Archive | September, 2015

Five Years

5 Sep

As we navigate our lives there are lots of ups and downs. We’re happy, sad, frustrated, weary, angry, and many other emotions. As human beings we feel everything. We sense when things aren’t going well, we celebrate when they do, and most days we do our best to get through whatever comes. Sometimes we get worried about things. We worry about the future, we worry about today, and everything in between. But as we’re worrying, we’re not thinking about the present. Our minds can’t be in two places at once. So, if we’re thinking about what might happen or what has already happened, we can’t be thinking about what is happening now.

Most of what we go through is transitory. We are passing through our experiences day by day. Everything changes as we go, and what’s worrisome today may not even enter our minds tomorrow. In five years, most of what we’re worrying about will be forgotten. Of course there are some very serious and long lasting things that may happen, but for the most part, our worries are for the moment, and when it passes, it’s gone. That being the case, the worry can be set aside. If we can put things into perspective, if they really are transitory, as most things are, worrying is a waste of energy. Whatever is bothering us is going to pass. We’re going to walk right through it to another day.

Sometimes we worry over indefinable situations. We worry about our families and the decisions they might make. We worry about the economy. We worry about the future and what it will bring. We worry about worldwide situations that may evolve. There is plenty to worry about if we sit and think about it. Nobody knows what today will bring. It may be a perfectly fine day, or the bottom might fall out of our plans. All we can do is our part. If we do that, and things go wrong, we will face it. We are able to face whatever comes to us. Worrying won’t change anything. It has never prevented or caused anything to happen – it just takes us out of the present, where we’re living. And being in the present is the best we can do to make things go well.

Today if you’re worrying about something that might happen, or has already happened, let it go. We can’t control all the things that come to us, but whatever they are, we will face them. You have all the courage you need to face whatever happens. Today is all you need to be concerned with. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow will come when it comes. There isn’t anything that will come to you that you can’t face. You are strong and capable. Concentrate on that, and just focus on today.

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Sticking

4 Sep

When we make decisions and decide we want to do something, there are times when those around us may not agree.  They might not like the decision we’re making or they may think they have a better idea.  We can certainly listen to their opinions, but if we decide the decision is right for us, we are free to hold to it.  Only we know what we want most, and where we want to go.  Others around us, even those who know us well, will never know everything we know about ourselves.  So our decisions are important.  We can make them and stick with them, even if everyone else disagrees.

Our lives are precious and each day we live we choose what we will do, where we will go, and how we will act.  It’s all up to us.  We are influenced by circumstances and those around us, but still we can decide what we’ll do.  Of course, there are some limitations due to the responsibilities we carry.  If we have a job we may not be able to go to the golf course all day.  If we have important commitments, we will have to work around them.  But even with those encumbrances, we still have a lot of freedom to make decisions.  If we are wise, and make our choices based on what’s best for us and what we want most, we will go forward the way we want to.

Everyone has opinions and those close to us sometimes feel they know better than we do what’s best for us.  There is no denying that we make mistakes in judgment from time to time, and if we’re really going the wrong way, we may be cautioned by those who care about us.  We can listen to their warnings and their advice, and if we want something nobody else can see, we can still make the decision.  We are capable of understanding our lives and where our decisions will take us.  If we falter, we’ll correct our course.  Nothing is permanent, and corrections in our direction are always possible.

Today if you’ve made a decision that others don’t agree with, listen to their comments and decide what you want to do most.  If you still believe your decision is the right path for you, stick with it.  You are able to make wise decisions, and if you make a mistake, you will correct it.   You have everything you need to go forward with confidence.  Be bold and be brave.  You can choose anything you want, and you can succeed.

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Do This Not That

3 Sep

It seems everyone is willing to give us advice. Sometimes we ask for it and when that happens we may be glad to receive it. Other times those around us may offer it because they think we need to hear it. We may not want their advice so when it comes unsolicited we may not appreciate it. Even though we are the only ones who know exactly what’s happening in our lives, others sometimes think they know better and will tell us not only what they think, but what they think we should do. We may take from their comments whatever we find helpful, but we aren’t compelled to listen to anyone’s suggestions about our lives if we don’t want to. We are free to live each day as we choose, even if that doesn’t match what someone else thinks is best for us.

It’s natural to want to be helpful when we care about someone. If we see them doing something we think is the wrong decision, or something we think will hurt them, we may want to step in and tell them how to change things before something goes wrong. We care about them, and we don’t want them to suffer. But there are limits to what we should do, and certainly limits to what we can do. Perhaps we have a friend who makes the same mistake over and over again, and always gets hurt. If we see them headed down that same, tired road again we may want to stop them before things go wrong. We can talk to them about their decisions, and we can offer our advice, but if they don’t accept it, we have to let it go. It’s hard to walk away when we think we can help, but if they don’t want the advice, it won’t help anyway.

We can find ourselves giving advice without thinking about it. If we see someone doing something we don’t agree with, or something we don’t think will work, we might just speak up. It’s fine to give suggestions but we must remember that a suggestion isn’t an order. The receiver doesn’t have to listen to us, and we need to respect their choices. We never really know the entire story of why anyone does anything. There are often extenuating circumstances affecting their decisions, but even if there is nothing more than what we can see, the choice is theirs to make. We all get to make our own choices, good or bad. It’s up to us.

Today if you’re getting advice you haven’t asked for you may choose to follow it or let it go. Be thankful to those who think enough of you to offer their help, and then choose what’s best for you. If you find yourself giving advice, remember that your suggestions may not be followed. In either case, it doesn’t mean the advice is bad. It just means we all get to decide what we’ll do on our own. Getting it or giving it, advice is just a suggestion. Take it or leave it, it’s up to us. You know what’s best for you. Follow that.

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Waves

2 Sep

When I was a child our family spent several weeks one summer on an island off the coast of North Carolina.  The beach was beautiful, and I would play in the surf but only up to my knees.  I was afraid of the waves and watched the water very carefully.  When the tide came in the waves would get quite large and one day my sister and I were playing in the sand too close to the water, and a wave washed over us and dragged us away from the shore.  We didn’t go far and our father grabbed us and pulled us back.  I was quite terrified, certain we were going to die, and seeing my distress, after that day he began to teach me about the waves.  He told me they were safe but I needed to learn how to manage them.  He took me into the water when the waves were small and taught me that if I planned for them, I would be fine.  Each day we went into the water and as the waves got bigger and bigger, and I got scared, my father encouraged me to be confident and told me I could manage whatever came.  Day by day my confidence grew as I learned about the water, and before long I was body surfing and hoping for bigger and bigger waves.

When we are facing new things we may feel unsure.  Because we haven’t managed the parameters of the new situation before, it may be daunting or even frightening.  We may lack confidence in our ability to do it.  When we’re facing new processes or experiences we’re sometimes hesitant going forward.  But we can prepare by taking small steps.  If we put our feet in just a little, and try doing a small part first and get comfortable, we can then move forward.   It’s like conquering the small waves.  If we take it step by step we will gain confidence and manage the project, whatever it is.

A man I know called me once some time ago expressing his concern over an assignment to teach a course.  He was convinced he couldn’t do it, and sure he would faint or be struck dumb in front of the participants.  He was well educated and generally interacted with others quite easily but he was terrified about being the center of attention.  We talked about it and he decided to practice with friends before the event.  He had several practice sessions, each going more easily than the previous one, and when it was time for his presentation he did well.  He conquered the small waves over and over and when the big wave came he was ready.  Success is often just about preparation.  We can do anything if we have the courage to face it and the will to conquer it.

Today if you’re facing something new that is giving you pause, and if you are uncertain about going forward, take one small step toward the goal.  Do one small thing to start the learning process and conquer that.  Tomorrow do another and keep moving forward until you feel confident and sure.  You can do anything you want.  You can learn and you can grow.  Take it one small wave at a time and soon you’ll be in the front of the line showing others how it’s done.

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Going Nowhere

1 Sep

There are times in our lives when we get into situations expecting them to proceed to a certain place, but they get stalled. Perhaps it’s a relationship we had high hopes for, or maybe it’s advancement at work. It could even be a personal goal we’re working hard on, but it seems no matter how much we try, we’re stuck. We aren’t going forward. Nothing is moving. It’s disappointing when this happens, especially if the goal is very important to us. So we keep trying, and sometimes things change and we’re able to advance. But sometimes it just doesn’t work. We keep beating the dead horse hoping it will come back to life.

There are times when we just have to change direction. Sometimes what we’re seeking isn’t available to us. In relationships we aren’t the only person involved. Therefore, if the other party isn’t on the same page wanting the same things we do, we may be spinning our wheels. In our careers there are generally lots of other players in the mix. Even if we do everything we can to move forward, there may be unseen or unknown situations that prevent us from advancing. Every goal we set for ourselves, everything we hope to achieve, everything we want depends on what we do and sometimes on decisions others make.

If we’ve been stuck trying to move forward and nothing is changing, we can talk about the situation with the others involved, and try to adjust the focus. If that doesn’t work, we may have to let it go for now and move on. It may feel like a loss to do that, and admitting defeat is never easy. But we aren’t the only person in our lives and even if the goal we’re seeking is noble and good, if it depends on others to achieve it and they aren’t on board, we may have to let it go. It doesn’t mean we were wrong. It doesn’t mean we made a mistake. It just means it’s not available to us right now. Things may change in the future that will allow us to go forward, but for now, it’s a dead end.

Today if you’ve been working hard on something and you aren’t moving forward, determine if you can change the situation to enable you to succeed. If that isn’t possible, set it aside, and move on. Perhaps in the future it will be available, but focus on something else for now where you may find success. This life is filled with change and nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. All we can do is work on today. Let go of the things that are holding you back, and keep your eyes focused ahead.

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