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Influence and Impression

30 Dec

There is a constant myth that Napoleon Bonaparte had a chip on his shoulder because he was very short, and today people sometimes refer to shorter men who are disagreeable as having a “Napoleon Complex.” However, historians say Napoleon was actually taller than the average male for his time and seemed short because he was surrounded by body guards who were much taller. If they are right, his short stature was just an interpretation of how he compared to those around him, and not a true reflection of who he was. When we think about that, it changes the entire picture. If he wasn’t short and didn’t have a complex about his height, the reputation associated with him is unwarranted. We, too, may be considered to be something we really aren’t simply because of where we are or with whom we are associating. It may be assumed that we have specific qualities because they are the attributes of those around us. We can seem to be very different than we really are because of situations we place ourselves in. They say perception is reality, and that’s often true. If we think something is happening a certain way, we believe it’s fact. But we can be wrong. And others can be wrong about us.

There is an old saying that “birds of a feather flock together.” That means we tend to spend time with others who are like us. We may feel more comfortable around others who share our perceptions and beliefs. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have friends and acquaintances we enjoy or with whom we spend time that are very different than we are. We all know all kinds of people, and sometimes our differences are very pronounced. If those differences are things that others find disagreeable or uncomfortable, they may be concerned that we share them. And like Napoleon, we may find we gain a reputation for being something we really aren’t. When that happens it can be complicated, especially if it impacts relationships close to us. Even though it’s just a perception and not reality, those we care about may confuse the two and we may find ourselves in a difficult state of affairs.

There is nothing wrong with having all sorts of friends around us. But if we notice their choices are damaging or hurtful in some way, we may want to re-evaluate our time with them. For instance, if we have a friend who deceives and struggles with the truth, our association with them may lead others to believe we share the same characteristics. Or if we have an acquaintance that has been in trouble for breaking the law, there may be some carryover of influence. This doesn’t mean we should only have people close to us who share our values and standards, however we should be aware of the influence of association. But there is a flip side to all of this. We have the power to influence as well. If we are strong in our beliefs and personal choices, if we set an example for a higher standard, we can be a positive force to those near us. And if we are, we may well impact them for good. And then our association with them will change, and others will see their growth and instead of worrying about us will be happy we were there for them.

Today if you’re concerned about an association or friendship you have because of differences in your personal choices, be the one who sets the example. Display behaviors that are positive and helpful. Others will be influenced by your good works and may be impressed to make a positive change in their lives. You can set a great example and be the light that leads the way.  We are all influenced by those around us. Today let your influence be excellent.

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Seeking Greatness

29 Dec

We can be any kind of people we choose to be. It doesn’t matter what circumstance we are born into, whether wealthy or poor, we can decide what kind of person we want to be. We can be lazy and do the least amount necessary to get through our days, we can be industrious and try hard to excel, or we may land somewhere in the middle. When it comes to our personal choices we are in charge. In most situations, the old adage that someone else made us do something isn’t real. Influences are all around us and if we choose to fall prey to them instead of choosing what we know is best for us, we are responsible for that decision. If we want to be great, noble people, we can be. We can change lives by setting a good example, and we can change our world by choosing what is right.

The question of right or wrong always comes into play when we think about our choices. How we define those two parameters will determine how we go forward. For some of us, lying and cheating are an acceptable means to an end. But if we want to be great, honesty must be adhered to no matter what. There is no such thing as being too honest. Honesty is an all or nothing deal. We either are or we aren’t honest. If we think it’s a part-time situation, and we are only honest when it benefits us, we are actually dishonest in every way. The values we determine to live by and the standards we set for our lives determine the type of people we become. And who we are is reflected in what we do. It doesn’t matter what we say we’ll do or who we say we are. The truth is who we are is what we actually do. Living our lives means just that – living them. How we choose to do that determines what kind of character we become.

It’s never too late to change our course if we feel we’re on the wrong road, or headed down a path that will not take us where we most want to go. We can stop at any time and reset our direction. If we’ve become affiliated with others who are making choices we don’t want to make, we can distance ourselves from them. If we’ve done things we now regret, we can begin to do what is needed to repair the situation. There is nothing permanent in this life. Everything is fluid and ever changing. We will rarely be in a situation that is cast in stone and unchangeable. But changing it requires that we change first. If we take a good look at our lives and our decisions, we can decide how to go forward. Sometimes we need only make small adjustments, and sometimes we have to change many things, but we are capable of doing whatever is needed. We can be more than just good people. We can be great people by making strong, noble decisions and choosing the right in every instance every day. It takes practice but if we are diligent, we can become the very best versions of ourselves as possible. And that is what will change the world for the better. We have a lot of power to lead the way, and we can share it with those around us.

Today if you don’t feel you’ve been doing your best and you want to be great, start by making better decisions. Think clearly about where you want to be and then choose the paths that will take you there. There is greatness in you. Re-chart your course and show everyone the very best you have. You have the power to be an amazing influence for good. Use that power today and change the world for the better.

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Inspiring

19 Dec

We have a choice every day to decide how we will act and what we will do. We all do some things well, and some things not as well, but as we make our decisions we can decide that no matter what, we’ll be the best we can be. It’s easy to go through the motions, and just take things as they come, but if we want to get the most from every moment we have to do a little more. At every turn, we can decide not to make just a good decision, but to make the best decision. We can choose not to do just enough, but to do the best we can. If we consciously decide to try our best to be our best, our lives will be more rewarding and more fulfilling, and we’ll inspire those around us.

We’ve all heard of the bell curve. When I was a child and got frustrated over some decision someone had made that impacted me, my father would say, “You’ve got to remember the bell curve.” I never really understood what he meant until I got older. As you might recall from school, the bell curve represents our performance with the majority of us landing smack in the middle in the land of mediocrity. If we want to just get by in our lives and do the least amount needed to move forward, we’ll have lots of company. But if we want to live closer to the edge, where we have to try harder, where we have to think a little longer before we act, and where every decision is measured well, we’ll have the best company. We design our lives the way we want them. If we want mediocrity we can surely have it. But if we want something more, and want to see what we’re really capable of, we need to focus and stretch. The choice is ours alone to make.

When we’re reaching for something better and trying to become more than what we are now, it takes personal effort. We can’t afford the luxury of complacency. We have to be engaged all the time. Each opportunity brings many choices. Paying attention to each option, looking at it objectively and seeing where it will lead doesn’t always take a lot of time. But it does take our attention. If we want to live an extraordinary life, if we want to do more than the minimum, if we want to be our best, we can. Once I heard two pianists perform the same piece within days of each other. Each was performed technically perfectly. Each was done well, but there was no comparison between the two. The first artist played perfectly without a single mistake. Her timing was exact and she was proficient. But the second artist played as though every emotion she possessed came out onto the keys. She felt the music, and she expressed it in a way that made the listener part of it. It was a breathtaking performance and many were brought to tears by the end. Both pianists were excellent, but one chose to put everything she had into the music and it made all the difference. If we lived our lives like that, if we put everything into each decision, we would be a positive influence. We would be inspiring. We can choose to be our best, and when we do our lives will be better. We’ll be stronger, more confident, and an example to those around us.

Today if you’ve been doing well but not giving all you can, rethink your plan. You have so many wonderful things to share. Open yourself up to being more, to thinking a bit more deeply, and to letting your very best self shine forward. You have the power to inspire those around you. Be your best. Reach further. You can change your world.

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Bring It

16 Dec

There are times when we may find ourselves at odds with someone else. They may have ideas about what we should be doing that conflict with our decisions, or want us to agree to something we don’t feel we can. Sometimes they may even try to force our hands by blocking us or in some way try to fence us in. It’s very uncomfortable and difficult to remain in control when these situations arise. We may feel angry or we may want to run the other way to escape the tension. But if we take some time to process what’s happening and see it more objectively, often we find that all we’re facing is a difference of opinion. We are disagreeing. It may be a heated exchange and our boundaries may be sorely invaded. We might feel threatened or in some other way intensely uncomfortable. Whatever the situation, we can manage it if we back away from the emotion and try to see it for what it is. That isn’t easy when we feel personally attacked, but it’s not impossible. If we step outside ourselves for a moment and just look at the facts, the situation will become more manageable and we’ll be able to find a way through.

We are capable of figuring out any problem we face if we take the time to look at it objectively and openly. When our feelings are involved we may be overcome with emotion and unable to think. We’re focused on our extreme disappointment or anger or sadness or whatever we’re struggling with. But we can set that aside for a moment. Setting the emotion aside does not diminish it and we can more fully understand the facts of the situation and more clearly see an answer. After we’ve been through a difficult time and are on the other side, after the dust has cleared and we’ve settled down, because we are no longer so intensely involved we often see how we could have managed better. Emotions are necessary and they are important, but sometimes if we want to find our way, we need to step away from them for a time. We can do that and when we do, we may find what we’re looking for.

We are in control of ourselves. No matter who influences us or how pervasive that influence is, what we decide to do is our decision. We can allow ourselves to get angry when someone offends us or we can find a way to process the problem more effectively. Getting angry is a reaction. Thinking about the situation first is a choice. If we choose to think instead of react oftentimes we will prevent the situation from escalating and gain control. Being in control of any situation allows us to make better decisions. And making better decisions is always desirable.  If we choose to be in control, it doesn’t matter what comes to us – we will prevail.  Life can “bring it,” whatever that may be, and we can find success going forward.

Today if you find yourself in a situation that fires up your emotions, if you are angry or hurt, upset or disappointed, take a moment to step back from your feelings and see the situation objectively. Address the problem as it is, and choose what is right calmly and objectively. You will diffuse the issue and you’ll be in control. You have everything you need to prevail. You are wise and capable. Today show that to everyone involved.

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Clean Living

11 Dec

When we’ve been working outside, gardening or cleaning up, we usually get dirty, and sometimes get completely covered with sweat and grime. As we work hard it accumulates layer by layer until we feel completely filthy. When we’re finished, it feels great to step into a hot shower and wash it all away. Scrubbing off all the effort, and getting back down to our skin feels wonderful, and when we step back out we feel refreshed and rejuvenated. The days of our lives can be like that too. As we go through our various tasks, the jobs we need to get done, the errands we need to accomplish and all the things that keep us busy, we accumulate a layer of this and a layer of that. It’s not always dirt. Sometimes it’s attitude, sometimes it’s regret, and sometimes it’s happiness and contentment. But whatever we’re doing and wherever we’re going sticks to us in some way. At the end of the day, all our experiences, for good or bad, are part of us. The goal then should be to live our lives in ways that the good ones outnumber the bad. There is no psychological shower we can take to wash off bad experiences. There isn’t any magic soap that will take away regret or disappointment, and we carry it all with us from that point forward. But we can learn to live a clean life and gain as many positive experiences as possible.

Living a clean life means making good choices. We can choose to be moral, faithful, and law abiding. We can decide to be kind, helpful, charitable, and forgiving. Every time we choose something noble, we also choose to be happier going forward. If we choose to be faithful, we feel the support of knowing we’re doing what’s right. If we’re law abiding, we don’t have to worry about getting into trouble. If our demeanor and behavior is one of kindness, charity and forgiveness, we will feel peace. For every good choice, there is usually a good result. Conversely, for every bad choice there is often an equally bad result. If we choose badly we might not reap the result immediately, but it will inevitably come. We can determine what we accumulate each day by the choices we make.

Living a clean life means being true to ourselves and what we want most to become. It means choosing the paths that will take us where we want to go. It takes effort to think before we choose. If we jump before we think and make snap decisions, some of them will work out, and some won’t. But thinking for just a moment before we act will help us make the best decisions and when we do we’ll be happier. We can all live a clean life, we just have to decide. We have it in our power. What do we want to be wearing at the end of the day? We can be covered with disappointment, regret, and anger, or we can wear contentment, happiness, and peace.

Today if you’ve been unhappy with the decisions you’ve been making, and feel heavy carrying them around, you can change things. Think about how you want your life to be and how you want to feel. Then make decisions that will bring every blessing to you. You have more power than you think you do. Use it to design your life and at the end of the day, you’ll feel light and happy knowing you’re exactly where you want to be.

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