Tag Archives: Battle

Check

10 Apr

Everyone wants an easy life where things go well and we can sail along. If we were all alone and there wasn’t anyone else to mess up our plans or make decisions that create problems, it might be possible. But even then, things would go wrong from time to time and we’d have to negotiate a new way forward. Life is filled with all kinds of opportunities for us to learn and grow, some of which we’d like to avoid. Things will get in our way, we’ll face unforeseen complications and we might hit a wall we can’t get over. We never really know what will happen next, but we are smarter and more powerful than we might think we are, and there will often be a way around whatever isn’t working. In the game of chess, when one opponent corners another they may place them in “check” meaning they are facing capture but there is still a way out. This is far different from “checkmate” where they are captured and there is no escape. In our lives we’ll likely face many situations where we feel we’re in checkmate, that we’ve been cornered and there is no way out. However, most of the time if we look carefully and take the time to see everything objectively, we’ll see another option. Of course, if we simply decide we’ve been overtaken, and throw our hands up in surrender, we’ll never know what we could have done. There will be few times in our lives when there will be no options available to us. Most of the time, if we’re careful and patient, we’ll see a way through whatever is happening. Being in “check” is uncomfortable, but it isn’t the end. We are wise and capable, and can find the answers we need. Every road is possible, and even if we get tangled up and turned around, we can find the way forward. We can be sure of success, and step ahead with confidence.

When we make plans for what we want to accomplish, we may feel sure everything will work out. But complications may come up and we get stuck. If all we can see is the one way we’ve already tried, and that didn’t work, we may feel the goal is unreachable. But there is never only one road to any destination. If the first one doesn’t work out, we can try another. If that fails as well, there will be an additional road to travel. By looking at every possibility before us, we can find the way forward and reach success.

There may be a time when we face a situation where we simply cannot achieve what we’re seeking. There may be factors out of our control that keep us from getting to the goal and we can’t move. We can’t control what others are doing or decisions being made that impact our progress. However, change is constant, and if we’re stuck, we can set the goal aside for a time until the situation improves. Nothing stays the same forever, and when things change, we can try again. We are capable and smart, and will find our way.

Today if you feel like you’ve been overcome and there is no way forward, look at all the options around you and see what’s possible. You are very intelligent and powerful, and will find the way forward. Be patient and persistent. Every destination is there for you. Nothing can keep you from your goals forever. Keep your eyes focused on the way ahead, and you will prevail.

Pernicious Anger

25 Jun

Pernicious – Causing insidious harm or ruin; ruinous; injurious; or hurtful.

There are ups and downs in all our lives.  Things go right, they go wrong, disappointments happen, people let us down and there are endless other outcomes.  Anger is a normal part of life.  If someone does something that affects us negatively or our experience is far from what we want or expect we may get angry.  There is nothing wrong with feeling anger but how we express it can affect what happens next.  If we lash out at others and say or do things that are beyond what the relationship can bear, we may damage it beyond repair or lose it altogether.  Pernicious anger may ruin our connections going forward.  We are always in control of our lives and if we allow angry emotions to determine how we act we may end up somewhere we don’t want to be.  If we feel ourselves getting carried away in a wave of disappointment or anger, instead of acting out we can step back and allow ourselves to calm down before we react.  The fight or flight reflex is very strong and powerful but generally we neither need to fight nor run away to find resolution.  We can take a breath, stop and think and give ourselves a moment to see everything before we respond.  Learning to act on disappointment instead of react to it will help us find a positive outcome.  No problem is improved by adding intensity and anger to it.  We can control our actions and responses even in times of duress and navigate anger effectively.  There is always a possible positive outcome and if we take our time we’ll find it.

Self-control is a learned response.  Children express anger by crying, screaming or pouting but as we grow and mature if we want to be successful adults we must replace those instantaneous responses with something more thoughtful and successful.  There are few things more disagreeable than an adult who acts like a child.  We can learn the skills we need to be patient in disappointment and tolerant when things go wrong.  We are mature enough and wise enough to find the best way forward no matter the situation.

It’s impossible to listen to other perspectives if we’re concentrating on smashing the opposing point of view.  If we over react every time something goes wrong or someone disagrees with us we may end up burning bridges and ruining relationships.  We might win the current battle but lose the connection going forward.  We can align our priorities and address conflict in ways that protect our sincerest interests.  Maturity and wisdom come with practice and we can choose wisely in difficult times to help us become the people we most want to be and preserve the relationships we value.

Today if feel intensely angry over something, before you react take a moment to look at the situation objectively.  Determine what is most important before you move forward and then choose the path that will take you there.  You are wise and strong and what you want most is possible.  Every positive outcome is there for you and with patience and clarity you will find it.