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Different Versions

22 Oct

There are a lot of various situations in our lives, and in each experience we react in a different way. Sometimes we’re having fun and it’s easy to play along. Other times we have to think about a situation to figure out how to navigate it. And sometimes, we may have no idea how to react to something that catches us off guard. While we’re always the same person, different versions of our personality come into play depending on what we’re going through. We have a lot of reactions, expressions, emotions, and displays of affection we draw from every day. We try to always be the best version of ourselves, and often we’re successful. But if the situation really pushes our buttons, the version we display may not be the one that shows our best attributes.

Everyone gets angry from time to time and people disagree. It’s hard to trust those who say they never argue or fight with others. If that’s the case, it seems they either have no opinions that are important to them, or they just go along with whatever is happening. Of course, there are a few who are so evolved they are able to navigate any situation without disharmony, but that is rare. We are all individuals and nobody is exactly like us, so it’s likely we’ll have disagreements with others now and again. When we get upset and something really bothers us, if we jump on it instead of taking a breath and taking time to collect our thoughts, we might say something rude or act out in a way that doesn’t work in our favor. When our emotions are high and we’re angry, if we want the best version of ourselves to come forward, it’s wise to step away for a time until we feel in control.

Defining who we really are, and what we really want takes time. We have to decide what we really believe in, and what defines us. If we are easily influenced by others and impressed by trends, we may just go along and mimic those around us. If we’re timid and shy, instead of expressing ourselves we may choose to be quiet and try to blend in. But determining who we are is important and although others may tell us who they think we are, it’s up to us to decide what’s right. Once we determine what we believe, what we want, and who we are, we can live our lives according to those dictates. We can hold fast to things that are important to us, and be exactly the way we choose. The best version of us is always the honest one. If we live true to who we really are we’ll be happy, and if we stay true to our principles, we’ll be trusted and respected. We can offer our best every day, and we can do it our way.

Today if you’re being pulled one way and another, if you’re being influenced and feel confused or conflicted, think about yourself. Be honest and present who you really are to those around you. You are perfect just as you are. You are unique and valuable. The world is a better place because you’re here. The real you is your best version. Be confident in sharing that.

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Proof

11 Oct

Most of us want to be good friends and good partners.  We want to be reliable and helpful, and we want those around us to know we’ll be there if they need us.  Building good relationships depends on how we keep our word and follow through.  If we say we’ll be there, we need to show up.  If we don’t, our credibility becomes doubtful.  If this becomes a pattern, we will damage the relationship, and in the end we may lose it altogether.  There is an old saying that the proof is in the pudding.  It means even if someone tells us the pudding is good, we have to taste it for ourselves to find out.  With us, it means what we do proves who we really are.  If we say we’re going to be there for those close to us and aren’t, there is no proof that we will follow through.  There is no proof that we’re reliable and can be counted on.  And if we aren’t honest about that, it casts doubt on everything else we say.

There are some people who say things they don’t mean, and make promises they don’t intend to keep.  Sometimes it’s because they aren’t trustworthy.  Sometimes it’s because they don’t care, and sometimes it’s because they’re irresponsible.  The reasons really don’t matter.  If they give us their word and then don’t follow through, we learn they can’t be trusted.  And trust is imperative in any relationship.  Without it, there is little hope it can continue.  Since we can’t know the future, if someone gives us their word on something, we rely on it and believe them.  If they don’t follow through, the next time they give their word will have less credibility.  We may try to trust them again, but if they let us down repeatedly, it’s impossible to go forward.

When those we love continually break their promises, offering constant excuses, our feelings for them will be affected.  It hurts to be let down again and again, and it makes us feel unimportant.  But we are important and we need to feel that way in our close relationships.  If we keep getting hurt, if they keep breaking their word, we may learn to distance ourselves so we can be protected from additional pain.  If we’re the ones who don’t follow through, and keep breaking our word, we may lose.  Close relationships take time to build.  Letting them falter because we can’t be dependable is heartbreaking.  We need to pay attention.  If we say we’ll be there, we need to be there.

Today, do everything you can to follow through on what you’ve said.  Be dependable, and let those close to you know they can rely on you.  If you’ve been hurt from someone else breaking their word again and again, think about the situation objectively and determine the best course for you going forward.  You are important, and you are valuable.  Make your decisions based on that, and remember you are worth the very best of everything.

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Good Intentions

28 Sep

There are lots of things we can do for others.  We can help in small ways to let them know we care, we can help with special projects, and we can be there when they need us.  In our busy lives though, there are times we may commit to something, and even plan on doing it, but time gets away from us or we get distracted, and it doesn’t happen.  If we drop the ball once in a while it’s generally not a problem, but if it becomes a consistent behavior trait, we may find we lose the trust of those around us.  Good intentions are nice, but if we don’t follow through they don’t mean anything.  There is an old saying, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  Perhaps we won’t actually go to hell if we drop the ball, but it certainly won’t work in our favor.

We all have a lot to offer those around us.  Most of us want to be good friends and family members, and try to be there when the need arises.  We make promises to help and most of the time we follow through, but if something comes up and we miss the commitment, it’s important that we apologize.  Most people are forgiving when plans don’t work out and they’ll trust us again if we fail to show once.  But we need to be careful we don’t make promises we can’t keep.  If we say we’re going to be there and don’t show again and again, we will damage our relationships.  There is no way to prevent the loss of trust if we keep letting others down.  Trust is something we earn, and if we drop the ball and lose that trust, it can be hard to restore.

We can get caught up in situations when we’re asked to do something or be somewhere that will be difficult for us.  If the person requesting our help is adamant in their need, we may agree to be there even if we’re not sure we can.  The pressure to go along with an idea can be intense, and some people can be very persuasive.  But even if they are insistent, it’s up to us to make the best decisions possible.  If the situation is such that we aren’t sure we can follow through, we need to express that.  It’s important to state our concerns about the request, and clearly explain that we aren’t sure we can be available.  Keeping our promises is important, and if we aren’t sure we can, we need to say so.  It would be great if we could all do everything we’re asked to but that isn’t generally possible.  And so it’s up to us to define when we can and when we can’t.  We can be confident in making the commitments we’re sure of, and we can be just as confident in declining requests we can’t fulfill.

Today if you’re being asked to do something you can help with, commit your time and make sure you follow through.  If you can’t do it, be confident in declining the request.  It doesn’t mean you don’t want to help, and you will assist another time.  Have the best intentions by being clear about your ability to commit.  You are in control of your life and you know what you can do.  Keep the trust of those around you by being honest and careful in making your decisions.  A trustworthy friend is a valuable asset.  Be that person to those around you.

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Giving the Benefit

16 Aug

We base our conclusions on many things. If we’re wise, we will be careful to base them on fact. Unfortunately, there are times when we make conclusions based on a situation, an impression, or hearsay. Sometimes those conclusions are right, but sometimes we’re way off the mark. When we interact with others it’s best to use facts when trying to understand what is happening. If we jump to a conclusion based on something we think we see, something we think happened, or something someone else said, we may be completely wrong. If we have doubts, we can give the benefit of the doubt before we decide to judge. If we do that, and things change we can adjust our perception. However, if we’ve already tried and convicted before the facts are known, it’s much harder to clean up the mess we’ve left in our wake.

Giving the benefit of the doubt means to withhold judgment on anything until all the facts are known. We wait before we assume anything, and allow ourselves to believe that the other party is innocent unless the facts show otherwise. If we wait until the entire story is revealed, sometimes we find that our first impressions were incorrect. Giving the benefit of the doubt increases harmony, and helps to build trust. If those around us know we won’t jump, and convict them before they’ve had a chance to explain, they’ll trust us to be there and listen.

We might be in a situation where we’ve been hurt because someone determined we had erred, or failed, or in some way done something wrong before we had a chance to defend our decisions. When that happens, we feel frustrated and unfairly persecuted. Everyone deserves to tell their story. If it’s assumed that we’ve chosen the wrong path before we can even explain, we may feel beset and hopeless. We might decide there is no point in even trying because decisions about us have already been made. But we have the right to speak up, and we can state our case clearly, and without reservation. Our story is ours to tell, and even if conclusions have already been made about us, we have the right to tell it. We can stand up for ourselves and be strong.

Today if something goes awry and you’re sure someone has done something wrong, wait and give them the benefit of the doubt. Don’t conclude anything until you get all the facts. If someone else has made an assumption about you that isn’t right, be courageous, and state your case clearly. We all deserve the benefit of the doubt. Today, give it, and make sure you get it. Listen and go forward with confidence. Be fair in all your dealings, and there is a better chance that others will be fair with you.

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Decision Time

13 Aug

Everybody has their own opinions about things. Sometimes we agree with them, and sometimes we don’t. When their opinions don’t involve us, we can disagree, and move on. But sometimes they are about us, and what we’re doing with our lives. Sometimes we get advice we haven’t asked for, and sometimes others frankly tell us what they think we should be doing. It can be uncomfortable when someone else makes a decision about our lives and strongly suggests we listen to it, especially if it’s someone we value and trust. But in the end, our lives belong to us, and the decisions about how we live them are ours to make.

Nobody knows the complete story of what we’re living but us. We have the insider’s view. No matter how close we are to others, it’s impossible for them to have our perspective. We are the ones living our lives, having our experiences, and being shaped by them. Sometimes those who care about us think they know what’s best for us. They may tell us to leave a personal relationship, or stay in it, quit our jobs or keep them, move or stay. There are all kinds of opinions out there and lots of people eager to share those opinions. If we are close to them, we may feel pressured to comply with their suggestions. We may find it difficult to say no, but saying no is our right. We have the starring roles in our lives, and only we know what we need to do.

When others project their opinions onto us and make the argument that their way is the right way, we can be polite and decline. We don’t have to give our reasons if we don’t want to, we don’t have to explain why we won’t take their advice, and we don’t have to justify our answers. We have the right and the responsibility of being in charge of our own lives. Even if everyone in our circle is screaming “Go left!” we can go right if that’s what we think is best. We have the power to control our lives. We can be loving, and thankful for suggestions, but in the end the choice is ours alone.

Today if you’re feeling pressured to make a decision you don’t think is right for you, you may decline. You can be confident in saying no. This is your life and you are the only one who knows the whole story. You can decide what’s best for you. You can live it your way. Today stand up for your decisions, and let those around you know that while you care for them, you will make your own choices. You’ll feel more empowered and you’ll be happier knowing you’re in control.

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