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Sticking

4 Sep

When we make decisions and decide we want to do something, there are times when those around us may not agree.  They might not like the decision we’re making or they may think they have a better idea.  We can certainly listen to their opinions, but if we decide the decision is right for us, we are free to hold to it.  Only we know what we want most, and where we want to go.  Others around us, even those who know us well, will never know everything we know about ourselves.  So our decisions are important.  We can make them and stick with them, even if everyone else disagrees.

Our lives are precious and each day we live we choose what we will do, where we will go, and how we will act.  It’s all up to us.  We are influenced by circumstances and those around us, but still we can decide what we’ll do.  Of course, there are some limitations due to the responsibilities we carry.  If we have a job we may not be able to go to the golf course all day.  If we have important commitments, we will have to work around them.  But even with those encumbrances, we still have a lot of freedom to make decisions.  If we are wise, and make our choices based on what’s best for us and what we want most, we will go forward the way we want to.

Everyone has opinions and those close to us sometimes feel they know better than we do what’s best for us.  There is no denying that we make mistakes in judgment from time to time, and if we’re really going the wrong way, we may be cautioned by those who care about us.  We can listen to their warnings and their advice, and if we want something nobody else can see, we can still make the decision.  We are capable of understanding our lives and where our decisions will take us.  If we falter, we’ll correct our course.  Nothing is permanent, and corrections in our direction are always possible.

Today if you’ve made a decision that others don’t agree with, listen to their comments and decide what you want to do most.  If you still believe your decision is the right path for you, stick with it.  You are able to make wise decisions, and if you make a mistake, you will correct it.   You have everything you need to go forward with confidence.  Be bold and be brave.  You can choose anything you want, and you can succeed.

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That Flower Thing

28 Aug

In Greek mythology the story is told of Narcissus.  There are a few different versions, but the basic idea is that Narcissus’s mother was told he would live to an old age if he didn’t look upon himself.  Sadly, he fell in love with his own reflection, and died.  The Narcissus flower grew up on the spot where he died.  Narcissistic behavior gets its name from this story.  If basically refers to people who only see themselves, who only do things that benefit themselves, and believe they are the most important person.  If we have someone in our lives who carries these types of traits, it can be difficult to deal with them.  And because they only recognize their own needs, it’s hard to have a relationship with them.

To build healthy and beneficial relationships, we have to be willing to give and take.  We need to compromise, and carry half the responsibility of making things work.  If we have a relationship with someone who is only interested in serving themselves, it’s nearly impossible to move forward, and build anything that will last.  If we only see what’s in it for us, we will fail.  Relationships are complex, and if we want to make them strong and happy we have to do our part.  That means we have to be willing to give to the other person, and not just take what works for us.  Because the relationship is important, we have to accept that sometimes we will not get things our way.

Probably all of us have known narcissistic types of people.  They tend to be the ones who have to be first, who have to do things their way, who have to be comfortable, and who need a lot of attention.  It’s exhausting to be around them for long, and if we try to build a relationship with them the path is often filled with complications.  If we have these tendencies ourselves, we may expect too much from others.  We may be frustrated that others don’t see things exactly as we do.  But if we want to be successful in our relationships, and if we want to be happy we have to learn to give, and let go of our need for things to go exactly our way.  We have to be willing to concede from time to time.

Today if you’re dealing with someone who only sees themselves, try to be patient and explain what you need from them.  Set the example by extending yourself and including them.  If you are struggling with the need for things to go exactly your way, try to remember that others have great ideas, and working together is very rewarding.  We all have a lot to offer, and we all need to be heard.  Today offer your viewpoint and then listen to others.  Give and take.  That’s what it’s all about.

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New Shoes

18 Aug

We go through a lot of changes in our lives as the years fly by. Some of them are small and easy to navigate, and some of them impact us in deeper ways. If we’ve lost a loved one, had a dramatic shift in our career, or had to adjust to a big lifestyle change, it may take us a long time to adjust to our new reality. Like wearing new shoes that pinch, we know that eventually everything will stretch and we’ll feel better, but as we’re going through the adjustment, it’s difficult. We may feel lost, and out of our element. We may need support, and even then it may take a while before we regain our footing.

Change is normal, and happens every day. But practicing with small things doesn’t necessarily mean that when big changes come we are ready for them. Sometimes we’re surprised and shocked by a new development, but even if we know something is coming, it may still be hard to navigate. We get used to our lives going a certain way, and feel comfortable. When a ringer is thrown into the mix and everything is shaken up, it’s hard to figure things out right away. Sometimes it’s hard to understand what to do, and how to go forward.

They say that time heals all wounds, and in some ways that’s true. If we give ourselves time to adjust, time to find a new way through, and time to find our path, it will help. When we are facing big adjustments, we don’t need to rush. We need to give ourselves space, time, and patience. There are feelings and emotions involved we need to work out. Sometimes there are physical things that must be explored and defined. It’s like a pendulum – if the change is small, the adjustment is short, and if the change is big, the adjustment takes longer. The greater the change, the more time we’ll need. It’s important to give ourselves all the time it takes. Just like stretching out a new pair of shoes, it doesn’t happen the first time we wear them. We have to work on them little by little.

Today if you’re trying to adjust to a big change in your life, take your time. Give yourself patience, and room to figure things out. There is no need to rush. You will find your footing again, and you will know how to go forward. Give yourself the space you need. You will conquer this, and you will find comfort. One step at time is all you need to do. One step at a time and you’ll get there.

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Push and Pull

9 Aug

When we have an idea we want others to buy into, or when we have something we want to do and we need the help of others, it’s important that we are able to convince them to join us. If it’s something we’re passionate about, or something we are sure is right, we may be forceful in explaining why they must join us. We may try to push them into agreeing, or in some way try to make them come along. Even if we have the best idea ever conceived, trying to force others to join us usually doesn’t work. Everyone has their own ideas to offer, and most of us aren’t receptive to someone telling us we have to do things their way. If we try to push people into coming to our side, we may push them away instead.

So how can we get the support we need? If pushing and force won’t work, what will? Imagine trying to push a bulky object up a hill. When we are behind something pushing it, we can’t see what’s ahead on the path. There may be obstacles that need to be avoided in order to succeed, but we’re in the back pushing with all our might, and we can’t see them. When we run into them they impede our progress, making the task even harder than it was. On the other hand, if we are in front of the object, pulling it up the hill, we can see every complication as it comes along, and avoid pitfalls. It’s the same with people. Most of us do not respond well to being pushed. It’s irritating to be told we have to do something we haven’t agreed to. But we can be pulled into an idea if we are informed, and given time to understand why we should join in.

Pulling people in is much more effective than pushing them. Taking the time to explain what the plan is, what is needed to make it happen, and what is being requested helps others understand why they are needed. We can explain why it’s important to us, and then ask – not force – but ask for their help. Most of us would respond more positively treated this way. If we want cooperation, being positive will more likely bring the results we are seeking.

Today if you have something important you want to accomplish, and you need the help of others, pull them in by explaining what your plans are, and ask them to join you. Ask without expectation that they will agree. Ask, understanding they may accept or decline. If you are open and friendly, your demeanor will bring them in. You will be successful in getting the help you need. You have everything you need to succeed already. You can do anything.

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Full Value

7 Aug

Most of us try to do our best most of the time.  When we’re asked a question, we try to give the best answer we can.  When we need to present something, we try to prepare.  But no matter how well we do, sometimes there are those who will question us, some who may doubt us, and even some who won’t believe anything we say.  When we are being truthful and forthright, we deserve every consideration.  But sometimes we aren’t given that.  Sometimes our comments are discounted, and not given full value.  There are a lot of reasons for this, and each situation is different.  When it happens to us it’s disappointing at best, and infuriating at worst.  Either way, it hurts.

When we are doing our best and someone discounts us, it hurts. There are all kinds of people in the world, and everyone has their own ideas about how things work.  Differences come from a lot of influences.  Perhaps we grew up with certain ideas, maybe there are cultural pressures, or impressions may be altered by previous life experiences.  None of us has a completely blank slate.  There is all kinds of information on which we draw when we come to conclusions in every situation.  We can be pulled in one direction or another for myriad reasons.  Sometimes those reasons help us see things more clearly, and sometimes they mask the truth.  It’s up to us to figure out which is which.

When we are being discounted, when our comments are ignored, when our ideas are unheard, or our suggestions are pushed aside, we may feel unappreciated.  It’s important to remember that even if our input is not being valued, it’s not because it’s not valuable input.  It doesn’t mean we don’t have something to offer.  Our place is to make the offer, to give our best, and do our part.  If nothing we do garners the attention we are seeking, we may need to turn our course, and go another way.  There are a thousand ways to be part of any scenario.  We may have to find another approach to join in.  Our ideas are just as valuable as anyone else’s.  Each one of us is worthwhile, and has something to offer.  If that’s not being recognized, we may need to find another way to express ourselves.  We may need to knock on a different door.

Today if you feel invisible, if you are not being heard and feel discounted, remember you are valuable, and so is your input.  Your contribution is important.  If you aren’t getting through, try another way in.  If you look for it, you will find a way to be recognized.  You have a lot to offer, and people need to hear you.  Keep trying.  You are worth more than you realize.  The world is a better place because you’re here.

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