves a mark on us. We are the sum total of our experiences. Everything we see, everything we do, everything that happens to us, all leaves an impression on us. There is no delete button. It’s all there. Over time we may forget something, and then someone says a word or phrase, or we smell a specific scent, and the memories come rushing back. But even if we’ve forgotten something we’ve experienced, it’s still inside us like indelible ink. We can’t remove anything from our pasts. But we can learn to let our experiences teach us, and help us become the people we want to be.

When we have heartbreak, and disappointment, it’s hard to see anything positive from the experience. But in processing the sadness or anger, we can develop new coping skills which we can draw on later. When we have joyful times and everything is going well, we can draw on the contentment, and satisfaction we feel during more stressful times. Every experience teaches us something new, and if we pay attention we can make the most of the learning.

During difficult times, if we want to, we can be filled with resentment, be jealous when others are doing well, be angry because things haven’t gone as we’d hoped, and hold onto grudges. These decisions will not allow us to grow. Resenting hard times is a waste of energy. Hard times come to us all. If we get stuck in resentment and jealousy, focusing so hard on someone else’s life and decisions, we may forget that our lives are going by. And holding onto a grudge prevents us from moving forward. Instead, it’s best to learn everything we can from our experiences, good and bad. This life rushes by in a moment. If we want to learn all we can, we have to value each experience, and each mark it leaves on us.

Today if things are going well and you’re happy with your situation, rejoice and embrace it. Hold the happy feelings close and remember them. If things are difficult and you’re struggling to get through, learn all you can from the experience so when it’s over you’ll have something positive to draw from. Whatever you’re experiencing, make the mark positive. Grab all the good you can, and take it with you. Focus on what you’re learning, and move closer to the person you want to be.

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Too Late

1 Aug

There are common conceptions of what people should do at certain stages of their lives. We have ideas about what those in their twenties will be doing, which is a bit different from our ideas about those in their forties. But these ideas don’t always hold true. As our society has progressed, our perceptions about age have changed, and created a more fluid, and accepting environment. We can really do anything we want, any time we decide to. If we missed college after high school, we can still go. If we want to change careers late in life, we can. Outside of physical limitations, there really is no time limit for doing what we want to do. We can wait, or we can start, and we can do whatever works for us.

I have a friend who in her fifties decided she wanted to be dentist. She had a college degree but needed to take some courses to qualify for dental school. So she registered and completed those, and then applied to several schools. She was accepted at a great dental school, and attended for four years. Once completed, she opened her own dental practice, and has been a very happy, and successful dentist for nearly twenty years. Of course, when she first decided to take this journey there were those in her circle who told her she was too old, and it was ridiculous to consider. “Do you know how old you’ll be when you finish?” they asked. Her response was, “The same age I’ll be if I don’t do it.” And so she didn’t listen. She knew what she wanted, and she went for it.

If we really want to do something, even if it’s a big change from where we are now, and if we are physically able to make the change, there is no reason not to proceed. Our lives are ours to dictate and decide. We can do anything we want to. It’s really never too late to make changes if we want them. I know a man who is eighty three. He is still learning and going after goals he sets for himself. He knows he is old, and he knows sometimes there will be difficulties, but he sets his mind and does them anyway. He is a great example. We can do anything we want. It doesn’t matter where we are in life. If we want something, we can achieve it.

Today if you’re thinking about doing something you really want to do but have been afraid that maybe it’s too late, do it anyway. This is your life and you can do anything you choose. Anything. Be confident and go forward. Make a plan and start your journey. Before you know it you will have achieved your goal and great happiness. This life is ours to design. You can do anything you want to. You just have to decide.

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Into the Wind

31 Jul

As we go through our lives, there will be times of difficulty and hardship. Times when we feel unsettled and unsure, and times when going forward is difficult. This may be a reflection of changes in our lives over which we have no control. Perhaps a loved one passes away, maybe a relationship has ended, or we’ve had to face a disaster of some sort. Sometimes they come because we’ve changed. The person we were has grown, and now the things we were so sure of aren’t as clear as before. Difficult times come to all of us, and when they do, they are hard to face. But they are also opportunities for growth.

When heavy winds are blowing on us, it’s tempting to turn around, and try to move forward against them with our backs turned.  It’s tempting to look away and try to distract ourselves from the onslaught.  But we can’t find our way walking backwards. We have to turn around, put our faces into the wind, and push forward despite the discomfort.   As we push ahead, we have to look inside ourselves to find the strength and direction we need. We can ask for advice from others, seek counseling if needed, and we can turn to a higher power for guidance. We can get all kinds of support, but in the end, the way forward is determined by us. We are the only ones who can navigate our trials, and the only ones who can decide which way forward is right for us.

When we’re facing difficulties, there is often confusion, and disharmony, but there is also the prospect of a new beginning. Beginnings can be scary when we aren’t sure where they’ll lead, but they can also be exciting. When we begin on a new road the scenery is foreign, the path is uncertain, and because we haven’t been there before, getting lost is a possibility. But if we keep our eyes focused ahead, take each turn as it comes, and look forward with confidence, we will find our way. It takes courage to move through difficult passages, but we have all the courage we need to get through them. We must believe in ourselves, and remember how strong we really are.

Today if you’re going through a difficult time, if there’s a lot to adjust to, and you aren’t sure which way is right, have faith. This is just a passage, and although it’s rocky now, it may lead to the best time of your life. Be courageous. You have all you need to weather the storm. You are strong, and you will find your way. Beginnings are the best time for change. Embrace that. There is a rainbow just behind the clouds.

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In the Circle

30 Jul

We all have a circle of friends and family that we spend time with. Our circles are filled with people we’ve come to trust, and share our lives with. They can change from time to time as people move in and out of our lives, but we enjoy those we keep close, and appreciate our association with them. Our circles are ours to design and fill with the ones we most want to be around. If we like, we can close the circle off and keep new people from joining us. Some of us like that idea, and the stability of keeping everything the same. But it’s important to think about keeping our circles open. Our lives change from day to day, and there are endless opportunities to meet new people and engage them. If we develop new friendships and allow new people to share our lives, we will be enhanced and enriched.

There are countless varieties of personalities and individual traits in the human race. And each and every one of them has something to offer. When we have dinner, it’s wonderful to have a delicious, savory meal, and then at the end have something light and sweet. If all we had were the sweets, we would miss the pleasure of the savory. The contrasts are what make the meal special. It’s the same with us as people. It’s the differences that make everything rich. People who are like us may make us feel comfortable, but those who are different from us enrich us with new experiences, and new interpretations. If we keep our circles open just a little, and allow new relationships to enter, we will gain a broader understanding of life.

It’s easy to close our lives up, and keep things predictable. We can stick with the same people, go to the all the same places, drive the same kind of car, etc. But if we are able to open up just a little and let new ideas in, let new people get close to us, and allow ourselves to embrace new points of view, our perceptions will deepen, and we will learn more than we may have thought possible. It’s wonderful to meet new people, and it’s interesting when they share their differing viewpoints with us. This life is a great experiment. The more variables we allow, the more we’ll learn.

Today if you feel you’ve kept your life closed in a little, take a chance and open your circle a bit wider. Get to know new friends. Exchange new ideas, and be receptive to differences. Your world will get more expansive, your perceptions will get broader, and you will be richer. Extend your hand. Be welcoming. The more friends and family you let into your circle the greater your life will be.

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