Archive | Power RSS feed for this section

Hit and Run

12 Aug

Suppose as we approach our car in a parking lot after doing some shopping we see someone has hit it while we were inside.  There is no note anywhere with information about who did it.  There is nothing but a smashed up car we now have to deal with.  We’ve become the victim of a hit and run.  Somebody hit the car and simply drove away.  Unless there is a witness who saw the event and is willing to come forward with information, we’re stuck with the damage and making the repairs.  It’s unethical to damage anyone’s property and not take responsibility for it, but some people don’t care about ethics, or what is right.  And so we have to deal with what’s happened.  It’s cowardly to hit anyone or anything and run away afterward.  And when it happens to us we may feel angry, and frustrated.  There is no way to make things right if the offender has disappeared and we are stuck repairing the situation on our own.

Ethics is an interesting subject.  We define what is right and it’s ethical to maintain the standards we set.  It’s unethical to impose pain and suffering on others and not be accountable for it.  But if we want to we can make all kinds of excuses for bad behavior.  The idea of “situational ethics” comes into play.  It’s a convenient excuse when we know what we did was wrong, but feel the situation warranted it and we shouldn’t be responsible for it.  For instance, we miss an important turn as we’re driving somewhere and need to turn around.  There is a no U turn sign but we look around, don’t see anyone and do it anyway.  The situation called for us to turn around and go back, and since nobody saw us, there’s no harm.  But the problem with embracing situational excuses is there will always be a reason to compromise our values, and if there isn’t we can make one up.  We are what we do and if we want to be ethical and honest we must choose what is right even if nobody is looking.

They say the best way to cook a frog is to put it in cold water and slowly heat it up.  That way the frog won’t resist as the water slowly warms until it’s cooked.  When we make decisions that take us away from what we believe is right and then make excuses for them, we are in the water as it begins to heat up.  The next time a decision comes and we want to step out of our standards a little it will be easier because we’ve already stepped away before.  If we keep taking steps further and further away from where we want to be our perceptions of right and wrong will change and our standards will follow.  And like the frog, we’ll be cooked before we know it.  We have to decide what kind of person we really want to be.  If we want to be firm in our convictions we can’t risk wavering.  We can’t hit and run and hope it won’t matter.  What we do always matters.  We can be strong in making choices that keep us on the road we want to travel and define who we most want to be.

Today if you feel tempted to turn away from your standards just a little to accomplish something, hold fast.  Choose well and be firm in what you know is right.  You will prevail and earn the respect of those around you.  You are worth more than you can imagine and your influence on the world is great.  Make it the best influence it can be.

Tags: , ,

The Straw

8 Mar

Most of us are pretty resilient. We can endure challenges as they come along and find our way through. We figure out how to go forward when things get hard, and we know what we want to do. Sometimes we get into situations where those around us make us feel uncomfortable. Maybe someone continually insults us or criticizes us, or someone close to us lets us down again and again. We can put up with those things for a time, but eventually we will get to a breaking point. We finally get to that straw, the final straw that breaks the camel’s back. We all have limits, and limits by their very definition have end points. We can endure something for a time, look the other way, and take it, but at some point we will have had enough. When that happens we have to change the situation. Sometimes because we’ve let bad feelings or resentment fester, when we get to the point of no return we may lash out and say things we regret later and make the situation worse. If we can be proactive and change things before that happens we’ll be more successful in changing things. We are all entitled to speak up and state what we don’t want. If we wait, endure in silence, and get pushed too far, we may find ourselves acting in ways that don’t reflect the standards we want to keep.

Some people are rude. Some people are mean, and some people don’t care if they hurt others. We all get to choose what kind of person we want to be and for some those choices are hurtful or demeaning. We’ve all known, or had to interact with, someone who was unkind or abrasive. Every situation is different and if our dealings with them are limited we may choose to endure it and say nothing. But if we must interact with them over a period of time and each time we’re uncomfortable, we can speak up. We don’t have to be rude or unkind. We can patiently and clearly say what is offensive to us and ask them to stop doing it. That may be uncomfortable at first, but often once we’ve stated our feelings, the other person will change their behavior when they are with us. Even if they don’t change, we will have more confidence going forward because we’ve expressed our needs and know they are aware of the situation.

If we wait until the last straw when we can’t stand one more moment of the situation, we may give up our ability to control how we handle it. It’s harder to control our behavior when we’re furious or angry than it is when we’re calm and in control. If we say something the first time we’re offended, we have a better chance of being in control of the situation instead of allowing it to be in control of us. We are entitled to feel comfortable in our dealings with others and we deserve to be treated with respect. If that’s not happening we can politely express our dissatisfaction the first time we feel it. If we clearly state our boundaries and say how we feel we may turn a turbulent relationship around. If we say nothing, our only option is to suffer in silence, which gets us nowhere.

Today if you’ve been insulted or hurt by something someone did or said, talk to them. Tell them how you feel. Just speaking up will empower you. You deserve only the best of everything. When you speak up you have the best chance of getting that. You have so much to offer. Ask for the respect you deserve. You’ll feel better and your confidence will rise.

Tags: , ,

Connections

17 Feb

We all love our electronic devices when they’re working as designed to. But sometimes they have problems and often the problem has to do with a connection of some sort. Maybe there is intermittent access at our location or we can’t get a signal to latch onto. If the connections for our devices are poor, they will not work well for us. The same can be true of our lives. We work best when we have good connections. If we have others around us willing to help us, support us, and befriend us, life is inherently easier. There are lots of people around us every day but we don’t connect to everyone in the same way. We build relationships with some, and are passing acquaintances with others. But every connection we make can be beneficial in some way. It’s nice to have friends to rely on, people who care about us and support us in our endeavors. But how do we build good, strong connections? How can we make sure our network is working when we need it?

We’re all unique in many ways but we’re all drawn to those we feel we can trust, and who extend themselves to us. We’re attracted to those who are warm and inviting, who seem genuinely interested in us, and who always seem willing to listen. Even when we meet someone new, if they are open and engaging, they will pull us in. It’s in our nature as human beings to want to connect with others. When we are near those who welcome us, listen to us, and are supportive and kind, we feel a connection. It’s a natural response to positive behavior. We all feel it and unless we’re determined not to get close to anyone, it’s almost impossible to resist. We want to feel connected, we want to feel part of the group, and we want to be accepted. When we’re around others that make us feel that way, we naturally draw close to them and want to build a relationship with them.

This life can be complicated and sometimes things go wrong. When they do we may feel angry or upset and need solitude to work things out. During times like those we may not care about building connections or even welcoming anyone into our lives. But eventually we may want to reconnect with those around us for advice and support. If we have a network of friends and associates who know us, who care about us, and who want only what’s best for us, we can turn to them for help and counsel. But we can’t have that network if we don’t let people in. We can’t expect to have people close to us if we’ve kept them away and resisted building relationships with them. It doesn’t take a lot of time to make connections with others, but it does take effort. Just like we’re drawn to those who are kind and welcoming, we’ll pull others close by being the same way. We have to be willing to open our lives a little, let people near us and be as supportive to them and we want them to be to us. We’re all in this together. We can either take this walk alone and face our dragons all by ourselves, or bring others along with us and share our struggles together. Two is always stronger than one. And as we navigate our days, any extra strength we can expand is well worth our effort.

Today if you’ve been keeping yourself apart and trying to do everything alone, reach out. There are lots of people around you who want to share your life. Let them in. Love them and support them, and be there when they need you. The time will come when they will return the favor back to you and their connections to you will be priceless. Reach out and make a friend. You have so much to give. Share it and the blessing will return to you ten times over.

Tags: , ,

When We’re Ready

23 Dec

When we’re hoping for a change in our lives and working to make it happen, it’s frustrating when it eludes us.  When we want something badly it’s hard to wait.  We can try and try to make something happen, but sometimes no matter what we do we remain stuck and nothing changes.  And so we continue to do the other things in our lives that take our attention.  We learn new things and have more experiences moving forward, and after some time passes what we are trying so hard to achieve arrives.  The thing about life is that so often things don’t come to us exactly when we want them, but when we’re ready for them, which isn’t always the same time.  If we’re impatient, waiting is difficult, especially if what we we’re hoping for is something we want very badly and feel we deserve.  But impatience can’t rush anything.  It only makes the wait harder to endure.  Therefore, trying to practice more patience can only help us as we go forward.  It seems counter intuitive that we must exercise patience to become more patient, but that’s how it is.  We can do everything we can to initiate a change, but until we’re ready for it, it probably won’t come.  The trick is to be ready.

Once we’ve identified something we want to change in our lives, if it’s far reaching and requires us to alter our lifestyle or routine, we first need to make that happen to facilitate the change we’re seeking.  If we want to become a doctor, we need to plan and prepare to go to medical school.  If we want to become more social, we need to plan to attend more functions where we can meet others.  We’ll never be ready for any change without the proper preparation.  It seems easy when we first start thinking about it – we’ll just do what’s required.  But when it comes time to implement the alterations, to attend school, to study, to actually go out to the events we need to, sometimes uncertainty creeps in.  An established routine, even one we aren’t happy with, has a degree of security and predictability that makes it comfortable.  We’re familiar with it, we know how it works, and we know what to expect.  When we shake that up, we might find that taking the first step is the hardest.  We don’t really know where it will take us or how we’ll react.  But if we are brave enough to start we often find we are certainly capable of continuing, and because the first step takes us closer to where we want to be, it will bring satisfaction.

The road to change isn’t always easy or quick.  Sometimes what we’re trying to do turns out to be more difficult than we first thought.  And sometimes after we start the new path and look ahead, we see it will take longer than we realized.  But if the goal is something we want, there isn’t anything that can stop us unless we quit.  If we decide it’s too hard or will take too long, we can certainly stop and return to our old patterns.  But if we do that, it means we aren’t ready for the change after all.  And the goal will not be realized until we are.  If we really want to do something, no matter what it is, we can do it.  We just need to keep taking one step forward.  We don’t have to do it in a hurry, and we can take it one day at a time.  There isn’t anything we can’t do.  We can prepare ourselves, and we can be ready.  And when we are, we’ll succeed.

Today if you’ve been wanting a change in your life but aren’t sure you can manage it, remember there is nothing you can’t do.  Every single step will take you closer to your goal, and you can succeed.  Think about where you want to be, and plan to move closer to it no matter what.  If you’re ready, nothing will stop you.  And you can be ready now.  Take the first step today.  Tomorrow take another.  Keep going forward and the goal will come to you.

Tags: , ,

Making Bread

2 Dec

I have a friend who is a baker.  He makes all kinds of artisan breads and works very hard at creating new recipes that are delicious and incredible.  While visiting him recently I watched as he worked.  He made the dough and then scraped it onto his table where he proceeded to knead and work it.  At one point he picked the huge ball of dough up and slammed it against the table.  I asked him about that and he said it helped to develop the dough, making it more elastic and giving it a wonderful texture.  Later when we tasted the bread, it was amazing.  And he was right, the texture was wonderful and I have never tasted anything more perfect.  I have been thinking about that ever since.  There is a parallel to our lives in this.  We go through our days and things go right and sometimes they go wrong.  It seems our struggles knead us into something better, and there are definitely times when we feel we’re being slammed against a table!  But if we endure, and learn from our experiences, we too, just like my friend’s bread, will have an amazing texture to our lives, and become deep and well developed.

Nobody likes to go through hard times.  Nobody likes to suffer, and nobody wants bad things to come to them.  But we don’t live in Nirvana.  We live on earth and in a human existence.  We interact with others who have free will and can, and sometimes do, make decisions that impact us negatively.  We get hurt, and we struggle, but through the struggle comes strength, and knowledge, and if we’re patient, eventually wisdom.  It would be great if we could learn everything we needed to know, and grow into incredible people without suffering, but that isn’t the case.  It seems we need a refining fire to burn off our superficial pettiness, and our selfish desires.  Silversmiths work with ore putting it in a hot furnace again and again.  When asked how they know all the dross has been burned off and the silver is pure, they say they know it’s ready when they see their reflection in it.  There is nothing left to diminish the shine.  It’s the same with us.  We struggle, we feel pain and loss, and as we do small bits of what we don’t need fall away, and in the end because of what it takes to get through, we are purer than when we started.

It’s nice to dream of a perfect world where everyone loves everyone else, where we’re all respected and cared for, and where there are no tears of sadness, sorrow or loneliness.  But if we lived in such a state, if we were in paradise all the time, we would never have the opportunity to grow.  We would never really know joy because we would never know sorrow.  Joy is the absence of sorrow.  We have to experience one to understand the other.  And so, although it’s nice to think about a world where nothing goes wrong, it’s better to live in one where it does.  It’s hard to remember that when we’ve been hurt, betrayed, lied to, offended, or injured.  It’s hard to think anything good could come from our suffering, but greatness comes to us when we persevere and hold fast to what is right, even in times of trial.  Wisdom comes from experience – and the difficult experiences teach us far more than the easy ones.

Today if you feel beset by trials, if you’re suffering and feeling bad, remember you are in the refiner’s fire.  You are learning more about life and about yourself.  It might get hot and you may feel very uncomfortable for a time but it’ll never get too hot for you to handle.  You are becoming great.  You are becoming your best self.  Hang on and learn all you can.  You’re getting stronger and closer to who you really want to be.

Tags: , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →