Changing Directions

6 Jan

Being in control of our lives is something most of us strive for. We want to make our own decisions, and live the way that makes us feel happiest and most authentic to who we really are. We have a lot of connections with those around us and sometimes we find that although our relationships start out with a dynamic of give and take, sometimes they change and we feel we are giving more than we are comfortable with. If that happens, we may feel we’ve lost some control over our lives and it can be uncomfortable. If the relationship is important to us we may be concerned about trying to change it or even discussing the issue openly. But just because we may need to modify something in the situation, doesn’t necessarily mean we must abandon it. Being in control of our lives doesn’t always mean we have to stop what we’re doing. Sometimes it just means we have change direction.

Interpersonal relationships are made up of people, and people are complicated. We have all kinds of ideas, emotions, plans and dreams constantly rolling around in our heads. Those complications can make even small adjustments seem bigger than they really are. If we’ve decided our life needs to go a specific way and are adamant about those parameters, relationships may become difficult for us. There is not one true way to live a life happily or successfully. There are limitless varieties, each worth as much as the one next to it. If we decide there is only one way to do things, it may be difficult for us to give in our relationships. Success with others is often directly related to our ability to compromise. After all, the other person’s ideas, emotions, plans and dreams are every bit as valuable and worthwhile as our own, even if they are very different. It’s important to remember that. We all want to feel cared for, respected, and have our ideals honored. Nobody wants to be in a situation where they must do everything somebody else’s way.  There must be both give and take if we want to succeed.

It’s fair to ask for what we want and what we need in our lives. It’s appropriate to make adjustments when we feel those parameters aren’t being met. We can modify our relationships and still succeed at them. We are entitled to live our lives in ways that make us comfortable and if we’re giving too much away, if we aren’t being valued, if we’re being ignored, or if we feel uncomfortable, we can make whatever changes are necessary to create a better situation. Sometimes if the other person is unwilling to change and we are struggling, or if they refuse to compromise, the relationship may fail. But it doesn’t fail because we want the change. It fails because it’s not workable the way it is. We deserve to be happy. If we have lost some control, we can change directions. If those we care about really care about us, they will want us to be comfortable and happy. But we must tell them what we need. When we do, we may be amazed at how quickly things improve, how much better we feel, and how much closer we are because we worked together to go forward.

Today if you feel you’ve lost some control over your life and need to change direction to regain it, you can do that. Tell those involved how you feel. Speak up and explain clearly what you need to be happy. If they truly care about you, they will work with you and help you change things so you are facing the direction that takes you where you want to go. This life is all about adjustments. You can make them and you can be happy.

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