Archive | May, 2015

Spare change?

6 May

Today while driving home from work, I saw a man standing in the median with a sign asking for money. He was on the other side of the road facing away from me, but I’ve seen him before. He has one leg, and stands with a crutch, but you can see his wheelchair across the road. I don’t know what his story is. I don’t know what his problems are. I don’t know anything about him except that he is seeking money.

Everyone has their own ideas about giving to beggars on the street. Some people feel they should help if they can, because they have sufficient for their needs, and they want to share. Others, convinced that the money will not be used for good, look the other way, and refuse to give. Wherever we stand on the issue, we will, from time to time, have the opportunity to evaluate our decision. Every city, every town, everywhere we go, there are unfortunate people who beg for money.

Whether or not to give money to these people is a personal choice. If we decide to give, we are offering a blessing. We are extending our hands to help. We are being charitable. The decision of what happens with the gift after it is given belongs to the person who receives it. If it is used for good – the decision is on them. If it is used for other things – the decision is on them as well. They are accountable for what they do with the gift, not us. We are accountable only for offering the gift. Anytime we are charitable and kind, anytime we offer assistance, anytime we help in any way, we are blessed. Our decision is noble. It is worthy, and it is selfless. And our decision is the only one we answer for.

I keep five dollars in the ashtray of my car to use if the opportunity arises where I may give to someone in need. Since I don’t smoke, the ashtray has been used for nothing else. The money is there, and ready if I feel prompted to help when I see someone asking. Sometimes I get a feeling that it’s not the time, and I wait. Other times, the five dollars is theirs. As it passes hands, I always bless the person and wish them well, and without exception, they return the blessing back to me. Most of the time as I drive away I have to choke back tears, not because I’m sad, but because I realize, again, how much I have.

Today if you see someone seeking help, asking for money, think about where you stand. Remember, the gift, if you offer it, is your blessing to them. What they do from there is their decision. But the blessing remains as a testament to your kindness and charity. And the world certainly needs more of those. If you aren’t the one out on the street begging, no matter what the circumstances are, your life is better than theirs. Don’t forget that.

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The Best Revenge

5 May

Revenge – Something we all think we want when we’ve been hurt. We are angry, and we want to show those that hurt us that we can hurt them back. We want them to suffer as much as we have suffered. We want them to feel worthless, and rejected. We want them to feel pain. Sometimes we want them to feel a lot of pain. When we’re plotting revenge, we absolutely do not care about what is right or wrong. We just want to get even. Make them pay. Settle it once and for all. They started it, and we’re going to finish it.

On the outside, revenge seems fair. They hurt us, so now we’re going to hurt them. If we get back at them, the playing field remains level. And after all, fair is fair. Sometimes we buy into that, and go for the throat, and inflict all the damage we can. But if we think about what revenge really is, we realize it’s just a way to bring ourselves down to the level of the one that hurt us. Taking revenge just means that we are willing to mimic their bad behavior, and make it our own. We are willing to become them – the ones that started it. That’s really all revenge is. Getting even means standing on the same ground, and being the same. So to get even, we have to drop to their level. If we think about it like that, revenge doesn’t have the same punch. Nobody really wants to be less than they are, not even to get even.

There is a way to get back at those that hurt us without becoming like them, without lowering ourselves down to where they are. And it’s effective every time. All we have to do is look up, live better, rise above the fray, and with grace and composure, settle the score by not buying into the game. Refuse to play. It’s seems counter intuitive at first when you think about it. How can we get back at someone for hurting us without hurting them in return? We do it by standing tall, taking a breath, and letting it go. We do it by becoming better despite the pain. We do it by being more noble than they are.

There is a saying that the “best revenge is living well.” And it’s absolutely true. What could be more annoying to someone who has hurt us, than to see us succeed? What could be more galling to them than to see us happy? There is nothing that will bother them more or longer than that. Hitting them back, going for the throat, is a temporary fix. We might feel better in the short run, but the problem will still be there. Living well is the only way to permanently end the battle.

Today if someone hurts you, be calm, be polite, smile, be gracious, and do what will make YOU happy. Live happily. Live well. Keep smiling. It will drive your enemies crazy with envy. Your grace and success, and your happiness will hurt them more than anything else you could do. And really, what better revenge could there be than that!

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Stand Up

4 May

One day during an important staff meeting with the senior management team, my supervisor was annoyed at something that had happened, and made a remark giving his opinion that included several extremely vulgar words. I was shocked. I do not use that sort of language, and I found it to be very offensive, especially since I was at work, and required to attend the meeting. To my own, and everyone else’s surprise, I stood up at once and said, “I will not remain here in this meeting if this is the kind of language that will be used. I will not tolerate this level of un-professionalism, and I am completely offended.” I remember I was shaking because I was so upset. There was a stunned silence as everyone realized I had broken the first two cardinal rules of work. #1 – Do not criticize your boss, and #2 – Do not EVER criticize your boss in front of his/her boss. Yep, I had completely ignored those, and had stood right up, and spoken out. After a moment, my supervisor apologized to everyone, and said he was sorry he had used that language. I sat back down, and the meeting continued.

Afterward, back at my desk, I thought about what had happened, and I wondered what repercussions I would be facing for standing up, and making such a scene at the meeting. I was concerned that I may have jeopardized my job. I mean, you don’t correct your boss when his boss is in the room without something happening later, right? I remember sitting there and thinking I was going to face some serious setbacks for my outburst, and I was quite worried. But I had done what I felt was important. I had kept my standards, and stood up for what I thought was correct.

What happened next surprised me. One by one, the others in the meeting came by my desk to thank me for speaking up. They each said they, too, were offended by the comment, but were uncomfortable pointing it out, and they were proud of me for being brave enough to address it. And then my supervisor called me into his office. “Well, here it comes,” I thought. I took a deep breath, and walked over to see him. “Shut the door,” he said as I entered. I sat down, and looked him in the eye prepared to take whatever was coming. He looked at me, and then apologized profusely for his behavior at the meeting. He said I was right to say something, and he was embarrassed by his statements. He asked me to forgive him, and said he would never use that sort of language in the office again. I was stunned – I did not expect that.

We all have our own ideas about what is right and appropriate, and often when someone steps all over them, we don’t say anything. We just stay quiet to avoid an uncomfortable situation. But I learned that day that speaking up was the better choice. Most people don’t want to offend those around them. Sure, there are some that don’t care about anyone but themselves, but most people try to be polite, and not hurt others. So it’s appropriate if we are uncomfortable, that we say something. We have the right to say it’s not okay. We can stand up for what we think is right.

Today, if you find yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, remember, you can say something about it. You can be polite, but you can also be forthright. You can say you are uncomfortable, and you want the situation to change. You have that right. Today, exercise that right. Speak up. Be clear. Say what you are feeling. Do not sit quietly, and take it. If you stand up, you will feel stronger, and more empowered. You will gain the respect of those around you. And those are great attributes to gain. Speak up. Say what you mean. Be strong.

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Day of Rest

3 May

Years ago, Sundays were different than they are today. Most stores were closed, there were few, if any, local events, and there wasn’t much to do but rest, go to church, and spend time with friends and family. It was often a day when families would gather together for Sunday dinner, and spend time catching up. It was a day when we didn’t work, and when we took things more slowly. It was a day at the end of a busy week when we rested – we took a pause. But things were different then. We were different then.

Today, virtually every mall and store is open on Sunday, and there are lots of places to go, and things to do. Some families still gather for a traditional Sunday meal, but it isn’t as common as it once was. For many of us, Sunday is just another day. We shop, we work, we go to sporting events, it’s pretty much like any other day of the week. The old fashioned day of rest now looks like all our other days. We stay busy, and resting isn’t part of the equation.

Times change. Change isn’t always bad, but it is inevitable. Sundays are different now. If we practice a religion where Sunday is set aside, we may still reserve it as a day of rest. If we don’t, we may be just as busy on Sunday as any other day. If that’s the case, when can we set aside a day to rest? In our super charged society where we are so busy all the time, where there is never enough time to get everything done, where it seems we are constantly encouraged to do more, when do we recharge? When do we take a pause to reset and rest? We know we need the time for ourselves so we can be at our best, but if we don’t purposely schedule our lives for it, it slips away, and is lost. We just keep going. The result can be that we get burned out, exhausted, and fed up.

Every day we push ourselves to do more, to be more, and to get more done. But we are human beings, we get tired, and we need to take a break. We deserve to take a break. There’s a tandem relationship between pushing forward and taking time out. The best way to get ahead is to make sure we are strong and prepared, and the best way to do that is to take time to relax. If we make the time to STOP a priority, it will make us more energetic when it’s time to go again.

Today, think about scheduling a day of rest each week. Sunday is a good day for that, but if it doesn’t work with your schedule, choose another. But make it a priority. Make it important. Put it in your smart phone, write it in your day planner, and block it out of your calendar. Set the time aside to restore yourself, to rest, to reflect, and to recharge. Maybe just spend the day doing nothing. Maybe spend time with friends or family. Whatever it takes to refresh your body and spirit – plan for it and follow through. If you do, you’ll feel better, you’ll be stronger, and your focus will be clearer. You’ll be restored and ready to face whatever comes next. Our lives are busy, and sometimes challenging. We give, and give, and give. It’s time to give to yourself. Plan for it.

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Thanks for the trouble.

2 May

It’s no secret that we’re happy when things are going well, and we’re thankful when we aren’t suffering. It’s so easy to be thankful when everything is fine. It’s easy to be grateful for the things we love. We give thanks for our good health, our families, our money, our cars, our food, our clothes, our homes, and the list goes on and on. It doesn’t take a lot of energy to be thankful when things are going well. We’re happy, and that’s all we need.

It’s a lot harder to be grateful for the problems we encounter. It’s hard to be thankful when someone hurts us, when we’re sick, when we’ve lost our jobs, when our cars break down, or when the money runs out. It’s even harder when we go through extraordinary setbacks – a home fire, a death, the loss of everything because of a natural disaster, a terminal disease. It’s very difficult to be thankful when things go horribly wrong. We’re unhappy, we’re scared, we’re unsure, and we’re lost.

If we look back on our lives at the times when we’ve grown the most, it’s not usually during the periods when everything was going well. It’s often during the very difficult times, when our patience was tested, and we were pushed nearly to the edge of what we could handle. It is during times of trial that we learn the most. All of our experiences shape our personalities and who we become, but the hard times shape us more than the easy times. There is value in the struggle.

Knowing that, shouldn’t we be thankful for those difficult times? They have taught us, molded us, shaped us, and given us a depth, and perspective that a life of ease could never provide. It’s hard to remember to be thankful when we’re suffering, but there are blessings to be had during the suffering, and we need to be mindful of those. This life is a tremendous gift. Even though we say we wish it were always easy, what we really want is to learn and grow, to become better people, to become wiser, and the problems we face are what bring us those attributes.

Today if things go wrong, if the tide seemingly turns against you, and you find yourself feeling bad, think about what you may learn. How will you navigate this difficulty, and what blessings will the experience bring you? And then, take a moment to remember to be thankful even when you’re uncomfortable. If we can be grateful for all of our experiences, both good and bad, we will gain a peace that is insurmountable. And a joy that is all encompassing. Nothing will stop us from going forward. We will smile at the end of each day, and be grateful for everything we experienced, both easy and hard. That’s the real secret to happiness. Embrace the hard times, rejoice during the easy times, and be thankful for all of them.

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