Which Way

9 Nov

There are countless directions we can take with our lives. We can do anything we want and we can choose our direction any way we see fit. Whichever way we choose to go will take us to a specific destination. Whether we are successful or not depends first on our ability to identify where we want to end up. If we want to be a scientist, we have to choose an education that will open the door for us. If we want to be a dancer, we have to begin learning steps. It’s impossible to achieve anything unless we direct our course appropriately and do what is needed to get there. It’s a simple concept, but we can get confused and although we think we know where we want to go, may actually be on the wrong road to get there. Life is complex and our path is affected by a lot of influences and forces we can’t control. But we can control our decisions, and once we decide what we want, we can also control our direction to achieve it.

It’s important in any endeavor to think about where our feet are pointing. Some destinations have a lot of routes that will take us there, and some have only a few. For instance, if we want to a career that requires a college education, we must get on the road that will give us that education to open the door to that career. But if we want to do humanitarian work, there are many paths we could choose. The first step is to define where we want to go. Where do we want to end up? What do we want to accomplish? What’s the goal? Once we determine those things, we can begin to chart our course. After we make our plan, complications will inevitably begin. It seems there is no end to complications in this life and most things are never as easy as they seem at the beginning. But no matter what happens, if we know where we want to end up, and we keep our eyes on the goal, we can continue moving forward, and in time we will achieve it.

Sometimes in the middle of a journey, we change, and decide to alter our course to accommodate a new destination. There is certainly nothing wrong with changing our minds, but if all we do is continually change the goal, we may never accomplish much. We can do anything but there are so many choices it takes focus to choose well and stick to a decision. Focusing and sticking are imperative if we want to succeed.  Once we get to one destination, if we like, we may immediately plot a new course that will take us to the next goal. If we remember what we want to do, if we plan and stay true in each decision, we will accomplish a lot in our lives, and in the end, will be successful in doing all the things we want to do.

Today if you’ve been thinking about your direction, if you aren’t sure your feet are pointing to the destination you most want, re-set your course. You can accomplish any goal you set out to do. Once you’ve made your decision, stick to it and keep moving forward. Take things as they come and stay focused on the road ahead. You can do anything you set your mind to. Point your feet in the direction you want to travel, take a step forward, and you’ll realize all your dreams.

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Fact or Fiction

7 Nov

People have a lot of opinions and some of them involve us. They see us do things or hear us say something and draw conclusions about who we are. Sometimes they’re right, but sometimes their interpretations of what we’re doing are inaccurate. Unfortunately, once they’ve made up their mind about us, they may share their perceptions with others, and before we know it people may think we are someone very different that who we really are. It isn’t always bad. Sometimes they are wrong in ways that make us look better, but other times they may assume we’re doing something inappropriate, wrong, or distasteful. When that happens, we can be hurt by the stories people tell about us. Even when there is no truth to the rumors, they can hurt us, and damage our confidence.

We are the only ones who know who we really are. We share our lives with others, and even when we share ourselves in intimate relationships, nobody can know us like we do. We know our thoughts, our motives, our intentions and we know what we want and what we believe. Our outward actions only tell part of the story, and when they are misread, can tell a story that has nothing to do with the truth. It becomes a question of fact or fiction. We always know the facts but unless we’re clear in expressing them, fiction may take over. Lives can be destroyed by rumors, and spirits can be broken. It’s imperative that we do everything we can not to spread them, and if we are the subject of them, do everything we can to clear up the distortion. We need to speak up and correct any misconceptions, and hold fast to what is real.

There may be times when stories about us, even when they aren’t true, make us question ourselves. After all, if others believe we are a certain way, we might think there must be some truth to it. There is a minute bit of truth in almost all fiction, but that doesn’t make the entire tale true. We need to stand strong in being ourselves. In the end it really doesn’t matter what other people think or what they say about us. If we continue to live our lives authentically, in accordance with our personal goals and desires, those around us, even those who initially believed fiction, will come to know the facts. And when they do, they’ll see us clearly and without misinterpretation.

Today if you’ve been injured by stories about you, if someone misunderstands you or what you’re doing, you can be strong, knowing the truth. You know who you are and any fiction floating around means nothing. Be courageous in being uniquely you. Be open and honest about yourself, and those around you will come to understand exactly how impressive you really are. Live your life exactly as you choose. You are a gift to the world. Never forget that.

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After You

6 Nov

We all want to do things well and shine in our accomplishments. We may want to impress others with our talents and abilities and in order to do that we have to get their attention. Getting attention is generally easy, and if we’re focusing exclusively on ourselves trying to get noticed, we may not even see others around us. We’re honed in on the task at hand and can only see our particular way forward. But others are around us, and sometimes they are working hard to be noticed as well. It’s great to be first, but it’s also good to let others go ahead from time to time. If we take a step out of the limelight once in a while and let someone else step up, we can learn a lot about them, and about ourselves. If we’re used to steaming ahead to the front of the line it may take some thought to step back, but when we do, there is a lot to be gained.

When we’re rushing around from place to place and task to task we keep our eyes trained on the way ahead. As we grab the door and rush into where we want to be we might not see someone standing right next to us. Slowing down just a little and allowing them to pass teaches us patience and helps us remember we aren’t the only person in the world. We can learn to say, “After you,” open the door for someone else, and let them go first. We all have a lot to offer, and if we pay attention we can learn from those around us. If we are so focused on our personal goals and what’s happening in our lives, it will be difficult, if not impossible, to learn anything from anyone else. But we can step back, we can slow down a little, and we can take notice. We can let someone else lead.  Letting them go first doesn’t diminish our accomplishments, and will give us a broader view of who we are.

It’s easy to be selfish and concentrate only on what we want to do. It doesn’t take much thought and we can ignore everyone else if we want to. But extending ourselves a little and allowing those near us to share our lives is important. We can give a little space, offer a little time, and let someone else go ahead of us once in a while. We don’t always have to be first. We can share the light and we can expand our focus. When we do, we build relationships and make connections that will bring us contentment in the long run. Our lives are enhanced when we share them with others, and learning to say, “After you,” is one way to start.

Today if you’ve been pushing ahead, and rushing to get to the front of the line, look around and notice who’s next to you. You are great and have a lot to offer. You don’t have to prove how terrific you are by being first all the time. Everyone will notice you even when you let others go first. Share the road as you go forward, and build relationships. It’s far better to be with friends than strangers, and taking a moment to share with those near you is the first step.

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Chopsticks

5 Nov

Every day we live is a chance to experience joy and do something to move us closer to where we want to be. We are in control of our days and the choices we make. When we choose well, we are content, but sometimes things don’t go exactly the way we want them to. Imagine you are holding one chopstick that represents your day today. As long as you hold onto it you’re in control and you can do anything you want. But if you give it away to someone else, they will be in charge for the day. We all want to be in control of our days, so it seems foolish to hand them over to anyone else. But if we let the hurt or pain caused by someone else control us, that is exactly what we do. We give our day away. While it’s true that some wounds don’t heal right away, each day we let the disappointment, pain, fear, or anger control our lives, we give that day to the person or situation that caused it. And the irony is that those who have hurt us usually have no idea they have control.

Pain is a part of life. We can’t prevent it, we can’t escape it, we can only process it and move through it. If we lived alone on an isolated, deserted island, everything would be in our control. But we live with others, and their decisions, for better or worse, affect our lives. We bump into each other, we annoy each other, and we sometimes hurt each other. Of course, we also love each other, we share joy, and we embellish each others’ lives. It’s a mixed bag. When we get hurt, and don’t heal right away, we grieve until we’re able to move on. That’s normal. But if we let the hurt define our lives, if we let it keep us from moving forward, and are unable to let it go, we give our lives away to it. Our lives are important. They count. We have a lot to offer. Losing even one day is a great loss.

Getting over serious pain or disappointment isn’t easy. It takes work, and it takes time. How much time it takes depends on a lot of factors. Only we can decide when to let it go and begin to move forward. We can hold onto it for as long as we like but each day we do, we have to symbolically give up our chopstick, and the control over our lives. In some situations it takes considerable time to process everything, and not having control isn’t an issue. But in time, if we want to be happy again, if we want to move forward, we will have to heal and take control again. Life can be complicated. It can extremely joyful, or desperately sad. Nobody knows what each day will bring, but we can face whatever comes. We can overcome any disappointment, any disaster, and any loss. And when we’re ready, we can recover and guide our lives to where we most want to be.

Today if you’ve been struggling with something that has been so difficult you’ve been stopped in your tracks, think about the way forward. You have so much to offer. Take the first step in regaining your control. Own your day today. Hang on tight. Lift your head and look forward. There is a road waiting for you. You have everything you need to get to it, and by taking the very first step you’ll find your way back to happiness again.

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Out of Bounds

4 Nov

Sometimes in our relationships with others, we discuss or share things that are personal. We tell them very private thoughts about certain areas of our lives, or talk about our hopes and dreams with them. When we do, unless we say it’s okay to share our comments, we may expect them to keep them to themselves. But sometimes, those close to us tell others what we’ve said and it makes us uncomfortable. If it’s something very private, it may hurt us that they told someone else. If we share something confidential and ask that it not be repeated, and then discover others have been told, it’s a very personal betrayal. It can be embarrassing and painful to learn that our private thoughts have been tossed around. Those who betray our trust sometimes think telling others is okay, but if we’ve asked them to keep it private, their thoughts mean little.  It’s appropriate to trust a boundary with a friend. If that trust isn’t honored, it can be very hurtful.

There are some people who have no filters. They repeat everything they hear to everyone they know. They don’t believe there should be any walls around information, and they often don’t care what others think. They may give their word to protect what they’ve heard, but then are unable to keep it. When we have someone like that close to us, it can be devastating to discover our inner most thoughts and feelings have been broadcast. We can feel humiliated and exposed. Everyone has the right to make any decision they like, but if those decisions hurt us, we need to evaluate our relationship with them. If they can’t be trusted to keep our confidence, we must protect it.

Some people don’t believe it makes any difference if everyone knows our private thoughts, and if we cherish our privacy and hold it dear, we need to protect ourselves from sharing with them. If they are someone close to us, and we love them, that can be difficult. We may forget their inability to hold our comments to themselves and in times of distress, open up to them. Boundaries are important and we are the only ones who can protect our own. If we share and are betrayed, it hurts. We must define who can and who can’t be trusted with our private thoughts. Once we understand who they are, and accept that even those who love us may not be trustworthy with our boundaries, we can make wiser decisions. Protecting our privacy is our responsibility. We can define our boundaries any way we choose, and we can do whatever is needed to protect them.

Today if you’ve been exposed in ways that have hurt you, and if your boundaries have been betrayed, you can protect yourself going forward. You can have close relationships with others who don’t understand your boundaries and still ensure your privacy by guarding what you share. Understand the limits of the people close to you, and you will be comfortable going forward. Your boundaries are sacred and should be honored. You are entitled to them, and you may protect them.

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