Tag Archives: Decisions

Looking for the light.

8 Apr

So many times when heavy decisions are looming, we find ourselves searching, trying to find answers, trying to find direction. We are looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, the right way to go, the directions to get to the happy ending. It can be very difficult when others are involved, especially if the decision we make will affect them. We try to figure it out on our own, sometimes we ask others, we weigh the options and the consequences, we calculate the loss or gain, we stumble around, and eventually, for better or worse, we make a decision. Sometimes we actually get it right. Sometimes not. It isn’t easy. After all, there are a lot of things to consider. There are a lot of paths from which to choose. We can’t read the future so we do the best we can.

Maybe you’re struggling with a big decision. Maybe you’ve been struggling with it for some time, for months, maybe even years. Do you go this way or that way? What if you did this? What would happen? What if you did that? What would happen? Which way is right? It can be hard to figure out, and you may be frustrated that you haven’t found the answer. In some instances, either way you go, someone will get hurt, and that just makes the decision harder. The indecision hurts, and you want to let it go. You want to move forward and put this behind you but you feel stuck.

Take some time to stop weighing everything and worrying about outcomes, and just sit for a moment and let your mind rest. Let yourself take a break from the analysis, take some time away to just feel and not think. Pay attention to what you’re feeling. Are you unhappy, are you frustrated, are you unsettled, are you confused, what are you really feeling? Take a little while to just let it go, stop intellectualizing, and just breathe. Just stop for a while. If you give yourself a space, a time when you don’t really have to think about it, you may find the answers will begin to come. You may begin to see some light. You may find the direction you’ve been seeking, and start to see what you need to do.

Looking for the light when we’re struggling in the dark can be daunting. Sometimes we see glimmers that look like the answer, but then they fade. Sometimes we feel sure we’re on the right track, and then it turns and doesn’t fit. Sometimes we just need to stop and let the light find us. Life isn’t easy. It isn’t always a picnic. It’s complicated. But if we take a moment and just rest, just stop, the answers may come. Look up. Keep looking up. Take a moment. Rest. Be still. The answer is just ahead.

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United we stand.

7 Apr

People are complicated.  There is an unlimited supply of versions to our lives.  Everyone has their own interpretation of what is best for them and what they want, and of course, everyone in their sphere also has an interpretation of what is best for them and what they should have.  We all have friends and family who are eager to give us advice and counsel, and sometimes that advice is helpful, sometimes not, and sometimes it’s just annoying.  We have the right to direct our own lives, and even if we ask for advice, we don’t have to take it.  We are really the only ones who know the whole story, and in the end the decision is ours to make.

When we’re making decisions, it’s important to consider everything, especially if the decision is a big one.  How do we feel about it?  How will it impact our future?  What will it cost – not just in money, although that sometimes enters in.  But also the cost of our time and effort.  What will we have to give up to make the change?  Is it worth the effort?  Is it what we really want?  Are we sure?  There are countless questions that come up and we have to address them all.  Ignoring them will not make them go away.  If we don’t consider everything and just go ahead with a decision, we could find ourselves second guessing it forever.  Even when we think we’re sure we know what we want, there can be complications.

I have a friend with a horrible job.  By anyone’s standards her job is horrible.  The location is bad as well.  She says she wants very much to find a better job and move to a better location.  She’s asked all her friends for advice and help to make this happen.  But she’s neglected to even apply for jobs referred to her, and when she does get an interview she doesn’t prepare for it or she goes improperly dressed.  Many people have offered to help her prepare, given her advice on how to dress, and offered to help her apply for new jobs.  But the offers largely go ignored.  Needless to say, she’s still in her horrible job.  Even though she says she wants these changes, it’s obvious that she hasn’t done what she’s needed to do in order to facilitate them.

If we’re going to make a decision, we have to pull in the whole team – our internal team.  We have to face our fears, address our needs, see how we feel, decide if we’re really committed to the change, and determine if we will do what it will take to make the decision.  We can’t ignore anything.  We have to look at everything and ‘open all the drawers’ so to speak.  Once we’ve done that, pulled everything together, and are united in moving forward, we can stand firm in our decision knowing this is what we really want, and we will persevere in order to achieve it.  That’s the beginning.  And you can’t reach any destination unless you begin.

Life goes by whether you’re happy or not, rich or poor, young or old.  It goes by fast.  If we don’t like where we are it’s our responsibility to change our situation.  Nobody can do it for us.  There are times when we wish they could, but we have to do it ourselves.  If we take some time to think about what we really want and what it will take to get there, and then take the time to unite ourselves to make the change, we can change just about anything in our lives we want to.  Are you thinking about making a change?  Have you been hesitating?  Now is the time.  Don’t wait another moment to get where you want to be.  Begin now.

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What’s the worst that can happen?

31 Mar

One day while driving through town with my son, the man in the car in front of me threw some trash out the window. Incensed, I laid on the horn and shook my finger at him through the windshield. My son went nuts. “What are you doing? That guy could have a gun and just pull over and shoot you for that! Is it worth that for a little litter?” I told him he was over reacting. The odds of that guy actually being so angry that he’d shoot me over my horn blast was absurd. But was it? I began to think about the situation in a different way. Every day we read incredibly horrible stories about people doing things out of anger just like my son was warning me about. Hmmm. That experience made me ponder my situation a bit more carefully.

What if, before we make a decision we thought about the worst possible outcome. What is the worst thing that could happen? Even if it’s unlikely that the worst possible scenario would actually happen, what if we thought about what that would be before we made our decisions. What if? I mean even if the odds are strongly against it, sometimes the worst case scenario actually does happen. And that deserves our thought before we make a decision.

We were working on a an intense project at work and I was exhausted. I really needed a day off. I wanted to ask my boss for it but I stopped and thought about all the possible outcomes. He could say, “Sure go ahead. Take the day,” and that would have been great. But what would the ramifications have been overall. Everyone was stressed and working hard, everyone probably wanted a day off. My position was pretty high and I probably had more freedom to ask than those further down the ladder. If I took the day off and someone else couldn’t, or worse, didn’t even feel like they could ask for a day off, how would that impact the team? How would I be viewed? Worse case scenario – Everyone would hate me and I would be a pariah from then forward. I didn’t think THAT would happen, but there were other things to consider. After I pondered this for a while, I determined that it would be better not to even ask for the day off. Just grind through the project with everyone else and when it was done, we could all take some time. So that’s what I did.

I will never know if I had taken the day off if anything negative would have happened or if anyone would have even cared. But taking the time to consider the worst case scenario gave me a broader picture of how my decision could affect not only the others involved, but the project as a whole. It was worth the time I spent thinking about it before I decided what to do.

It probably won’t matter what we have for breakfast, what shoes we wear to work, or where we park our cars. But some decisions we make today will matter. Some decisions could have far reaching consequences. We never really know how far those consequences could go. Like tossing a pebble in a pond the ripples could go wide. So before we decide anything that touches others or impacts situations, we should take the time to think. “What’s the worst that could happen?” If we can work around that, if we can manage that, then we can go forward with confidence. Start thinking.

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What you want most.

30 Mar

Someone very wise once said, “Our greatest sorrows come when we give up what we want most in life for what we want most at the moment.” That’s a strong statement and it is most certainly true. What do we want most in life? The first step is to determine what that is. Not always as easy as one might think. What do we want most? Think about it. Take some time. Decide what is most important to you at this time in your life. Is it to spend more time with your family? To change your appearance? To get more fit? To change your career? To start working on that dream you’ve had for a while now?

Once you determine what you want most, begin to think about the ways you’ve been trading it off for what you want most at the moment. What are you doing now, that’s probably easier, that is keeping you from doing the thing you really want to do most? Perhaps you want to lose weight most of all, but right now you want those French fries. Perhaps you want to write your first novel, but your favorite TV show is on tonight and you don’t want to miss it. Perhaps you want to get closer to your family, but right now you want to relax at home. There is nothing wrong with eating French fries when you want them, watching TV or relaxing at home. But if those are just the things you want at the moment and not the things you want most of all, it may be time to re-evaluate them.

Life has a way of filling up our days with details and busy-ness. There is always one more thing to get done, one more deadline, one more chore to do. But all those things are momentary in nature. How can you rearrange things so that you have time for the one thing that isn’t momentary – the one thing you’ve really been wanting in your life? We are all in control of our time and how we use it. Yes, you may have a demanding job that takes your time, and you need that. Yes, there is a lot to do after that, but it’s not impossible to plan for the time you need to work on what you really want.

Today, take a few minutes and think about what you really want most out of your life right now. Define it, and then make a plan to make time for it. Change things around and make it a priority. Don’t let anything interfere with your plan. Start working on that one thing you want most. As you do, you will see that as it becomes part of your life, it will become second nature to give it the time you need to get to the goal. You will feel stronger being in control. You will feel happier knowing you are working on what’s important to you. You will feel more confident because what you really want, who you really are, is getting the attention we deserve.

“Our greatest sorrows come when we give up what we want most in life for what we want at the moment.”

Don’t give it up one more day. Start now. Change your course. Be what you want most to be.

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