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Trade Off

12 Aug

Trading one thing for another is something we learn early in life.  Children often make trades at lunchtime, collector cards are traded to complete a set, toys are swapped, and even clothes are sometimes exchanged.  As we get older we realize that everything we do involves a trade of some sort.  We trade our time at work for money, we trade our money for things we purchase, and we trade our influence to get where we want to be.  Everything we do involves some sort of trade off.  They say there’s no such thing as a free lunch, and that’s true.  There is a price for everything, and we have to trade something to get it.  The trick is to be sure what we get when we make the trade is worth what we’re giving up.

Sometimes something we want has a price that’s too high for us.  If we want to study astronomy, we have to stay up all night to see the stars.  But if we’re early birds by nature, we may determine that’s too difficult for us.  Maybe we want to move up in our career but that would require moving away from our families, and we decide it’s not worth it.  Perhaps we dream of climbing Mount Everest but the physical demands are beyond what we can handle.  When we think of all the things we’d like to do, the cost of the trade off always come into play.  There will always be something we have to give up to achieve the goal, and only we can determine if the trade is manageable.

Some trades go well, and we are happy with the exchange.  When that happens we feel like we were treated fairly and made a good choice.  But sometimes, our trades go badly.  Maybe we purchase an expensive item that cannot be returned only to discover it wasn’t exactly what we thought it was.  Or we give up an evening to go out with friends, and upon arriving see that our contentious “ex” is there as well.  Because everything is a trade-off of some sort, the best we can do is to try to get as much information as possible before we make the exchange.  If we do that, we’re more likely to make trades we’re happy with.

Today if you’re planning to trade your time or energy for something you want, be sure the trade is in your best interest.  You are capable of seeing things clearly and making good decisions.  Ensure you are doing what you want most.  You’ll be giving something up for the goal you’re seeking.  Before you go forward, make sure the reward is worth the cost.

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Too Late

1 Aug

There are common conceptions of what people should do at certain stages of their lives. We have ideas about what those in their twenties will be doing, which is a bit different from our ideas about those in their forties. But these ideas don’t always hold true. As our society has progressed, our perceptions about age have changed, and created a more fluid, and accepting environment. We can really do anything we want, any time we decide to. If we missed college after high school, we can still go. If we want to change careers late in life, we can. Outside of physical limitations, there really is no time limit for doing what we want to do. We can wait, or we can start, and we can do whatever works for us.

I have a friend who in her fifties decided she wanted to be dentist. She had a college degree but needed to take some courses to qualify for dental school. So she registered and completed those, and then applied to several schools. She was accepted at a great dental school, and attended for four years. Once completed, she opened her own dental practice, and has been a very happy, and successful dentist for nearly twenty years. Of course, when she first decided to take this journey there were those in her circle who told her she was too old, and it was ridiculous to consider. “Do you know how old you’ll be when you finish?” they asked. Her response was, “The same age I’ll be if I don’t do it.” And so she didn’t listen. She knew what she wanted, and she went for it.

If we really want to do something, even if it’s a big change from where we are now, and if we are physically able to make the change, there is no reason not to proceed. Our lives are ours to dictate and decide. We can do anything we want to. It’s really never too late to make changes if we want them. I know a man who is eighty three. He is still learning and going after goals he sets for himself. He knows he is old, and he knows sometimes there will be difficulties, but he sets his mind and does them anyway. He is a great example. We can do anything we want. It doesn’t matter where we are in life. If we want something, we can achieve it.

Today if you’re thinking about doing something you really want to do but have been afraid that maybe it’s too late, do it anyway. This is your life and you can do anything you choose. Anything. Be confident and go forward. Make a plan and start your journey. Before you know it you will have achieved your goal and great happiness. This life is ours to design. You can do anything you want to. You just have to decide.

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Eenie Meenie

2 Jul

We make dozens of choices every day. Some are inconsequential – what we’ll have for breakfast, what color shirt we’ll wear, or when we’ll go to the gym. Other decisions have more weight, and those take a little more thought. Generally, whatever decisions we have to make, there will be options. Sometimes there will be a lot of options, which seems like it would make the decision easier, but can actually make it harder to choose. Before we start to decide anything we first have to determine where we want things to be end at the end of the decision, and how we want things to look after we’ve decided. If we take the time to think about those things before choosing, we’ll make our decisions more confidently, and be happier with the result.

When we have heavy, difficult decisions to make, the process is usually complicated. Say you’ve been offered a great new job, and you’re excited about it, but the new position requires you to move to another state. Your friends, and family are located where you are now. The new job would be a great change for you, and even though everyone says they would support your move, you aren’t sure. Or perhaps you’re in a relationship that is fine, but not going anywhere. You feel like it’s time to move on but you know if you do that, the other person is going to be hurt. You don’t want to hurt anyone, but you really feel like it’s time for a change. What will you do? These are tough decisions to make. You have to weigh a lot. You have to consider a lot. It will take time to process all the parameters. When we are making hard decisions, it’s important that we give ourselves the time we need to evaluate everything, and then feel confident that we’ve chosen the best road forward. Jumping to answers quickly rarely works, and can cause greater complications in the end. If we take the time we need, and make our decisions after careful thought, we’ll make them more confidently.

There are times in our lives when it doesn’t matter which way we choose. Sometimes whatever we decide will be fine, and sometimes that doesn’t help. If it doesn’t matter which way we go, the decision can actually be harder to make. It seems like it would be easier, but when all the choices are good, it can be hard to choose. But if we take some time to decide what we really want, we will choose well. Making decisions is a part of our lives every day. They take practice, but often before we decide, we already know what we want to do. We already know which way we really want to go. But sometimes even knowing, we still need to take some time so we are comfortable, and then we just need the courage to choose it, and go forward.

Today if you have a decision looming that you haven’t quite determined how you’ll navigate, take some time to weigh all the options. How will your decision make you feel? How will you go forward from there? How will it affect your life? Will it take you closer to where you want to be? Take your time. Whatever you do, if you choose the path you want the most, you will be happy. You are in control of every choice you make. You have everything you need to make the best choice possible, and you will. You know what’s best for you. Choose that.

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Being a Magician

26 Jun

I recently heard a very distinguished, and professional man speak at a college graduation ceremony. He talked about his life, his accomplishments, and his motivations. He is very successful, and had a lot of stories about his failures, and how he overcame them to get where he is today. And he talked about his father. His father had been an architect – something he didn’t really choose for himself, but something his family wanted him to do. He was a good architect, and devoted to his work, but his entire life he always wanted to be a magician. He would perform magic tricks at every party he was invited to, or hosted. He told his son he was happiest when he was performing magic. The speaker talked about that, and how his father’s eyes would light up whenever he had the chance to perform even the smallest of tricks. Then he encouraged everyone in the audience to do what brought them joy instead of what was expected. “Become magicians!” he said.

As children, we all had dreams of what we would become when we grew up. We dreamed of being race car drivers, dare devils, astronauts, dancers, singers, movie stars, etc. But as we got older, and began to plan our lives, the parameters of those choices came into focus, and perhaps we chose something more settled, or more secure. Being settled, and secure are important, but if we are still dreaming of doing something else, we won’t find happiness. Being happy is something we have to give ourselves. Life won’t bring it to us. It’s our responsibility, so we should do the things that make us happy. Sometimes that means doing something different than we are doing now.

We can try to do anything we dream about. Anything we want to do is possible. The only person stopping us from changing our lives from doing what is expected, into lives we really want to live, is us. We deserve to live the lives we most want for ourselves. Are we doing what we want to do most? Are we happy doing the things we’re doing? If not, and we want to be magicians, we can be magicians. We can change course if we really want to. This life is a precious gift. Every day is precious. If we aren’t happy, we can change things. We can live a life that makes us happy.

Today if you’re feeling unhappy with the choices you’ve made, it’s not too late. You can change your course. You can change anything you like. It may take time, and planning, and you may have to rearrange things, but you can special order a better life for yourself. You can be happy. Once today is gone it will never come back. Make sure you spend it living it the way that makes you happiest. You deserve the very best. Make a plan to get it.

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Do it for me?

15 Jun

When our close friends or family ask us for a favor, most of us will likely try to help out. Sometimes they ask for advice, sometimes they need help with a task, and sometimes they may ask us to do something we aren’t comfortable with. We may even be asked to do something dishonest, or not in keeping with our values. Since they know us well, they already know this goes against what we feel is right, but they may ask us anyway. How can we handle that? We value the relationship, and don’t want to cause an issue, but how can we do what we’ve been asked to do if it goes against our personal beliefs?

It’s a difficult situation to be asked to compromise ourselves. We may feel angry that they would do this, and feel upset to be placed in this position. We may be concerned about saying no because we don’t want to negatively impact the relationship. At times like this, we need to stop and think about what is most important to us. Is our relationship more important than our personal beliefs? Is it worth breaking our values to protect it? What will happen if we agree this time? Will they feel comfortable compromising us again in the future? Will this set a precedent? How will we feel about ourselves if we agree to do this?

Relationships are important to us. They connect us to others, and those connections are valuable. But it’s also critical that we make decisions that are most important to us. We have to decide carefully in situations like this, because either way we choose, there will be consequences. If we choose to do as we’ve been asked, we may feel weak, and hypocritical. If we don’t do it, we may hurt the relationship. It can seem like a no win situation. But there are ways to handle it.

If we don’t want to comply with a request, we can explain our reasons carefully, and show that we value the relationship, but state that we want to hold firm to our beliefs and standards. We can express our understanding for the situation, and perhaps offer alternative methods for solving the issue. We can be kind and supportive, and still be firm in our decision to decline the request. If the requester cares for us, and they probably do, they will understand. And they will respect us for holding firm to what we believe in, even though we aren’t doing what they wanted.

Today if someone has asked you to do something that you don’t feel is appropriate for you, make the best decision for going forward. Be open, and honest when responding to them, and show you care but cannot do what they’ve asked. Be confident in your decision. Make the best choice possible so you will be happy with yourself going forward. You are the only one accountable for your choices. Choose wisely.

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