Archive | April, 2015

Oh please, allow me.

9 Apr

One day while in the parking lot of my local grocery store, I saw a woman in a wheelchair trying to reach the open top window door of her van to close it. She stretched and stretched and could not get it. I went right over and said, “Oh please, allow me,” reached up and closed it for her. She was so appreciative, and thankful, and said I was an angel to help her out. An angel? All I did was close a door. But from her perspective, she was facing something she needed to do, and wasn’t able to accomplish it. Just helping her get it done meant a lot to her. There were several other people in the parking lot that walked right by her, and I wondered why nobody thought to help her. But you know how it is, it’s easy to zone out and get stuck in our own worlds. It’s easy to walk by, and fail to notice someone in need.

I thought about that and determined that I would try to be more observant and see where I could help more often. The next day I made a point everywhere I went to look around and see what I could do to be a positive influence to others in some small way. I helped a lady get one of those annoying plastic bags off the roll at the store, I talked to the cashier before I left and asked how he was doing, I ran ahead and held a door for an elderly lady, and I made a crying child in a shopping cart laugh. These are very insignificant acts of kindness for sure, but each time I got an appreciative smile or thank you, and it was great. I had an amazing day just trying to be helpful. It was amazing. It felt so good!

Did I make a big impact on anyone’s life – no, but it made a huge impact on me. Since that time, I have sincerely tried to pay more attention to those around me and have found that every single day, there are countless opportunities to help out in some small way. Just smiling and saying hello when you pass someone on the street can be a boost for them. Striking up a conversation with a sales clerk who looks stressed can lift their spirits. Being the one to say, “excuse me” when someone bumps into you instead of waiting for them to say so can bring a smile. Waving someone into the parking space you were waiting for, letting someone go in front of you in line because they have less than you, asking a co-worker if they would like a soda when you’re going to get one for yourself, picking up the pen someone dropped before they stoop, sharing your bag of chips, offering to carry something for someone – all small, seemingly insignificant acts of kindness. But it’s amazing what happens when you do them. The people you help out appreciate it, and your heart will be lighter, your spirits will be higher, and you’ll be happier. It doesn’t seem like such a small change could impact us so much, but it does.

Today, try this for yourself. Look around. Be aware. Pay attention. See what you can do. Offer your hand, help out, smile, be gracious when you don’t have to be, and do just a little more. See what happens. In this day and age, we’re all so busy and consumed with what needs to be done next. It’s easy to keep our eyes down, look away, concentrate on our cell phones, and continue on. But look up – look around. Do something to show you care. The investment from you will be small but the returns are large. “Oh please, allow me.” It’s a great attitude.

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Looking for the light.

8 Apr

So many times when heavy decisions are looming, we find ourselves searching, trying to find answers, trying to find direction. We are looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, the right way to go, the directions to get to the happy ending. It can be very difficult when others are involved, especially if the decision we make will affect them. We try to figure it out on our own, sometimes we ask others, we weigh the options and the consequences, we calculate the loss or gain, we stumble around, and eventually, for better or worse, we make a decision. Sometimes we actually get it right. Sometimes not. It isn’t easy. After all, there are a lot of things to consider. There are a lot of paths from which to choose. We can’t read the future so we do the best we can.

Maybe you’re struggling with a big decision. Maybe you’ve been struggling with it for some time, for months, maybe even years. Do you go this way or that way? What if you did this? What would happen? What if you did that? What would happen? Which way is right? It can be hard to figure out, and you may be frustrated that you haven’t found the answer. In some instances, either way you go, someone will get hurt, and that just makes the decision harder. The indecision hurts, and you want to let it go. You want to move forward and put this behind you but you feel stuck.

Take some time to stop weighing everything and worrying about outcomes, and just sit for a moment and let your mind rest. Let yourself take a break from the analysis, take some time away to just feel and not think. Pay attention to what you’re feeling. Are you unhappy, are you frustrated, are you unsettled, are you confused, what are you really feeling? Take a little while to just let it go, stop intellectualizing, and just breathe. Just stop for a while. If you give yourself a space, a time when you don’t really have to think about it, you may find the answers will begin to come. You may begin to see some light. You may find the direction you’ve been seeking, and start to see what you need to do.

Looking for the light when we’re struggling in the dark can be daunting. Sometimes we see glimmers that look like the answer, but then they fade. Sometimes we feel sure we’re on the right track, and then it turns and doesn’t fit. Sometimes we just need to stop and let the light find us. Life isn’t easy. It isn’t always a picnic. It’s complicated. But if we take a moment and just rest, just stop, the answers may come. Look up. Keep looking up. Take a moment. Rest. Be still. The answer is just ahead.

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One day at a time.

8 Apr

Some time ago, a young pregnant friend discovered that the baby she was carrying had a chromosomal defect that runs in her husband’s family. Five months pregnant, she suffered a miscarriage. It was sad. It was devastating. They didn’t know what to do. Her husband was riddled with guilt because the defect came from him. She was lost in grief and sadness. Neither of them knew what to do, how to process this horrifying change, how to go forward.

Time went by and as it did, they began to heal. They found joy again, and were able to laugh. They got through their grief and began again to plan for a family. It took serious courage for them to even consider opening that door again, and they sought the advice and counsel of genetic professionals on whether or not they should proceed. They learned that the odds of having another child with this same anomaly were low, so they decided to try again. Now, there is another baby on the way. They are hopeful and determined. The experiences they’ve gone through have made them stronger, more willing and able to face what might come, and they are looking forward with confidence.

Life. It can be joyous one moment, perfect almost, and then things can change and your world can be turned upside down. Although we often can’t do anything about the changes that come to us, we can learn, as we go, how to cope with them. I was sad for my friends watching them go through such a terrible disappointment. It was hard to understand and accept. But this life is fleeting. If we take an eternal view, this really is just a moment. And if we take it moment by moment, we can manage whatever comes our way. We can, if we look, find joy even in sorrow. Things will change. Nothing is permanent, not even sadness. There are still good things to come. Sometimes it’s difficult to look up when we feel so down. We have to take it one day at a time. Sometimes we have to take it one hour at a time. Sometimes we have to take it one minute at a time. But no matter how we manage it, things will change, and we will get through whatever we’re facing. The only real thing we can count on in this life is that no matter what you’re going through now, it will change. Change is inevitable. When we are hurt and suffering, we want the change to come immediately. But change comes in its own way, on its own timetable. So moment by moment, step by step, we navigate until things improve.

We’re all going to suffer at some point. We’re all going to face disappointment, sometimes serious disappointment. But look up. There are still good things to come. Today is just today. Just do today. Tomorrow will be different.

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And so it goes.

8 Apr

Sometimes things don’t always go the way we plan. There is a saying, “If you want to hear God laugh, make plans.” We’ve all experienced times in our lives when we’ve made what we thought were good, tight plans, only to see them go horribly awry. Sometimes things just don’t work out. Everything in life is fluid and that is constant, which seems to be an oxymoron – fluidity is constant. But it’s true. We can’t predict what other people will do, we can’t predict what will happen, we can’t even predict the weather with any real surety. So we plan, and we hope that those plans will go the way we want them to.

I just returned from vacation. Vacation, as I’m sure you know, is a time when you’re supposed to relax, have fun, change locations, spend time with people you love, laugh a lot, recharge…those sorts of things. Yeah, well my vacation didn’t exactly work out that way. I planned this vacation because my job was very stressful and I really needed a break. I was tired and overworked, overwhelmed with all my responsibilities, and I really, really needed and wanted a week to kick back, and have fun.

I did change locations, and went to a beach to spend some time on the shore listening to the waves, watch the dolphins cavort in the surf, walk in the sand, feel the ocean breeze – all wonderful ways to spend the days. But the camaraderie of friends was sadly missing. Oh I went with friends and a relative, and had high hopes for lots of fun. But instead of fun there was tension, instead of relaxation, there was stress. Unfortunately, one person in our group was unhappy in her life, and you know that old saying that misery loves company? Well, she evidently made it her mantra for the entire trip. I tried to keep things light, because in a situation like that it doesn’t help to confront, and escalate the problem. I listened with patience to the complaints, accepted the criticisms with grace, and made my way through the week. It wasn’t all bad, and there were moments of peace, but it just wasn’t the fun I had hoped for. It wasn’t the break I wanted, and it certainly wasn’t the respite I needed. At the end of the week I was relieved to finally say goodbye and go home. When I got home I was exhausted, and wished I had never gone on “vacation.”

So, sometimes things don’t go the way we plan. Sometimes they don’t go well. Sometimes they go horribly wrong. But no matter what life gives us, we can choose to get bogged down in the mess we find ourselves facing, or we can take a breath, wait a moment, and choose to look up and be the light. My trip was not fun, but I’m happy that I chose to be the light while there. It wasn’t easy, but I knew if I let myself fall into the mire of the discontent of others, it would be worse. At least if I chose to be kind, to be supportive, I could feel good about myself. So with each rude comment I smiled and said something pleasant. With each complaint I listened with patience and offered a positive suggestion. I tried to be an example, and I tried to show acceptance and love.

We all have the choice every day to be the one to make things better. We don’t always have to defend ourselves, we don’t always have to point out where someone is wrong. Sometimes, we can let it go, and just set a higher example. This life is a gift. Every single day is a gift. It is best to rejoice more than complain, to comfort more than confront, to love more than to judge. Today when things go wrong, when you hear complaints, when you find disappointment, try to keep it in perspective. It’s not the end of the world as we know it, it probably won’t matter in a few days, and everything will be different tomorrow. Fluidity is constant. Look up. You got this.

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United we stand.

7 Apr

People are complicated.  There is an unlimited supply of versions to our lives.  Everyone has their own interpretation of what is best for them and what they want, and of course, everyone in their sphere also has an interpretation of what is best for them and what they should have.  We all have friends and family who are eager to give us advice and counsel, and sometimes that advice is helpful, sometimes not, and sometimes it’s just annoying.  We have the right to direct our own lives, and even if we ask for advice, we don’t have to take it.  We are really the only ones who know the whole story, and in the end the decision is ours to make.

When we’re making decisions, it’s important to consider everything, especially if the decision is a big one.  How do we feel about it?  How will it impact our future?  What will it cost – not just in money, although that sometimes enters in.  But also the cost of our time and effort.  What will we have to give up to make the change?  Is it worth the effort?  Is it what we really want?  Are we sure?  There are countless questions that come up and we have to address them all.  Ignoring them will not make them go away.  If we don’t consider everything and just go ahead with a decision, we could find ourselves second guessing it forever.  Even when we think we’re sure we know what we want, there can be complications.

I have a friend with a horrible job.  By anyone’s standards her job is horrible.  The location is bad as well.  She says she wants very much to find a better job and move to a better location.  She’s asked all her friends for advice and help to make this happen.  But she’s neglected to even apply for jobs referred to her, and when she does get an interview she doesn’t prepare for it or she goes improperly dressed.  Many people have offered to help her prepare, given her advice on how to dress, and offered to help her apply for new jobs.  But the offers largely go ignored.  Needless to say, she’s still in her horrible job.  Even though she says she wants these changes, it’s obvious that she hasn’t done what she’s needed to do in order to facilitate them.

If we’re going to make a decision, we have to pull in the whole team – our internal team.  We have to face our fears, address our needs, see how we feel, decide if we’re really committed to the change, and determine if we will do what it will take to make the decision.  We can’t ignore anything.  We have to look at everything and ‘open all the drawers’ so to speak.  Once we’ve done that, pulled everything together, and are united in moving forward, we can stand firm in our decision knowing this is what we really want, and we will persevere in order to achieve it.  That’s the beginning.  And you can’t reach any destination unless you begin.

Life goes by whether you’re happy or not, rich or poor, young or old.  It goes by fast.  If we don’t like where we are it’s our responsibility to change our situation.  Nobody can do it for us.  There are times when we wish they could, but we have to do it ourselves.  If we take some time to think about what we really want and what it will take to get there, and then take the time to unite ourselves to make the change, we can change just about anything in our lives we want to.  Are you thinking about making a change?  Have you been hesitating?  Now is the time.  Don’t wait another moment to get where you want to be.  Begin now.

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