Archive | April, 2015

What’s luck got to do with it?

20 Apr

A previous boss I had was always giving me big projects to work on. They were in essence HIS projects, but he preferred delegating them to me instead of doing them himself. My office was right next to his and when his boss would come to see him, and I overheard him getting a new assignment, I knew that shortly thereafter that assignment was going to be mine. Since it was my boss directing me to complete the project, whatever it was, there was no way to decline. When he invariably called me into his office to assign me something new, I would sit and listen carefully, take the necessary notes, and then tell him, “I’ll take care of it.” As I would rise to leave, he would almost always say, “Good luck,” at which time I would respond, “Luck is not a factor.”

What is luck? For many of us it’s something we hope for despite the fact that it isn’t real. There is no magical way for things to work out, there is no mythical realm that will intercede. This is not a fairy tale. This is real life. The true definition of luck is when opportunity and preparedness meet. Again – The true definition of luck is when opportunity and preparedness meet. If we are prepared and an opportunity presents itself, we may take full advantage of the situation and find success. Some will say we were lucky, and in essence, given the true definition of luck, we were, but not like they think. We were ready. We were prepared for the opportunity when it arrived and so were successful. When I worked on the endless projects assigned to me by my boss, I prepared, I planned, I got ready, and when the time came to present my final product, everything often went well. I wasn’t lucky in some magical way. I was lucky because I prepared and was ready to succeed.

There are times in our lives when we want very much for something to change. We want very much for something to happen. We might think, “I wish I were lucky enough to get that.” But wishing for a lucky break is a waste of time. If you want to really be lucky, make a plan to get the thing you are wishing for, and prepare a way to accomplish your plan. Move forward step by step and in time, you will get what you want. There are few things in life we can’t achieve if we want them badly enough. True luck is when you put your mind to work, put your plan into action, and persevere until you succeed.

Very successful people generally aren’t just ‘lucky.’ Generally they have worked very hard to achieve their goals. It’s easy to see them at the end of the journey with their success shining all over them, and envy them, neglecting to see all the sweat, tears, disappointments, changes in course, and adjustments they most certainly went through to get where they are. They wanted the success enough to make it happen. Does that make them lucky?   If you believe that luck is when opportunity and preparedness meet – then yes, they are lucky.

Today, think about what you have been wishing for. Don’t wait for fairy dust, or a magical spell to bring it to you. Make a plan, start working it, and go after it. Make your own luck by preparing for what you want so when it arrives you are ready to grab it. It’s waiting for you. It has your name on it. Go get it!

Tags: ,

What happens next?

19 Apr

What would you do if someone unfairly and maliciously insulted you in front of your friends? What would you do if someone took credit for your idea at work? What would you do if someone you loved hurt you to serve themselves? What would you do if someone lied to you and caused you to lose something you valued? What would you do if you discovered that a friend or loved one betrayed you?

All of these scenarios could happen to you. Some of them may have already happened to you. Unfortunately, we can’t control any choices other people make. We can’t control what they do or don’t do. We can’t control what happens to us as a result of those choices. When it comes to dealing with others, if they choose to hurt us, lie to us, betray us – we really can’t do anything to stop them. They may choose to do whatever they want to, and if that means hurting us, they may choose that as well.

But we can control what happens next – at least as far as our behavior is concerned. It is very hard to deal with being treated unfairly, and our first instinct might be to fight back. Fighting fire with fire might work, but it’s not always the best option. Sometimes it just makes the situation worse, and causes more hurt feelings on both sides. So if we don’t return back exactly what’s been done to us, do we have to just take it? Should we do nothing? No. We have options. But choosing the right one takes a little thought.

What if for every injustice, we offered back the opposite of what we received. For anger, we could offer kindness. For jealousy, we could offer acceptance. For selfishness, we could offer charity. For greed, we could offer generosity. For lies, we could offer honesty. If we offer these things in return for the pain, there is a good chance that the person who hurt us will be touched by our consideration and understanding. They may see the error of what they’ve done, and use our example to change. And if they do, that change would most probably be positive. It won’t happen every time, but if our example helps even one person to change for the better, it’s worth the cost.

We’re all going to be hurt by others at times. Sometimes the hurt will be exquisitely painful, devastating even, and it will be hard to turn the other cheek and offer back something better. It will not be easy. But becoming the best person we can be is never easy. We have to rise above the pain, and see the bigger picture. We have to decide that it’s worth it. We have to choose to reach higher. So today, make a choice. Do you want to return fire with fire, or do you want to change the situation and make it better? There is nobility in all of us. Recognize yours. Express it when things go wrong. Embrace it when you get hurt. And show it off to the world. It really is your finest feature.

Tags: ,

Promises Promises

18 Apr

Frequently as we go through our lives we make commitments. We agree to do things, to follow through, to accomplish projects, to be somewhere, etc. We do this every day in some way or another. And when we agree to do something, we are giving our word, and in essence, a promise that we will do something. Now the word “promise” means different things to different people. Some people don’t think giving their word is as binding as making a promise, but the fact is when we say we will do something, we are making a promise that it will be done. Just because we don’t use the word “promise” when we commit, does not make the commitment less important or less binding.

It is imperative if we want to be trusted, that we keep our word – our promises. Some people give their word easily with no intention of following through. Perhaps they just want the conversation to end so they can move on, and saying they’ll do whatever is being asked will end it. When we have someone in our lives that does this, someone who constantly says they will do something, and then does not follow through, we eventually stop trusting them, and we stop asking them. Since it’s impossible to have a close, trusting relationship with someone who does not keep their word, we move them a step away from us. We back away a bit from the closeness we had before. That will negatively affect the relationship. It can’t be prevented. Relationships by their very nature are based on trust. If the trust is gone, there isn’t much left to hold onto.

But what if we can’t keep our word because of circumstances out of our control? Sometimes things happen, and we can’t follow through on what we’ve said we would do. When that happens we need to let those involved know right away, explain the situation, and decide how to go forward. But if we do this over and over again, something always comes up, there is always a reason why we can’t follow through, there is always an excuse, then the situation is different. If that happens, after a time, those around us will no longer believe us when we say we will do something, they will no longer trust our word, and they will assume we are going to bail. They won’t count on us anymore.

If we are going to give our word, or make a promise, we must do everything in our power to keep it. We can’t just forget about it, we can’t just make up an excuse because we don’t want to do it, we can’t dodge the person who asked us hoping it’ll just fade away. We must keep our word. And if we can’t we must handle that appropriately so other plans can be made. If we do these things, if we are truthful, our relationships will be stronger, people will trust us, they will learn that we are honest, and that we care about them. We’re all in this together. We need to care about each other. We need to follow through. We need to be there for each other. Without that, we stand alone, and nobody wants that.

Tags: ,

What’s on the inside?

17 Apr

I just love to open a brand new box of chocolates. I tear off the cellophane wrapper, open the box and gaze at the gloriously beautiful, decadent, and alluring pieces of delicately designed morsels before me. I lean close and breathe in the wonderful aroma. I’m perfectly happy anticipating the first, delectable bite of deliciousness…but first, I look at the map. I review the map telling me what’s inside those little lovelies because I absolutely detest lemon creams. I hate them. I don’t know why anyone would put lemon with chocolate. Raspberry – delicious, cherry – wonderful, truffle – always, but lemon? No. I hate them. And since you can’t tell what’s on the inside from looking at the beautifully created outside, the map is invaluable. At least to me. Now maybe you don’t care, and lemon is just as good as any other flavor, but for me, it’s a deal breaker.

I have a friend who is very successful and well spoken. She seems cheery and polite most of the time, and she always says the right things to the right people. She seems almost perfect. But when you really get to know her, you realize it’s all an act. Her laughter at the boss’s jokes is fake. In fact, I actually don’t think I’ve ever heard a genuine laugh come from her. She smiles but there is no joy on her face. She moves in rehearsed ways, she says all the predictable phrases, and she changes the way she dresses to match the group she’s with. There doesn’t seem to be anything genuine about her. Everything is fake. When I first met her I thought she was so easy to get along with, so jolly and friendly but then I noticed that as soon as whomever she was charming at the moment walked away, her demeanor immediately changed. She would adjust her personality every time someone new came around and pretend to be like them. After a while I couldn’t tolerate being near her. It was almost painful to watch her go through all these imitations of being real. Who is she inside? I have no idea. I’ve known her for years and I have no idea who she really is. I sometimes wonder if she knows who she is. To me, she’s like a lemon cream. She looks good on the outside, almost perfect, but inside there is something less desirable.

In order to get along and fit in we sometimes have to modify our personality traits, but we can still be genuinely who we are. If we aren’t, who are we? Is it enough to be merely a reflection of those around us? Is it enough to mimic the behaviors of those we want to impress? Is it enough to pretend to be someone else? If we do that over and over we could get lost and actually forget who we really are. And that would be a terrible loss. Each of us has unique gifts to bring to this world. We’re all different and we all have something to offer that is uniquely us. If we ignore those distinctions and simply copy those around us, the world misses out on what we really have to offer. It’s a trap we can fall into when we aren’t confident, when we aren’t sure, when we want badly to fit in. It’s a trap and like all traps, once you’re in, it can be hard to escape.

Think about who you are today. Think about who you really are inside. Are you showing that to those around you or are you pretending to be someone else because you think you’ll be more accepted? Everyone appreciates an honest person who is genuine and clear about who they are. Even when there are disagreements, it’s important to be truthful about where we stand, how we feel, and what we’ll do. If we can do that every day, be completely honest and not play games to fit in, people will come to trust us, to understand what they can expect from us, and know that no matter what comes we will tell it like it is. And when people trust us, we open far more doors in every situation than if we just try to fit in. Be yourself today. Really be who you are. Be confident. Be truthful. Be honest. Don’t deceive others by trying to be something you’re not. Be yourself. It’s the only way to really move forward. And since we can’t go backward, if we aren’t moving forward, we are stuck. And getting stuck gets us nowhere.

Tags: ,

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

16 Apr

We all make dozens of decisions every day. Some are important, some are inconsequential, and some we make without even thinking about them. But what do we do if we find out a decision we have already made may have bad or even disastrous results? How can we process that? We may look back and think, “I can’t believe I did that! I can’t believe I fell for that. I can’t believe I was so stupid.” The problem with looking back is that we can’t project the person we are now back to the person we were when we made the decision. Even if we made the decision last week, we are different now than we were then. Second guessing decisions made in the past based on who we are now will never work. Life happens and things can change in an instant – we get information we didn’t have before, we see the problem differently, someone new enters the picture that changes the entire dynamic. Generally, I think we’ll all agree, people don’t intentionally make bad decisions that will hurt them. We try our best based on the information we have, and the situation we are in.

So how do we deal with the results of a bad decision? How do we go forward? How can we fix things and forgive ourselves for making the mistake? If the decision only hurt us, we can cope with that, learn from it, and move on. But if the decision hurt others, caused the end of a relationship or caused us to lose the trust of those around us, it will be more difficult. If we’ve hurt others we can try to make amends, and apologize.  If we’ve really broken a relationship, we may have to accept that it can’t be fixed, and let it go. That is difficult, especially if it was a relationship we valued, but we can’t go back in time. We can’t change the past. We are where we are. There are no “do overs.” All we can do is go forward from here. If we’ve lost the trust of others, we may be able to restore it if we explain why we chose what we chose, and if we include them going forward when decisions come that will affect them. Over time, if we’re careful, that trust may come back.

We are all only human. We are going to make mistakes. It happens. We don’t get a manual when we come here that warns us to “watch out for that decision you have to make in May…” We learn as we go. Sometimes we screw up. It’s just how it is. And when we screw up, we can learn from it, we can cope with the results of the decision, we can try to fix things again, and we will do better next time. If you’re struggling with a bad decision you’ve made in the past, and you are having trouble letting it go, try to remember why you chose what you chose. You were in a different place, you thought things would go differently, and you wouldn’t have made the decision you made had you known it would end badly. Forgive yourself. It’s not the end of times. It’s just a bump in the road. Next time you’ll get it right.

Tags: ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →