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Leave and Take

26 Jan

There is a famous line from the movie “The Godfather,” that says, “Leave the gun, take the cannoli.” It’s given just after someone has been murdered and the killers are leaving the scene. Evidently it didn’t matter if the gun was found, but the connoli was treasured and not to be left behind. Although we will probably never be in a situation where we’ll use this same phrase in the same way, there will be times after an experience when there’ll be something we’ll want to leave behind, and something we’ll want to take with us. Every experience in life teaches us something. Sometimes the lesson is easy, and sometimes it’s hard and difficult to navigate. When we’ve been through something difficult, something that shakes us and makes us sad, worried or regretful, it helps to think about what we can learn from the experience and take with us. We don’t need to take the pain and disappointment, and can leave that behind. Every lesson we learn gives us something going forward that will shape us into who we become. Since we’re constantly changing, those lessons are continuous. If we learn all we can each time we struggle and take that with us, chances are we won’t have to learn the same lesson again.

Nobody wants to suffer or be in pain. Pain is our body’s way of telling us something is wrong. Physical pain can often be treated by a physician and medication can take the edge off and make it bearable. Emotional pain tells us something is wrong as well, or that we’ve made a mistake. Unfortunately, there is no medicine that will eliminate emotional pain, and generally we must endure it until we find a way around it. Our friends and family may try to comfort us, and sometimes that helps, or we may try to shake it off and let it go, and sometimes that helps too. But when we’re hurting, if the pain is intense, it can be hard to get through and see that it will end. During those times it’s helpful to think about what we can take away from the experience that may help us going forward. There is always something to be learned, and something to be gained when we’ve been hurt.

It seems that life would be so much better if nobody could hurt us or make mistakes that bring us discomfort. But we are human beings and we aren’t perfect. There is no way for us to be perfect and we’re going to falter. We will all hurt ourselves and sometimes we’ll hurt others either intentionally or accidentally because of choices we make. It’s unavoidable. We don’t know everything, we can’t see the future and sometimes even our very best guesses are wrong. Getting hurt is part of life and although it’s uncomfortable and we don’t want it, if we are wise and try to learn everything we can from our experiences and take all we can learn away with us when we go forward, we’ll be in a better position to prevent the same pain from returning. There isn’t anything we can’t handle. If we focus on what we’re learning when we’re managing problems, we will find something positive in the end. And finding something positive in the depths of sorrow will bring us comfort.

Today if you’re going through a hard time and you’re suffering, try to see the situation objectively and find the one good thing you can take away with you. You will leave this trial behind you in time, and all the pain that went with it. Take away the best part – what you learned from the experience. You’ll become wiser and you’ll feel stronger knowing you have gained something new. You can handle anything that comes. You’re strong and capable. Be confident and go forward learning all you can.

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Expectations

14 Jan

We all have expectations about our lives. We set goals, work toward them and expect to succeed. Every time we do something we expect a certain result. Sometimes those expectations are realized exactly as we planned, and sometimes they go another way. We can have great expectations about what we want from others, and if we are able to effectively communicate them, and those involved are willing to comply, we may get exactly what we’re hoping for. But again, sometimes things go another way. If our expectations are too high we may be disappointed, and if they are too low we may not get the results we were hoping for. We need to find the balance between what we want to happen and how we’ll get there. If we think about that and plan accordingly we might have a better chance of getting where we want to be. But finding the right balance isn’t always as easy as it sounds. And when we miss the mark we often miss the goal as well.

If we want others to work with us and make plans that include responsibilities above what they can or want to provide we will not find success. Perhaps we’ve been in situations where what we’ve been expected to provide is more than we could accomplish. It’s an uncomfortable situation and even if we know going in that it’s impossible for us to accomplish, we may try anyway. But expectations are just a belief that something will or should happen. They are a plan for the future. We are living today and there is no way to predict what will come. We can plan and make decisions about what we want, but realizing those plans and decisions depends on a lot of factors. If we aren’t careful when we set our expectations, we may fail.

How can we find a happy medium, the place where our expectations stretch us but don’t prevent us from success? If our goal involves a big change it won’t happen overnight. Rome wasn’t built in a day and we probably won’t make big changes in one either. To be successful we can make many smaller goals that one by one will lead us to the final achievement. And we must be prepared for all the complications that undoubtedly will arise along the way. But if we take the time to objectively look at where we are, where we want to be, and what we need to do to get there, and then set intermediate goals along the way, we will succeed. We need to consider everything in our lives, all the time pressures, our financial limitations, our responsibilities, and then make a plan that is both workable and adaptable. When we want something we sometimes want it right away but life doesn’t work that way. There isn’t anything we can’t do if we want to badly enough. But expecting any change requires planning. Setting up realistic expectations is the first step. Once we begin we can plan each step as we go forward and if we’re consistent and diligent, keeping our eyes on the prize, we will reach the goal.

Today if you’re deciding on a change, and making expectations for how it will come about, plan carefully. Consider the entire picture and then determine how you’ll go forward. You can succeed at anything you want to do. Take it one step at a time, adjust your path as needed and move forward. The goal is attainable and you will reach it. You have everything you need to get anywhere you want to go. Start today. Expect the best and then plan for it.

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What Lies Within

15 Dec

As we go through our lives we experience many things. Some are good, some are joyful, some are sad, and some may be destructive. We are an accumulation of all the experiences we have, good or bad, and they color our behavior and perspectives going forward. Emerson said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” This is a true statement. Although the experiences we’ve already had certainly affect who we are, and the experiences yet to come will impact us in some way, they are never more powerful than who we are inside. We have everything we need to comprehend and process any experience that comes to us, and we have the courage to overcome any obstacle. We have more strength and nobility inside ourselves than we comprehend and they come forward as we need them. What we carry inside us, the courage and honor we hold, is stronger and more powerful than anything that happens to us. What lies within is us can carry us through anything.

When we have bad experiences, when we are hurt, betrayed, or in any way distressed or offended, although we overcome them in time, we carry the scars with us going forward. Sometimes those scars affect our ability to be happy for a time, or prevent us from trusting others. Sometimes they teach us valuable lessons we can draw on later, and sometimes if they are strong enough, they can be crippling. How we handle them determines how we grow as we continue on. If we forget how strong we are inside, if we believe we cannot handle the disappointment and it will never heal, we could get stuck in misery. It’s important to understand there is nothing we will face that we cannot manage. There is nothing that will overcome us if we trust ourselves and draw on the immense reserves of strength we have inside. We can do anything. We can conquer whatever has happened, no matter how trying or difficult it may be.

Nobody knows what our futures will bring. We all hope for the best and plan for success but sometimes things go awry and we crash and burn. But crashing and burning just means we get to start over on a new road. The old path is gone, the old goal is over, and we can begin again to go forward in a new direction. We never reach the end until death arrives. Until then, we have endless opportunities for success every single day. We have everything we need already there inside us to figure things out. What comes to us is small compared to what we can do. We are powerful and strong, and we are invincible. If we remember that, no matter what we face, we will prevail.

Today remember that what lies within you is great. You are capable, noble, and strong. You have everything you need to go forward with joy and success. There isn’t anything you can’t do. You have more courage and strength inside you than you need. You can do anything. Be brave. You will succeed and you will be happy.

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Risking It All

27 Nov

We can do anything we want to do with our lives. We can accomplish monumental tasks, we can plan for success, and we can work to make all our dreams come true. But we can’t DO anything by sitting around thinking about it. We can’t accomplish anything if we’re afraid of the risks and don’t even try. There are risks with everything. What we want might be harder than we first envisioned, it might take longer than we imagined, and despite everything we do, we might fail the first time we try. Sometimes we imagine the risks to be far worse than they turn out to be, but whether real or imagined, we will face them with every endeavor. However, if we’re determined to work on the issue we’ll figure things out as we go. The greatest risk isn’t that things may go wrong. The greatest risk of all is not trying. If we do nothing, we will never succeed at the things we want most. And if we let that happen, if we don’t even try, our lives will never be the lives we desire.

It’s so easy to live in a dream state. We can go through the motions, face our days as they come and just get along. It’s simple and takes very little effort. We can dream of how things could be, we can even spend time planning, but if we do nothing, it means nothing. At some point we have to decide what kind of life we really want. Do we want to take the easy road, play along, go along, and never reach for something more? Or do we want to try, really try, to do the things we dream about? We can do anything we want to. We can make our lives any way we want them to be. But it takes effort. It takes courage, and it takes the willingness to face whatever comes as we move forward. If we aren’t willing to risk whatever it takes to be completely happy, we will never achieve it. We deserve to be happy. We deserve every advantage, but we have to give it to ourselves. We’re the only ones who can make it happen.

What if we try and we fail? What if we get hurt? What if nothing works out the way we thought it would? Can we face that? Of course we can. If we try one way and it fails, we learn what doesn’t work and we can change our plans going forward. Few things are accomplished in the first attempt. But if the first failure ends it for us, if we give up after one loss, we have no chance of success. We don’t have to quit even if everything goes wrong the first time, or the second time, or even if it takes a while to figure it out. We have the stamina and the patience to try again no matter how many times it takes. We can find the way by continuing to go forward. If we keep moving forward step by step, we will find success and achieve the goal.

Today if you’ve been wanting to change something in your life, if you’ve been trying and haven’t yet succeeded, don’t stop. You know more now than you did when you started. You are smarter and more aware of what you need to do. Try again. You will find the answers. There isn’t anything you can’t do. Face whatever risk you must and press forward. The goal is in sight. Keep your focus. You’re almost there.

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Guess What

23 Aug

When we talk to others and interact with them, we make judgments about what they say, who they are, and how they feel about us. We interpret their body language, the tone of their voice, and the phrases they use. Sometimes we understand the situation clearly and are able to effectively move forward from there. But because we’re dealing with assumptions based on our interpretations and not facts, we might guess wrong. And sometimes what we’ve assumed is not even close to what is real. When we try to interpret feelings, intentions, and meanings, we need to remember that we are only guessing. We may not, and probably don’t, have all the facts. Unfortunately, we sometimes act on our impressions, and make decisions based on them, and that can lead to problems and complications.

If we’re in a hurry, if we’re stressed, or we have a lot on our minds, we may sound irritated or angry when neither is the case. If we’re overwhelmed or distracted, we may sound bored. We might send out all kinds of mixed messages, and miscues. Instead of communicating clearly what is going on, we could send signals that infer the exact opposite of what we mean. It’s true for all of us. When we are talking with others, we may get an idea about how they’re feeling based on a misinterpreted response. And if we act on what we think is happening, we might get it wrong.

It’s important to clarify each situation before we make any decisions or move forward in any direction. We may ask the other party if what we think they are communicating is indeed what they meant to convey. In our own lives, if we think we’ve sent a confusing message, we can go back to those involved and explain the situation more clearly to be sure they know what we meant. Communication is the key. If we’re confused, we can ask for clarification, and we can offer the same. There is a lot of information being exchanged all the time. It’s important to take a moment to be sure what we think we saw, and what we think we heard was accurate.

Today if you feel confused about something someone said or did, ask for clarification. If you’ve been distracted and unclear in your message, be sure to explain it more carefully. Effective communication prevents a lot of complications and problems. That old saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” is true. Be proactive. Clarify your message and ask for clarification from others. It doesn’t take much to clear up confusion at the beginning. Do your part. The guessing game can only take you so far. Be sure you have the whole story before you proceed.

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