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Returning Kindness

22 Aug

Recently while driving around completing some errands, I came upon a car stopped at a green light. I could see a white haired woman at the wheel, and I waited a moment before I tapped my horn to prompt her to drive forward. I was stunned when she looked at me in the rear view mirror and furiously lifted her middle finger at me flipping me off. It was so rude, and so unexpected. While she was still looking at me, I smiled and waved. She then hit the gas and took off. I’m pretty sure she was angry at me for blowing my horn – as evidenced by her indelicate response – but I have wondered how she felt after seeing me return her insult with a smile.

People do lots of things, and sometimes they don’t make the best choices. The woman in the car didn’t need to be rude to me for tapping my horn, but that was her choice. I could have returned an insult right back to her. I could have flipped her off, or just laid on my horn to annoy her. If I had done that, all I would have accomplished was to prove I could be as rude as she was. And I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to do something better, so I returned kindness for her behavior. I have wondered what she thought of that. Did she regret her actions after seeing my smile and wave, or did she just get more angry? I will never know. What I do know is that I chose what was best for me.

Choosing what is best isn’t always easy. It’s hard to be kind to someone who is being cruel. It’s hard to return consideration when someone is being mean, and it’s hard to be polite when someone is being rude. But we make our own choices, and determine our own paths. It’s easy to give back bad behavior when we get it. It doesn’t take much energy to send the negative and nasty right back over the net, but what does that bring us? If we want to be the best we can be, we need to set our sights higher. Anyone can be rude, hateful, and mean. That’s easy. Setting the goal to return kindness in the face of those things is hard, but it defines who we are. We set our own standards, and we can decide what we’ll do. If we set them according to what’s best for us instead of where someone else has put them, we can become the people we want to be. The choice is ours.

Today if someone is rude to you, if someone is mean to you, or if someone hurts you, before you respond think about choosing kindness. Return the behavior that most defines who you are. Reach higher, and choose what is best for you. You will never regret a good decision. Today, fill your day with them and you’ll be closer to the person you really want to be.

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What’s Right

21 Aug

There are all kinds of people in the world, and each one has their own opinion of what is right and what is wrong.  We all determine what is best for us as we move along, and sometimes that differs from what others think.  Right and wrong, and the interpretation therein, depend on where we are, who we are, and what our values are.  There are some things we can all agree on – it’s wrong to kill others, it’s wrong to steal, and it’s wrong to cheat – but there are a lot of situations where our opinions may differ.  Only we can decide what’s right for us.  We have the responsibility to determine where our boundaries lie, and what we are willing to do.  And it needs to be our decision alone.

Some people live their lives through a grey filter.  They prefer not to define situations in black or white terms, but to be more fluid and flexible.  Even if something seems to be wrong, they may adjust their thinking to make allowances for situations, or history, or a thousand other things.  They are comfortable in a more elastic, and flexible interpretation of things.  Others of us see the world more defined.  There is a definite line between black and white, and right and wrong, and there are no excuses.  Where each of us lies, depends on a lot of factors, and only we can determine how we’re comfortable interpreting situations and facts.

When we deal with others where interpretation comes into play, if we are defined in what we believe is right, and others are more flexible, there may be conflict.  Everyone believes their views are correct, and as such, there will be differences.  It isn’t always easy to accept someone else’s viewpoint if it’s diametrically opposed to ours.  We may not be able to understand it at all, but we can listen and be considerate, we can voice our opinion patiently and without ire, and we can accept that there is a difference that may not be resolved.  But we need not give up our position.  We may compromise if that’s workable but we should always do what we feel is right for us.  It’s not wrong to hold onto our opinion.  We are entitled to it, and it’s just as important as anyone else’s.

Today if you feel pressure to conform to an opinion or decision you do not agree with, be considerate and kind, and hold fast to what’s right for you.  You are entitled to live your life according to your own personal beliefs and viewpoints, and your opinion is important.  Be courageous in stating your case, be polite in listening to others, compromise if that’s possible, but hold firm to what’s important to you.  You are valuable just as you are, and your influence is valuable too.

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Full Value

7 Aug

Most of us try to do our best most of the time.  When we’re asked a question, we try to give the best answer we can.  When we need to present something, we try to prepare.  But no matter how well we do, sometimes there are those who will question us, some who may doubt us, and even some who won’t believe anything we say.  When we are being truthful and forthright, we deserve every consideration.  But sometimes we aren’t given that.  Sometimes our comments are discounted, and not given full value.  There are a lot of reasons for this, and each situation is different.  When it happens to us it’s disappointing at best, and infuriating at worst.  Either way, it hurts.

When we are doing our best and someone discounts us, it hurts. There are all kinds of people in the world, and everyone has their own ideas about how things work.  Differences come from a lot of influences.  Perhaps we grew up with certain ideas, maybe there are cultural pressures, or impressions may be altered by previous life experiences.  None of us has a completely blank slate.  There is all kinds of information on which we draw when we come to conclusions in every situation.  We can be pulled in one direction or another for myriad reasons.  Sometimes those reasons help us see things more clearly, and sometimes they mask the truth.  It’s up to us to figure out which is which.

When we are being discounted, when our comments are ignored, when our ideas are unheard, or our suggestions are pushed aside, we may feel unappreciated.  It’s important to remember that even if our input is not being valued, it’s not because it’s not valuable input.  It doesn’t mean we don’t have something to offer.  Our place is to make the offer, to give our best, and do our part.  If nothing we do garners the attention we are seeking, we may need to turn our course, and go another way.  There are a thousand ways to be part of any scenario.  We may have to find another approach to join in.  Our ideas are just as valuable as anyone else’s.  Each one of us is worthwhile, and has something to offer.  If that’s not being recognized, we may need to find another way to express ourselves.  We may need to knock on a different door.

Today if you feel invisible, if you are not being heard and feel discounted, remember you are valuable, and so is your input.  Your contribution is important.  If you aren’t getting through, try another way in.  If you look for it, you will find a way to be recognized.  You have a lot to offer, and people need to hear you.  Keep trying.  You are worth more than you realize.  The world is a better place because you’re here.

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Leaving a Mark

2 Aug

No matter what we experience in this life, good or bad, it leaves a mark on us. We are the sum total of our experiences. Everything we see, everything we do, everything that happens to us, all leaves an impression on us. There is no delete button. It’s all there. Over time we may forget something, and then someone says a word or phrase, or we smell a specific scent, and the memories come rushing back. But even if we’ve forgotten something we’ve experienced, it’s still inside us like indelible ink. We can’t remove anything from our pasts. But we can learn to let our experiences teach us, and help us become the people we want to be.

When we have heartbreak, and disappointment, it’s hard to see anything positive from the experience. But in processing the sadness or anger, we can develop new coping skills which we can draw on later. When we have joyful times and everything is going well, we can draw on the contentment, and satisfaction we feel during more stressful times. Every experience teaches us something new, and if we pay attention we can make the most of the learning.

During difficult times, if we want to, we can be filled with resentment, be jealous when others are doing well, be angry because things haven’t gone as we’d hoped, and hold onto grudges. These decisions will not allow us to grow. Resenting hard times is a waste of energy. Hard times come to us all. If we get stuck in resentment and jealousy, focusing so hard on someone else’s life and decisions, we may forget that our lives are going by. And holding onto a grudge prevents us from moving forward. Instead, it’s best to learn everything we can from our experiences, good and bad. This life rushes by in a moment. If we want to learn all we can, we have to value each experience, and each mark it leaves on us.

Today if things are going well and you’re happy with your situation, rejoice and embrace it. Hold the happy feelings close and remember them. If things are difficult and you’re struggling to get through, learn all you can from the experience so when it’s over you’ll have something positive to draw from. Whatever you’re experiencing, make the mark positive. Grab all the good you can, and take it with you. Focus on what you’re learning, and move closer to the person you want to be.

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Into the Unknown

24 Jul

What if someone offered you anything you wanted if you would do something for them?  The catch was they wouldn’t tell you what you had to do until after you agreed to doing it.  Would you take that leap?  Would you risk it to get to the prize?  It’s impossible to know what lies ahead in our lives.  We try to set things up so we feel safe, but sometimes we’re faced with a situation where we have to go forward into the unknown.  It’s disconcerting not to know where a journey is taking us, or what will happen when we get there.  It might be a great surprise that will bring us joy, or it might go the other way.   The routines of our lives give us the illusion of security, but really nothing is guaranteed.  Although it may be unsettling to do something completely new and strange, it can enhance our experiences.  If we only do the same things every day we don’t get the chance to stretch.  And stretching teaches us about life.

Sometimes we have the opportunity to take on dramatic changes in our lives.  Perhaps we are offered a new job that’s a step up, but is in a new location far different from where we’ve ever been before.  Maybe it’s an opportunity to travel to a strange and distant place where customs are vastly different from our personal experiences.  Or perhaps it’s the chance to be involved with others whose beliefs and lifestyles are extraordinarily different than our own.  Experiences like these may be foreign to us, and may cause us some discomfort as we go through them.  But if we allow ourselves the opportunity to venture into the unknown, we may learn things about ourselves and others that will be valuable.

One time I was asked to volunteer for an event at the local arena.  I didn’t know what was scheduled for that night, but I agreed to help out.  When I showed up, I discovered the event was extremely foreign to me, and the attendees were unlike anyone I was accustomed to interacting with.  I was assigned to work the concession stand for the evening with several others.  It was  interesting, and unusual to work with people who were so different than me.  Afterward I reflected on the experience.  I was way out of my comfort zone, and yet it had been rewarding.  I learned a lot about myself and those I interacted with.

Today if you’re offered the opportunity to do something you’ve never done before, something that may be somewhat unsettling, think about it before you say no.  There is a lot to be gained by stretching our experiences into areas that are unusual for us.  Try something new.  It will enhance your understanding of life, and you’ll be amazed at what you’ll learn about yourself.  This life is an adventure.  Today, stretch it a little.   Step into the unknown and take a look from the other side.  Your perspective will be enriched in ways you cannot imagine.

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