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No Thank You

13 Jun

We have opportunities to do a lot of things every day. There are always tasks that must be done, chores we must manage, and other responsibilities. And there are fun options as well. Our friends, and family play a part in our daily tasks when they need, or want us to do something with them, or for them. Most of us like to be helpful, and we try to comply as much as possible when someone wants our time. But sometimes that isn’t possible. And sometimes we really don’t want to do what is being asked.

Just because someone thinks we should do something, doesn’t mean we are compelled to do it. It’s easy to fall into the trap that we must do everything we are asked to do, but that isn’t true. It’s up to us. We can say no. Even if the person asking us really wants us to go along, we have the power to decline. It’s one thing if they really need our help, and we want to be there. But sometimes the request has less to do with need, and more to do with what the other person wants us to do.

For instance, if we have a network of friends that we do things with socially, we may enjoy that. But sometimes our lives change, and we may decide we don’t want to spend so much time with them. Sometimes we want to do other things. There may be pressure from the group to keep the status quo, not to change the pattern. But if we want to move on to something else, we may. Pressure from others will always affect our decisions, but in the end we should feel empowered to do what is best for us, and nobody knows what that is but us. We can, and we should, choose that. It’s not selfish to direct our own lives. It’s appropriate. We can be kind and giving, while still ensuring we are doing what is most important to us.

Today, if you’re feeling pressured to do something you really don’t want to do, you may say, “No, thank you.” You may politely decline. If others insist that you go along, you may still politely decline. It’s up to you. Smile and be gracious, but stay true to what is best for you. The road you’re on is yours alone. You get to choose the steps. Make the best choice that will take you where you want to be. And be confident. When we choose what’s best for us, it’s the best choice to make.

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Leaving a Mark

8 Jun

If you walk through the woods in an area where nobody has been in a long time, the trail may be undisturbed. Once you step on it, it will be changed because you were there. Your footsteps will leave a mark. The leaves will shift a bit, and the dirt will hold the imprint of your feet. There will be evidence of your presence. That evidence will remain undisturbed until someone new steps over your prints, but even then, they will not completely eradicate your impression. It will remain. Even though it may be altered, your presence will still be evident.

As we go through our lives, we are taking footsteps at each turn. And everything we do, everyone we see, every decision we make leaves an imprint – a mark that remains after we’re gone. It is impossible to live on earth and not make an impression. We cannot escape it. We are not invisible or weightless. We are here, tangible and interacting. Whatever we do changes things. Good or bad, we will leave a mark.

It’s important, therefore, that we take some time to think about the impact we are making. Are we a positive influence? Are we doing things that make the world better? Are we leaving the imprints of a life full of good choices? Or are we destroying the path with anger and strife? Are we churning up the dirt with disharmony and conflict? If we’re doing negative things, we may try to use others to cover our tracks, to hide where we’ve been, or what we’ve done. That may work for a while, but eventually, the marks we leave will return to us. After all, they were made by our footsteps – our choices – and there is no way to change that.

Our days are filled with decisions. Choices that will bring happiness or sorrow, goodness or grief, success or failure. Sometimes its easy to see what results our choices will bring, but other times it’s harder to discern, so it’s important to ponder before we choose. Easy or difficult, our choices are ours to make. We can choose to do whatever we want, for any reason we like. But we must remember in every choice, that we are leaving an imprint. We are leaving our mark, and we own the results of each choice.

Today, before you decide, remember that you will leave your mark behind. Choose carefully so the impressions you leave are exactly where you want them to be, and say exactly what you want them to say. Today, before you decide, take a moment to reflect. Your footprints are yours to make. But after you take that step, it will last forever. It will last forever. Your decisions are the evidence that you were here. You’re going to leave a mark. Make it a good one.

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What do you want?

3 Jun

When we are children, we do what our parents want us to do. They teach us, and guide us as best they can. When we’re older and we’re off to college or jobs, we do what our professors or bosses want us to do. We do our assignments to get the grades we want, or we follow the company rules so we can fit in and keep our jobs. We learn that in order to succeed we need to become compliant, and cooperative, and we do what we’re told. As we mature we begin to understand that although we comply to certain things, we are the ones who really control our lives. Our parents do their part, our professors and bosses do their parts, but in the end our decisions are ultimately ours to make.

There will always be people with opinions about how we should live our lives. They will often give us advice even if we don’t ask for it. And their opinions are important – to them. But they need not be the guiding force for us. We are the only ones actually living our lives, so it follows that we should be the only ones making decisions about them. Sure, we can ask for and take good advice when we want to. Sure we can listen when others tell us what they think. But in the end, we own the decisions we make. And the irony is, we own our decisions even if we don’t do what we want to, but choose to do what others tell us to do. It’s still on us.

It is neither appropriate nor truthful to tell someone they made us do something, unless of course, a gun was involved. Since that doesn’t usually happen, if we choose to do what someone else has decided for us, it’s our decision. If we choose not to do what they suggest, it’s our decision. And so, there is no way to excuse a bad decision by blaming others. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and sometimes we can make bad decisions because we weren’t given all the facts, or someone lied. But in most cases, when we make bad decisions, we have to own them. And the good news is when we make good decisions, we own them too.

If we choose what’s right for us, we will find happiness. If we choose what’s wrong for us, we may find despair. Either way, we get to pick. The most important thing when making a decision is to decide what we really want. What do we want to do? Not what do we think we should do, or what would be easiest to do, but what do we want to do? That sounds simple but it’s surprising how difficult it can be sometimes. If we want to make good decisions, we must determine what it is we want first.

Today if you’re struggling with a decision, first decide what you want most. What do you want from this decision? How do you want things to look on the other side? Once you determine that, it will be easier to understand. Keep it simple. Look at it objectively. Be bold. Make a decision and go forward. You probably already know what you want to do. Now go do it.

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Getting There

30 May

Each day brings with it opportunities for growth and experience. Sometimes those opportunities are fun, sometimes they’re not, sometimes we ignore them, and sometimes we embrace them. It changes from day to day. But as we go along, there will be things we want to learn and gain. We may want to extend ourselves more. We may want to change our professional lives, or our academic success. We may want to be more social or more welcoming. The list is endless, and there are a lot of things we can pursue if we want to. But learning new behaviors, and changing personal patterns isn’t always easy. Before we begin, we have to really want the change. We have to really want the growth. It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, and we have to be diligent if we want to succeed.

It is said that our reach should exceed our grasp. We should be seeking beyond what we have accomplished. When we are reaching for something new, whatever that is, it’s a stretch. We have to push ourselves in a new direction. It may feel uncomfortable at first but like stretching our bodies, the more we do it, the further we can reach. We probably won’t succeed on our first attempt, but if we keep stretching, keep reaching, we will get there. This takes discipline and patience. The change may be slow, but if we work on it and keep our eyes on the goal, it will get easier to stay on track. And if we continue each day to move just a tiny bit closer, we will reach our destination. We will get to the goal, and we will be successful.

Often when we decide we need a change, we want it immediately. We can clearly see where we want to be, and waiting for it can be frustrating. Learning to get there can be hard. We can feel awkward and ungainly as we figure it out, and fine tune exactly how to go forward. Reaching beyond our grasp is challenging, but with patience, we can succeed.

Today if you are reaching for something that has eluded you, if you are trying hard to make a change that seems just out of your reach, keep stretching. Give yourself time. The goal is attainable. You’ll get there. And once you’ve succeeded, your confidence will soar. You can do anything. Keep reaching. You’re almost there.

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Do you dance?

28 Apr

Our lives are busy. We have families. We have jobs, and friends. We have hobbies we enjoy. You might have a dog, or a cat, or a pet turtle. We’re busy. People expect things from us, and we try to accommodate them. Sometimes though it seems like people expect a lot from us, and accommodating everyone can become a burden. So we learn to adapt. We learn to dance. We do a little bend here, a slide there, maybe a dip next, and the notorious two step when it’s needed. Dancing can be fun, and sometimes it can be tricky so we need to be careful. If we dance all the time, we can lose ourselves while we perform for others.

Maybe your boss expects you to portray a certain image. It’s a good image, maybe not who you really are, but you play along for the sake of getting along. Or your family wants you to do something that you really don’t enjoy, but everyone else wants to do it so you go along. You want everyone to be happy, and it’s not like you HATE the activity so you adjust. Maybe your companion wants to go somewhere that you don’t want to go. They are pressing you to agree, and you eventually say it’s fine, you’re happy to go. But that’s not exactly true – you aren’t really happy to go, but you’ll go because it’s easier than saying no. You take a little step to the left.

We learn to dance. We do what is expected, we turn where we’re directed, and we partner up when needed. There is a saying that we should “dance like nobody is watching.” If we were truly dancing like nobody was watching, we probably would be doing things a bit differently. We might throw our arms in the air, tap our toe, smile and say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” And then happily sashay away in a different direction. If we danced like nobody was watching, like nobody expected certain steps, we could move our own way all the time, and we might be happier.

Life isn’t really like that though. Sometimes we need to accommodate those we care about or need in our lives. But if we accommodate everyone else all the time, at the expense of our individual choices, eventually, the dance catches up to us, and we lose our footing. So, we need to find the balance. Sometimes we give a little, and sometimes we hold firm. Sometimes we agree, and sometimes we say no. It’s okay to turn down requests. It doesn’t mean we don’t care. It just means that this time, we’re dancing to our own music. We’re choosing our own steps. Maybe a tango isn’t right for us today. Maybe everyone else is doing the tango, but today we need to waltz. We’re still dancing, but today we will choose our own steps. You can always choose your own steps. Do you feel like waltzing today? It’s a perfect day for it!

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