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Pernicious Anger

25 Jun

Pernicious – Causing insidious harm or ruin; ruinous; injurious; or hurtful.

There are ups and downs in all our lives.  Things go right, they go wrong, disappointments happen, people let us down and there are endless other outcomes.  Anger is a normal part of life.  If someone does something that affects us negatively or our experience is far from what we want or expect we may get angry.  There is nothing wrong with feeling anger but how we express it can affect what happens next.  If we lash out at others and say or do things that are beyond what the relationship can bear, we may damage it beyond repair or lose it altogether.  Pernicious anger may ruin our connections going forward.  We are always in control of our lives and if we allow angry emotions to determine how we act we may end up somewhere we don’t want to be.  If we feel ourselves getting carried away in a wave of disappointment or anger, instead of acting out we can step back and allow ourselves to calm down before we react.  The fight or flight reflex is very strong and powerful but generally we neither need to fight nor run away to find resolution.  We can take a breath, stop and think and give ourselves a moment to see everything before we respond.  Learning to act on disappointment instead of react to it will help us find a positive outcome.  No problem is improved by adding intensity and anger to it.  We can control our actions and responses even in times of duress and navigate anger effectively.  There is always a possible positive outcome and if we take our time we’ll find it.

Self-control is a learned response.  Children express anger by crying, screaming or pouting but as we grow and mature if we want to be successful adults we must replace those instantaneous responses with something more thoughtful and successful.  There are few things more disagreeable than an adult who acts like a child.  We can learn the skills we need to be patient in disappointment and tolerant when things go wrong.  We are mature enough and wise enough to find the best way forward no matter the situation.

It’s impossible to listen to other perspectives if we’re concentrating on smashing the opposing point of view.  If we over react every time something goes wrong or someone disagrees with us we may end up burning bridges and ruining relationships.  We might win the current battle but lose the connection going forward.  We can align our priorities and address conflict in ways that protect our sincerest interests.  Maturity and wisdom come with practice and we can choose wisely in difficult times to help us become the people we most want to be and preserve the relationships we value.

Today if feel intensely angry over something, before you react take a moment to look at the situation objectively.  Determine what is most important before you move forward and then choose the path that will take you there.  You are wise and strong and what you want most is possible.  Every positive outcome is there for you and with patience and clarity you will find it.

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