Getting Back Up

12 Oct

In football, the object of the game is to move the ball from one end of the field over the goal line on the other side.  It seems simple enough but there are a lot of players on the field, and half of them are determined to prevent the ball from going forward.  Everyone does their best to push ahead, and because they are struggling with each other to get to the goal, they spend a lot of time on the ground.  They fall either being knocked down by their opponent or because they are taking another player down to prevent them from advancing.  The hits are hard and sometimes they are injured and unable to get up.  But mostly, they jump back up and push forward again and again.  They take a beating as the game progresses.  Seeing it play out, it’s not that different from what we experience in our personal lives.

We’re all trying to move forward in one way or another.  We push, and maneuver, and try to gain a little ground each day.  Sometimes we get further down the road.  Other times we get knocked down.  Something goes wrong, or someone doesn’t follow through, or what we thought would work out didn’t.  If the goal is important and we’re knocked down, we have to get back up and try again.  The first few times that’s a little easier than it may be after a dozen hits.  But if we want to succeed we can’t stop.  We have to muster our courage, regain our strength, and stand up again.  There is opposition in everything we do, and if we want to win we must be determined that no matter how many times we’re set back, we will continue to push forward.

With everything we want to accomplish we weigh the costs.  Great accomplishments often require great sacrifice and time.  But they also carry the greatest rewards when we succeed.  We need to decide if those rewards are worth whatever we must do to achieve them.  If they are, and we can see the big picture instead of the problems and inconveniences we’re going through, we have a better chance of success.  There isn’t anything we can’t achieve if we want it badly enough.  If we’re resolved in our purpose, and steadfast in our focus, we can face whatever comes.  If we get knocked down, we can get back up.  And when we do we’ll be smarter, and stronger going forward

Today if you’re trying hard to accomplish a goal and you’ve been knocked down, get back up.  Envision the success waiting for you at the end of the struggle.  There isn’t anything you can’t do.  You have everything you need to succeed.  Just keep going.  You know what you want, and you will have it.

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Proof

11 Oct

Most of us want to be good friends and good partners.  We want to be reliable and helpful, and we want those around us to know we’ll be there if they need us.  Building good relationships depends on how we keep our word and follow through.  If we say we’ll be there, we need to show up.  If we don’t, our credibility becomes doubtful.  If this becomes a pattern, we will damage the relationship, and in the end we may lose it altogether.  There is an old saying that the proof is in the pudding.  It means even if someone tells us the pudding is good, we have to taste it for ourselves to find out.  With us, it means what we do proves who we really are.  If we say we’re going to be there for those close to us and aren’t, there is no proof that we will follow through.  There is no proof that we’re reliable and can be counted on.  And if we aren’t honest about that, it casts doubt on everything else we say.

There are some people who say things they don’t mean, and make promises they don’t intend to keep.  Sometimes it’s because they aren’t trustworthy.  Sometimes it’s because they don’t care, and sometimes it’s because they’re irresponsible.  The reasons really don’t matter.  If they give us their word and then don’t follow through, we learn they can’t be trusted.  And trust is imperative in any relationship.  Without it, there is little hope it can continue.  Since we can’t know the future, if someone gives us their word on something, we rely on it and believe them.  If they don’t follow through, the next time they give their word will have less credibility.  We may try to trust them again, but if they let us down repeatedly, it’s impossible to go forward.

When those we love continually break their promises, offering constant excuses, our feelings for them will be affected.  It hurts to be let down again and again, and it makes us feel unimportant.  But we are important and we need to feel that way in our close relationships.  If we keep getting hurt, if they keep breaking their word, we may learn to distance ourselves so we can be protected from additional pain.  If we’re the ones who don’t follow through, and keep breaking our word, we may lose.  Close relationships take time to build.  Letting them falter because we can’t be dependable is heartbreaking.  We need to pay attention.  If we say we’ll be there, we need to be there.

Today, do everything you can to follow through on what you’ve said.  Be dependable, and let those close to you know they can rely on you.  If you’ve been hurt from someone else breaking their word again and again, think about the situation objectively and determine the best course for you going forward.  You are important, and you are valuable.  Make your decisions based on that, and remember you are worth the very best of everything.

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Making Room

10 Oct

I once read a story about a man whose wife gave him a new winter coat every Christmas.  It wasn’t that she couldn’t think of anything else to give him or that he wanted a new coat every year.  It was because he needed a new one every Christmas.  You see, he had decided when he was younger that because he had enough to care for himself and his family, he wanted to do something for someone less fortunate.  So, every Christmas he invited a local impoverished man to join his family for Christmas dinner.  Sometimes they were homeless, sometimes not, but they never had sufficient for their needs.  They lived in a northern location, and the winters were often very cold.  During the Christmas celebration the guest was included in every conversation and activity, and made to feel welcome.  Once the meal ended and before the guest would leave, the host would present him with his warm winter coat.  There were often tears of gratitude and amazement at the man’s generosity.  The coat was the most wonderful gift that could be given in a bitterly cold winter, and as the guest would leave hugs and words of encouragement would be exchanged.  Afterward, the man’s wife would present him with her Christmas present of a new winter coat for the coming year.

Extending ourselves and making room for others in our lives is perhaps the most precious gift we can give.  It requires us to look outside ourselves, and see those around us.  It doesn’t always have to be gift, it doesn’t have to be money, it may just be time.  Perhaps just saying hello, listening, and being a friend is all that’s needed.  Sometimes we might help out with something that is difficult.  Or we might offer to help with transportation for a meeting or appointment.  There are millions of people in the world, but there are times when we all feel isolated and alone.  If we can extend ourselves just a little to those around us, we may eliminate those feelings in a small way.  If we all worked together, the world would be a warmer and more welcoming place.

Making room in our lives isn’t hard, but it does take commitment.  Many of us have a little time we can spare, but even if time is limited, it doesn’t take much to say hello and ask how someone is doing.  Of course there are big, international projects we may get involved in if we like.  There is always a lot of need in the world.  But if those big projects aren’t possible, we can simply commit to being kind and welcoming to those around us. If we have possessions we no longer use, we could offer them to someone who needs them.  We might offer our homes to those who need a place to stay, food to those who are hungry, or a smile to those who are sad.  If we make it a priority to extend ourselves, we can be a light in the darkness, and we can lift those around us.

Today as you do all the things you need to do, take a moment to look at those around you.  Is there some way you might offer something positive?  Is there some small favor you could do?  If there is, extend yourself in friendship and kindness.  Nobody likes feeling alone and sad.  You have the power to lift someone around you and be a light.  Today, offer your hand and your help.

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Running With Scissors

9 Oct

Everyone tries to make good decisions and do things that will bring them happiness and success. We work hard at what we want to accomplish and try to learn as we go. But sometimes we get a little sidetracked and do things that work against us. We might say something spiteful back to someone who has hurt our feelings, or take revenge on someone because of something they did to us. These responses do nothing positive for us, but at times it feels like they give us some satisfaction. Unfortunately, they don’t ever work in our favor and do nothing to move us forward. Instead of resolving a situation, if we do things like these oftentimes we end up escalating it. It’s like running with scissors. We might get to a destination faster but the risk of making things worse is real and present.

If we’ve been hurt and are angry, returning pain for pain is always an option. We can hit back, return nasty barbs, or do something else to even the score. Unfortunately if we take this route, often instead we just up the ante. And then we have to even the score again. If things continue to escalate, the situation can get out of hand and we lose control of the objective. In every conflict we have a choice. We can try to diminish it or we can make it worse. Making it worse is never in our best interest. If we make that our pattern, we may spend a lot of time wrestling with issues instead of solving them. But it’s not fair for us to be treated badly, and sometimes we feel like we have to do something to make things right. But making things right is rarely achieved when a contest of wills gets intense.

The only way to handle a situation when we’ve been hurt, or maligned, is to be in control. The best way to gain control is to return better behavior for the insult. If someone says we’re an idiot, we don’t have to agree, but we could quietly and politely say something to diffuse the situation. If we aren’t attacking in our response, the other party has nothing to rebut. It takes two to argue and if we lower the tension, the argument has a better chance of becoming a conversation. If someone says something that deeply hurts or ridicules us, we could simply thank them for their opinion and say nothing more. Many times when others attack us personally they expect a fight. They have volleyed the first serve over the net and are in control. We can take that control away from them by managing what happens next. It isn’t easy but we are capable of deflating the conflict by being polite, and calm. Most people who like to fight like to pick on others who will take the bait. We can determine not to take it. We can decide to take control instead. And if we do, we win.

Today if someone is baiting you into an argument, if you’ve been insulted or demeaned, you don’t have to enter the fight. You can take control of the situation be being calm and polite. No matter what happens you can return your best behavior. You can be better, and you can silence the conflict. You are strong and capable of making excellent choices. Today make the choice that puts you on top. That’s the best place to be, and is exactly where you belong.

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Purple

8 Oct

When we have something we strongly believe in, something that defines us and makes us who we are, it’s important to hold fast to it. There may be some who will criticize us, or even demean our beliefs, but that has no power over our decision to continue.  There are all kinds of beliefs, tenets, and guidelines we may choose to help govern our lives.  Sometimes we have the inclusion of those around us, and sometimes we stand alone.  We all have personal choices and when they don’t follow everyone else’s idea of the norm, we may stand out.  But whatever choices we make are up to us, and unless we’re hurting someone else, we are entitled to them.  Differences sometimes make others uncomfortable.  We can exercise patience and understanding, and a willingness to accept people as they are.  If we do that, we will be comfortable and supportive in any situation.

Our beliefs vary from one another.  Perhaps we love the color purple. We think purple is the best, happiest color there is and we wear it every day. We talk to people about it and try to convince them of its very positive influence, and explain their lives would be better if they included purple in them. We take every opportunity to sing about it, talk about it, and praise it with everyone we meet. Some people might think we have clouded judgment, and some may openly deride us for our allegiance to it.  Others may say we’re foolish and naïve to believe in such a thing, and instead we should go along with what everyone else is doing.  But we can stay true to our choice if it’s what makes us happy. We can be strong going forward with our faith.  Others may not understand our choices, but we don’t need their approval.

Approval is something we all seek to some degree.  Most of us want to be accepted, included, and part of the group.  If we’re different that may take a little more time than if we look and act like everyone else.  But being different makes us more interesting.  We don’t have to conform to be accepted.  We don’t have wear beige just because everyone else is wearing beige.  We can be purple.  We can be happy and inclusive to those around us, and accepting of others, and we can still be true to our beliefs and fit in.  It’s important to be genuinely true to ourselves.  We are in control of our lives and get to decide how we want to live them.

Today if you feel left out because you’re not like everyone else, remember how your differences make you unique.  Extend your hand in friendship and be accepting to those around you.  Show your care and compassion, and be kind in all your dealings.  Others will respond positively and before you know it, everyone will be on your side.  You are great just as you are.  Be true to yourself, and be happy sharing your life just the way you like it.

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