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Chrysalis

24 Jun

Every day as our lives move along we learn new things, and our situations change.  We develop traits, preferences, desires, and goals based on what we experience and what we want.  We become who we are with each new experience but who we are now isn’t a permanent state.  We are capable of changing anything in our lives whenever we like.  There may be times we look at ourselves and don’t like the reflection we see.  Maybe we don’t look the way we want to look, or haven’t done the things we want to do.  If we are unhappy we can change our course.  Like a chrysalis we leave behind we can move forward from where we are and evolve into the people we want to be.  There isn’t much we can’t do if we really want to.  We can change our appearances, our professional goals, our relationships, where we live, with whom we associate, our ethical and moral standards and anything else that defines us.  Everything is fluid and if we aren’t happy where we are, altering our course is always an option.  The changes we seek may take serious determination and time but no matter what they require if we want them we can achieve them.

The world sends out a lot of messages about who we should be, how we should look, and how we should live our lives.  Those messages are everywhere and if our lives don’t mimic them we may feel we aren’t enough.  But we are the only ones who decide how our lives should be and who we really are.  The opinions of others don’t matter.  What matters is living authentically according to our own desires.  If we do we will find contentment no matter what we’re doing.  We don’t need to fit into the designs set by others and even if we achieve them, it’s unlikely we’ll find true happiness.  Only we know exactly who we are and what we want and we are entitled to create lives that reflect that.

We all deserve to be as happy as possible.  If we aren’t, we can change our course.  If we don’t like the relationships we’re in we can change them.  If we’re unhappy in our jobs, we can look for something else.  And if our family situations are not working for us, we can find better ways to navigate them.  There really isn’t anything we can’t do.  We can change anything and we can be completely happy.  We don’t need anyone’s permission or blessing.  But true happiness doesn’t just happen because we want it.  We have to determine exactly where we want to be and then do everything in our power to get there.  We can design our lives to fit us perfectly and have real and lasting happiness.  We have the power to make all our dreams come true.  We deserve everything we hope for and we are capable of achieving whatever we desire.

Today if you’re unhappy with where you are right now or you don’t like something about your circumstances, make a plan to change and leave the things you don’t want behind.  Start today to re-chart your path forward.  You can achieve all the things you want.  There isn’t anything you can’t do.  You deserve to be completely happy.

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Genuine Article

20 Apr

There are a lot of influences on us every day.  Some people inspire us to do good things and be our best, and others can pull us away from what we really want to do.  Every decision we make takes us somewhere and brings some sort of response.  If they take us where we want to go and bring positive growth we continue to move forward.  But sometimes they stall us in our tracks and even bring sorrow and problems into our lives.  We all know who we are and what we want.  If we focus on being genuine in our decisions, looking at them clearly and without bias, and staying true to who we really want to be, we have a better shot at making the best decisions possible at every turn.  But the influences around us can be strong and have a powerful pull even when they are pulling us in the wrong direction.  We can get confused and take a wrong turn if we aren’t careful.  There are a lot of roads in life and we direct our path through the choices we make.  If we pay attention, and stay focused on our goals, we can continue to move forward.  And each step forward takes us closer to where we really want to be.

The people closest to us may exercise a lot of power over us.  Friends and family may want us to do something or be some way we don’t want to choose.  If we are very close to them and love them, their opinions may mean a lot.  And if what we want is different than what they think we should have, problems may arise.  Because we care about them and want to prevent conflict and preserve good feelings, we may choose to go along.  And if we do, we may be able to wing it for a time, but eventually who we really are and what we really want will surface again.  We can continue to play along but true happiness comes when we are genuine and honest with ourselves and those around us.  If we disagree with something we can choose to decline.  There may be tension at the beginning but if we stay true to our course, and they love us, eventually they will respect our choices.

There is sometimes great pressure to conform and be like others.  Nobody really wants to live in a cookie cutter world, but there are times when it seems easier to get along if everyone agrees to the same models.  No two people are exactly the same and each of us has a unique perspective to offer.  Although it might be easier if we were all the same, the only way to make that happen is to discount our uniqueness.  This world is a big, diverse place.  Each of us has something to offer but we can’t offer it if we are busy trying to fit someone else’s mold.  If we are genuine and honest about ourselves, and with those around us, we might not look the same, but our unique influence will bring unexpected blessings and enhance our experiences.  We are perfect being ourselves.  We can be confident enough to express that and find joy in being one of a kind.

Today if you don’t feel you’re doing things your way, you can change.  Your presence is a gift to the world, and we all need to know you just as you are.   Be confident in expressing your individuality.  You bring a perspective that is uniquely yours.  Be genuinely you and you’ll leave a perfect impression everywhere you go.

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Report Card

28 Mar

No matter where we live or who we are, there may be others around us who have ideas about how we should be living our lives. Maybe they think we should work in certain fields, or marry, or stay single, or live with the family, or a million other variations. There can be great pressure to conform if we are surrounded by others who have done things a certain way for a long time. Our lives belong to us, and we get to choose what we do. But the judgment of others may come into play. If we want to please those we love and they have strong ideas about our lives, we may go along.  And we can go along any time we choose to. But if we aren’t living genuinely and expressing who we are, we won’t find true happiness and satisfaction. The report card others have for us may be important to them, but it doesn’t mean it has to be important to us. We can set our own standards and make our own choices. It may not be easy to break a trend, but we are wise enough to know what we really want, and brave enough to get it. The only report card we need to be concerned with is the one we set for ourselves. It doesn’t matter if everyone around us wants to do things a certain way. If it doesn’t fit who we are, we may choose another road.

Some people don’t like it when others are different. They feel more comfortable when everybody looks the same, and does the same things. It may feel more secure knowing what each day will bring and how things are likely to go. In situations like that, if we try to do something different we may be judged or criticized in an effort to bring us in line with everyone else. It’s not comfortable to be judged by others, and if it’s strong enough we may try to conform. But conforming to get along will only work for a short time. Who we are will eventually need to come out or we’ll never be happy. We can do things our way, and express our differences in an appropriate manner that is respectful. We don’t have to conform. We can choose to be who we really are and if judgments come, we can navigate them.

There is no one right way to live a life. There is no perfect model, and there are countless ways to live well. There are some who believe their model is the only one that works or counts, but that’s never true. Every life that is lived genuinely and honestly is lived well. We can live in the country or the city, in a house or an apartment, with others or alone.  As long as it’s the life we choose, it’s right for us. And when we live the life that’s right for us we will find true happiness. This life is a gift. Every single day is precious and we deserve to be happy. If others want to grade us and judge us, and aren’t in agreement with our choices – it will be their burden to carry. We can be fine just being ourselves. We can set our own standards, and live according to our own dictates. We were created to be exactly who we are. When we embrace that, we will find true happiness.

Today if you feel like you’ve been trying to fit a mold that isn’t you, remember who you are is perfect. You are exactly the person you need to be. Show us your genuine and honest self. You have so much to offer. Share it with the world and we’ll love you just as you are.

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Changing Directions

6 Jan

Being in control of our lives is something most of us strive for. We want to make our own decisions, and live the way that makes us feel happiest and most authentic to who we really are. We have a lot of connections with those around us and sometimes we find that although our relationships start out with a dynamic of give and take, sometimes they change and we feel we are giving more than we are comfortable with. If that happens, we may feel we’ve lost some control over our lives and it can be uncomfortable. If the relationship is important to us we may be concerned about trying to change it or even discussing the issue openly. But just because we may need to modify something in the situation, doesn’t necessarily mean we must abandon it. Being in control of our lives doesn’t always mean we have to stop what we’re doing. Sometimes it just means we have change direction.

Interpersonal relationships are made up of people, and people are complicated. We have all kinds of ideas, emotions, plans and dreams constantly rolling around in our heads. Those complications can make even small adjustments seem bigger than they really are. If we’ve decided our life needs to go a specific way and are adamant about those parameters, relationships may become difficult for us. There is not one true way to live a life happily or successfully. There are limitless varieties, each worth as much as the one next to it. If we decide there is only one way to do things, it may be difficult for us to give in our relationships. Success with others is often directly related to our ability to compromise. After all, the other person’s ideas, emotions, plans and dreams are every bit as valuable and worthwhile as our own, even if they are very different. It’s important to remember that. We all want to feel cared for, respected, and have our ideals honored. Nobody wants to be in a situation where they must do everything somebody else’s way.  There must be both give and take if we want to succeed.

It’s fair to ask for what we want and what we need in our lives. It’s appropriate to make adjustments when we feel those parameters aren’t being met. We can modify our relationships and still succeed at them. We are entitled to live our lives in ways that make us comfortable and if we’re giving too much away, if we aren’t being valued, if we’re being ignored, or if we feel uncomfortable, we can make whatever changes are necessary to create a better situation. Sometimes if the other person is unwilling to change and we are struggling, or if they refuse to compromise, the relationship may fail. But it doesn’t fail because we want the change. It fails because it’s not workable the way it is. We deserve to be happy. If we have lost some control, we can change directions. If those we care about really care about us, they will want us to be comfortable and happy. But we must tell them what we need. When we do, we may be amazed at how quickly things improve, how much better we feel, and how much closer we are because we worked together to go forward.

Today if you feel you’ve lost some control over your life and need to change direction to regain it, you can do that. Tell those involved how you feel. Speak up and explain clearly what you need to be happy. If they truly care about you, they will work with you and help you change things so you are facing the direction that takes you where you want to go. This life is all about adjustments. You can make them and you can be happy.

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Playing Patty Cake

22 Apr

How honest are we in our relationships with our family, our friends, our co-workers, and our acquaintances? Do we ever pretend that things are better than they really are? Do we look the other way instead of facing a difficult situation, and hope it will just fade away? Do we just smile and laugh it off when we’ve been offended? If we do, we’re playing patty cake. You know that game that children play. Just like that game, when we pretend that things are different than they really are, when we look the other way, and ignore difficult situations instead of solving them, and instead of facing them head on, we are playing a game. Sometimes we bring others into the game, especially in our families. There’s crazy Uncle Louie who lies every time he opens his mouth, but nobody ever says anything. There’s mean Aunt Louise who talks about every relative behind their backs, and everyone just ignores her. And there’s that cousin whose mother dotes on him like he’s an angel, and once her back is turned he steals cash out of her purse. Everyone knows he does it – his mother even knows he does it, but it would be too unpleasant to address, so everyone looks the other way. Keep the peace. Don’t rock the boat. Play patty cake. This might work for a while but eventually, the truth comes out, and despite the denial, the problems have to be faced.

Maybe you know a family that does this. Maybe you do this. Maybe it’s been going on for years. Everything is smoke and mirrors. Everything is orchestrated to avoid the truth, to deny the reality of anything unpleasant. In this situation, it’s impossible to be honest. People who play patty cake often can’t keep their promises. They always have an excuse. Despite that, often they are the ones who are always telling others how great their life is, how perfect their family is, how wonderful they are. Of course, if you never look at anything negative, if you never face the truth, you can make up any sort of life you want. If you believed what they say, you would think they were perfection personified. The greatest that ever lived.

But they aren’t. They are dysfunctional, and they are in denial. They are living a lie. If we pretend things are different than they really are, we are not living a real life. It’s all make believe. If we don’t face our lives as they really are, we aren’t living our lives as they really are. We are living in a dream state, a pretend existence. Nothing is real.

If we want to be happy, really happy, we have face life as it really is. We have to face the truth, even if it hurts, even if it’s unpleasant, even if it’s hard. If we face the truth no matter what it is, and let go of the illusions, in the end we will find more joy, and happiness, and we’ll be genuinely at peace. What could be better? So today, if you find yourself thinking about playing patty cake to get through a difficult situation, stop, and think again. You can handle whatever comes your way by being honest, and straightforward. And when you’re on the other side of the problem, you’ll be happy knowing you faced it instead of looking the other way. It’s the only way to live if you want to be happy. And we all want that don’t we?

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