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Coming Up Short

25 Aug

We all want to feel strong and confident, and able to face whatever comes our way. We try hard, we work hard, and we hope we have what it takes no matter what comes. Nobody likes feeling impotent and weak, but none of us is perfect and there are going to be times when we will feel overwhelmed, and unable to cope. We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others. We expect to be able to do whatever is needed, when it’s needed, and do it effectively and well. When we can’t accomplish that, we might feel bad, and we may think we’ve failed.

We all have shortcomings. We have some things we do well, some things we do very well, and some things that trip us up. Nobody is good at everything. We want to do everything well, but sometimes that’s not possible. So we have to learn to be patient and understand we all have weaknesses. We can learn, we can grow, and we can develop new skills that will help us move forward. We are able to change anything we want. But while we’re learning something new, we need to accept that it’s not going to happen overnight. It will take time, and generally it takes more time than we want.

Accepting ourselves as we are is important. Where we are is fine for today. But we aren’t frozen in time, and we aren’t stuck with the patterns we have. We can move forward, and we can change to become anything we want to be. If we’re not happy with a facet of our personality, we can change it. We can work on it and practice a new behavior until it becomes second nature, and part of who we are. It takes focus and time, but nothing is impossible if we want it enough. We have to be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and we aren’t going to change in one either.

Today if you’re disappointed with where you are, if you want more, or if you want to be different in some way, begin doing what is needed to change. You are capable of doing anything you want. You can be happy, you can feel confident, and you can be strong. You have all the tools you need. You are capable of great things. Set the goal and start walking toward it. Before you know it you’ll be where you want to be. This is your life. You are the artist and you can design it any way you want. Whatever you design will be perfect for you.

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Changing Channels

27 Jul

Studies of the brain show that it takes very little energy for us to change our minds.  In fact, it’s miniscule.  It takes virtually no physical effort to do it, but the emotional or mental effort is another story.  When we’re in a situation we don’t like, when we’re uncomfortable and want to change, it seems like a simple solution – just change it.  But when others are involved, and there are feelings to consider, the solution becomes complicated.  If we want to change a situation or a relationship we’ve had for a while, we want to do it well.  Often no matter how we try to make that happen someone gets hurt, and it doesn’t go as smoothly as we may have hoped.

We are in charge of our lives and we get to decide what we do and don’t do.  If we need or want a change, we are entitled to it.  But usually just waiting for the change to happen doesn’t work.  We have to initiate it.  We have to do whatever is needed to facilitate it, and make it happen.  If others are involved, that may mean a difficult conversation that we may dread.  But we deserve the life we want the most.  We deserve to be on the path that’s best for us, even if it means leaving others behind.  If we take some time to plan, we can do our best to make the change as easy as possible for all concerned.

Sometimes the changes we want to make don’t involve other people, but situations in our lives that aren’t working.  We may want to move to another location because we aren’t happy where we are.  Or change careers to something more fulfilling.  Or we may want to get more involved in some activity we’ve been putting off.  It doesn’t matter what change we are seeking, they all require action.  If we want to change our lives we can do it.  We can change anything we really want to.  We just have to decide when we’re ready, and move forward.  Once we’ve determined to go forward differently, once we’ve had the conversations and made the plans, we can start again.  We can create a new situation where we’re happier.  Change is rarely comfortable, and sometimes not as easy as we’d like, but we can manage it.  We deserve whatever we need to be happy.

Today if you’ve been struggling with wanting a change in your life, whatever it is, begin now to do what is needed to make it happen.  Be confident.  You are in charge of your life, and you can determine what makes you happiest.  Today take the first step to turn things around.  Your life is precious and you deserve to have it your way.  It’s exciting to change things up.  It’s all there for you.  Don’t wait another minute to get to it.

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Split Second

24 Jun

Some years ago during the summer, I was in Alaska, and had gone on a fishing charter in Cook Inlet. Although it was summer, it was cold, and I was dressed in jeans, sweatshirt, coat, and boots. As we were securing the boat to the pier at the end of the trip, it drifted outward, and I reached over the water to grab the line to pull it back. Unfortunately, I lost my balance, and fell into the harbor. The water there in the summer is very cold, and being dressed as I was, I sank like a stone. I immediately began trying to swim, but with everything I was wearing, it was very difficult. As I continued to fall downward I looked up at the surface of the water, and realized that because of how I was dressed, and the temperature of the water, I might lose my life. I remember feeling great regret that I had reached out so far, and risked so much. It was a foolish decision given the weather, and the situation. Thankfully, I was able to get back to the surface, and someone pulled me out. I was severely chilled, and had to get my wet clothes off as soon as possible to prevent hypothermia. It took lots of dry, warm clothes, several cups of hot chocolate, and the rest of the day before the shivering stopped. I was lucky things worked out, but I have never forgotten the lesson. One small decision, and in a split second, everything changed.

Our lives are tentative, and this life is unpredictable. There are no guarantees. We tend to forget this from time to time. We take for granted that we will survive today, and see tomorrow, but nothing is sure. Of course, we can’t worry about all the things that could go wrong or we’d never be able to live normally, so we go through our days counting on them being safe, and successful. But sometimes, things turn, and in an instant, everything changes. We can’t predict anything. What comes, comes. We go through our lives, we have our routines, and activities, and then the unexpected happens. Things get turned upside down, and for a while we lose our footing.

Sometimes unforeseen things happen because of decisions we make, like mine when I fell into the ice cold harbor. Sometimes they happen because of decisions out of our control. Much of what we experience in this life is out of our control, and when things come that topple us, wake us up, and make us realize again that nothing is guaranteed, it can shake us deeply. Our task then is to be as ready as we can, and do our best when things go awry.

Today if you’ve been rattled by something that has unsettled your life, something that has suddenly shaken you, you may be upset but you will get through it. If it’s extraordinarily difficult, reach out for help. Get the support you need to navigate the situation so you can feel as comfortable as possible. Get into your dry clothes, and stay warm. This will last for just a moment, and then things will settle again. You are resilient enough to weather this. Being upside down is uncomfortable, there is no doubt about that. But while you’re struggling to right yourself, you will find the strength you need. You are strong enough for this. You are strong enough for anything.

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One Red Tulip

10 Apr

I was attending a conference in a big city one spring, and it was such an amazingly beautiful day, I decided to take a walk during the lunch break. There were lots of people out walking, talking on their cell phones, sitting on steps enjoying their lunches, and it was a nice break. I turned a corner and there was the most amazing garden of tulips outside a large, glass building. There were hundreds of them all in bloom, bowing their lovely heads in the breeze and making the scene extraordinarily lovely. I noticed right away to my delight that all of the tulips were yellow – except one. Right smack in the middle of that sea of gorgeous yellow tulips was one red bloom. It was bright, and gorgeous and there was no way to miss it. I stood there laughing – what a delightful surprise! I wondered if the gardener had planted it there on purpose to bring some whimsy to the sight, or if the red bulb had someone gotten mixed into the bag by mistake. Whatever the case, it was wonderful to see it there. All those incredible, big, beautiful yellow blooms and one, “Yes I’m here! Look at me!” red one! I loved it.

I imagine other people loved the scene as much as I did – the surprise of the red, the unexpected burst of difference in a sea of sameness. And I also imagine there were some who walked by and thought it was such a shame that one red tulip had ruined the harmony of the garden. It just depends on your perspective. I tend to find joy in unexpected surprises like this, but I understand that not everyone sees things this way. For some, the garden would have been perfect if all the blooms had been the same color. There would have been harmony, continuity, and comfort in everything being alike. But for me, the surprise of something new in the sea of conformity was delightful.

We are all different and unique. But we have to assimilate to some degree to find success. If we have jobs, we have to show up when we’re expected, there is a norm for behavior we need to follow, the way we say things, the way we dress, the way we react, all these things may be ordered in some ways so we can fit into the model set forth. If we belong to personal organizations, those same rules may apply. Even in our families, there are certain things that are expected that we may not necessarily like doing. Despite our ability or desire to conform to those ideas, inside we are still unique – the only one on earth like us. We each broke our own molds. Nobody else was made exactly the same. Even identical twins have personality traits that differ. We are, in essence, the red tulip. Even in a sea of yellow tulips, we can shine. We can still be “tulips”, and fit the model in that way, but we can display our uniqueness to those around us in positive, and beneficial ways.

It’s important to remember who we are and that our surprising, beautiful, positive, and amazing uniqueness is what brings depth and richness to the world. We were created this way for a reason. If we were all the same the world may as well be flat. There would be no excitement, no treasure, no wonder. If everything was the same each day would be predictable. Nobody wants to live the same day over and over, and we shouldn’t want to be the same as anyone else. We need to be who we are. The differences we all carry are what enhance our experiences here, and make us tolerant, patient, and understanding. The differences are what bring delight – and yes sometimes disharmony – but sameness can only bring boredom. Embrace your unique color. Embrace who you really are. Be red. It’s good to be red. It’s good to be unique. It’s good to be us. We can bring our own colors to the party. Celebrate that!

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