Archive | April, 2015

The sky is blue, the grass is green.

15 Apr

Some time ago while going through a particularly difficult time in my life, a very good friend told me that when I felt my worst I should take pleasure in the small things. “Go outside,” he said. “Take a walk and feel the breeze on your face. Watch it turn the leaves on the trees. Notice the way the sun feels. Pay attention.” He promised me that if I did that, my spirits would be lifted, and I would feel better.

Honestly, I didn’t believe him. I was really having a hard time, under so much stress. and I felt horrible. How on earth was a walk outside going to help me? But one day, feeling completely defeated, I took his advice, put on my tennis shoes and went outside. I mean, I had nothing to lose. As I began to walk down the lane, I looked around. I paid attention to the little things as he had suggested – the sound of my neighbor’s son riding his bicycle, the smell of a distant barbecue cooking something delicious, the feel of the sun’s rays on my arms, and the freshness of the air. I walked for a while and continued to listen, to feel, and to see, and soon I began to notice I wasn’t so upset. I wasn’t so overwhelmed. He was right – I felt better.

Since that experience I have made it a point to be outside more, especially when I’m feeling pressed. Instead of brooding and worrying, I take a walk, I pay attention, and again notice the small things that bring me comfort. And it helps a lot. But sometimes there isn’t time for a nice walk when I’m feeling low, so I have developed a little mantra that I say to myself when I am overrun or stressed, and can’t get away. I sit for just a moment, close my eyes, take a deep breath, and repeat in my mind, “The sky is blue, the grass is green.” I envision a gorgeous blue sky, and brilliantly green grass, and I imagine the feeling of the breeze on my face. As I sit there for just a moment, I am reminded that there are other things to think about. Somewhere, even if it’s raining where I am, somewhere the sky is blue and the grass is green. The breeze is soft and warm, there are birds singing, and all is not lost. That little mantra has calmed me more times than I can count. It’s just a small reminder that what I’m going through is isolated and will change, and there are better things coming my way.

Today if you’re feeling stressed, if you’re feeling bad, take a moment, just a moment, sit still, close your eyes, take a breath, and think about something that makes you relax, that brings you comfort. Maybe work on developing your own mantra for times when you’re unsettled and need some relief. “The sky is blue, the grass is green.” Yes, it is. And sometimes that’s all it takes.

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What’s the good news?

14 Apr

When my children were younger and would come to me upset or angry about something that was going on, I would listen patiently and wait until they finished complaining and griping. And then I would look at them and say, “I understand. I can see that you’re upset. What’s the good news?” When I first started doing this, their immediate response was that THERE WAS NO GOOD NEWS! And then they would continue their tirade, at which time I would listen patiently, and when they were done again, I would look at them and say, “Yes, I still understand the problem. And we can talk about it, but what’s the good news?” After going through this process with them through several problems as they came and went, they learned that before they came to me to complain and tell me their horrible story, they would have to be prepared with something, anything, from the situation that would be positive, and that could somehow be construed as good news. Eventually when they came to me angry and upset, often before they would get to the end of their story, they would smile and say, “I know, I know, what’s the good news?” and then they would begrudgingly proceed to tell me what they were learning from what was going on. Looking for and preparing to explain something positive from all the negative they were experiencing helped them diffuse the situation themselves, and think more clearly.

We all face periods of disappointment and grief, frustration and anxiety, sheer anger, and disgust. But in each situation, if we take some time to think about it, there is something that can be learned that can benefit us. If someone insults us, makes us feel small, or offends us, perhaps the only good news is that we lived to tell the tale! Or maybe the good news is that we held our tongues, and let them make spectacles of themselves being rude and offensive, while we maintained our self control. Maybe the good news is that we decided their comments were inaccurate, and we weren’t going to internalize them, and make them bigger than what they really were – just opinions. Generally in times like these, in uncomfortable situations, there is a lesson we can learn that can benefit us. We can learn to be more patient, to be gracious despite the barbs, to extend the hand of friendship even when someone has been rude. Every situation is different, but generally there is something beneficial for us if we look for it.

Today if you encounter a difficult situation, if you interact with someone who isn’t nice to you or frankly rude to you, if you are the recipient of someone else’s anger, think about the situation and see if you can’t figure out what the good news is. Because surely there is something there. And if we can rearrange our feelings when we’re going through times like these, when we’re feeling bad, when we’re feeling attacked, if can rearrange them to looking for the things we can learn, then we become the victor. We prevail. It’s all about our attitude. We can choose to return anger for anger, or we can choose to rise a little higher. Find the one thing that you can learn from the experience that will make you better. It’s there. You just need to open your mind and look for it. And when you find it you’ll probably discover that you feel better, more at peace, and able to let the discomfort go. You’ll be in control of yourself, and able to see the situation more objectively, and that’s always a good thing. What’s the good news? Today, look for it. And when you find it, be happy knowing that you changed everything!

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In the Moment

13 Apr

I know a man that has been a distant friend for many years. I know his family and hear from him from time to time. He’s well educated and capable of doing many things, but he has one problem that has kept him from achieving much in his life, either personally or professionally. He can’t seem to live in the present. He constantly says things like, “After this happens, I’ll do that. After I get done with this, then I’ll look at that. Pretty soon the time will be right, but just not now.” He’s been talking about the same goals he wants to achieve for decades but hasn’t moved any closer to them in all that time. He keeps waiting for the perfect time, which never arrives.

He talks about the past a lot, what he did as a kid, what he did in high school and college. He has a vast photo collection encompassing years of his life, and his favorite past time is to pull them out and nostalgically talk about the good old days. His entire adult life has been one of reflecting on where he’s been, and waiting for things to start. He’s either living in the past or waiting for the future. He just can’t seem to move forward. He can’t get out of the gate.

There is nothing wrong with remembering times from our pasts. There is nothing wrong with waiting until the right time to begin doing the things we want to do. But if we get hung up on waiting for the PERFECT time to come along, we may find ourselves in this same situation. There are few times in our lives when everything comes together perfectly. They just don’t happen that often. If we wait for that to happen before we actually begin to live our lives, we may find that our lives have gone by, and we have done nothing. And that would be terrible. There is an old saying that when we’re dying we won’t regret what we’ve done, we’ll regret what we haven’t done. I believe there’s truth in that.

The best time to do what we want to do is now. The best time to start achieving our goals is now. There will never be a better time to begin to plan. Maybe circumstances aren’t ideal, and you’ll have a delay, but if we don’t make a plan to resume going forward we could get stuck. We are the only ones in control of our lives but we actually have to decide to take that control and use it. Lots of things will pull on us – our families, our responsibilities, our jobs, our commitments. But if we want to own our lives, we must find a way to manage those things and not allow them to manage us.

It’s a new day every day. If we take some time – today – to begin to plan what we’ve put off, it will be the first step. And every journey begins with the first step. If you’ve been waiting, postponing, or procrastinating, now is the time to stop. Start moving. Do one thing to end the inertia. And then tomorrow, do the next thing. One thing will lead to another, and soon the goal will be in sight. Start today. The future is there waiting for you

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Setting the Bar

12 Apr

Lauren Hill died two days ago. If you haven’t heard of her, there has been a lot written about her and you can surely find several articles regarding her amazing life. Lauren was only 19 years old when she died. A college freshman basketball player excited about her prospects for the future. And then she was diagnosed with an inoperable, untreatable, fatal brain tumor. Instead of becoming morose and depressed, instead of giving up, she persevered and became an example to everyone. She said, “I don’t want people to say I lost, or I gave up,” and she didn’t. She was always cheerful, always smiling, always positive. And she thought of others. She raised over 1.5 million dollars for cancer research while suffering with the disease herself. Because she was becoming weaker every day, her college coach moved up their first game so that she could realize her dream of playing for them. She played well to a sold out crowd.

I have been following Lauren for some time. I have been amazed at her strength and courage in the face of sure defeat. I have been inspired, and impressed. She was always so happy even when it must have been hard to even face the day. I reflected on my life and my choices. Here was this young woman smiling with brain cancer, and I’m not that cheerful when I have a mere headache! And I thought of the example she was for us all.

Nobody knows what life will bring them. Along the way we will make millions of decisions. Will they be good or bad? Will they affect others in a positive way, or will we be the one that destroys someone else? Will they have far reaching implications or will they just touch our moment? Will we be able to fix things when we falter? Will we be an example for good? Every decision will have some impact – good or bad, large or small, temporary or permanent – we have to wait and see. We surely will all die at some point. The mark we leave after we’re gone depends on what we do today.

Lauren Hill set the bar high. She never waivered. She never quit. She never gave up. Instead, she gave back every day. She looked outside herself and touched others. She set the bar high. She set it for all of us. Today, remember that kind of courage. Remember that it’s possible, even when we feel bad, to be the example. Remember that we, too, can set the bar high and be noble. We are here for a purpose. Today, recognize that and be the best you can be.

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One Red Tulip

10 Apr

I was attending a conference in a big city one spring, and it was such an amazingly beautiful day, I decided to take a walk during the lunch break. There were lots of people out walking, talking on their cell phones, sitting on steps enjoying their lunches, and it was a nice break. I turned a corner and there was the most amazing garden of tulips outside a large, glass building. There were hundreds of them all in bloom, bowing their lovely heads in the breeze and making the scene extraordinarily lovely. I noticed right away to my delight that all of the tulips were yellow – except one. Right smack in the middle of that sea of gorgeous yellow tulips was one red bloom. It was bright, and gorgeous and there was no way to miss it. I stood there laughing – what a delightful surprise! I wondered if the gardener had planted it there on purpose to bring some whimsy to the sight, or if the red bulb had someone gotten mixed into the bag by mistake. Whatever the case, it was wonderful to see it there. All those incredible, big, beautiful yellow blooms and one, “Yes I’m here! Look at me!” red one! I loved it.

I imagine other people loved the scene as much as I did – the surprise of the red, the unexpected burst of difference in a sea of sameness. And I also imagine there were some who walked by and thought it was such a shame that one red tulip had ruined the harmony of the garden. It just depends on your perspective. I tend to find joy in unexpected surprises like this, but I understand that not everyone sees things this way. For some, the garden would have been perfect if all the blooms had been the same color. There would have been harmony, continuity, and comfort in everything being alike. But for me, the surprise of something new in the sea of conformity was delightful.

We are all different and unique. But we have to assimilate to some degree to find success. If we have jobs, we have to show up when we’re expected, there is a norm for behavior we need to follow, the way we say things, the way we dress, the way we react, all these things may be ordered in some ways so we can fit into the model set forth. If we belong to personal organizations, those same rules may apply. Even in our families, there are certain things that are expected that we may not necessarily like doing. Despite our ability or desire to conform to those ideas, inside we are still unique – the only one on earth like us. We each broke our own molds. Nobody else was made exactly the same. Even identical twins have personality traits that differ. We are, in essence, the red tulip. Even in a sea of yellow tulips, we can shine. We can still be “tulips”, and fit the model in that way, but we can display our uniqueness to those around us in positive, and beneficial ways.

It’s important to remember who we are and that our surprising, beautiful, positive, and amazing uniqueness is what brings depth and richness to the world. We were created this way for a reason. If we were all the same the world may as well be flat. There would be no excitement, no treasure, no wonder. If everything was the same each day would be predictable. Nobody wants to live the same day over and over, and we shouldn’t want to be the same as anyone else. We need to be who we are. The differences we all carry are what enhance our experiences here, and make us tolerant, patient, and understanding. The differences are what bring delight – and yes sometimes disharmony – but sameness can only bring boredom. Embrace your unique color. Embrace who you really are. Be red. It’s good to be red. It’s good to be unique. It’s good to be us. We can bring our own colors to the party. Celebrate that!

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