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Birds of a Feather

14 Jul

We associate with all kinds of people throughout our lives. Some are family, some are friends, some are lovers, some are acquaintances, and some may even be enemies. Except for family situations or times when we must associate with someone because of a job or other activity, we may choose with whom we spend our time. It’s wise to think about the behaviors and choices of those we share our lives with. We all influence the world in many ways and personal influence can be very powerful. If we frequently associate with someone whose choices are negative, they may, over time, become a detrimental influence in our lives. There is an old saying, “Birds of a feather flock together.” It obviously means people who share the same types of preferences and choices tend to spend time together. It’s fun to share our time with others who enjoy our company and like the same things we do. But if we are in relationships with someone who is making bad choices, or whose behavior is destructive and hurtful, and we spend a lot of time with them, we may get hurt. We are in control of our lives but repeated exposure to negative behavior over time may affect us. We deserve to be happy and live with the least amount of complication. We can associate with whomever we choose, but it’s wise to be careful about their influence over us.

Relationships are important and we all want strong, healthy, and happy ones. If we have someone in our lives who belittles us, ridicules us or makes us feel small or unworthy, their comments and actions may have a negative impact on us. If we’ve been in the relationship for a long time it may be hard to find a way out. But we are important and we deserve to be treated well. If we’re struggling with a family member we value but who treats us this way, we can limit our time with them. We don’t have to sever all our ties but we can lessen our exposure. We don’t have to do anything that is uncomfortable for us and we can take care of ourselves and minimize offensive interactions. We can determine how much time negative influences may have in our lives, and we can limit it so we’re comfortable and do what’s best for us.

If we have friends who make decisions and choices we find difficult, we don’t have to participate. We never have to go along just because someone wants us to, and we always have the right to say no. We can be polite and gracious, but if we’re uncomfortable with any situation we can opt out. We don’t have to go anywhere we don’t want to go, or do anything we don’t want to do. Our lives are ours to design and direct. If we have friends who do things that make us uncomfortable, we can tell them how we feel and explain our boundaries. If they can accept our choices, we may continue the relationship. If they can’t accept them, we may do other things. We can change anything we need to ensure we’re happy with what we’re doing and where we’re going.

Today if you’re in a situation that is making you uncomfortable, if someone near you is including you in a decision that doesn’t feel right or is criticizing you and making you feel bad, you may step away. You deserve the life that makes you happiest. You know what feels right. Determine what works for you and follow that. You deserve every blessing. Today let yourself have them.

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Take My Hand

7 Jul

There are many joyous experiences in our lives but sometimes things can be complicated. There are times in everyone’s life when things go wrong and we feel overwhelmed, or sad, or unsure, or lost. We may struggle to find our way, we may search for answers, we may find it difficult to keep going and we may feel hopeless. During times like those it’s hard to see the sunshine with all the clouds that encompass us. It can feel like everyone’s life is better than ours and it can be a bleak period to endure. During our darkest moments if someone reaches out to us and says, “Here, let me help you. Take my hand,” everything changes. The compassion of someone near can break through pain and pull us up from misery. Sometimes it only takes a small gesture to lift us from the gloom, and when we look up again, we can finally feel we’ll survive. There is nothing more powerful than the human touch. When we’re desperate, lonely, sad, overwhelmed or any of the other difficult emotions we’re going through, someone’s offer to “Take my hand,” can be priceless. It can turn the tide back to our shore and help us find our way home again.

There are countless experiences in our lives that teach us many things. We learn by doing and each new thing teaches us something valuable we can take with us. Some of the lessons are easy, even fun, but some are more difficult. When we’re going through trials and feel beset it can be hard to see the end from where we’re standing. The road we have to traverse can look impossibly long and if we are heartbroken because of the experience, can feel impossible to navigate. We may feel isolated, lost in the confusion, and alone without help but when someone reaches out for us, everything changes. The kindness of someone close who is willing to listen and offer support can turn the tide.

Our lives are busy and we have much to accomplish. There are others around us most of the time and if we look up we may see someone struggling. Maybe it’s a physical challenge that is pressing them, or maybe it’s personal. We don’t have to pry but we can step up, offer our help, and listen. We can be a safe harbor for someone else’s storm and when we are they are lifted, and we are blessed. Nothing brings more blessing or personal joy than helping others. We can be the one to say, “Take my hand,” and offer help and encouragement. There is nothing more tender than true compassion. We can offer it and when we do lives change. We have so much to give. We can change the world.

Today if you’re overwhelmed with a challenge that has been difficult and someone offers to help, let them lift you and share the burden. There isn’t anything you can’t do. If someone near you is struggling, offer your hand and support. You have so much to give. We’re all blessed because you’re here.

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Grape Juice

1 Jul

Grape juice is delicious.  It’s sweet and tasty and very refreshing.  But if we spill it on our white cotton shirt, it’s quickly changes from being a treat to being a curse.  Grape juice is nice to drink but spilled on white cotton can create an indelible stain that is nearly impossible to remove.  It leaves evidence, sometimes forever, that it was there.  We may scrub and try all kinds of applications and still the stain may remain.  In our lives when we make a mistake that hurts us or others deeply we may feel like we’ve created a permanent stain.  There is no way to change what has happened, and we might believe there is no way to recover from the decision.  Thankfully, even if the mistake is damaging and difficult, it’s not like grape juice.  It’s not forever.  There isn’t anything we can’t recover from.  We all make mistakes and if we’ve really blundered and seriously caused pain to ourselves or others it may be difficult to repair the damage.  But we can face difficult challenges and find our way through them.  If we seriously want to make things right again and do what is needed to correct the problem, we can navigate it effectively and move forward.  What we learn from the experience will be valuable, and even if there is some residual stain that stays with us, it will never be so intense that we can’t find a way around it.

We make dozens of decisions every day.  Our lives change continually based on those decisions and the decisions of others.  Sometimes things go well, we can clearly see the path forward, and know what to do.  Other times our vision may be clouded with indecision, confusion or complications out of our control.  Even if we try to make the best decisions possible, sometimes we won’t have all the information, or what we have is incorrect.  As we go forward we may stumble and take a wrong turn and get hurt, and we may fall on others and hurt them as well.  Nobody wants to make bad choices on purpose.  We try to do our best but it’s possible to get lost.  Getting lost doesn’t mean we’re lost forever.  It just means we took a wrong turn.  We are perfectly capable of assessing the situation, looking at our options, and choosing the road that will correct our course and get us back on track to where we want to go.  We can keep moving forward even after a serious detour.  We have everything we need to find our way again, and we can get to the destination successfully.

If we make a bad choice that is so egregious we break a connection to someone else, we may have to go forward without them for a while.  If no matter what we’ve tried to repair the relationship they don’t want any association with us, we may accept that for now and still move forward.  We can’t control decisions made by anyone but ourselves.  We can give them time and distance if they need it and do whatever we can to make things right.  Everyone makes mistakes and although some may take time to recover from, we are capable of correcting our course at any time.

Today if you’re recovering from a mistake in judgment, and you feel like you’re stained forever, remember this is not permanent. You can correct your course and make things right again.  Keep moving forward.  You have everything you need to succeed.

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Seeing and Believing

27 Jun

Most of the time we think we see ourselves as we really are.  We think we know who we are and how others see us.  But it’s possible we aren’t seeing ourselves objectively and sometimes we may be wrong about how we appear to those around us.  For instance, we might think we seem quite sedentary because we don’t like to work out but in fact others might see us busily doing things most of the time and think we’re quite active.  Or we might think we’re intense because we can feel all our emotions while others think we are easy going. It takes effort to see everything objectively but if we step back and really look at what we’re doing we can get a better picture of who we really are.  Part of the reason we miss our personal cues are the expectations we set for ourselves.  If we set very high standards for ourselves and don’t meet them, we may judge critically and reflect the perceived deficiency as failure.  But we don’t need to do that.  It’s possible we’re doing better than we think we are.   And it’s also possible we aren’t seeing that.  If we step back and really look objectively as an outsider sees us we may find we look different than we thought.  And we might even find we look great.

Personal expectations can be very high.  Sometimes when we set them we expect to achieve them right away.  Expecting to change immediately just because we’ve decided we want it never works.  It takes time and effort to do things in new ways and adopt new behaviors.  We need time for the adjustment it takes to get there.  If we can change our thinking to consider our personal expectations instead as personal goals and then make a plan to achieve them we’ll feel more confident as we’re learning the new pattern.  Nobody’s life is perfect and we all want to make changes from time to time.  Anticipating immediate change will defeat us.  We can allow time to learn new behaviors we want to adopt and then clearly see the steps we’re making each day that take us closer to them.  If we acknowledge our progress as we’re moving closer to where we want to be we’ll be more self-assured and confident that we’ll succeed.

Even if we’re capable of seeing others objectively as they are, we may struggle to see truth when evaluating ourselves.  We are often harder and more critical of ourselves than we are of others.  We may expect to do things right every time, to never falter, and to achieve everything we set out to do without problems.  It’s fine to set lofty goals but our lives are never defined by unmarred lines in the sand.  We are fluid and will sometimes make choices that aren’t perfect.  There is no way to prevent wavering from time to time.  It’s the overall picture that counts.  If our feet are pointed in the right direction, and if we strive to do the best we can at every turn, we are doing well.  We aren’t perfect and we will make mistakes.  But if we can look at the big picture of who we really are despite our imperfections we may see that we are more accomplished and capable than we thought.  We do a lot of things well, and we do some things very well.  Seeing those honestly will bring us confidence and clarity as we move forward.

Today if you feel you’re less than you want to be, step back and look at yourself objectively.  You may see you have more going for you than you thought.  You have accomplished many wonderful things already.  Acknowledge them and be confident. You have all you need to be successful in everything you choose going forward.

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Not There

20 Jun

When we look at our lives and who we are it’s easy to compare ourselves against others and expectations we haven’t yet achieved.  We can believe we’re not smart enough, not rich enough, and not successful enough, not wise enough and a thousand other things.  Maybe our careers haven’t gone quite the way we thought they would or we haven’t moved as far down the road as we hoped.  Perhaps choices we made didn’t turn out exactly the way we planned or maybe we’ve gotten stuck.  If we focus on all the things we haven’t yet done and all the achievements we haven’t yet conquered we may lose sight of everything we’ve already accomplished.  No matter where we are right now we’re further down the road than we were before.  We’ve achieved a lot already and there is no end to the road.  It will always be a journey and we will always be pushing forward through it.  Success with one goal leads to setting the next one.  It’s important to honor what we’ve learned so far and celebrate our lives where we are right now.  Perhaps we aren’t quite there yet, where we want to be, but we’re on our way.
As we continue striving we can cherish the growth we’ve already achieved.

Comparing ourselves to others is a risky game.  There will always be those who have accomplished more than we have, who are more secure, thinner, wealthier, more successful and all the rest.  Their experiences are unique to them and there is no way to compare what we’re living to the choices and opportunities they have.  We have no idea what they’ve been through or how they got to where they are.  We only see what is on the outside and visible, and there is no way to gauge if their situation really is better than ours or not.  It may look better but looks are often deceiving.  It’s fine to admire what someone else has done, and if it’s something we want to do we can hope and work for the same thing.  But comparing ourselves and our achievements against theirs won’t help us get to where we want to be.

While we’re working on a goal and we’re focused on achieving it complications will probably arise and we may be daunted as we try to move forward.  When that happens, we may forget all the wonderful things we’ve already accomplished.  Although it’s good to push ourselves, we can acknowledge that we have done amazing things already.  We are already accomplished in so many ways.  As we push forward we can remember how much we’ve already achieved and how far we’ve already traveled.  We are worth so much just as we are.  We are a gift to the world and those around us.  As we strive to be more, do more, gain more, and find more, we can remember we already are more and find the confidence to continue forward.

Today if you feel you haven’t done enough and see all the things you aren’t that you want to be and haven’t yet achieved, remember all the things you’ve already accomplished.  You have come so far already.  You have so much to offer and your gift to the world is priceless.  Keep pushing forward but don’t forget how wonderful you are today.

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