Making Bread

2 Dec

I have a friend who is a baker.  He makes all kinds of artisan breads and works very hard at creating new recipes that are delicious and incredible.  While visiting him recently I watched as he worked.  He made the dough and then scraped it onto his table where he proceeded to knead and work it.  At one point he picked the huge ball of dough up and slammed it against the table.  I asked him about that and he said it helped to develop the dough, making it more elastic and giving it a wonderful texture.  Later when we tasted the bread, it was amazing.  And he was right, the texture was wonderful and I have never tasted anything more perfect.  I have been thinking about that ever since.  There is a parallel to our lives in this.  We go through our days and things go right and sometimes they go wrong.  It seems our struggles knead us into something better, and there are definitely times when we feel we’re being slammed against a table!  But if we endure, and learn from our experiences, we too, just like my friend’s bread, will have an amazing texture to our lives, and become deep and well developed.

Nobody likes to go through hard times.  Nobody likes to suffer, and nobody wants bad things to come to them.  But we don’t live in Nirvana.  We live on earth and in a human existence.  We interact with others who have free will and can, and sometimes do, make decisions that impact us negatively.  We get hurt, and we struggle, but through the struggle comes strength, and knowledge, and if we’re patient, eventually wisdom.  It would be great if we could learn everything we needed to know, and grow into incredible people without suffering, but that isn’t the case.  It seems we need a refining fire to burn off our superficial pettiness, and our selfish desires.  Silversmiths work with ore putting it in a hot furnace again and again.  When asked how they know all the dross has been burned off and the silver is pure, they say they know it’s ready when they see their reflection in it.  There is nothing left to diminish the shine.  It’s the same with us.  We struggle, we feel pain and loss, and as we do small bits of what we don’t need fall away, and in the end because of what it takes to get through, we are purer than when we started.

It’s nice to dream of a perfect world where everyone loves everyone else, where we’re all respected and cared for, and where there are no tears of sadness, sorrow or loneliness.  But if we lived in such a state, if we were in paradise all the time, we would never have the opportunity to grow.  We would never really know joy because we would never know sorrow.  Joy is the absence of sorrow.  We have to experience one to understand the other.  And so, although it’s nice to think about a world where nothing goes wrong, it’s better to live in one where it does.  It’s hard to remember that when we’ve been hurt, betrayed, lied to, offended, or injured.  It’s hard to think anything good could come from our suffering, but greatness comes to us when we persevere and hold fast to what is right, even in times of trial.  Wisdom comes from experience – and the difficult experiences teach us far more than the easy ones.

Today if you feel beset by trials, if you’re suffering and feeling bad, remember you are in the refiner’s fire.  You are learning more about life and about yourself.  It might get hot and you may feel very uncomfortable for a time but it’ll never get too hot for you to handle.  You are becoming great.  You are becoming your best self.  Hang on and learn all you can.  You’re getting stronger and closer to who you really want to be.

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Finding It

1 Dec

Every day we spend our time doing things that are important to us. What those things are depend on who we are, what we want, how we feel, and dozens of other parameters. But no matter what’s going on, if there is something we want to do, even if we haven’t planned for it, we generally find a way to get to it. It’s often a true axiom that we do what we want to do most. For instance, if we have responsibilities we need to take care of but would rather try out a new restaurant, we might let something go to make that happen. It’s a question of motivation and direction. We may tell ourselves we really need to get something done, and we might even plan for it, but if we don’t want to do it, we may justify putting it off. In the end, whatever we’re looking for, we’ll find. If we’re looking for a way to make something happen, we’ll get it done. If we’re looking the other way, it won’t happen.

There is sometimes pressure from others to do things a certain way and in a certain order, but if we aren’t convinced that’s for us, we won’t make it a priority. However, we might agree to do it their way just to make them happy, and get them to drop the subject.  We can do anything we want to with our time. We are the ones in the end who make the decisions about our lives. And so, it’s important to decide what we really want to do. Do we really want to visit that friend we’ve been promising to see for months but never make it? Do we really want to go to that sci-fi movie because our best friend loves it and we hate it? We need to be completely honest with ourselves and with those around us. If we aren’t going to do what they ask, we may politely decline. If we aren’t going to show, no matter what the argument is, it’s best to say so.

We all want to be nice and helpful. We want to be agreeable and get along with others. Having our own opinions and making our own decisions does not diminish that. We can be completely honest and we can say no. When we’re honest and upfront we may face the disappointment of others when we decline their request, but they will respect us for telling the truth. When things must be accomplished, we should make a defined plan to get them done so we can let them go. Leaving them hanging in limbo will never bring us satisfaction or peace. They’ll niggle at us continually until we complete them.  But when we’ve completed the task we can move on to the things we most want to do. We are capable of organizing our lives and our activities in the best possible way so we can be comfortable and happy going forward.

Today if you’ve been looking for ways to dodge something you need to do, make a plan to get it done and then complete it. You’ll be happy when the chore is over and you can move ahead with something fun. Be proactive and organize your tasks so you feel content and capable. You can do anything you want to do. Today look for the best way, and you’ll surely find it.

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Not Joining In

30 Nov

Although we try to associate with friends who respect us, and people we can trust, there are unfortunately times when we may find ourselves in the company of those who are neither respectful nor trustworthy. Perhaps they lie, manipulate, cheat, or do other things to hurt us and make us doubt our worth. It’s not easy to have interactions like those and if we do, we may be intensely angry or feel emotionally destroyed. We may struggle with unbelief, especially if we thought we were valued. But if those that hurt us don’t really care, when we learn the truth, we can be devastated and lost. “How could we be so blind?” we may ask. We wonder how we could have missed the signs that must have been there. Sadly, people who don’t really care may be so adept at hiding their true nature, it may have been impossible to know the truth until it was too late. But no matter how long it takes, eventually the truth comes out. And when it does we may feel like fools, and have no idea what to do next.

There is an old saying, “If you can’t beat them, join them.” If we believe this, we might feel justified in taking revenge, and finding a way to hurt those who’ve hurt us as badly as we can. We may feel it’s fair to make them miserable and do everything possible to destroy them. It’s certainly one way to cope with the pain, but joining them in their hateful behavior will not help us. It seems like it will, but all it will do is add personal disappointment to the pain. It’ll be a “two fer.” We’ll get to suffer from their actions, and then feel worse from our own. And that isn’t in our best interest. It might make us feel better in the short run, but in the end it’ll just make things worse. If we’re already devastated, making things worse will never help.

Although those who have acted badly, who have hurt us on purpose, or who have manipulated us, certainly deserve retribution, we don’t have to compromise our ideals to make sure they get it. We must remember that our lives belong to us, and we are in control of our decisions. If we lower our standards and become as viscous as they are, we give control to them. If we react poorly instead of respond well, we will lose. And if we’ve been badly hurt, we’ve lost enough already. However, if we stay strong in our standards, and hold tight to our ethics, and instead reach for the noble path, we prevail. There is nothing that can diminish integrity and wisdom. There is nothing that can triumph over excellent judgment. It isn’t easy to hold fast to what is right when we’ve been wronged. It isn’t easy to look up when we’re hurt, but that is the only way to win. We don’t have to join in bad behavior to prove we are right. We can stand strong, choose virtue, and honor ourselves and our values. When we do that, we always win. Our personal respect stays intact and we overcome everything. We have the courage and the ability to choose well. We can handle anything that comes to us, and handle it with dignity and greatness.

Today if you’ve been hurt badly by someone you thought you could trust, remember who you are. You are good, and you will choose what is best. Stand strong for what you know is right, and be the very best you can be. Nothing can diminish you. Hold tight to the truth. You are so much better than this. Be brave, and make decisions that support the excellent person you are. Be confident. You are worth the best of everything.

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Wet Snow

28 Nov

The snow in winter can be a beautiful sight. The first snow of the season often brings excitement and wonder, and the new covering of white makes everything seem magical. It’s fun to play in and children rejoice if it’s heavy enough to close school. Every situation is unique and if the snow is powdery and dry it’s completely different than when it’s heavy and wet. If it’s dry and light we may not even leave a footprint in it as we walk along, but if it’s heavy and wet we will leave a deep impression with each step that may last a long time.  Wet snow has a long memory. If we step in it, our prints will be long lasting and defined. The wind won’t erase them, and they will remain until conditions permit them to melt away and disappear, which may not happen until spring arrives.

We can make decisions in our lives that are so dramatic and change the landscape so much they are like footprints in wet snow. They can have an impact so great that the everyday winds of our lives, our comings and goings, will not diminish their influence and we need to find ways to navigate around them. Sometimes we make extreme decisions that leave long lasting results because of situations we’re in. Other times they may be the result of anger, or impulse, or reflex. If we’ve put a lot of thought into the decision ahead of time and are sure the decision is right, even though it will have far reaching consequences, we will manage whatever comes as a result. But if we’ve plowed ahead without thought, and done something that has changed the entire landscape of our lives and we’ve made a mistake, the ramifications may remain with us for a long time.

We all make mistakes and if we make one that changes the course of our lives it will be a dramatic development that will take time to adjust to. If we’ve hurt others, we will need to do whatever is required to repair the relationship and regain their trust. If the action was so egregious that our relationship is destroyed, we may have to let go and move forward on a new road. There is no mistake so intense or far reaching that we cannot recover, but recovery might require a change in our direction, and a new focus in our lives. We may feel all is lost, and too much has changed to ever be right again, but that is never true. There isn’t anything we can’t adjust, correct, or repair if we are motivated enough. We can rebuild our lives, we can change our behavior, and we can be successful again. The snow may have been very deep and wet when we stepped in it, the print we left may be indelible for a while, but eventually the air will warm enough to smooth the edges and soften the imprint. If we work on successfully going forward, in time, the mark we left will become a memory and who we have become will be the focus.

Today if you’re coping with a mistake you’ve made, if it seems immense and you aren’t sure you can go forward, take heart. You can fix this. No matter what has happened, if you determine to make good choices going forward, you will turn this around. You haven’t lost everything. Make the best decisions today. Tomorrow do the same. Each day that passes will take you closer to where you want to be. This is just a moment. Navigate it the best you can and soon you’ll find happiness again.

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Risking It All

27 Nov

We can do anything we want to do with our lives. We can accomplish monumental tasks, we can plan for success, and we can work to make all our dreams come true. But we can’t DO anything by sitting around thinking about it. We can’t accomplish anything if we’re afraid of the risks and don’t even try. There are risks with everything. What we want might be harder than we first envisioned, it might take longer than we imagined, and despite everything we do, we might fail the first time we try. Sometimes we imagine the risks to be far worse than they turn out to be, but whether real or imagined, we will face them with every endeavor. However, if we’re determined to work on the issue we’ll figure things out as we go. The greatest risk isn’t that things may go wrong. The greatest risk of all is not trying. If we do nothing, we will never succeed at the things we want most. And if we let that happen, if we don’t even try, our lives will never be the lives we desire.

It’s so easy to live in a dream state. We can go through the motions, face our days as they come and just get along. It’s simple and takes very little effort. We can dream of how things could be, we can even spend time planning, but if we do nothing, it means nothing. At some point we have to decide what kind of life we really want. Do we want to take the easy road, play along, go along, and never reach for something more? Or do we want to try, really try, to do the things we dream about? We can do anything we want to. We can make our lives any way we want them to be. But it takes effort. It takes courage, and it takes the willingness to face whatever comes as we move forward. If we aren’t willing to risk whatever it takes to be completely happy, we will never achieve it. We deserve to be happy. We deserve every advantage, but we have to give it to ourselves. We’re the only ones who can make it happen.

What if we try and we fail? What if we get hurt? What if nothing works out the way we thought it would? Can we face that? Of course we can. If we try one way and it fails, we learn what doesn’t work and we can change our plans going forward. Few things are accomplished in the first attempt. But if the first failure ends it for us, if we give up after one loss, we have no chance of success. We don’t have to quit even if everything goes wrong the first time, or the second time, or even if it takes a while to figure it out. We have the stamina and the patience to try again no matter how many times it takes. We can find the way by continuing to go forward. If we keep moving forward step by step, we will find success and achieve the goal.

Today if you’ve been wanting to change something in your life, if you’ve been trying and haven’t yet succeeded, don’t stop. You know more now than you did when you started. You are smarter and more aware of what you need to do. Try again. You will find the answers. There isn’t anything you can’t do. Face whatever risk you must and press forward. The goal is in sight. Keep your focus. You’re almost there.

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