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Tiny Pebbles

28 May

Sometimes when we we’re walking along we may get a small stone in our shoe. We feel it under our foot and it’s aggravating as we walk. While not cripplingly painful, it’s an annoyance that’s uncomfortable. We can stop and remove our shoe and shake it out. After we remove it we can continue on without discomfort. Because the stone is so small if we had to walk with it in our shoe we probably could continue but we would always be aware of its presence. Stopping and removing it is the only way to find relief. Our lives can be like that at times. There may be something bothering us on the periphery that isn’t crippling but is annoying and constant. Perhaps it’s a discussion we need to have with someone else that we’ve put off. Or maybe someone did something that hurt us and we haven’t been able to let it go. There are a million things that could be drifting around in the background that don’t stop us from moving forward, but are bothersome and keep our attention. The only way to remove them is the same as removing the annoying pebble in our shoe. We must stop, address the issue, do what it takes to resolve it, and then move on.

We all have boundaries in our lives and when we clearly define them and understand them we can work around them. But if we let others broach those boundaries in ways that make us uncomfortable and don’t tell them where our lines are, we may be hurt as they stomp all over them. Nobody knows us like we know ourselves. If we don’t communicate what doesn’t work for us, others may make choices that are difficult for us to manage. When that happens if we speak up we have the chance to remove the pebble and move forward. If we are silent, things will remain the same. We are responsible for our own lives. If we don’t like what’s happening, we can speak up.

There may be times when those close to us do things that make us uncomfortable. We can talk to them, explain our discomfort, and ask them to change. But we can only control ourselves and the decisions made by others belong to them. Sometimes even after explaining our feelings people will continue on the same way despite our discomfort. If they are important to us we might just accept that and find a way around the situation because we care about them. Relationships are complicated and sometimes we may choose to go along even when we aren’t happy about the direction. The annoyance will still be there but if we’ve explained our position and asked for what we need, even if things don’t change, we can feel confident that we did all we could. We are responsible for our own happiness and asking for what we want is the best we can do. We won’t always get it but speaking up empowers us to move forward.

Today if you have a situation that’s been bothering you that you haven’t addressed, do what is needed to resolve it. You have all the courage necessary to take care of it. Face whatever is keeping you from being happy and move forward. You deserve to be completely happy. Remove whatever pebble is in your shoe and you’ll find comfort.

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In Control

27 May

Personal independence varies from one individual to another.  Some people are comfortable doing everything on their own and don’t need or want help from anyone else.  Others are more comfortable doing things as a team and depend on any help and assistance they can get.  We all have our own comfort levels and no matter what other people are doing, we define those parameters for ourselves.  We all want to be in control of our lives but what that means differs from person to person.  However, there is a difference between being independent and being selfish.  When we’re selfish we think only of ourselves and our personal needs and wants, disregarding those around us.  Selfishness is rarely a positive trait and often leads to disharmony and conflict.  Where the lines are between being independent and being selfish depends on the influence our decisions have over others.  If we do something that negatively impacts those around us and we have no consideration or concern for them we are being selfish.  We can be independent all we want, but it’s important to remember how our decisions affect others.  If our choices create problems for those around us we may get returns we didn’t count on.

There are a lot of people in all of our lives and our relationships with them have a wide range of expression.  We may be close and share everything with them, or they may be passing acquaintances we rarely see.  Our relationships sometimes define how independent we are in our interactions with them.  If we have a situation where everything we do impacts someone else and our decisions will result in changes not only for us but also for them it’s important to consider the implications before the decisions are made.  Being independent doesn’t give us the right to make decisions that impact others just because we want to do something.

Selfishness is a difficult trait in any relationship.  By its definition it means to think only of oneself and not others.  It’s almost impossible to be selfish and kind at the same time.  Few people want to be around those who make decisions that impact them without caring.  We may get away with it for a while but in the end if we value ourselves over our relationships we may end up alone.  If we think only of our comfort, our choices, our plans, and our way of doing things, it will be impossible to build a healthy connection with anyone else.  Everyone’s views are important and we all have a lot to offer.  If we want to share our world with those around us, we must learn not only to take what we want, but to give something in return.

Today if you’ve made an independent decision that has negatively impacted someone else, revise your plans.  You can do anything you like but if you consider those around you, your life will be happier and things will go more easily.  You are strong and capable.  Everyone has a lot to offer and deserves to be considered.  Be as independent as you like but remember others as you go forward.  When you do you’ll build stronger relationships and connections that will embellish your life.

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Where We’re Headed

12 May

There are all kinds of destinations we can choose as we live our lives. We can decide to accomplish anything we want, go anywhere we like and become the people we most want to be. But sometimes where we think we’re headed isn’t exactly where we’re going. We may think we want something, even plan to get it, but then get on a road that will never take us to it. It might happen because although the goal sounds good to us we aren’t really sure it’s what we want. Or maybe others have suggested it’s what’s best, but we aren’t convinced. We can pretend to be going one way, and really move forward another. If there is pressure for us to be a certain way and achieve certain things we might go along and act as though they are important to us even if they aren’t. But doing that leaves us with no direction at all. It’s impossible to go to two places at the same time. If we’re pretending to go east and really want to go west, we may sit still and go nowhere. We can decide what direction is best for us and no matter what others or situations suggest we can always go our own way. But first we have to decide where our true destination lies. After that we can chart our course and begin the journey.

We live in a world with lots of influences. Our families may have ideas about what’s best for us, our friends may voice their opinions, our lovers may tell us what they think we should do, our bosses may direct us, and society itself may make us feel pressure in one direction or another. We can listen to all the opinions and ideas but in the end we must choose what is right for us. Making that choice can be more difficult if we aren’t sure where we want to go. With so many possibilities, and so many options many of which look good, it can be hard to determine what we want most. But if we take the time to think about where we want to go and how we want to get there our direction will become clear. We have all the courage and determination we need to accomplish anything we like. Once we decide what we really want, there really isn’t anything strong enough to stop us.

Journeys can be complicated. We rarely get from point A to point B by going in an unbreakable straight line. Life enters in, complications arise, we get side tracked, there are detours ahead, and a million things can come up that skew our direction. But if we keep our eyes focused on the goal and are determined to get there, no matter what happens we will press forward and get back on the road. We don’t have to rush, and we don’t have to give up when it gets hard. We can keep moving forward step by step until we reach the destination. How long it takes to get there isn’t important. The important thing is that we’re headed in the right direction.

Today if you’ve been uncertain about which way you want to go, stop and decide what you want most. Things will clarify and you’ll find your direction. Then chart your course and start moving forward. There isn’t anything you can’t accomplish. The road may be long but you are strong enough to walk it. Keep your eyes focused forward and you’ll reach your destination. You have everything you need to succeed.

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Returning to the Scene

11 May

In law enforcement when a crime has been committed, often detectives and others looking for the perpetrator will watch the scene of the crime for anyone who looks suspicious.  Often those who commit crimes return to the scene to observe the reactions of people and watch what happens.  In our lives we may never commit crimes, and I hope we don’t, but there may be times when things don’t go quite the way we wanted them to.  There can be a feeling of emptiness as we deal with disappointment and it can sometimes take time to figure out what happened.  If we feel bad, we may decide to revisit the situation to help us understand what went wrong.  That might mean talking to those who were involved to try and gain some clarity.  Or we might just need to think about what happened and try to sort out our feelings.  Life changes every day but sometimes when we aren’t happy it can feel like it’s changing without us.  Returning to the situation where we went off track can help us find our footing again.  If we didn’t understand it all the first time, we may have to return again and again until we figure out how to go forward.  There is no rush and we can take as much time as needed until we’re ready to let it go and move on.

If we suffer a great disappointment and are deeply hurt we might feel stuck in our misery.  The days may seem fuzzy and we may have trouble concentrating.  It’s hard to look ahead when what’s behind us is holding us so tightly.  We may get stalled trying to understand what happened and where to go from here.  Analyzing the situation can help if we can be objective, but like editing, analyzing can become endless.  No matter how we look at the situation we will never be able to change the outcome.  If we’re determined not to look at it, and live in denial we’ll stay stuck until we return and sort it out.  We will ultimately have to accept the changes that have occurred, even if we don’t agree with them, and then chart a course to move forward.  There isn’t anything we can’t manage and whatever comes to us, no matter how heartbreaking or painful, can be put to rest in time.

Walking into the unknown can be unnerving, and trying to find a new road or a new destination may take some time and thought.  There isn’t just one destination for our lives.  We have limitless choices available to us all the time.  If where we thought we were headed is no longer possible, we can choose someplace new.  We can find new ways to live our lives that are rewarding and fulfilling, and we can find happiness even if it’s not the version of happiness we thought we would have.  A great disappointment is hard to bear.  But the lessons learned while navigating through it will strengthen us and make us more confident for the road ahead.  We can do anything and there is nothing too difficult for us to get through.  The road is long and no detour will keep us from traveling forward.

Today if you’ve been shaken by a disappointment and things have not gone the way you hoped, you can find another way to happiness.  There isn’t anything you can’t face and you have all the tools you need to chart a new course.  There are countless roads in front of you. Find the one that takes you where you want to go now.  Make a turn and start moving forward again.  Happiness is there waiting for you.

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Complications

9 May

Our days come with lots of unexpected surprises. We never know what will happen to mix everything up. Other people have influence over our plans, and lots of things can change without notice. We can’t help the things that come to us that are out of our control, but sometimes we unnecessarily complicate our lives by the decisions we make. If we engage in gossip, are dishonest, manipulate others or situations, or play head games things can get complicated.  They can get even more complicated when the situation starts to unravel. If we make a habit of making bad choices, and doing things that create drama and confusion, our lives will be more difficult than they need to be.  And the complications that come from those actions may confound us for a long time, impeding our progress, and preventing us from moving forward. It isn’t hard to live a clean, straightforward existence but it takes continued diligence. If we tangle ourselves up in situations where we have to navigate unnecessary problems we may end up spending most of our time trying to clean up messes instead of focusing on where we want to go. We are capable of making excellent decisions. If we want to live our lives the best way possible we have to be careful before we choose. If we are, even though we can’t prevent things we can’t control, we will be able to do our best to make our lives as easy as possible.

Some people seem to need drama in their lives. They are constantly in difficult situations and continually make decisions that bring confusion and trouble. We’re all in charge of our own lives and can live them any way we want to. If we want to add complications we can. But our actions almost always impact those around us. If we make bad choices, often we aren’t the only ones who suffer because of them. Everything we do has the possibility of hurting someone else. Hurting others hurts us in the end and generally makes it hard to move forward. If we rethink our plans and choose the best answers at every turn, our lives will be easier and more fulfilling.

Drama is great for the stage. It’s terrific in movies and plays. But in our personal lives, there is enough regular drama without adding more by making poor decisions. It’s exhausting to constantly be trying to unravel problems and it’s difficult to get close to others when we’re all tangled up in ourselves. If we want to be happy, we need to find the paths that work best for us and take us where we want to go without adding unnecessary roadblocks that prevent us from moving forward. We all know what we want. We can do anything we like and we can be successful. But we must make decisions that move us closer to our goals. We can do that if we’re honest in all our dealings, and choose to do our best.  We can all be successful and happy. We just have to decide to do what is needed to get there.

Today if you’ve been tangled up in complications because of decisions you’ve made, clear the path and start again. Think carefully before you act and make sure you know where your decisions will take you. You can do anything and do it well. Decide to do your best and move forward. You have everything you need to succeed. Choose well and all the doors will naturally open for you.

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